February 24th.

Scouring my way through the butchered shortcut that Kawahara managed to discover which would essentially connect King George's room to the underground, I left the underground to do what I had to do.

King George has not been here for a very long time, I think. Could it be that he is gone for good? I hope so. I don't miss the times where I would just wake up in the middle of the dawn due to his painfully loud shouts.

Nonetheless, as soon as I crossed our dorm's main entrance and experienced the semi-chilly weather that was expanded throughout the atmosphere thanks to the current season of the dreadful winter, I was reminded of the only clue I had to find Yulia.

"Something about the usual would feel at disarray, right?"

Walking without a final destination, as I mindlessly walked, I kept on thinking about what Yulia could be mentioning.

...

By usual she's referring to that time where she said that the majority of us, our class students in general, would feel out of place right?

But if that's the case, then is she referring to places where our class would just feel at disarray?

"She did say something about how the girls refused to leave the dorms just because they didn't want to be viewed as criminals by the rest, I think. If so, then that means that she must be in a public place..."

After noticing how long this school is overall, I started to take immediate action by searching every public place in this school.

Noticeably, public places such as plazas, libraries, stores, and whatnot were my first assumptions yet after exploring the school as a whole and after being viewed by the other students from other classes who viewed me with a strange amount of paranoia, I arrived at the conclusion that I was wrong and that my assumption was incorrect from the start.

One of these days, I will find out what the main reason is for me to be viewed like this by the other students. Because thus far, it makes no sense at all. All I can form is baseless assumptions such as; they know my jail sentence, my unknown crimes or just about any stupid rumor that might've been spread about me.

That frustrated me a tad bit since I was stressing out considerably to find a certain person. Not only that, but interaction was strictly forbidden.

I didn't want to show Yulia that I wasn't trying at all, so, after searching the entirety of this school, well, the majority of it at least, I grasped the possibility of missing a certain place.

In order to think deeply furthermore, I took a seat and formed a napping position on a near-by bench.

Although the sky is cerulean, this weather is making me crawl right now. It's essentially impossible not to shake. Plus, just a single gust with my breath emits an ephemeral amount of shroud.

"I didn't miss any place at all. I would recognize her the moment I would see her and considering her appeal is far higher than anyone else, she was not there at all. Therefore, where?"

'The usual', initially, was something that was assumed to be the rest of my classmates, mainly the girls, but could it be that I have heavily misunderstood that?

To further my thinking, I put my hands behind the back of my head in order to avoid direct contact with the metal arm at the beginning of the bench.

"If it's not the girls, then who is she referring to as the usual? Us, the boys? Even if that's the case, where exactly would we just feel at disarray?"

Disarray implies disorganization for the most part, which would mean that we would feel massively disorganized in the place where Yulia is, yet what is that place even?

"I can enter just about any place in this school. Hell, I even entered the underground a while ago, what's the deal here? Ahh, as if there is a single place in this school that I can't enter. If I'm sneaky enough, I think I can even infiltrate the principal's office, even though I've never been there. Yep, as I thought, there really isn't a single place that I can't ent--- Oh..."

But then my brain suddenly clicked. There really was a single place in this school that I would generally not dare to enter.

"No, no... But why would she make such a reference...?"

I'm starting to doubt myself but my current assumption is too good to be doubted. Because my assumption is the only place where I would just not see myself walk into.

Not only do we still have to fulfill an unknown consequence for invading it but just the single thought of entering it while the respective consequence is yet to be applied is sounding incredibly dangerous to me.

"But what if...?"

Given that I've already explored any surroundings except the ones I can't obviously enter, the only place I can see myself missing and the only place where Yulia could freely be right now is...

"No, wait... Aren't the dorm supervisors supposed to forbid you from entering the dorm while you are having class? What sense does it make for Yulia to be there if she can't be there...?"

Unless... The supervisor isn't there. Could it be that they have some sort of schedule? If so, then Yulia could infiltrate the place if she knew that the supervisor isn't there.

Hinagiku once described the supervisor as kind, so there is also the chance of the supervisor allowing her to stay in the dorm.

"I guess it's worth checking it..."

Thus, I slowly returned to a crooked position while sitting in the middle of the metal bench. After yawning while crooked, I regained my posture and marched towards my intended location.

In the end, my insecurity about this kept on rising terrifyingly accurately every time I got closer to the intended location. If her supervisor is there, then how am I supposed to enter her dorm in the first place?

All of the other girls are busy attending class but not her. What if I encounter another girl from my class? What then? Will I be reported?

There's also nothing telling me that Yulia won't simply report me. In all essence, this is far more counterproductive than productive yet I must make it work.

"Talk about nice. Just by looking at this place, I already regret sleeping in such a haunted dorm."

The girls' dorm is far more superior to ours in just about every aspect. The architecture structure is more appealing. On the outside, it seems constantly clean and there isn't a single scrap of trash swirling around the entrance which just contradicts ours.

To further contrast our dorm, this looks like a mini-mansion for princesses to take shelter. Ah, the white-colored pattern mixed with a fantastical shred of blue reflects such a beautiful scene.

Isn't this overkill though? Did the person or people who built this dorm have some sort of issue against the opposite gender or boys in general? Why no equality?

"I wonder if it's open..."

My biggest worry right now, on top of getting denounced by the security cameras is finding this luxurious tall golden door locked.

What this would mean is the following: I most likely had no way to enter this dorm at all.

"Oh.."

It's open though. Just by rotating the door hold, I found my way to enter this dorm. My biggest worry right now would be if I instantly encountered the dorm supervisor.

Speaking of which, I've actually never seen what she looks like. I've only ever heard of her existence.

Yet as soon as I let the door fully unfold itself, I only saw a clean hall ahead of me. There was a small desk in the middle of the hall, which I assumed was the same as King George's. Therefore, that would be where the supervisor would be, but, she's not here.

Now, the biggest question. Where is Yulia in the middle of all of this? Where to start searching?

"Should I just shout her name?"

No, that's a really stupid idea. I should not attract any attention at all. What if the supervisor is here secretly?

And why am I suddenly fearing their supervisor? I get that I might've caught some sort of PTSD from King George, but this is just sorrowful.

This reminds me, back in the invasion, I was at the top of the dorm, which was my table partner's room. Should I check her room?

How funny would that be? What if she secretly is all childish and has just a ton of fluffy things in her room?

God, I would laugh so fucking much. But...

"I need to find her..."

With that said, I slowly walked into the first floor by climbing the stairs at the end of the entrance hall. While avoiding making any noise, on each floor, there were doors for sure.

However, firstly, I would check if there was a single door open, otherwise, Yulia might just be flat out creeped out if she saw me acting like a stalker.

This isn't stalking though. She gave me consent. This cannot be labeled as stalking. Please understand that, universe.

"No door open, it seems."

I murmured those words almost silently. With that said, I moved on to the second floor.

Realistically speaking, checking the rooms entirely would be something that is completely possible. Or at least checking if they are open or not.

On the other hand, since all of us were given keys to our rooms on the first day, I hardly imagine that anyone would just leave their rooms open. It's pure idiocy.

This is why I think that if you are alone in this dorm, right now, you wouldn't bother to leave the door open.

There are only three floors above the second one.

Man, this sweet aroma of lycoris is magnificent. If only we could receive a damn EQUAL treatment too.

Though, my previous repulsive thought instantly vanished as soon as I saw a semi-open door at the end of the hallway. Surely, I was still at the beginning of the hallway yet the semi-open door completely caught my utter attention.

Now...

I wasn't going for it. Nor was I going to make it obvious that I am here, at least. Not by walking into it. Not by making my presence be known.

Firstly, I need to confirm where she is.

Thus, in order to start working, I pulled out my cellphone and decided to text her. In the middle of this, I took a seat against the wall that was at the beginning of the hallway, with my legs fully extended forwardly.

『Are you there?』

It took her a while to reply. Which made me wonder what exactly she was doing. Was she openly ignoring me in order to tease me or was she actually busy?

Taking the situation into consideration, I would deem the most obvious answer to be the first one.

『It's been an hour... 』

It really has been. But that's because you bothered to be so secretive about this.

『I know. It could've been less than five minutes if you have just told me where you were in the first place though.』

『I'm not telling you where I am. Give up already. Use this time to think about your dumb decision.』

It's not dumb though. However, there's little to almost no point in arguing about that, seriously.

『I've made my decision actually. You are right about it. But I still need to have my saying. I told you that you were right and I was wrong. I wasn't kidding about that.』

Not really. Yet, to further portray my message, I sent the decisive text in the same chain.

『I'm at the cafeteria. Can you come and meet me? I admit. I have no idea where you are. I've tried to think about it, but I can't form a single assumption about it. You win.』

I bet she's smirking right now. Who wouldn't? Nobody likes to lose and everyone likes to win.

『Give me 3 minutes. I'll be there in no time.』

She said. I put my phone in the back of my pocket and held my head down while pretending to be asleep.

It really wasn't much of an act, but once you are completely focused onto something then, sometimes, it will completely slip your mind to take caution or just pay any sort of attention to your surroundings.

Three minutes is essentially the amount of time it takes for a person from here, in this current location, to get to the cafeteria. A correct measure of time, honestly.

However, all in all, there are times where you are just so focused that you even forget to pay attention to everything except the one thing you are focused on.

She's not an exception to this it seems. Because she just went past me.

Although I couldn't see her since my head was crooked down, as soon as she started descending down the staircase, I spoke out.

"Yulia."

This time, I did look at her, however, she was still looking forward. Also, my voice was far too monochrome. I almost sounded hollow.

Which is not a surprise since that was the whole intention.

Still in the same gym clothes, I see.

"You lied to me just now."

Yulia still did not look in my direction as she said those words in a weak tone. Perhaps she couldn't even look at me. Furthermore, she's prioritizing the fact that I lied to her instead of questioning how I'm even here.

Or maybe she formed a hypothesis regarding how I'm here? Either way, it doesn't matter.

"Sorry. But, I was here and you didn't even notice me. That's impressive."

It seriously is. How do you not notice that a boy is sitting against the back of a wall on the same floor that you live in?

Though, I've already formed my reasoning on why she couldn't notice my existence.

"That's because I seriously believed in you. But you lied... again."

Am I secretly a compulsive liar? I wonder.

"But hey, you're surprised aren't you? Wouldn't it just be entirely anti-climatic to go back to the same place? Talk about no originality coming from me. Yet, here I am. In your dorm."

This is somewhat questionable because she might still be prioritizing my lie over the fact that I planned a surprise. Well, overall, I wouldn't admit defeat, but I could've done so earlier.

Regardless, Kawahara's words are still on the back of my mind. How I have to act like Yulia's crush on me is a fact and not a possibility. If that's the case, then I will act like that.

"I don't care about that. If you are here, you should have just told me that."

It appears that she still values actual information over the fact that if I stated my existence here, I would be labeled as a creep.

Maybe not by her though.

"I am here though."

I said that with a little laugh behind to light up the mood a bit since it was so heavy.

"It's too late to say that..."

She still refuses to face my direction for some reason, but I will not move from my position right now.

If I force certain actions, then they will backfire. Dealing with a person that's a stick of living dynamite in terms of emotions that way will produce only negative results.

"Is it though? Aren't I here with a reason though?"

"You said something about me being right and you being wrong. Were you joking about that? Was that another one of your lies?"

On the surface, no.

"It... took me a while to realize it. I forgot to take your feelings into consideration and focused on mine entirely. I complained about you not taking mine into consideration but isn't that normal though? I didn't take yours and you didn't take mine. That's equal treatment."

Perhaps the result would've been initially different if I simply had taken her feelings as a whole into consideration for once. Never did I try to perceive her side, the only thing I attempted to do was to force my own view and deep down, I hoped that she would side with me.

That's the essence of blind hope. Expect nothing but positive results. But, however, does that always work?

I don't think so.

"Furthermore, I was the one who mentioned about failing the exam and you were happy about that. I also failed to take that into consideration. Of course you would label that as an act of infidelity. Because I betrayed your expectations that were already set a stone. Ultimately, aren't I simply at fault here? This is why you are right and I am wrong. Because my actions and words have turned a full 180-degree spin which allowed them to contradict."

Her feelings for me, are something that I had no clue and still have no clue about them, but if Kawahara is right then I have nothing to fear.

After all, it does take more than just this to get this mad and affectionate about what I did.

"So you realize it."

"Yeah, I do."

Finally, she looked in my direction and thus, I rose my head back up which eliminated my previous crooked posture.

However, she did not ascend to my position and just stood in the middle of the stairs.

"And that means that you are not against my idea of failing the exam? Can I assume that?"

That would completely contradict my intentions and I had to let her know that she should not assume that.

Especially since Yulia is thinking that I've ultimately agreed to her idea and my initial idea of failing the exam.

"No, don't do that, please."

"What...? I don't understand. First, you admit your mistakes but then you say that you are going to keep the same action that you were not supposed to commit in the first place. Why bother to explain why you are wrong if you are just going to keep acting in the wrong?!"

There it is, the sudden burst of anger. Her emotions can go from 0 to 100 in such an instant.

But I'll have to deal with them. No, I'll have to embrace them, starting from now.

"I bothered to explain why I was wrong because I was wrong. However, I want the best for you and at the same time, I want to simultaneously respect your decision as well."

"No, you really don't. If you wanted the best for me, then you would just agree with me, because that would really, but really make me happy. Right now, I'm extremely sad, which is the opposite of happy, in case you haven't noticed. How can you disagree with me so much after all of this?! Plus, if you truly wanted to respect my decision then why are you still insisting? Do you think I like to argue for no reason? I argue to explain my reason but you flat out ignore it!"

Except I have noticed. Not thanks to my own reasoning, of course. But thanks to someone else.

If it wasn't for him, then I would not notice how the pieces are starting to connect one another. How the entirety of your being is linked to respective elements that you demonstrated to me throughout this whole event yet I ignored all of this.

In this scenario, without a doubt, I am the dumb one.

As I fiddled my front hair a bit with my right palm, I wondered about my next words. How I would respond to her sudden waterfall of emotions.

Being rude and saying my honest opinion is out of the question. My entirety and my individuality as a whole goes against her characteristics.

"Yulia, just now, you said that the best for you would be if I agreed with your take, however, I don't necessarily agree. It's true, I'm not showing respect to you if I don't agree with you. Yet, that's because I know what's best for you."

"Do you? If you did, then you would already know that your past words were entirely wrong..."

She's so right. They were truly wrong.

Because my past words did not relate to her at all, but my situation.

Maybe if I used my mind right, in a perspective where I could see the good in that situation, maybe then, I would've noticed the flaw.

The flaw being, I didn't care.

Right now though, I'll show you what it means to care.

"Yes, they were wrong. But I still remain right. I do know what's best for you. And failing the exam certainly isn't the best for you. Which is why I've thought and thought about a way. A way where you can pass the exam while still being happy about this."

It did require a bit of time, but as I was exploring the school, I've arrived at a simple conclusion.

After this exam is done, what's the point of our connection? Do we just wait for another moment where we will have an excuse to be together? We aren't the type of people that just keep in contact with one another for no reason at all.

That's why, a reason to exist, must be created.

"There isn't a way though...."

"There is!"

My loud sudden shout echoed throughout the whole dorm, I think. And surely, it surprised Yulia in the process.

However, I couldn't stop here. Not now.

"I don't want you to fail the exam because if you do, then you are just accumulating supply exams and a plethora of consequences to follow that up. It might sound like child's play now, but this isn't something to fuck with. This sense of security you have right now is entirely false and it will crumble as time goes on. Which is why you have to pass this exam. Not me, but you."

"But I don't want to!"

"Why though? Why do you not want to? Explain to me that. I need to know the truth."

Kawahara's assumption aside, it's far more important if I know the truth and right now, the mood dictates that she's bursting with so many emotions that holding up to them anymore will only backfire.

Plus, Yulia's not someone who can just hide her emotions. She's not a liar too. Lying wasn't always an option for her, if it was ever.

"You'll not understand. Why bother to say it? I'm speaking to a puppet right now. You keep saying exam this, exam that, but you can't take your mind off it, can you? It's just not in you, you know?"

Truth to be told, if Kawahara hadn't told me about this and how dense I supposedly am, then I would've kept on insisting with the exam.

Essentially, that's still what I am doing, however, with an ulterior motive.

"It wouldn't be possible, but I realized something strange a while ago. Maybe it just clicked. Well, still, why not say it? While it's true that I do care about the exam, can't you see why I care about the exam? What were my last words to you?"

If Yulia's too blind to notice, I did drop a hint. Yet amidst her emotional burst, there is a slim chance of her not noticing it.

And besides, she isn't showing any signs of calming down.

"You said that it was for me and not for you, but I don't believe that. It's just one of your tricks. You constantly lie to me. What, do you expect me to believe every single thing you tell me? You would like to, but if you lie to me over and over then it's only normal that I will suspect you. Plus, you don't actually give me a reason to believe you in the first place!"

"So you need a reason for me to believe my words? Is that what you are saying? That without a reason, a reason that you automatically can get behind with, you can't believe me."

Credibility comes with a reason, so her argument actually makes full sense. If you believe every single thing then you are either massively stupid or soft-hearted. There's no in-between.

Reason for believing has been a thing through many centuries.

"Yes, that's what I'm saying. Give me just a single reason for me to believe you because right now, I really want to, but I just can't! And besides, how is passing the exam suddenly more important to me than you? What?"

Her first request aside, I can actually explain why it's more important for me that she passes than my own passage.

Though, that's actually not true in the first place.

"It's more important to me because I can help you pass the exam. After this exam, I don't know if I can. Nothing tells me that I will have a direct connection to you or maybe you'll just cut me off. Something like that. Not being in power to help, essentially. How can I help you in the future if I'm not there? How can I be of use if I can't show you any utility? Think about that. I care so much, not about the situation, but your entirety that I'm willing to explain why it's more important for me that you pass this exam than me."

"Huh? Wait, what did you just s-"

Yulia wanted to ask me about something but I had to keep going. It would be bad if my point went to a misdirecting tide.

"Throughout my life, I've managed to turn situations of losing into winning by putting my mind into it. That's essentially the most basic trick. These exams aren't that much of a deal if I take them seriously, in all likelihood. However, you aren't in the same position as I am. Not even close. Fuck, you even need my help constantly. What is this shit? Can't you take care of yourself?"

And just as she looked ready to burst more emotional vents onto me, I took the step forward.

"That's why I've come to the conclusion that you need me. Not because you want to depend on me, but because you need to depend on me. But, aren't you tired of that? Do you not want to depend on me without feeling the need to depend on me? Doesn't dependence intoxicate you?"

Nobody truly enjoys depending on others fully. Sure, there are people that enjoy dependence to a considerable high degree, but when you feel useless without that dependence you slowly begin to hate it.

It can't be helped, it's a natural way to feel. To seek means to abandon something.

"I don't need you though. Why are you acting all high and mighty? Don't think just because you are my partner right now that I need you. It's just a coincidence."

And this is where I fabricate the best lie of all. The birth of reason.

"It's not a coincidence though. Do you think I'm dumb?"

"What?"

"I could have had a greater partner if I wanted to. All I had to do was to run slow and bam. It wasn't hard to guess that it would turn out to be this way. Nevertheless, if I already knew all of this, why would I go out of my way to be paired up with you? Why didn't I allow another one to take my place?"

A reason that would connect all of the hints entirely.

Her feelings for me are somewhat relevant, but not right now. Only when I start to fabricate my own, will her remaining feelings be completely relevant.

Right now, it's far too premature to simply let her explain her feelings to me. Since the order for this implies that I have to go out of my way, then I will go all out.

"What? Did you feel sorry for me, was that it? You felt so much pity for me and you decided to pity someone you never knew? All this time, you've tricked me! You're fucking horrible, you know? I hate people like you, for the record. Throughout my life, I've met plenty of trash, but this is the first time that I've met such a piece of trash like you. Congratulations, I'm never trusting someone ever again!!"

And of course, why would you not assume all of this? Some guy just basically tells you that he literally set you up from the start without your knowledge and that he pretended to care for you all along.

Except where exactly did I tell you that I pretended to care? Aren't you assuming things a little bit too far? But, considering her emotional condition, it's fairly natural, I suppose.

"You're assuming things. I... really don't like that. At least let me finish before you attempt to demolish me."

"Why should I? It's pretty obvious what your intentions were. All of us are criminals and have criminal records. Of course trusting a guy with 1000 years of jail to fulfill would naturally backfire. I was seriously dumb. Ah, but I must thank you. Probably thanks to you, I'll never be dumb in my life again. You have taught me something precious, Daniel. Which is not to trust anyone!"

Again with the assumptions. This is seriously getting on my nerves. But it was bound to happen, was it not?

"You've got something wrong though. What I did wasn't because I saw you as a target for anything of what you just said. Initially, I had no intentions. I knew that I could put myself safely, but I didn't. Because I thought it would be fun to put myself in a position where I was already behind and still win. What's the point of winning an easy victory? I dislike easy wins. Something that I have to go out of my way to earn for is far more worth it."

You, for example.

And gradually, she is starting to take small steps while getting closer to my location.

"Even if that's the case, it doesn't add up, because you would be paired up with someone that had inferior physic. Therefore, your plan completely backfired. My flaws will cost you this exam and there is nothing you can do about it."

"Your flaws, that which you realize that drags you down all the time, in order to evolve, just by being aware of them, you are taking a new step. Creating a new page. However, you don't do anything about it. No, I'm not talking about your physic, I'm talking about your emotional outbursts and how you refuse to just accept my opinion unless it somehow entwines with yours."

If you view yourself as useless, then to you, you are useless. And vice-versa.

To the outside world, in a world of miscellaneousness, that's not the case. However, those who know themselves the best will never accept any different opinions regarding them, especially when they are just in the middle of the remaining 7 billion.

However, if it's one in a billion, a person that exists at that moment, then, the case could alter.

"Where are you getting at?! You're not making any sense, you know? If your aim was to drag yourself down along with me, then what for? You're just going to fail too."

"My aim was never to drag myself down with you though. My aim was to take you higher."

Yes.

"And furthermore, not only now, but for as long as I can. Because, after this, I will not be able to, under normal circumstances and that's eating me. It's eating me because I am powerless in the upcoming scenarios yet not this one. That's why let's win. I'll win for you and you'll win for yourself. We don't have to lose for no reason."

I already know why she wants to lose. However, she will not tell me why though. Unless, of course, you are constantly pressured to tell me why.

Unlike direct confrontations, I have not constantly asked her why she wants to lose, I just stated why I want her to win and that it doesn't make any sense for her to lose here in any circumstance.

That is, of course, unless, there is a reason for her to be fine with losing.

We were a bit closer to one another. Only about four steps would be all it would take for us to get together, physically. Yet I was at the top while she was at the bottom thus far.

"You... I can't take you anymore. You don't understand why I want to lose, do you?"

"How am I supposed to know something I don't know? It's virtually impossible."

That's why, in order to let me understand, you'll have to subtly explain it to me. Nevertheless, I wonder how she will go about it.

Will it be a straight confession or do I have to take that step myself?

"I'm starting to not see the point in explaining it to you now. I'm holding my breath on it so to speak. After all, I gain more here than you do. You might see this as cowardice, but I'm not telling you."

That really is a coward act, but I will not let that be the case.

"I explain my reasons but you don't explain yours? You're right, that's extremely coward. Weren't you the one who said something about infidelity, Yulia? What happened to that? Why are you doing the same thing?!"

I put a more aggressive tone this time, which contradicted my usual monochrome voice.

"So I'm betraying your expectations, is that what you are saying?"

"Yeah, that's right! You are doing just that. Here I am, explaining why I want the best and the world for you, but then you give me those words? That's not fair. Tell me the reason, Yulia. And don't think that I'm not gonna care for it. I've come this far by caring. If I didn't care at all, then would I even be here? Hell, I wouldn't bother with you in the first place. Yet here I am."

Yulia has to see just how not different what she's doing compared to what I previously did. If we do the same actions but with different intentions, then we can't possibly come into a consensus.

I'm also fed up with this plethora of drama and meaningless misunderstandings.

Yet as I look to her face, she looks like she's in so much pain. Her eyes remain there but to me, it's like they are ready to cry an ocean of tears.

"I don't care anymore, I'll just say it. I held back on my opinion because I thought that you didn't care but according to you, you do care. However, I'm still not sure if I should believe that. You might be dead to me depending on how you respond to this or how you tend to portray your future actions. Even so, do you want to listen to the reason? The reason why I want to lose this badly?"

Alas, we've reached the final hour. After all of this nonsensical drama, could it be that we are about to arrive at the desired conclusion?

It's all up to me, essentially.

"Tell me all of it. I'm here not because I'm pretending to be here, I'm here because I care."

After my serene-toned voice allowed my words to fly to Yulia, I granted her permission and a reason to speak about it.

Two steps away now. Our distance isn't far at all, in fact; close.

".......Wouldn't it be nice if we could stay like this through the whole year? We could talk so much and just have fun together! Not to mention, we could help each other! But right now... I don't like this. I don't like how we essentially argue all the time. It's sickening. I want it to end."

She's not being fully blunt about it, which is expected. Instead, she's dropping small hints.

I see. Yulia has not come to terms with her feelings. Either that or Kawahara is wrong. However, this isn't the time for self-doubt.

This calls for decisions to be made.

"That's true. We could talk to each other so much throughout the whole year. If you are paired up with me and I am paired up with you, it could mean that. There's no doubt there. You're also right. We do argue all the time. Why is that though?"

"We... struggle to understand each other because we keep on defending our points. Your views are different. It can't be helped. But... if our views are different all the time, then will we ever stop arguing...? We... won't, will we?"

Surely, if perspectives differ, then arguments are formed. If points remain unconnected to other partial points, then doubt is created. Ultimately, how can understanding be different from a reality that is only visible from a faraway shore?

It has to connect, all of it.

"We can put an end to that. You and me. We can do it."

"How though...? Don't our views just significantly differ all the time?"

"That's because we are stubborn in defending our points. It's a defensive mechanism. That mechanism is used against those who you deem is wrong. However, do we have to feel that way about one another? What does it matter if we are wrong? Why don't we strive to correct ourselves, in a way that we can both agree?"

Slowly, she climbed yet another step. Only one step is our distance right now.

"But how can we agree with each other? Aren't we just prone to argue every time?"

Essentially, yes. However, it's important to fight back against the way things are settled in order to create anew.

"We can agree with each other by accepting each other. Mutual acceptance so to say. That's how we will stop arguing. We have to share everything with one another and then, no more arguments. No more rounds of endless drama. No more sections of doubt and curtain shows of anxiety. All of it, together."

I also do realize what I am implying.

Although you can just label this as friendship, if there are stronger feelings involved, then that's a really lackluster endeavor. Because her strong feelings will be the deciding factor here.

"Don't say those words... You... have no idea what you are saying, do you? You're just saying those words to resonate logic within me, but they are really irresponsible. You should know this."

Yeah, I do know.

How irresponsible these words really are. However, you aren't taking the step here, even though I'm leaving you hints.

You are also leaving me hints yet I'm slowly but surely advancing. But at this rate, it will not work. It won't be enough.

Something decisive needs to convey all my words in one singular move. Otherwise, this will all just be words. Words only have effect when their meaning is portrayed, otherwise, they are shallow.

"I do intend on taking responsibility. For as long as I can continue to exist."

"Hm?"

She's puzzled by my words, but that's fine.

With a quick impulse, I pulled my body back up and faced her.

Never in my mind did I imagine this to be a moment where I would say these words with actual meaning, but such is the case. It's necessary.

"Do you know how I feel about you?"

"What... are you talking about?"

And now, she's attempting to force me into revealing what I truly am saying.

Will words alone convey my thoughts and needs? They won't.

Actions do the finishing moves while words begin the initiation of the momentum and right now, the climax is here.

"Oh, what? You don't...? Hm, I see. Then.. I guess it must be this way."

"H-Huh?!"

Our distance is fairly close right now. She doesn't need to take a step forward for this to happen since I'll happily take that step myself.

And in a heartbeat, a swift connection between our lips was made. Not transient yet not everlasting, just the right amount of time necessary.

Something I never imagined doing happened, which is surprising in all senses.

What would be bad for me is if I allow the silence that was formed after the kiss to overpower me.

"I love you."

She seemed to be away for a moment as she kept on looking in my direction while in a state of daze.

Perhaps it was her first time?

Once again though, the silence would become bad to me, thus, I took yet another step forward.

"This is how we will be together. I'm not sure if you share the same sentiment and I am ready for rejection, however, this is the way I've found. I'm sorry it has to be this way."

The connection between my lips and her luscious lips is still replaying in the back of my mind. Who knew that such a powerful moment created from an argument could be this exciting?

Yet showing actual excitement here would backfire essentially.

In the end, even after saying those words, she did not spoke. All Yulia did was to firmly look down while grabbing my black jersey with her own two hands, softly.

"I understand your desire to stay with me throughout the whole year. But, all this time, I've felt a stronger desire, you see. Seeing you fail would mean that you are closer to fail the program as a whole. I can't allow that. Otherwise, your entirety will be gone. Do you realize why I want to win now? This isn't exactly for myself, as I've mentioned."

While the feeling of love could be viewed as selfishness, my action to her, is the following: I am doing what I am doing because I don't want her to fail. I've already thought of Kawahara's words regarding the second formula and I've come up with a decent plan.

Yulia's way too insecure about herself to take the lead here, therefore, someone with extreme confidence such as myself is the perfect individual for this occasion.

Regardless, I'm still ready to get rejected. I can simply just accept that Kawahara was wrong and I can move on. Or maybe she'll just reject me out of fear.

Either way, I'm only looking forward to the result and what her thoughts are.

"In addition to my feelings, there is a really stupid reason why I haven't bothered to tell you sooner. This might've been selfish of me, but I wanted you do possibly feel the same way as me, so I allowed the events to escalate. I hope you can forgive---"

"I don't care about that..."

At last, she looked at me, but instead of carrying a normal facial expression, her expression was a lachrymose one. Tears were firmly falling down from her eyes as they streamed down to her cheeks.

"You don't?"

"No... I... adore you. No, I love you! But I'm no different. I'm the terrible one here. I did everything for the sake of just being with you. I've disagreed with your takes just so I could have a better chance of being with you and that is why I still want to lose...!"

She's holding my jersey tightly as if she doesn't want to let go and it seems that she truly does regret her selfish actions in spite of it all.

Of course she does. After all, it was for the purpose of pursuing her crush. She might've imagined something like developing further feelings for me as I've would start to develop feelings for her slowly.

That's certainly possible. However, Kawahara was the one who woke me up to the reality that she loves me.

"There still another reason why I think we should win. I haven't explained it to you, but I guess I can now. I do want to be with you, however, why are we prioritizing the seats?"

"Because then we will be together forever?"

Those words literally created a fissure of exhilaration in my heart straight up.

That sudden burst of excitement consumed me insanely fast.

"We already will be. That's why it's meaningless."

"N-No, it's not! We can be together and still be seated together throughout this! Even when it's over, I'll still convince the teachers!"

But that implies that I will lose the exam. That can't literally happen.

All of this is for a singular purpose only and thus, going against the tide is not an option.

Her tears which are overflowing are making me skeptical about my upcoming decision, but I can't allow these thoughts to consume me.

Emotion only blinds.

"Yulia, it's alright. We have to pass the exam. The idea that I've come up with is that we pass the exam and that we will be together regardless. Can't you see? This is our mutual acceptance. Screw some seats. We will have way more time than that."

"B-But... I really just want to... be together with you......"

Her voice started to slowly fade away while looking at me with condensing eyes.

Furthermore, her grip kept on increasing as she pressed her head into my chest.

"We can't be together unless we pass every exam. Remember what I told you about that sense of security that failing one exam is fine? It's fake. Youll get addicted to failure. Once you fail and see nothing wrong in it, then you are destined to fail again and again. That's how it works. I won't allow you to experience that."

Although, you can always rise up from below to above if your will is strong.

But that's the thing. Is your will strong?

Not in this case, Yulia.

"Can't you allow me to be selfish here...?"

"Definitely not. This isn't me rejecting your take, I'm giving you a stronger option. It's far more worth it. This is my way of caring for you. After this, even though we will be on different seats, you'll always be on the back of my mind."

Hardly true since I'm always gonna have to worry about the upcoming exams. My survival is the most essential part of this.

"Ahhhh.... Alright. Alright. Alright! I get it, I really do. Just... a second, please."

"Ah, okay."

I can't break my attitude right now, or else I'll feel massive embarrassment. Just hold on for a bit longer, self.

And Yulia asked me to give her a second to wipe out her remaining tears since this was all a bit sudden.

Was it sudden though? I feel like I did the necessary preparations though.

"I know that you and Lus talk from time to time."

When did you notice that? Also, they are literally the sourest arguments ever. To call those arguments 'talk' is a heavy misconception and lack of understanding from your part.

The worst part would be if she thinks I'm flirting with her. Because that's really not the case.

Don't judge our relationship based on our proximity, please.

"I don't care about her. I only have eyes for you, sorry."

"I-I see! Still, don't talk to her. Or any girl in general. Unless the situation absolutely requires you to, or I'll get mad."

Bros before hoes is my middle name so I'll prioritize a bro talk with a bro instead of talking with the random hoes.

Yulia has nothing to worry about.

"Also, this is just between us. Don't tell this to anyone, please."

"Yeah, I know, I know. Why would I tell this to anyone though?"

"I don't know... I just... don't want others to know it. We should be like this in private. Because others don't have any business meddling in."

So that's her reason. That's something I actually agree with though.

"I agree. This is something between us, not other people. I never understood why people just share their relationship status with other people. Others don't matter at all, as you are my only priority."

For now, you are.

"Y-You too! I feel the same way about it too! If you love someone then you should reaaaalllyyy only hold your hopes for that person, shouldn't you?"

"Y-Yeah!"

I'm really starting to lose my strength to keep this act. Because her charms are dragging me into being enveloped with her at this rate. And that can't happen at all.

Therefore, I need to change the subject.

With that in mind, I proposed to Yulia that we would go and have lunch, since then, I would explain to her my plan of action for tomorrow in the upcoming exam.

Now that she had sided with me, 50% of the exam was essentially already conquered.

Her cooperation was the necessary 50% and the rest 50% will be important too.

However, above all, what actually only matters, in the end, is winning.

In order to win, you have to survive and live to see yourself winning and never lose.

No matter the cost, victory is always above.

No matter what.