Apoptosis (continued) Part III – Androgen “I dream of you in colours that don't exist."

He knew what was happening, but he had no control. They were floating, naked... floating.

No it wasn't a dream. They had arrived at their destination. This was Mount Columbus.

Why had he agreed? Joel had no answer for himself.

Why were they all in the room together? That thought stuck in his mind, but was overwhelmed by the music. It played over and over as he floated, touching, colliding, drifting apart.

Mark and Steve were only distinguishable by a tiny brown birthmark on the top of Steve's leg. Grif and Jack floated past in an embrace.

Mark swam towards him, smiling. As his lips parted tiny bubbles escaped with his breath, floating away in all directions. They reflected the light like a rainbow.

The Light.

It was so bright, it wasn't artificial.

Had he ever seen the sun? That thought obsessed him, he didn’t know.

Crashing waves. He could hear the sea. They were on the beach. His mom was standing next to Charlie, who was throwing pebbles into the waves. He was watching. Happy.

Then Joel realised the boys had gone. They never came to the beach with him.

He drifted up, moving through the air above the sand. The waves rolled relentlessly towards the beach. Charlie was shouting and screaming and jumping about.

His body was weightless. He turned over, a sort of summersault, and looked back. Back up and across the dunes to the building. It was a stark concrete block, looking like a bunker, dull grey. Only the huge dish at the side of the building shone, catching the sun’s rays.

No, it was a dream, this was impossible. You couldn’t ever see the sun.

It grew dark, as if a cover had enveloped him. He felt his body pulled by some huge magnetic force, down to earth.

“Are you alright?” Kado was leaning over him, tapping his cheeks.

There were other shadowy figures, but he couldn't focus clearly enough to see who.

“Hey, look at me,” Kado was still tapping his cheeks. He had a torch and was shining the beam in his eyes.

Joel realised he was lying on a table, no, wait a minute, not a table, a trolley.

It was coming back. He had said yes to see if they could delve into his subconscious and pull out the memory.

“Did it work?” He tried to sit up, but was unable to move.

“Just relax,” Kado told him, and he saw Grif was there, standing behind him.

“It will take a while to wear off. And yes we got it. They’re in Morro Bay.”

Morro Bay, that sounded right, had to be on the coast somewhere.

“I'll leave Grif with you. Just lie here until it wears off.”

Grif moved to the side of the trolley. “That was weird.”

“What?”

“Watching you dreaming, it's all recorded, you can replay it if you want.”

“I... I ah, didn't like... You know, do anything...” Joel could remember the feelings, the sounds, the song, but not all the details.

“You mean like when you grabbed young Mark by the hair, pulled him around, and...”

“Fuck off, I can tell you're lying.”

“Ah well you’re back to your old foul mouthed self,” Grif was smiling.

“But I didn't did I, do anything, you know, embarrassing?”

“No, just had us all floating around you, naked. I mean it was... interesting, but no, don't worry, nothing more embarrassing than being naked. Maybe you always wanted to be a naturist.” Grif chuckled.

“So what now?”

“I think Kado is going to talk to Henry when he gets here.”

“Did you find out what's going on here?”

“No, not really, but I'm working on it.”

“I feel really drained. No energy at all.”

“Yeah well I guess that’s normal. Get some rest. I'll be here, to protect you.”

He saw Grif smiling, then he relaxed and must have drifted off. For a moment he was back with the boys, but it wasn't the same as before. It was thoughts, not so real.

□□□□□

“We were talking about it and we all decided you deserved a treat,” Grif was telling him.

Joel listened, wondering just what this treat that he deserved was going to be.

“There's nothing to do until the morning, so, and Mark agreed to this. Actually, I think he was quite keen on the idea.”

“Okay, enough. Tell me what. Stop being a tease.”

“You've got a nice supper waiting for you next door, and this bedroom is yours and Mark's for tonight,” Grif smiled that beautiful smile of his.

Joel could tell that the guy was pleased with himself about this little arrangement. His thoughts turned to Mark. He got up and walked, on his own, unaided, if maybe a little wobbly, but he made it into the other room.

Mark stood up and beckoned Joel to join him at the table. Grif turned away, left them together, closing the door behind him.