《The Gates of Chaos Keep Opening and It's Getting Annoying.》Oh, magic? Cool, can I get on my way then? CH 1

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Drade was on an errand for his sister, and he had one goal in mind: to get Bite and Smite 2.

His sister was a twitch streamer of sorts and liked to speedrun the first game. He loved to play with her, but his horrid luck and responsibilities made it difficult to find time to. Not to mention Plan-B was undergoing some hiccups he needed to handle personally...

Drade was about the most ordinary-looking high-schooler out there, his only obviously outstanding trait being the green eyes he inherited from his mother. He almost always wore a backpack and clothes practical for movement.

He decided to take the short route to the game store, through Changeton park, the primary park in his city of residence.

In the middle of the park was a pond, with one asphalt sidewalk and trees surrounding its perimeter. As Drade passed by a bench, something subtle caught his eye. Without hesitation, he changed his path to observe some cattails growing in the lake. He tilted his head in curiosity as he saw they were growing so quick it could be visibly seen.

He looked at the ground, only to see the grass around him was writhing around as it grew. He noticed, however, that all the plants were growing towards him. The cattail fell to the ground from the weight, and from its seeds, new cattails sprouted and began to grow towards him.

Recognizing a potential threat, he stepped back into the concrete. Drade looked all around, before resting his eyes on an inconspicuous tree for just a moment more.

The cattail vines had reached the asphalt, so Drade stepped back, onto a bench, breaking strands of grass as they latched onto his shoe, trying to keep him down.

“This is a pretty dire situation,” he said blandly, “You’re in that tree, right?”

“How astute of you. I’ll spare you, for just a moment, since you seem to have something to say.” A lady trapiezed on a tree’s branch, showing off a bold presentation of leaf-built clothes.

“Oh, no, not really. I just figured I may as well die with a pleasant conversation.”

He slowly pulled out his phone, but a single blade of grass grew in an instant and hit it out of his hand.

“...Strange. Most humans just scream or beg or something.”

“You could say I’m not necessarily human...” Drade saw the vines and grass had slowed their attempt to grasp him. “But either way, I need to ask...why are you trying to kill me?”

She gave him a small, sweet smile that didn’t pair well with her menacing eyes. “I’m eating you.”

“Yeah, that figures...” He looked to and fro, searching for an escape. “You know...” he said absently, “You’d look better if you practiced your smile more. It looks like you’re actually trying to look happy.”

“I am, though.”

“Yeah, but aren’t you also trying to look scary.”

“Is it...not scary?”

“No. It’d be more menacing if, say, you showed more teeth. You’ve got a mouthful of canines, don’t you?”

Her menacing gaze turned into surprised confusion, and her voice turned far more girl-like. She placed her hand on her mouth in surprise. “R-really? My smile isn’t menacing enough already? H-how did you know I had no molars anyway?”

“Well, you’re some sort of man-eating plant girl, right? Molars are for eating plants, canines for flesh-duh.” The plants had reached Drade’s shoes again, so Drade stepped onto the backrest of the bench to avoid them, standing on it with shaky balance.

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After some meddling with her smile, she managed to fulfill Drade’s recommendation. “like this?”

She smiled fully, showing the canines that lined her mouth. It was unsettling and unnatural, like a jack-o-lantern. Her smile’s cruel unnaturalality and eyes that radiated contempt and spite gave her smile a whole lot more ‘menacing impact’.

Drade raised his hand and dramatically gave her a thumbs up with a wink that quickly turned back into a dull and bored expression.

The creature retained the smile and reverted back to her more menacing voice, “I’ll thank you for the advice, human, but you’ll still die. In exchange for your help, I will make your death a short one.”

“Thanks, I suppose. But my advice isn’t finished yet.” He leaped off his unsteady ground and back onto the asphalt. In reaction, the plants grew even quicker in an attempt to chase him down. He started walking backward to avoid them, “Have you ever heard of ‘Bite and Smite?’

“Uhh, No?”

“Oh! Well, I recommend it. I’m sure you get bored killing humans all the time.”

“Err, what even is it?”

“It’s a game me and my sister play. I was just out to buy the sequel.”

“Are...are you just disrespecting me?!”

“How would I be doing that?”

The nearby plants writhed in her anger. “I’m about to kill you, and you’re recommending one of your human ‘games’” Then, the flora grew even faster, forcing Drade to dash as quick as he could to escape.

“Yeah?” His face was devoid of sarcasm as he yelled back to the monster. “You know what, you never told me your name. I think it’s rude to kill people without at least telling them your name first.”

“Hmm, that’s some strange human etiquette, but if you must know, my name is Kai’Vra.” The vines suddenly leaped at Drade. “You may die now.”

He tried his best to escape as all the greenery began to wrap around him, despite his lack of apparent adrenaline. “Oh, and my name is Drade. Not very nice to meet you. Also, look behind you,” he yelled.

Kai’Vra gave him her most menacing smile, then-

it was wiped off her face with a dropkick, blowing her off the branch and onto the asphalt below at incredible speeds, cracking the ground into splinters of black rock.

Standing upon the tree was a man in ordinary city clothes and a top hat. He held a staff in his hand, built of some kind of exotic wood. “Yes~I got here in time to stop the Kai!” He had a posh accent and held himself up with a dignified stance and perfect balance upon the tree branch.

“Oh, thanks for saving me,” Drade said, still wrapped by vines that had halted their movement.

Kai’Vra slowly raised herself from the ground, stood up, then dusted off her rubble-soiled clothes. She suddenly became furious, talking in that girllike voice again, “Eww, did you just throw me into your disgusting tar stone, then call me by that..that eww shortening of my name! At least that human right there didn’t throw me into pollution for no reason!”

“I’m not fully human, just saying,” Drade noted before the newcomer could respond.

“What!?” the man exclaimed, dumbfounded, “Did the Kai just talk?”

“Oh,” the nymph said, reverting back to a serious voice, “you just don’t know who you’re talking to.”

“No matter,” the druid said, averting his gaze to Drade. “Are you alright, citizen?”

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“I definitely am, but before you fight, would you mind releasing me?”

“Of course.” He removed his top hat and threw it at Drade. It sliced through the vines, releasing him, then returned to the man like a boomerang. “I am Doue Van Arc, Druid of Changeton Park.” He put a finger in front of his mouth and winked. “Keep this a secret, ok citizen?”

“Sure. Anything my savior.” No sarcasm whatsoever. Drade stood up and fished two small cards out of his pocket before walking nonchalantly to the Nymph to hand one to her. Then, he tried to tiptoe to gain a bit of height and give the druid one. The druid reached down to take it. Both the soon-to-be combatants were utterly dumbfounded by Drade’s attitude. “That’s my personal card. Feel free to call me up if you need anything,” Drade walked away without another word.

When he left, the nymph looked to the druid. “Is he normal for your race?”

“Not at all, I’m afraid.”

“Well, either way, It’s about time I massacre you.”

“And I could say the same!”

A tornado brewed in the park behind Drade. Once he was safely away from the mostly self-contained tornado, he pulled a notepad from his backpack and jotted down a few notes as he watched the fight. If anyone threatened Changeton, he had a duty to protect it...well, as much of a duty as any other person.

He saw the two leap across the park through the tornado, then clash, their arms hitting each other midair, then the two traded punches with their free fists, launching each other into the dirt below. Kai’Vra had obviously been seriously hurt, as the druid had punched part of a hole in her stomach, revealing green, planty cartilage rather than flesh.

She looked furious at the one-sided fight, watching from across the park as the druid patted rubble off his top hat. They began a conversation, and during it, Drade saw her body slowly regrow. After their spat, they leaped into the tornado again.

That was enough for him to give the important Synopsys.

Kai’Vra: A man-eating nymph. She can control plants and is a plant. Regenerates fairly quickly. Acts almost like a child but is quite intelligent.

Don Van Arc: A druid capable of at least punching boulders to dust. Can fly, attack, and defend himself with tornadoes. Seems to be a good person.

Drade made a detour on his way to the game store. It was his sister’s Friend’s headquarters.

The building had no windows besides one on the top roof and stood out as a run-down education facility in the middle of a bustling city. He casually walked into the building, then acted on a hunch.

He walked through the facility, then knocked on his sister’s best friend’s door as he passed by it.

He heard the sound of a game being played then an, “Eep!” as it was paused. He opened the door.

“Urg, damn, it stinks in here!”

Then, he saw the room. His sister’s best friend’s corpse laid on the wall at the end of the classroom. A blonde girl about his age, with a bloody kitchen knife by her side, sat on the floor, playing Bite and Smite 2. She looked at him with a mixture of surprise and nervousness.

Drade’s face quickly gained a scowl. “But that’s beside the point. Why is my sister’s friend dead?” he furiously asked through clenched teeth.

“Cuz I killed her? Err, I mean, she’s not going to stay dead...she’ll be alive at the end of the day and...it’ll be like I was never here...or alive at all.”

Drade’s harsh scowl softened a bit, learning the girl wasn’t...exactly a cold-blooded killer. He crossed his arms. “Oh, is that so?” he said, taking her at face value despite the ludicrous implication that the dead would revive. “That doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you, even if she comes back to life. So...why did you kill her?”

“Uhhhh...” She was tempted to respond normally but first looked between Drade and the corpse carefully, suspicious of him. He’d reacted so relatively nonchalantly to both the implication of magic and the girl’s death, it caught her off-guard.

“I’m pretty used to strange scenarios,” Drade explained before motioning for her to continue with the explanation.

She looked a little guilty and surprised as she shrugged before letting out a lot of baggage. “I’ve had a piss-poor day? It’s just...I’m pretty sure I’ve lost all hope of living my life. I mean, literally, anything and everything I do gets erased at the end of the day...I just kinda...snapped.” She sighed and shrugged. “Had to happen sometime. Maybe I’ll just throw myself into a volcano and call it a life. What do you think? If nothing you did impacted the world, and at the end of every day you saw your existence basically had been wiped, would you kill yourself? Well, I can’t really die either without dying once for every day I’d live...”

“From one sociopath to another, you sound pretty fucking messed up.” Drade looked at the dead body and seemed repulsed by the sight, so he looked back to the girl, closing one eye to block off his view of it.

The girl scratched her head. “CH! You don’t say? I killed a poor girl in cold blood to let off steam. I must be a perfectly sane girl! Given, she isn’t really dead, but...now I’m playing a game next to her corpse like it’s nothing.”

“I disagree. You very much aren’t sane.”

The girl just sted at him with an unamused expression. “You don’t say, Sherlock, I thought I wasn’t sarcastic.”

“Oh, that was sarcasm, didn’t notice,” Drade said seriously.

“Anyway...” The girl sighed, her half-closed, almost dead eyes seemingly fabricating dark circles under her eyes. “I’m beginning not to care at this point...” She turned to the screen. “cause it seems so pointless to.”

Drade held out his hand. “Give me the knife.”

“Sure, you do you, I guess.” She placed it in his hand without looking, then turned the TV off. She gazed aimlessly at her reflection. “Got any candy for my momentary pleasure?” She asked in a monotone, tired voice.

Drade shuffled through his pocket and pulled out a candy cane and personal card. The girl opened the candy and put it in her mouth, then absently looked at the card. It had Drade’s phone number, address, name, and a twitch account on it.

“If you ever want help with your condition, I can probably help, so call me up.”

“Doubt it,” the girl said matter-of-factly.

“Also, if my sister finds out what you did, you will suffer. Have a good day and don’t kill people.”

She ignored his threat. “I’ll make sure to have a horrible day and kill more people,” the girl said with a harsh coat of sarcasm.

“Hey, mind if I make a joke at your expense?”

“Do what you want.”

“And you can’t die, right?”

“I’ll die, but only for a day.”

“Then don’t mind if I do...” Drade wrote on his notepad again, then tore the page out and took tape from his backpack to attach the paper to her back. “One joke made, two left...”

“What did you just put on my back?”

“A sign that says ‘stab me a lot I was the one who did it.’”

“Wow, that’s just cruel.”

“I can remove it if you want.”

“No, the cruel and unusual punishment is funny, so I’ll keep it on.”

“You’re definitely going to be stabbed a lot of times if they see you.”

“Ok.”

Drade changed the subject. “I’m not one for pleasantries, but could you please hide Faio’s corpse so her father doesn’t need to be traumatized?”

“Whatever, if I get the time, I guess.”

Drade nodded. “Then I want nothing more to do with you. Make like a lightning bolt and don’t strike twice, or I’ll send my sister.”

“Sure, I’ll make like a bolt...I promise,” she said reluctantly.

Drade nodded with an appreciative smile. “Thank you.”

He left, then walked down the hallway and into the principal’s office. He ripped off the paper with the druid and nymph’s entries, then placed it on a desk. He also made a small addendum.

‘if this message is here tomorrow, make that blondie regret her life choices.’

Drade also snagged something from the office before throwing it at the girl as he passed the room again.

“Ow!” she said, rubbing her head before seeing what hit her. “A...air freshener?”

Drade didn’t respond to her and walked away.

A quarter an hour later, Drade arrived in the game shop and began searching for the game. After some aimless searching, he found Bite and Smite 2’s aisle.

Unfortunately, he was disappointed to find every copy of Bite and Smite 2 gone, with one kid looking at the last one’s price tag. The kid’s coat looked way too big for him, and he had a smirk on his face. He also held the box to a game console in his arm.

If the kid bought the last copy, the nearest shop was 3 miles away. Drade could always mug the kid or something, but stealing was bad.

The kid looked both ways, then back to Drade.

“Hey! What are you looking at?” he asked aggressively, holding his merchandise to his face.

Drade tilted his head. “Are you going to buy that game?”

The kid looked at it like he hadn’t really cared for it.

“What? Do you want it?”

“Yes.”

The kid shrugged, then threw Drade the game. “Now scram!”

Drade caught it, then frowned. “Is that coat magical?”

The kid looked like a deer caught in headlights. “N-no! M-m-magic doesn’t exist!”

“Lying is bad.”

He hung his head low, defeated. “How did you know...?”

“I can see magic.” Drade carefully observed the kid. “Do you...plan on stealing that?”

“N-no.”

“Stealing is bad, ok? If I see you stealing, I will give swift and decisive punishment.”

The coated kid looked intimidated, faced with an incomprehensible being. Drade wasn’t physically intimidating, past his surprisingly strong body, but he had the tendency to get under other people’s skin without meaning to. “Got it...”

“Good.”

Diego looked between the console in his hand and the strange teen that had just threatened him.

He had bought his coat of ethereality from a black market dealer of magic items for what was apparently a low price of three thousand dollars, using his mother’s stored money, and planned to use it to make money for her, but...

The way he’d been stared at frightened him. The man looked like he had been staring right into his soul.

The existence of magic items was supposed to be a well-kept secret only known to a lucky select few people...So how did he know about his coat?

Still, he couldn’t let himself be intimidated. His mom needed his help.

Diego walked up to the wall, looked all about, ensuring nobody saw him, then magically phased through it, landing on the sidewalk outside the shop.

He began casually walking home with the box, trying not to stand out in Changeton’s streets. He was just another citizen, walking about with his console...

Then, he bumped into someone.

“O-oh, sorr...y...”

Drade loomed over the kid, a plastic bag in his left hand. He glared at Diego with a disapproving expression. “What did I tell you about stealing?”

“T-that it’s bad?”

“Yes. Stealing is bad, but you did it anyway.”

The kid nodded his head meekly.

“Why did you do it anyway?”

“B-because my mom’s sick and needs money for her treatment...”

“Oh,” Drade said, his disapproval melting into annoyance. “Why didn’t you just say?” He began shuffling through his backpack.

“I mean, it’s a pretty personal thing...”

Drade began writing a check atop his notepad. “How much did you need?”

“For what?”

“Your mom’s treatment, obviously.”

“Like...seven thousand dollars?”

He wrote something onto the check, then suddenly snatched the kid’s console and replaced it with the check, upside down. “If I see you steal again, I’m calling the police, ok? Don’t steal.”

“If you say so...” Diego said as Drade walked away. He flipped the check over, revealing its contents and a personal card. Diego’s eyes widened.

It was seven thousand dollars.

Drade’s personal card:

Drade Jupiter: Agent for Magical Talent

Home phone: 773-296-3492

Cell phone: 773-296-3592 (pure coincidence, not a typo)

Agency phone: 312-666-6666(my dad has a strange sense of humor)

Uffield’s Twitch: Uffielddufkyallup (just some promotion, my sister is going to have a big event)

Address: Apartment number 12, 0438, Tranocent Avenue.

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