《Direction and Magnitude》12 Introspection

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"Why is there blood everywhere?"

I'm standing in a lake of blood surrounded by darkness. Then out of nowhere I hear giggling behind me, I slowly turn around afraid of what I might see. That is when I see Lyla, her face filled with a sadistic grin. She licks off some of the blood that is on her face. And with the voice of an angel trying to beckon you to the depths of hell itself she begins speaking to me.

“Why do you try so hard to suppress us? We could do anything we wanted with our power and yet you insist on pretending you are just another one of those useless brats. Just wasting our limitless potential!”

“I just want to live a normal life! I don't want to use my power to hurt people anymore!”

“Don't lie to me! I know you enjoyed every moment while we were torturing that bastard. You can't hide that from me, I am YOU remember! I'm just the side of yourself you suppress, the side you fear…”

With that I notice her reflection in the blood and that's when I see it staring at me, the one whose mere presence would scare all but the bravest of individuals. The one who at the mention of her name could paralyze someone with fear. To challenge her would be to court death itself.

But deep down I knew that she never wanted any of that, all she wanted was to not be alone. She was afraid that the only reason others would interact with her was to fight. When she was younger she believed that if she became powerful enough then that would mean that the only people left who would want to interact with her would want to be friends. But, by the time she had realised how misguided this notion was it was already too late. I know all this because she was me, before I became who I am now.

Suddenly the blood soaked girl lunged at me hand outstretched and just as it was about to touch me I jolted awake to the sound of knocking at my door. I'm drenched in sweat but I still prop myself up and call out. "You may come in" The door opens and in walks my personal maid. She still looked about the same as when I was a baby, though her horns had gotten longer. Since she is half oni she ages a lot slower than regular humans and at this point she was in her twenties but didn't look a day over seventeen.

“Lady Lyla, Walter told me to get you cleaned up before dinner, I have already prepared a bath for you. Please follow me”

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“Ok Victoria, Thank you”, with that I walked over to her and grabbed her outstretched hand. Leaving my room we then proceeded to the decently sized washroom that was now filled with thick steam. Victoria closed the door behind us and proceeded to undress me. While at first, I was not too keen on this. At this point, I had decided that struggling was not worth it. With that out of the way I moved over to the relatively large bath, the water was a bit hotter than I would have liked, though it might be a blessing in disguise since my mussels had tightened up from what had happened earlier. Victoria began to wash off the dirt that I had collected throughout my first day at school, it felt like my worries were just melting away even if it was only temporary.

“Ok, all done. Let's get you dried off”

“May I please just sit here for a while longer?”, Victoria was about to say no but she decided to let me have what I wanted after seeing the tired look on my face.

“Fine, I will get your clothes prepared in the meantime” she then got up and left the washroom, leaving me alone. I sank into the water with only my head staying above. I give a heavy sight and just stare at the ceiling while watching the steam rise. Lifting my hand up above the water I begin to gently swirl the air creating a mini vortex of steam in the palm of my hand. There I sat entranced, lamenting about how I use something that can be so beautiful for such heinous things.

‘Am I just lying to myself… “I just want to live a normal life! I don't want to use my power to hurt people anymore!” Even If it was in a dream, how could I say something so naive? My actions are speaking louder than my words, deep down do I enjoy being a sadistic monster? Do I like seeing the fear in my victim's eyes? Can I really be redeemed after all the pain I have caused…’

My train of thought was shortly thereafter interrupted by Victoria returning to get me. Luckily my concentration had disappeared while I was thinking and so the vortex on my hand had long since dissipated. I was lifted out of the bath and dried off before Victoria put me in the clothes she had picked out. It was a white and yellow dress that much to my dismay was very frilly. She also held my hair back with a yellow hairband that was adorned with a bow.

After Victoria had her fun using me to play dress-up she guided me to our dining room on the first floor. The room was fairly large and quite well decorated, at the center of the room was the large dining table where the rest of my family are currently seated. At the head of the table was our father and head of the household Jonathan, Next to him on the right side of the table was our mother Petra. Next to our mother at the bottom right was Eloise, and across from them at the top left was Jacob, my seat was direct across from Eloise. I walked over and took my place at the table.

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“Better late than never”

“Eloise, Mind your manners”

“Yes mam” she replied as she hung her head.

Shortly after that little exchange, Walter arrived with a cart that had plates of food that he began to distribute. Once he was done our father thanked him, he then dismissed himself and left the room. Our dinner was pan-seared steak drizzled with a red wine reduction, with a side of green beans. While I still believe this is far too extravagant for my taste, sure is far better than my previous diet of frozen food, instant noodles, and canned coffee. We remained silent while eating and once we were done our father spoke up.

“So how was school today, Eloise I head your aptitude examination went well”

“Yes father, my fire magic affinity has gotten even stronger!” she exclaimed as she puffed out her chest.

“That good to hear! I even bet that someday you may even surpass even your mother” he said with a chuckle. With a smile, our mother replied “I have no doubt about that. Talent in fire magic runs in my family after all”

“How about you Jacob, How did your test go?”

“I got stronger and faster since last time, plus I can finally use enhancement magic!”

“That's wonderful Jacob, it seems like you take after me in that regard. This weekend we can spar and I can give you some pointers I have learned over the years”

“Really? Thank you, Father!”

After giving a wide smile to Jacob, he then turned to me. “How about you Lyla, what was your aptitude? I bet it was something wonderful!”

“I have a high Intelligence attribute”

“Oh, that is a wonderful deer! What was your magic attribute? I bet it was a fire like your sister and mother!”

“I don't have a magic attribute…”

“Oh, ok. Well, neither does Jacob or I, if you want I can teach you the same tricks I am going to teach Jacob about enhancement magic.”

Jacob then interjected “Father what she means is she can use magic at all, she is allergic to it”

A loud bang could be heard as our mother had slammed down her drinking glass. She had a slight look of horror on her face that she was trying to hide.

“Wh- What do you mean ‘Allergic’, Do you mean she just can't use it?”

“Well, Yes, but if she tries to use magic it hurts her. The testing device burned her hand so badly they had to use a healing potion on it”

Our mother was currently glaring at me and our father had a very worried look. He then silently nodded as he had come to terms with what he had just heard.

“Well, I have no doubt that you will make great use of that Intelligence attribute!”

After hearing those words from him our mother said “Excuse me” stood up and left the room. I got up and tried going after her only to realize that it would change anything, I just stood there and let out a dejected “Mom…”, I felt a tear run down my cheek while the only thing running through my mind was ‘Not again…’

Eloise got up and left the room to go after her. Jacob also got up and gave me a quick hug before leaving to chase after our sister. Shortly after a hand is placed on my shoulder and I am suddenly spun around and pulled into my kneeling father's embrace. At this point, I'm no longer able to hold it in and I begin to cry.

“Do- does, mo- mom, h- hate m- me…”

“No! No, not at all sweetie… You know we love you very much”, He began to stroke the back of my head softly as he said that. A few minutes later he let go of me and wiped away my tears, “It's going to be ok, remember that we will always love you, no matter what…" I could see the pain in his eyes as he said that, almost as if he was trying to also reassure himself as well. He noticed how tired I was and said "You have had a long day, let's get you to bed” I nodded in agreement and then led me back to my room and put me to bed, as he left my room he gave me a smile, “Good night sweetie” and with that, he turned out the lights and closed the door.

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