Chris II

December 21sth, 2012

Hello friend.

I know you been watching me. You’ve been watching us; judging us, maybe even laughing at us. I know that you’re the outside looking in and I can prove it. How? Well, I’m talking to you now, what more proof do you need? I don’t know what you’re thinking but I have a pretty good idea of what. Yeah, I’m really doing this. You think I’m insane, aren’t you?

Well, you’re right.

I haven’t been right since I explored the outer-consciousness. It’s a scary road to travel and not many people do. It’s either too terrifying or they’re too stupid to comprehend it. I’m pretty positive you fit into these two types of people. Don’t be offended, chances are I’m right. It’s okay, it’s not a journey I would recommend taking. Just look at me. I’m a mess. I don’t know if I am real. Care to tell me?

See this is the downside of being on the inside trying to look to the out. I don’t have the models and knowledge to fully understand everything. But you do, right? You know everything because you observe us. You know all of our problems, our struggles, and our issues. If you have been observing up until this point I bet you want to know why Elizabeth died. That’s one advantage of being in our box, we can withhold information. See I may be inside this box but I still stand outside relative to my friends. I know much more than they do as I observe their lives as well.

They’re all broken people. Don’t worry, I’m not being hypocritical. I’m broken too.

Cody has been my friend since kindergarten. He likes to observe too although he lacks the rationality to make good decisions. He likes control and gets mad when he doesn’t. He’s a good guy although he gets way over his head a lot. Cody’s mistakes tend to leave him feeling alone and usually blames himself. He’s the only one who knows how much I sandbag. We only talked about it once. He asked, “How come you don’t try at school? You’re still the same grade as us, what’s the deal?”

It was a simple answer. I understood a lot of things at a young age. “I don’t want to be known.” It is the answer I gave him. I understood the pressure of being a prodigy and decided that I should just fit in with the crowd. For the most part, it worked although it was very boring. I understand that boredom is the reason why I’m talking to you right now.

I met Emily when we shared a class in Middle School although I knew about her through Cody. She’s even more broken than Cody. Emily is kind but she’s easily discouraged and doesn’t try to apply herself in the things she wants. This makes her have a weak mind and body. She cares a lot about her friends but her selfishness often gets in the way of seeing what’s in front of her.

For example, what happened to Sara. I saw Emily growing more and more concerned about her during the day Sara disappeared. Yet Emily just wanted to have fun at the dance and decided it would be okay to wait a day to be her friend. I wouldn’t doubt its eating Emily inside. I haven’t talked to them since the accident so I wouldn’t know where they’re at right now. I hear Sara is out of the hospital though.

She’s the one I like the most. Sara’s heart is the best out all of ours but it’s so broken I don’t think it could ever be repaired. Maybe I’m wrong and it’ll take a long time but I don’t see it happening. Sara likes to blame everything on everyone because she doesn’t know she has clinical depression. I’m not a doctor but I’ve read extensively on psychology and she fits all the signs. I can even pinpoint the cause of everything I’ve observed. Sara’s depression comes from her mother. Either it came from her death or genetically but I’m fairly confident in this assessment.

Andrew is self-destructive because of this too. He doesn’t have any dreams or ambitions. He doesn’t want to achieve anything or want anything in his life. He’s pure chaos. Andrew just wants to have as much fun as he can. If he ever found something he wanted I have no doubt he can get it. He’s smart enough and strong enough to do whatever he wants but he holds himself because just because he feels his life doesn’t have value.

Now, Grace is the new person in the group. She’s still mad at me for drugging her. I know It wasn’t a good move but I tried to stop her from being friends with us. We’re no good for her. We’re going to kill her. She’s gifted with innocence yet she’s throwing it away to fit in. She’s just like everyone in this town. All she wants is to find closure with Elizabeth.

But that’s why you’re here, right? You want closure too.

You have been observing us all this time and yet still don’t know why she killed herself. Everyone keeps saying they don’t either and they all have their ideas. Cody and Emily think it's their fault. They think Elizabeth was jealous of them and when Cody snapped at her that was the breaking point. Everyone thinks she was doing too many drugs, Sara especially. It’s all fair points but nothing explains where she got the gun she used. Hell, it even interests me as well.

If you’re hoping that I know well you stuck around long enough for me to tell you that I do. The gun came from Lyle, the headmaster in our little drug operation. I only met him a couple of times but I know it the gun came from him. I don’t have any proof but I know Elizabeth made contact with him as well. Andrew texted me some ideas and it just confirms my suspicions.

Now, I don’t know why she killed herself.

That’s up to you to figure out.

Maybe you’ll find out once Grace finds out as well and she gets her closure.

Elizabeth was the golden girl of Darkwood. She was the most popular girl in school despite never doing any recreational drugs. Ellie was your typical cliche of a queen yet she was easily influenced by others. When she hung out with her friends she was materialistic and just as mean as they are. When she was with us she was able to express herself more freely because we allowed her too. This opened the floodgate as we all collectively influenced her to go deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. We killed her.

But now with all this new information, can you figure out why she felt she couldn’t be alive anymore?

I figured it out, just now actually.

Then again, I’m withholding a lot of information from you. It’s the only advantage I have over you, friend. Life is mundane and ever since I figured out you exist I want to keep playing this game.

Entertain me.

That’s all there is to this, isn’t it? Entertainment? You’re observing us for your entertainment because you have nothing better to do. Maybe you do, maybe you don’t but you’re still here and I’ve been talking this entire time and it’s been one empty black room. Allow me to show you what I see.

I’m sitting on the couch in my living room. To my left are my parents. My mother's in the kitchen making a phone call to her business to get a logistical issue sorted out. My father is sitting on the reclining chair watching ‘Altered States’ with me.

We live in a two-story house with a basement that my dad uses as a home theater. They make good money but are hardly ever home. As long as I stay out of trouble they leave me alone and I leave them alone in return. It’s not a real loving family and I’m okay with that.

Dad likes to spend his free time messaging women in dating apps from his phone that I hacked. His password wasn’t hard to figure out. Seahawks1995, his favorite team and the year I was born. He doesn’t cheat on Mom but he likes to flirt because it makes him feel young. Mom isn’t any better. She’s a businesswoman who doesn’t have much time for anything. I see her about once a week. She likes the funny nonsensical memes that are posted on Reddit.

Still, they did the best they could do with the mistake they made. It makes for a good dynamic that works well. They didn’t fight while I was growing up and both gave me the attention I needed. Mom suspects I have more potential than I show but leaves me alone because she understands I like to do things at my own pace. Dad stopped trying to relate to me when he found out we have nothing in common.

What about you?

How are your relationships with your parents? I hope it’s well but statistically speaking that isn’t the case. We get so caught up in our own lives and we get used to them so much that we forget they’re people too. They have thoughts and emotions and we often take them for granted. We like to blame them for messing us up but we don’t stop and think about how it affects them as well. Sure you got your outliers who are just shitty parents for the sake of shitty parents but I’m not talking about them. It’s important to have a good relationship with the people that gave birth to you, it builds the foundation for all your future relationships. One of the common denominators of Darkwood is the lack of involved parents. Over half of them work in Seattle and usually spend some nights there. It makes Darkwood an exceptionally good place to get fucked up.

Well, friend, it’s been fun talking to you. Cody texted me asking to hang out so I guess I’ll do that for a while. I hope you stick around, maybe I’ll even give you a name.

Maybe in return, you’ll be able to break me free from my chains.