Elizabeth II

“Fine, you get one kiss tonight, but you better make it special,” she says.

Andrew grins and gets excited. He’s never felt like this before about anyone. When he was younger and was actually interested in learning, he studied day and night about human emotion, purpose, and thoughts. He never understood any of it because Andrew never got the chance to experience the feeling of “love” and the loss of it. He hates that he’s thinking about this now.

But damn, I’m just trapped in Emily’s pulchritude, he thinks.

“I only wish…” Emily stops mid-sentence. In Andrew’s peripheral, he sees her reading a text message. She has custom ringtones for each of her friends. The phone played Sara’s favorite song.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

Emily starts to breathe heavily and she’s grabbing her throat. Oh shit. Andrew figures it out. She’s having one of her stupidly massive anxiety attacks. Her eyes look like they’re about to pop out and Emily starts to sweat like crazy. She starts gasping for air and I have no idea what to do. She’s done this before with him, but Cody was there to quickly calm her down. Andrew tries to think about what Cody did but draws a blank.

“Ems?! Emily, calm down! You’re okay! Don’t worry, you’re okay!” he calls out, grabbing her hand.

Emily doesn’t stop, but get worse and stops breathing. Andrew takes his eyes off the road as he enters the bridge to Mercer Island. “Emily, calm down!”

The roads are wet, they both can feel them. Andrew remembers something that his mother said. They were her last words: “Death is always closer than your friends and things.” At that moment, he can feel time slow down as the car becomes out of his control. The car goes to a full-on spin. His heart stops and finally experiences terror in a long time. Emily starts to scream. The car flips when it crashes into the concrete wall and Andrew’s head clashes against the window. Things start to get dark for her but Andrew looks at Emily one more time. Time goes to a complete standstill as the car does its final flip midair. Everything becomes silent to him and Andrew imagines Emily’s scream is a laughter instead. Andrew can only think of one thing. Damn, I really want to kiss her.

The rain reflects off the window and it looks as if it’s dancing off of Emily’s freckled skin.

Cody feels the air and knows there’s something not right.

Emily somehow manages to crawl up the car and get out. She’s quickly losing consciousness so she doesn’t realize that the car is laying on this side so she falls flat to the ground when she gets out through the broken window. Her lungs can breathe right before the car tilts down and falls on top of her, crushing her.

-

The news sends shockwaves across Darkwood the moment someone from school spots Andrew being put in a stretcher. His name is Bo and he gets out of his standstill car to confirm. This is where he spots Emily and the news immediately posts the news on Facebook. Cody sees this news first. But Sara is nowhere to be found and he can’t leave without taking her home.

So he sits in his car with Grace and Chris waiting for Sara to text back. Cody can’t even feel his heartbeat and isn’t even sure he has one right now.

“Sara hasn’t texted me back either, what’s going on, Cody?” Grace asks without an idea.

Chris grows suspicious of his friend’s erratic breathing and calm panic. He checks his Facebook as well and learns of the news as well. “Cody, we should go. Sara will be fine.”

Against his better judgment, Cody obliges. Grace protests but Cody doesn’t listen as he speeds off towards Mercer Island. The group soon encounters the slowdown caused by the accident and get to the scene twenty minutes later. By the time they arrive, the bodies have been taken away already. Cody panics and doesn’t know what to do. He drops Grace home and speeds off to Emily’s house. Her dad has already been informed and on his way to the hospital.

“Relax, call her dad and figure out where she’s at,” Chris informs Cody. In the panic, Cody hasn’t been thinking. It’s good that Chris is here. He’s the logical one right now.

-

Emily wakes up a week later with her handhold by Cody. She tries to remember what happened and recalls the crash. She remembers she caused it because she panics and she panicked because of Sara’s text. “Where’s Sara?” She starts hyperventilating again. “Where’s Sara?!”

Cody is here this time and Emily calms down. “Emily, you’re okay.”

Emily nods and calms down. “What happened? Where’s Sara? Is she safe?”

Cody doesn’t understand. How can she know about Sara? He quickly pieces it all together. Ems is the only person Sara would have told. This way they crashed in the first place. He should have just talked to Andrew but he was just so fucking pissed that he was driving Cody doesn’t want to be his friend anymore. Andrew stepped too far out this time. It’s bullshit how Andrew escaped with minor injuries while Emily almost ended up dying.

“Ems, Sara is missing. Nobody has seen her since she disappeared on us at the pier. Andrew’s been out looking for her the entire week.”

Emily thinks of the last text Sara sent her. “Thank you for being my friends these past three years. I just can’t handle it anymore. I hate everything about myself. I hate everything about living. Please don’t hate me, I love you.”

She begins to break down. Emily was too late.

-

Andrew has been walking the streets of Seattle for an entire week. The car crash is just a footnote to him. This is more important. There are no leads. No shop owner has seen her, she hasn’t checked in anywhere. There is no trace of Sara anywhere.

With no hope, Andrew contacts Lyle in hopes that his connections can find something. Andrew knows the costs of asking Lyle for a favor. He lays against the wall of a 7/11 and sits down. He’s losing the only family he has. Andrew thinks of why Sara would disappear. Did he just misjudge how strong she was? Did something happen between her and their dad? He’s always been a piece of shit since Mom’s death but there isn’t a thing he could have done without going to some shitty foster parents. He thought they could tough it out for one more year.

It was nearly two weeks ago where they nearly spent the whole day together. All the signs were there. Why didn’t he just fucking pay attention? She was so quiet and lost in thought. She was depressed and he just ignored it. He’s such a fucking idiot. Andrew wants to cry but his ghosts don’t allow him to.

Andrew stares at the sky while he waits for Lyle to give him anything. Anything.

He knows his sister is dead and Andrew closes his eyes wishing it isn’t true.

Everything he has ever done; all the fucked up shit he causes and took part in, this is his punishment.

-

Grace hears the news that Emily has woken up and gets her mother to drive her to the hospital. She’s just glad her friend is alive and well. She heard rumors that Emily was crushed by her car and was thinking she was going to die. Her first friend was going to die, Grace didn’t know how to handle that.

She finds Cody sitting alone in the lobby. “Is she going to be okay? Have you talked to her?” she asks him.

Cody looks up to Grace. His eyes pierce her soul. It doesn't matter how much she gets used to his eyes, they’re just too **** captivating. “Yeah, she’s fine. She’s talking to her mom and dad now.”

“What did she say to you?”

“She asked about Sara. That’s the only thing that she cared about really. Emily, she uh,” Cody pauses unsure how to tell Grace. “Got a text from Sara right before the accident”

“A text?”

Cody can’t believe it either. “Sara’s dead.”

“What?” Grace’s heart shatters.

-

Chris jiggles the last of the Winter he was given by Acid. Everything is just a predestined path of iron and nails we all follow. There is no free will, not really. There won’t even be true freedom. That’s all Chris wants; freedom of consequence. Yet it doesn’t matter how free he becomes, he’ll always be a prisoner of his mind. Chris tosses the vial against the ground and it shatters.

His friends are all in this state of despair while he stands outside of it, looking in. He knows all of the issues they face yet cannot interfere. Chris believes he's a being outside time trapped in a perpetual state of infinity. Everything that can happen already has and there isn’t a thing he can do about it.

Chris knows he’s insane but perhaps he never needed his sanity, to begin with.

-

Cody is with Emily’s father in her hospital room. He’s grateful at Cody for staying with Emily since kindergarten and how he values his as a son. It’s meaningful, but it makes Cody feel like shit inside for ignoring Emily for the past few weeks. He was afraid of himself. It’s just how when they were ten and Emily almost died from her disease. She’s always had a weak and frail body. The car crash should have killed her. CFS has always been a thorn in their side.

Cody holds her hand, hoping for her to wake up for ten split seconds like last time just so I know she’s okay. It’s been hours.

“You know, Cody,” Ems’ father says behind him. “I know how much she loves you; I know you love her back. I’ve watched you two grow up together and become like brother and sister.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that if you ever decide to marry my daughter, you have my permission. I know how talented you are so I know you can live successfully for the both of you.”

Cody is lost at words. Ems’ father is the last person he expected to say that. He’s usually doesn’t talk about their relationship and hell, even talks to Cody that much. Cody always found him to be distant. “Thank you, Mr. Crow,” is all he can say.

“I convinced Emily to go with her mom to New York. She’ll be leaving as soon as they release her from the hospital. I’m just tired of this town Cody. It’s not a good place for her. I don’t want to split you guys up but there isn’t any other choice.”

“It’s okay. I get it.”

“They'll be there sometime tomorrow.”

Cody clenches his free fist. This is how things end.

-

And I'm still dead; slowly being forgotten by the sands of time. My friends are all breaking down and there is nothing I can do to help them. There are a lot of things I regret and one of those things is never truly getting to say goodbye.

In death, there is only awe.