Sleep usually came easy when drunk, but August could barely even keep his eyes closed. The night was running through his mind on repeat. How close he’d been to confessing feelings, he didn’t even know he’d had to Rosek, the strange exchange with Wolf before leaving to the barn, all of it mixed with the alcohol in his stomach made for a rough night. After a couple of hours of lying there staring at the wooden beams of the barn’s ceiling, August gave up and sat upright in bed.

It wasn’t much of a bed, but it felt like luxury compared to what he’d slept on for the last few nights. About twenty cot mattresses were set on the barn floor, and the locals had even been thoughtful enough to hang a few blankets to create makeshift bedrooms for each of the squad members, and each room had its own candle in a bowl. It was the first privacy he’d had since embarking on the mission. It might have been the first he’d had since leaving for the academy.

The party was still in full swing outside. Now and then, he’d be startled out of a half-doze by a collective gasp or explosion of laughter. Each event encouraged him to get up and peer out the window to see what was going on, but he never did. He just stayed there laying or sitting on his mattress, feeling down about everything.

Now that the fun was over if you want to call it that, August looked toward tomorrow. The morning would be brutal, for sure. How were they supposed to tackle the nest in their state? He wasn’t the only one in the squad who’d drunk to excess. Rosek and Wolf were definitely in the same boat as him, Sterling and West likely were as well, and Belmont… She might have been the only one to refuse the booze. Attacking the nest was a foolish idea with a sober group. They were going to do it hungover and maybe still a little drunk.

He thought about it long and hard. It wasn’t in Wolf’s character to allow a night like this. He came to the conclusion that Slupman’s departure, the content of his letter more specifically, had affected the general’s overall outlook. Who cares about the result of the mission if you won’t be allowed home afterward? August sighed and wished he’d never come. He wished he would have refused to go to the academy, or better yet, he wouldn’t have tried so hard when those testers came to school that day. At the time, it was all about beating those roller-hockey jocks. He didn’t know it would result in this.

The barn door opened, and a draft of air pushed at his blanket walls. His eyes widened for a moment. The mission was taking its toll on his nerves. The sound of a door opening wouldn’t have even registered before. Now he lay tense, wondering who or what it might be. The party was still going on outside. Could be a dolorium. He scoffed at himself silently at the thought of a bug using a door handle. Could be a local coming to kill you to harvest your organs. Maybe the ale was poisoned all along. Maybe this is how they get their food. A layer of sweat seeped from his pores as he sat rigidly and still in the chilly barn.

“August?” Rosek whispered from the door. “You awake?” Every word she whispered trailed off with the threat of giggling. She must’ve continued drinking after August retired for the night.

He wasn’t going to answer. Watching her dance with the others and pinch Farscout’s ass was enough to show she didn’t have any feelings for him. At least, not the kind of feelings he wanted her to feel. Sure, they were friends. Anyone who’d go through as much as they had during the mission could expect some kind of bond, but August realized under the tree that the bond could mean different things depending on the person. To August, their bond meant that they should be together and face the rest of their lives side by side, just like they’ve faced everything since the ship had gone down. To Rosek, it seemed to mean that they should keep in touch and maybe message each other every once in a while until one of them gets news of the other’s death.

What in Hel are you going on about? Can you read minds now? How did you get all that from a few drunken hours under a tree? You shouldn’t drink anymore if it’s gonna make you all depressed and annoying like this.

“August?” Rosek whispered again. A little harsher this time, with no hint of a giggle.

“I’m here,” the words snuck out.

Light footfalls faded in from the direction of the front door and stopped. Two slender fingers snaked their way through the space between the wooden wall and the hanging blanket. They hooked the fabric and pulled the blanket aside. Rosek stood with a beaming smile. Her brilliant hair was disheveled, the right-hand sleeve of her plaid shirt was rolled up, and her top button was undone to reveal a neck and collarbone lightly coated in sweat. The wet spot over her knee was still there but nearly dry. “Can I come in?”

August scooched over and tapped the cot beside him. Rosek moved into the room and let the blanket fall back in place behind her. She lowered herself clumsily to her knees and crawled onto the cot, grunting until she was firmly installed at his side with her legs beneath the blanket.

“How many more did you have?” August asked in a light-hearted tone.

Rosek smiled and raised her eyes to the wooden ceiling in thought. She counted something on her fingers. “A few.” A breathy laugh escaped her, and she fell backward. August’s pillow was under her spine and her head rested on the wooden floor just beyond the top of the mattress.

“That can’t be comfortable,” August said.

“It really is,” Rosek said. “By Vanno, it feels so good on the back. I want to sleep like this all night.”

August put a hand under her head and lifted her gently to a sitting position. “You won’t be able to walk tomorrow if you sleep like that. I’d hate to see your mech suit all hunched over as we storm the nest.”

She put a hand on his face. A lazy slap, maybe? “Please,” her voice was tight as if she were trying not to retch. “Don’t talk about tomorrow. I don’t want to hear about it. I don’t wanna hear about dolo, Slupman, Wolf, the dome, our ship crashing, my mech suit, or anything else that has to do with the mission. Tomorrow is coming fast, but this moment can last forever if we play it right.”

Her hand was still over his mouth, but he mumbled through it. “What do you mean, ‘if we play it right’?” Sounds like she’s talking suicide. Couldn’t be…

“If we just sit here and actually enjoy the moment, it’ll last much longer. Or, at least, it’ll feel that way,” Rosek said. “If we spend this precious time talking about tomorrow, well, it’s almost like tomorrow’s already here, you know?”

August nodded. “What do we talk about, then?” August asked. “Now there’s pressure.”

Hilde giggled. “There’s no pressure. We don’t have to talk about anything. We just have to sit here and enjoy the peace.” She lay her head on his shoulder.

They sat like that for a while, enjoying the sounds of the ongoing party outside. He didn’t want to break their pleasant silence, but something was burning inside him, and it needed to be said.

“Hey, Hilde?”

“Yeah?” Her voice was a little scratchy and showing signs of sleepiness.

“I’m so sorry about being weak when that thing was on you. I should have acted sooner.”

He could feel her shudder against him. She lifted her head and glared at him, her wounds clear in the wavering candlelight. “I say not to talk about the mission, and you take that as a cue to talk about the absolute worst part of it?”

“It’s been bothering me ever since,” August said, knowing that he was only digging his hole deeper at this point. “Every time I see your face and those wounds, it just reminds me of how bad I failed. That thing was on you for a good while before I did anything about it. It’s my worst failing as a soldier, and I’m not getting nearly enough shit for it.”

Her face darted toward his, and she pecked him on the lips. She was back in her original position before he could even realize what was happening. “Maybe that’ll show you how much I blame you for what happened.”

August stared at her stupidly.

“You told me not to leave my mech suit,” Rosek said. “You told me that we shouldn’t separate. If I just followed your advice, I’d have been fine. How do you think that makes me feel as a colonel? I got these wounds because I was an irresponsible girl instead of a soldier. Not because of you.”

His lips were still tingling as she spoke. That, paired with the massive weight her words had just lifted from his heart, was a perfect storm for another impulsive outburst of emotion. He leaned forward and pecked her lips, just as she’d done to him. Only he lingered there afterward instead of falling back. He waited with closed eyes for what felt like hours before he felt her lips again. They shared a much longer kiss. A passionate one. It was undoubtedly sloppy due to the gallons of ale that had been drunk between them, but it was perfect.

He could taste a bit of blood on her healing lip. It made him wince at first, and he slowed his pace, but Rosek only came on harder. She was on him now, pushing him to his back. And then she was off. She sat with her back to him and her head in her hands.

“What is it?” August asked, short of breath. “Is your lip okay?”

She let out a melancholic chuckle. “My lip’s fine. It’s nothing. I’m just being an irresponsible girl again, that’s all.”

“No, you aren’t” August sat at her side now. “There aren’t any monsters here. There’s just you and me. Nothing bad could come of this.”

She smiled and put a hand on his wrist. “You’re really sweet. And you’re right. I want this moment to continue just as much as you do…” I doubt that very much. “But I’ve broken two of my personal rules tonight.”

“Which ones?”

“No drinking on the job,” Hilde said. “And, more importantly, no romantic relations with a coworker.”

“Why would you set a rule like that?” August asked. “No disrespect or anything.”

“It’s one of my newer rules,” Hilde said. “Only came up with it after…” Her eyes widened, and she put a finger over her lips. “I shouldn’t tell you. Oh my God, as if I almost let that one slip. This is why I shouldn’t drink on the job.”

“Come on,” August said. “You can tell me anything. I won’t repeat it. You know I don’t have any friends on the squad. There’s no one else around to hear my gossip even if I wanted to go blabbing.”

She watched him for a moment and straightened her posture. Her breaths were deep, and her face looked like a cartoon character seeing stars after taking a blow to the head. She must’ve drunk a lot after I left. “Let’s just say I was one of many stupid girls who fell for Dalton West’s charm.”

August’s first instinct was to laugh, but her expression showed no signs of glee or silliness. Whatever happened between the colonels still hurt her. “Did he…”

“No,” Rosek said. “Well… kinda.”

Another burst of laughter hit against the barn as the party ran on. August put an arm around her shoulders, hoping to comfort Hilde.

“I was a private at the time,” Hilde said. “I was showing lots of promise, so they were trying to market me, I guess. They wanted me to enter the Willow pageant that year, but I put an end to that real quick. It’s a nice thought, but those things are absolute horror behind the scenes. Anyway, that’s a whole other story. They were trying to market my name in case I did enter the pageant. Name recognition is a huge advantage when it comes to getting votes.

“I was at this event with Colonel Chase Driver as my quote-unquote date. It was some big fancy supper at some big fancy mansion. Probably some bullshit fundraiser or whatever. The Gilzaks were there with their cameras, of course, and the whole thing was just a play with improvised lines. We just walked around in our fancy clothes so that the Gilzaks could film us and plaster us on every screen in the city so the celebrity-obsessed people could gawk and smile as if they knew us personally.

“Anyway, the thing went on deep into the night, and the real party started when the Gilzaks turned their cameras off. As far as everyone watching on the screens was concerned, we’d all gone back to our homes for bed, but that was far from the truth. You ever wanna see some crazy shit? Go to a rich person party. I mean, really rich. Like, ‘I own the world’ rich.”

She cuddled up against August and closed her eyes. He waited a bit before speaking.

“Do you not want to tell me what happened?”

She chuckled. “Wow, I honestly forgot where I was even going with all that.” Her face darkened. “Oh. Right. Yeah, anyway, they were doing some pretty crazy stuff. I don’t even want to mention certain things because I’m still trying my hardest to forget them. Chase Driver had gone home. I guess he knew what was coming and wanted no part in it. It would have been nice for him to warn me.

“I ran into Dalton West while wandering around lost and, I’ll admit, scared. West started chatting with me, and it felt so nice to just talk to a normal human being again, so I was drawn to him. Anyway, he did his whole sweet-talking thing, I was a little drunk, and next thing I knew, I was in a bedroom with him, sitting side by side, kinda like we are now. Except we weren’t in some weird barn in the middle of the lands beyond the dome.

“He made his advances. I went along for a bit. I smartened up and thought twice about it. He pushed the issue. Let’s leave it at that.”

August felt the blood boil in his veins. He moved to get up, and she pulled down on his arm, which was enough to topple his drunken balance. “Let me go. I’ll kick the shit out of him.”

“It won’t do anything,” Hilde said. “It’s all in the past. Everything’s fine.”

“No,” August said. “It’s not fine. He can’t get away with something like that just because he’s this big movie star.”

“He didn’t…” Hilde looked to the ceiling, searching for words. “It didn’t proceed all the way.”

“What do you mean?”

“He forced a few kisses, and a couple gropes. Then he came to his senses. He’s not an evil man, he’s just not used to hearing ‘no.’ I’ve forgiven him. Well, I’m still bitter towards him, and I’ll never like him as a friend or anything, but I don’t hate him.”

“How am I supposed to look him in the eye and not clock him?” August asked. “Let me go. This has to be done.”

“It’s not up to you,” Hilde said.

“I’m going.” August pulled his arm away and tried to get up again.

“Why can’t we just sit here and enjoy the moment?”

“We can enjoy it when I get back.”

“What if I beg you to stay?”

“I’m going. It won’t take long.

“Please, August. This doesn’t matter. You aren’t thinking straight. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“It does matter,” August snapped. “He can’t get away with this. Who knows how many others he’s done it to.”

“No!” She screamed. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is you and I enjoying this last peaceful night before we all fucking die tomorrow!”

August froze.

Hilde wept now. A silent bout of sobs that looked violent enough to dislocate her shoulders.

He returned to the mattress and held her in a firm embrace. He didn’t say another word, and they lowered to their sides. August was the big spoon. They rested in silence, snuggled up beneath the blanket until Hilde fell asleep. Her deep breathing gave it away. August stayed awake for another half an hour after that. He concentrated on her warm body rising and falling in sleepy intervals against his. This would truly be the last peaceful moment of his life, and it was the best one he’d ever had.