“Alright, let’s do this”

Ralph cracked his fingers.

“Get up”

“Mm, okay. What will we need to do?”

“First I’ll give you the skills I guess. Stand over there”

He pointed at the corner opposite of me. There stood a broken grandfather’s clock. It wasn’t broken because it didn’t tick but because it had many holes the size of an apple in it.

“Ralph, you said it was your home? How do you live here?”

“I also said that I had thousands of avatars in many other Realms. So, it’s more of a home for my avatar than me. The home for my true body is a planet’s core back in the Infernal Plains.”

“Are those Realms you speak of, universes?”

“Kind of. Yours was a universe. Where I’m sending you to is a universe also. This”, he waved his hands around – “is an infinitely expanding landmass. A flat-Earther's Heaven I bet. Wanna see?”

“No. Still, don’t you feel sorry for your avatar? For living”, I also waved my hands or whatever these transparent things counted for, around – “in these conditions?”

“Well, I don’t need to sleep or eat, neither do environmental changes matter to me. So, I don’t bother?”

“I see. What do you live for then?”

I walked over to where he pointed to.

“Sorry, I also don’t know the meaning of life. Gotta ask them scholars. Or the people who care.”

“No, I mean… What drives you? You don’t need to seem to need anything at all, no food, no shelter, I don’t know much about interaction with others but seeing how we get along I doubt you need that either. Birds of a feather and all that.”

“Many things. Mostly my desire not to die. Now, back to the skills. First thing is, language. I’ll give you the knowledge and understanding of the Nesse language, the common language of the Nesse Empire. Since it has many dialects, so I’ll give you the one they use in the Capital. The level of the skill will be equivalent to the level you would have in your language. Now, brace yourself, it will be mighty uncomfortable. As anything that has anything to do with forcefully messing with someone’s minds ought to be.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The air doesn’t get sucked in. Ouch. And then it comes.

Have you ever taken a bath in a mixture of human excrements, blood, gastric juices and other bodily liquids with an uncountable amount of cockroaches, spiders and caterpillars while eating bricks of salt? And while every person that you know is watching? Take that and multiply it times hundred. That’s the level of repulsing and uncomfortable I had experienced there.

After it was over I tried to vomit but because of my circumstances, I couldn’t. And it didn’t even bother me.

Then I ran for my bed, hid under the blankets and it took Ralph probably an hour to lure me back out. He’s surprisingly a patient guy.

“Next one on our list is a channel of communication between us. It won’t let me read your thoughts unless you make it so I can. You’ll understand how to do it once you get the ability.”

“It won’t be bad this time right?”

“No, I’ve already told you that the feeling of discomfort you have experienced is related to the fact that I have forced understanding and knowledge of things into your mind. It’s a step short of complete brainwashing and your mind instinctively fights that. What I’m doing next is completely different and it won’t be nearly as bad. It won’t be any bad in fact. Now stand there in the corner, Vic.”

“Why do you always put me there?”

“See that clock?”

“Yeah. Does it do anything? Apart from looking horrible, that is.”

“It’s an artefact a witch that I’m acquainted with made. To put it simply, it assists with soul magic. Which is what I’m using with you. And yeah, it does look horrible. But witches are all odd people so it can’t be helped. Anyway, ready?”

“Yes”

I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth. And stood there, waiting.

“Done”

“Is that it?”

“Yep”

“Really”

“Yeeep”

By now, Ralph’s face had all the fifty shades of smug.

“Wow. How does it work?”

“Try it”

“How?”

“Well, how do you move your hand?”

“Well, I know how to move my hands but I don’t know how to use telepathy”

“But you aren’t opening your mouth. And I’m outside right now”

“But I see you sta-”

I notice that Instead of Ralph I am facing a very life-like doll with the same smug impression.

“Oh. So it works like this. Wow, it’s awesome!”

“Now to the next one!”

“Eeek!”

Ralph was standing right beside me when he said it.

“Not cool! Not cool at all!”

“Sorry. Now, the next one is, well, I’ll give you a choice. It’s the so-called cheat or whatever they call it in the web-novels you read. First option is an extreme magic attribute affinity. You can choose only one attribute. Details can be discussed after I list all the options. Second choice is, mind control. You can have only three people to control at first, as you level up you can get all the way up to sixteen. Third choice is, elixir concoction. You need materials and equipment for that though. Next is, weapon enchantment. I get to decide what is a weapon and what is not, so no chairs that can cut through elephant hide. And the last is a limited ability to call upon me to solve a problem. Only three times can you do so, ever. Which do you choose? Oh, and you can choose only before transmigrating.”

Let’s see: If an attribute is what I think it is, it might be the best one out of all of them. Well, I don’t know what an extreme affinity is. Will I, say, be able to create twenty hurricanes with a flick of the wrist if I choose this one? Let’s set it aside for now.

Mind control is out of the question. I’m not a righteous person and I would have no qualms with depriving someone of their free will before, but now it would remind me of the time I had just experienced. Ugh. Besides, who knows what kinds of effects it will have on me? I don’t want another bath, not now, nor ever. The first priority I’ll have after I get to the other world is getting some kind of mind magic resistance.

Elixir concoction seems to be pretty okay. I guess it means I’ll be able to create all kinds of great elixirs without prior education. Though it doesn’t give me any means of getting stronger directly, unless I will be able to create some potion of magic and physical superiority or such. And some greedy person who will have the power might just lock me away in a dark basement for the rest of my life to make said elixirs. Guess it’s a no.

“Do elixirs give permanent boosts to power, Ralph?”

“Some do but I don’t recommend ever drinking them. The side effects are not worth it.”

That settles it. Elixirs – out.

Weapon enchantment. Hm, will I be able to create the legendary supreme heaven-cutting holy sword of justice and benevolence? Setting this one aside for further clarification.

Calling Ralph. Doesn’t sound very impressive. Calling a dimension-travelling demon magician. Now that’s the stuff. Still, three times? Assuming that all the skills I’m offered are roughly the same in value overall then attribute affinity gives moderate immediate benefits with great potential, mind control gives huge immediate benefits with very limited potential, elixirs are equal parts immediate benefits and potential, same with enchantments. Then calling Ralph must have incredible immediate benefits with limited potential.

“Ralph, are the skills you offered equal in value?”

“Well, there’re ways to get huge results from any of those if you use them wisely. I wouldn’t call one better than the others.”

“What can the one where I call upon you do? I mean it’s only three times and I have a communication channel to you anyway”

“You just summon me. And give a goal. Not too time-consuming of a goal, like taking over the planet and then governing it or protecting you forever. Something like: “Ralph, kill that World-Ending Evil Dragon” or “Ralph, help me cross the Galaxy” can be done though”

“Can I request you to train me in magic or helping me develop a magic tool?”

“Yes. To an extent, I can help you with that even without the skill though”

So, Ralph is like the ultimate trump card? Do I need a trump card? Probably. But it doesn’t need to be ultimate.

“Why are you doing so much for me, Ralph?”

“Because it seems fun. Don’t think of me as the entity you see right in front of you, think of me as the entity that you see right in front of you and a million other entities like that, all in one. So, if it seems too much for you, it seems trivial to me.”

I see. I have subconsciously been treating Ralph as a human. Because he looks like one and talks like one. It seems I’ve been talking to what amounts to a hair on his hand. I guess I don’t have to feel guilty or suspicious then. If he isn’t lying to me. But, does he need to lie to me? I doubt it. If he needed something from me, he could take it by force. Or I don’t know something. Well, let’s treat what he’s saying as the truth for now. Can’t do anything about it anyway. Eh, whatever.

“I see. Can I come up with my own skill?”

“If I value it to be “better” than what I have offered I will tone it down and if it’s “worse” then I will tell you then”

So, what I can choose from is: Attribute affinity, weapon enchantment and whatever I come up with.

“Can people with attributes use only the magic of their attributes?”

“Yes. In fact, people with no attributes can’t use magic at all”

“Can a person acquire attributes?”

“Yes, if they get a powerful being with the ability to do it for them”

“Is that what you are offering?”

“No, you already have attributes, I offer to strengthen one to the limit”

“And will it affect my other attributes?”

“Yes, very likely yes.”

“I see, thank you. What about weapon enchantment? Can anybody do it?”

“Yes. Just like anybody can theoretically design an airplane”

“That hard?”

“No, but the possibilities are there”

“Can you make me smarter?”

“Yes, but it will be worse than the time I gave you the Nesse language.”

“No thank you then”

“Can you make me immortal and impervious to damage?”

“No, it’s too strong. How about long-living and generally sturdy?”

“Immortal and sturdy?”

“No”

“Mortal but impervious?”

“No”

“Sigh, forget it. I’ll think more then”

Hmmm, if the world I’m going to has an RPG system then maybe I’ll be able to use strong magic even without talent later on. As for weapons… Well, it’s only limited to weapons. Can’t make a computer or internet or an underwater city. And even if the possibilities are there, in the end, those are only the possibilities for creating nukes.

I don’t know what I may be useful or what may not.

“If it’s a game-like world then can you make it so I level easier?”

“I can but it’s not advised. If your abilities will grow fast but your mind won’t, in the end you’ll go insane and be left broken for the rest of your life.”

“Can you make it so they grow equally?”

“I can but you will die much faster than you should. No need to burden your soul too much.”

“What attributes do I have?”

“Let me see… It’s water, fire and death”

“Can you give all the attributes?”

“Easy”

“Will it be painful?”

“No”

“What attributes are there?”

“Water, earth, fire, wind, space, time, life, death, psychic and aura. The last two aren’t considered to be attributes but they work the same way. Life and death ones are kind of similar and the mechanisms are pretty much the same but I divided them because of several reasons you can ask later if you want. Though I think it would be boring”

“Do reincarnation and skill-granting have attributes?”

“No. Those are something beyond the system governing the Realm I will send you to.”

“How does weapon-enchantment work?”

“The skill or the ability I’ll grant you?”

“Both”

“The ability is simple. Send me what you want to get done through the communication channel and I’ll make it for you. The skill is some nonsense that is more system-related than any true magic. Just design and draw the glyphs you need with the necessary materials and you’ll get what you want”

“How do those glyphs work?”

“The system makes them work. If you decide to study it then you’ll understand but I don’t as I’m not connected to the system”

How will you enchant the weapons then? Well, you probably have your ways. What to choose? Somehow I don’t feel like choosing anything Ralph offered even though he probably knows better than me. I mean if he is what he had said his ways of thinking are way beyond whatever I can imagine. But still. Hmmm, what to do? Maybe

“Ralph, how does affinity to an attribute make a difference? Like, my affinity to the space attribute is 20 but yours is 80. What is the difference?”

“You are below average in talent while I’m a genius and where it takes you a lot of effort it takes me no effort. That’s how”

So, having an extreme affinity to an attribute will make me very powerful eventually, huh. What a surprise.

“Does magic or system let you extend your lifespan?”

“Every hundred levels will give you a hundred years of life, on average”

“Are levels hard to get?”

“Depends. Just kill very strong monsters frequently and you’ll get those levels in no time. Or die”

“You know, why not? Then please give me all the attributes, with as high affinity as possible”

“Roger, boss”

This time I don’t close my eyes. Ralph waves his hands and many shiny silver wires extend from the holes in the clock I’m standing next to. They slightly touch me or hover around me. Soon I’m surrounded by them. And then they hover back.

“Done”

Oh

“Well, time to go, Vic”

Ralph snaps his fingers and I lose consciousness.

…

When I came to, I was lying on a branch of a particularly tall tree. Yep, not as comfortable as my bed after all.

And my body feels fine now. What a cause for celebration.

You know what, the branch isn’t that bad. Let’s sleep.

And it’s not me being afraid of heights or anything you know?

Yep, totally.

G’night!