Emily

September 19th, 2012

Eternal friendship is something we can never predict. We cannot see it. We cannot break it, but we can test it. I think that’s what going on right now, with Cody and me. This is what I think about while I lay in my bed wondering where it all went wrong. Elizabeth’s suicide, the investigation, the rumors, everything. Nothing’s been the same since that night.

I can still remember the horror and shock. I remember the look in Cody’s face when he came back from chasing her. He was one of the last and we all thought her death was a joke but when I saw his face, I knew. We didn’t go home that night, instead, we spent it together in the treehouse we’ve had since we were little. Cody never said a word.

Now he hardly says anything to me.

I close my eyes and wait for my alarm to tell me it’s time to get up.

I get up and groan at the sight of my room. It’s been the base of our hangouts throughout the month since no one is throwing any parties anymore. I say that I’m complaining when it’s my fault. I keep doing it here in hopes of Cody showing up. He never does. I’m just glad my dad never goes in here not that I ever see him anyways.

The sky is a darker shade of sadness today. The drive to school makes it even worse. I just pass the nothing and emptiness this town brings. Elizabeth always talked about how much she hated Darkwood. Now that she’s gone I can see where she’s coming from. This town is cursed just like the legend says.

Chris Larsen is standing in the middle of the school’s parking lot staring at the sky. I’m guessing LSD is the choice of drug today. “Hey, Chris!” I welcome him as I walk by him. He ignores me as usual and continues on my way. Sara is waiting for me on one of the concrete block seats near the entrance of the school. “Morning, hoe.”

Sara giggles and puts the phone she’s been playing within her pocket then look up. She moves her black and blue hair out of her face, “Lucas is really pressing me to hang out with him more,” she sighs.

“Remind me, why are you torturing yourself again?”

Sara gets up and adjusts her long black sleeves to cover over her hands. “You know why.”

“Right, because it’s 2012 and it’s still wrong to be gay.”

“Ems!”

She’s right. The situation is complicated. Regardless, Sara is my best friend and I have to stick with her. We always walk to class together but before that, we hang out at the top of the stairs on the second floor. We’ve been here since sophomore year when our group solidified. Before that it was just Cody, Chris and I. Now it’s usually just Andrew and Chris that stop by.

“Y’know, Gracie is too innocent to be hanging out with us. I don’t know why you keep inviting her to stuff,” Sara says leaning on the stair rail.

“And leave her to be devoured by the wolves?”

“Kind of hard to avoid them.”

Grace asked why I invited her to be my friend a couple of days ago. What I told Sara is what I told her. Grace didn’t understand. “Simply put you won’t survive alone.”

I think I was lying. I think that I still am. If left alone, Grace will be corrupted like everyone else in Darkwood. But that won’t stop it, the corruption is inevitable. Not even Elizabeth could run from it. The least I can do is lessen the corruption. It’s the least I could after I let Elizabeth go too far into the deep.

Grace sits with us during lunch again. Andrew and Chris are nowhere to be found today. I don’t even expect Cody to show up. Isaac is with us today which he tries to at least once a week. “Should I get contacts?” Grace asks.

“You mean you haven’t thought about it?” Sara asks.

“I don’t like touching my eyes.”

I giggle. “You’re fine the way you are.”

“Well that’s a lie,” she laughs. Gracie is a dork and a nerd but she’s alright. Right now she’s just trying to fit in. “Maybe one day my body will actually grow up.”

Grace’s underdeveloped body is what sets her apart from everyone. She thinks just because Elizabeth died in front of her everyone is outcasting her but it’s because nobody believes she goes to this school. They’re uncomfortable with her.

Andrew suddenly slams his hands on the table. “Big news!” He sits down. The guy knows no rest. “Do not believe a word that bitch Megan says.”

“What’s going on?” I ask.

“Bitch is spreading rumors that I got Elizabeth pregnant and that’s the reason why she killed herself in front of the 12-year-old.” Andrew doesn’t know when to hold back, he doesn’t ever let his grin fade either. He’s such a dick.

“Why is she saying that?”

“Megan found out that Ellie was pregnant when she died. That hoe was too scared of a kid,” Andrew laughs.

“Don’t laugh you fucking asshole,” Sara punches him.

I know what they’re all thinking but won’t say. Everyone knows Elizabeth cheated on Cody with Andrew. If Andrew didn’t get her pregnant, that it was Cody. This new information brings the heaviness in my chest. I don’t like this feeling because it always brings in an anxiety attack. I try not to focus on it but it never works. If this is true then it explains why Cody is being so distant.

I text him and hope he will respond this time.

It’s the opening football game in Darkwood against the nearest town. We all decide to go together and we sit on the top of the bleachers to get the best view of the game. By half time the game has been decided and Andrew leaves to the opposing team’s side. He always does this to hit on the girls over there. Chris doesn’t bother to show up to games as he’s always too deep in his mind to ever enjoy them. It just leaves me with Sara and Grace although I leave them soon after as well.

Cody decided to show up but doesn’t sit with us. Instead, he just stands in the sidelines so I’m forced to follow him so I can finally talk to him. “Where have you been?”

Cody looks at me. He’s lost his glow in his eyes. I can’t imagine the pain he’s been going through all alone. “Around,” he says.

“Not enough.”

“Sorry.”

“Why have you been avoiding me? I can help you y’ know, I don’t want you to suffer alone.”

Cody looks away to face the game. “I know, I just need some,” he pauses to sigh. “Time.”

The game starts again and Cody just stares at it. I just stare at my best friend. I want to ask him the question everyone’s been asking. Cody is the only person that knows the answer. “Cody…” I stop myself because I don’t want to stress him out.

I’m still afraid of what happened when Elizabeth and Cody broke up. I still remember his fury when he found out how much she was hiding from all of us. That’s when I truly knew the extent of her corruption. All the drugs, all the secrets, all the sins, and betrayals; I saw it all. Now that I think of it, that’s when he started to become distant.

“Do you feel guilty that you accidentally hit me?”

The man with a few words closes his eyes and nods slowly. “I don’t want to hurt you, Ems.”

I chuckle, “You didn’t hurt me, it was an accident. It’s no biggie.”

Cody looks at me again. I like it when he does. It reminds me that he’s still my friend, he’s still in my life. That’s all I ever needed. It reminds me that he still intends to keep his promise. “Do you remember when we were growing up and didn’t have all these stupid problems? All we did was play and not worry about tomorrow. I miss those days. Now all I can think about is how my mistakes can affect the future of others.”

“It’s not something you can control.”

“Y’know, everyone keeps asking me if I know why Ellie died. They keep asking me if I got her pregnant and if I pushed her too far. If we pushed her too far.”

“Do you?”

Cody shakes his head. “No. Nobody knows, but it doesn’t matter. It could be Andrew. It could have been Lyle. I don’t know what she was doing those last few weeks.”

Lyle, that’s a new name. I don’t know who that is.

“I just keep thinking that it’s my fault.”

“What makes you say that?” I ask.

“Think about it.”

I do and nothing comes up. Elizabeth wasn’t the type of person who would do what she did. None of us even knew she had a gun. Where did she get a gun? The more I think about it the more mysterious her death becomes. It was so out of the blue. Her corruption was so quick, she was pure before us. That’s it. “It’s our fault,” I answer. “She was Darkwood’s light because we fucked her up.”

The crowd roars. Our team just scored a touchdown. That was fast, I didn’t catch what happened. When I look back, I notice Grace is standing within earshot. Cody looks at her as well but ignores her.

“You get it now?”

“Are you talking about her?” Grace buts in. “I want to know what happened. No, I need to.”

Grace is the most lost out of all of us. She’s just a 14 year old who was traumatized by accident and doesn’t even know why. I feel bad for her, I can’t imagine what it was like.

“What’s there to know?” Cody tells her. “You’ve heard everything just now, didn’t you?

“Yeah, but I still don’t get it.”

“Elizabeth stood above us all. She didn’t smoke, didn’t do any drugs and the most she did was drink. We made her do all that stuff and she spiraled out of control with it. I think it was too much for her to handle in the end,” I tell Grace. She deserves to know.

“How bad did it get?”

“She chased the greatest high,” Cody tells her. He means meth. Cody found her with meth and that’s why he broke up with her. He got so angry he starts to break things in her house and I tried to stop him. That’s when I got hit. “Stray away from us, Grace.”

“How do you know my name?”

“Andrew and Chris told me.”

I drive Grace and Sara home when the game is over. Cody, Chris, and Andrew decided to stay and hang out with themselves. I still don’t quite fully understand how Cody and Andrew are still friends but they make a good pair.

I get home and my Dad is home for the first time in a while. I think it’s been a few weeks since I have seen him. He’s in the kitchen sobbing his eyes. I’ve never seen him cry so I don’t know what to do. I just stand there like an idiot and it takes like a minute for him to notice.

Dad stops his tears and wipes them away with his arm. “I got laid off. We’re going to lose the house if I don’t find another job soon.”

He’s always been blunt. It’s the one thing Mom never liked about him. It’s probably why they got divorced in the first place. “Dad, it’s okay…”

He shakes his head. “I’m just a failure. Couldn’t keep the job, couldn’t keep your sister from leaving with your mom, couldn’t keep her from leaving.”

Watching him, I don’t know, it breaks me a little. I feel my eyes swell up.

“I’ll buy you a flight to New York so you can be with them so you won’t have to be homeless.”

“No! I want to stay here. You’ll get another job, we’ll be fine!”

Dad gets up from his seat and stumbles. He’s been drinking. “I’m going to bed. Talk to you mom for me.” I watch him leave and a ball starts to form in my chest.

It’s coming back. I start to panic and pull out my phone. I need Cody to be here. I need to be with him. He’s the only one who can save me. The phone rings, and rings. He’s not gonna pick up. It rings and rings and then...

“Cody?” I ask.

There isn’t a response and just silence. Then I hear faint car noises on the other line. This is the first time he has answered his phone in three weeks, yet he isn’t saying anything. Why?

I can hear Chris’s faint voice slightly overpowering the cars. Then I hear Cody speak. “Yeah, hold on,” he says faintly. “Emily.”

“Cody…hi.”

“Hey, how…what’s up, Ems?” I can feel him smile. Maybe it’s his tone of voice; his soft, tender and soothing voice that he uses when he smiles.

“C-can you come over?”

“Is it urgent? Ems, what’s wrong?”

“I need it…like now. Just please…just come over,” I plead with my hands already shaking.

My eyes are drowsy. My mouth is dry. The world is spinning and is freezing and there’s nothing I can do about it. The pain starts to grow again.

“Yeah, sure. Don’t worry. It’ll all be alright, Ems. I promise you,” Cody spills words of pain in my ear.