《Death By Crotch》1- Death by crotch

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Ever seen that cliche in Japanese manga and anime series where a woman falls on a man’s face crotch first? It’s usually accidental and done as a raunchy gag. Well guess what, it happened to me. You’d think I'd be happy, what with me being a hot blooded straight man, but reality isn't like a dumb trope.

I was visiting Japan, something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. After checking in to my hotel in Tokyo, I walked around the city to sightsee famous locations, like the crossing in Shibuya. As I walked up some stairs leading to an elevated pathway that helped pedestrians cross over the highway, I heard a shrill KYAA then felt something soft on my face. That soft feeling lasted about half a second before the weight of the girl that fell on me from higher up the stairs snapped my skull off my spine and threw me head first at the sidewalk, cracking it open like an egg. I died shortly after, my last moments spent convulsing like a fish out of water.

Death by flying vagina, what a way to go. Sigh. Interestingly enough, that’s actually the reason why I was given a second chance at life. You see, in Japan, everything has a spirit, or Kami, inhabiting it. Rocks, trees, you name it. These spirits are respected and prayed to by the dedicated Japanese citizens. The more people pray to a particular spirit, the stronger it is.

Another thing to note is that Japan is a pretty sexually perverted place. I mean, they invented bukkake, enough said. Well, you can imagine how strong their god of panties is. Cool dude by the way. Met him after I died. I opened my eyes and there he was, a lecherous looking old man staring at me while sniffing a wadded up pair of satin panties. He had one around his neck, on his head and even wore a white one with a rosebud on it.

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Freaked me the fuck out at first but aside from the overt pervertedness, he’s a pretty laid back guy. He told me his name but it was in Japanese and hard for me to pronounce so he let me use the translated version, which was Lace Papa. He told me he felt bad about panties being the last thing I saw before dying so, being the deity reigning over them, he owed me one.

I asked to be brought back to life as if nothing happened but he couldn't do it. Souls can’t be brought back to the same world twice; Something about equivalent soul exchange. I was too bummed out to listen frankly. But he then told me about this Isekai program they have, where they can send your soul to a place that needs it.

He had a world in mind, one with some type of mathematical magic field that did some weird shit to the planet, assigning numbers to every living being on it and making them part of a system of sorts. Nice looking place. Lace Papa showed me visions of it. It looked like a pristine, generic fantasy world full of weird races. Who doesn’t like that?

Unfortunately the world was currently dealing with some big douchebag demon lord called Mentas the fresh taker, who prided himself in taking virgins from the villages he conquered and… well, you know. He was the reason I could migrate there at all since he was the problem that needed to be taken care of but if I took the offer, I would have one year to defeat him so that my soul earned the karma necessary to attach itself permanently to my shell from that realm. Couldn't just be a free-loader after-all.

Mentas was supposedly a hard sonovabitch to deal with, and the world itself was also far from peaceful, what with monsters roaming the lands.

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To be honest, I was interested in the magic and the not being dead anymore aspect of the deal but having to mess with all that other nonsense was a deal-breaker. That is until Lace Papa told me that since he owed me one, he’d give me a cheat power and let me bring a soul-bonded super weapon with me to help me out. It wouldn't stop me from dying but it would make it extremely hard to do so. I did end up accepting afterward.

And so Lace Papa handed me a pair of black panties rolled into a ball and told me to sniff it. Doing so would put my soul to sleep and I would awaken in the new world, his words. I did what he asked hesitantly but nothing happened. When I looked back up at him, he broke into laughter, pointing at me. He then waved his hand, opening a portal to the world I was going too.

Goddammit. He played me and made me look like a pervert as a dumb joke. I stepped into the new world fuming out of embarrassment. Not a good start.

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