《Classroom of Doom》Volume 1 - Chapter 5: Paranoia, Lust, Lies and Arguments.

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After my strident speech, it was time.

Firsts and foremost, this was only possible because the girls have the audacity to leave their dorm open.

It's as if they are saying: 'Come on in, we are not afraid of you.'

Fine by me, bitches.

"Um, how exactly are we gonna do this though?"

An excellent question came in from Rayazaki.

"The girls' dorm isn't that different from ours. If you look at it from the outside, it resembles the same structure as ours. In other words, we should act as if we were in our dorms since they most likely have the same structure."

Out of spite I almost assumed that this rat Sagasuga managed to sneak into Tateyana's room somehow, therefore he knew this all along, but I won't assume much since he is most likely correct on that.

"So if we are going to move around like we were in our dorm, shouldn't our strategy be the following: We each will investigate the five floors to see if Kuzan is there, right?"

Quite the simple strategy coming in from Akihiko, I just had to slightly disagree.

"No, we have to investigate places where Kuzan could be hiding without being dead in the first place. There is no way that Kuzan is hiding in a girls' room. Think about it. It's Kuzan we're talking about here."

"True, I mean, no way that virgin manages to get laid somehow, hahah."

While that was completely unrelated and uncalled for, we were simply stating out loud that there is no way possible that Kuzan is hiding within any girls' room. Which means...

"Before we enter, I think that we should all agree onto something. We have to search for any place that isn't the girls' room."

"Weird, you were passionate about confronting the girls and now-"

"My words still stand."

I had to correct Rayazaki's assumption before he assumed something utterly stupid.

Not wasting any more time, we approached the door. From here on, we had to talk extremely low.

I would've liked to have practiced hand signals ahead of time, but no way that was possible.

Also, I was wrong.

The girls never left the door open.

The door which was open, was only open because the lock was broken.

In other words, this should serve as evidence that someone infiltrated the girls' dorm through physical force.

"No doubt, someone broke in."

In the middle of the silent atmosphere, Tsudo reminded us that we were searching for someone who could do such things without making much of a mess.

Right after, I made hand signals for my comrades.

Fortunately, they immediately understood what I meant.

I raised my hand with a 5 signal.

Rayazaki with a 4 signal.

Sagasuga with a 3 signal.

Tsudo with a 2 signal.

Lastly, Akihiko raised a single index finger to symbolize the number 1.

Also, I fucking swear if Sagasuga chose the third floor because Tateyana happens to live in there, then I will brand him.

Before departing, I had to say something.

"Listen, we don't need to wait for one another to meet up. When you are done investigating your respective floor, then move the fuck out. We can't risk being caught."

Hopefully, they did not understand my actual intention here.

I then extend a massive brofist for the gang to bump.

They all bumped.

Thus, we all departed.

1st floor, Akihiko's side.

Unlike our class' calling order that Basara-sensei does every morning, each room is alphabetically ordered.

Plus, there are 12 girls in our class.

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It makes no goddamn fucking sense for there to be 5 floors. As I thought, the structure really is different.

Meaning that one of the floors is most likely just a proxy floor. In other words, one of us has the better odds of finding Kuzan than the rest. Furthermore, the only similar thing about our dorm is the outside structure, the inside structure is completely different.

I know I shouldn't talk out loud, but...

"Maaaan, what a drag... This all could've been solved way earlier if that bastard Kawahara had teamed up. We basically wasted more than an hour just to form this team! Imagine if we had formed a team from the get-go..."

Of course, even though I talked out loud, I did it as silent as possible.

"Also, why are they always bothered by the fact that I talk alone? Is it mandatory for you to speak to another person instead of yourself? It makes no sense... If you want to talk you should just talk..."

My inner complaints aside, something caught my attention.

As I was venturing through the floor, I took notice of one disturbing thing.

A door was open.

What shocked me more was who came out of it.

Sana.

What the hell!?

Why Sana?!

Her name starts with 'S' not fucking 'A'!

In a quick beat, I decided to hide inside the pantry that was right next to me.

At the same time, while entering it, I made some noise.

"Hmmmmmmmmmm? Did I hear something...?"

Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap.

Okay, confession time. I have anxiety.

Haha, who the fuck doesn't!?

"Yep. No doubt. Someone is here. Gotta grab my knife."

Oiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!

You damn lost cause, stop misunderstanding the situation and go back to sleep!

Actually, she isn't misunderstanding the situation at hand. But she has no idea that a boy is here!

It was then that I noticed...

There was a small black pack on the floor of this pantry.

As an attempt to completely hide, I grabbed the black pack and buried myself into a small corner that was completely hidden due to the other cleaning accessories.

"Knock knock. Who's there? Nobody? That's wrooooooooong. There is me!"

I am fucking terrified!

No more!

Did this lunatic seriously play a knock-knock joke right now?! On top of that, it had such a cryptic answer!

Wait...

No way.....

OH MY GOD!

"Please don't kill me! Please don't kill me! Please don't kill me! Please don't kill me!"

I really tried to not say that out loud, but a small squeak came out.

It didn't bother me to an absurd extent that Sana is holding a long knife in her right hand while smiling like a creep. It did bother me, but what truly bothered me to a whole new level was that she was sleepwalking.

Please, this is too sad! You're obviously never going to get married now!

"Huhhhhh? Wait....... I forgot my hammer... I'll be right back, I guess!"

What the fuck woman!

Hammer my ass! You certainly need a hammer to fix your loose screws in your damn head, sure!

Crap, crap!

I have no idea what I should do in this situation!

Calm down, calm down.

She is returning now. That's right. She took distance from her room in order to come here. Plus, she is sleepwalking, which means that she can't see me. I mean, she had her eyes closed, okay!?

It should work in theory!

But what then? What if she suddenly opens her eyes and decides to ghost me?

I'm seriously not fit for this type of situation... I know that what I did to come to this school supposedly qualifies me as someone who should not be afraid of this type of situation, but guess what!?

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I'm different, okay?

Why can others simply just not show fear on the surface? What's the trick?!

I don't know! What's worse is, while I am chained by these realistic thoughts, I can't come up with a single solution.

Damn it, I'm sorry, Daniel! Rayazaki! Tsudo! Akihiko! Best of luck! I'm fucking dipping!

.........

I'll take this bag though...

Somehow my intuition tells me that this will make some difference...

No wait isn't that just my desperation!?

I haven't even checked what's inside!

Ah crap, she's coming back!

Sink or swim, they say.

I'll have to choose the swimming option.

Ultimately, I dashed rapidly without saying anything. I remembered Daniel's words.

He did say that after each individual is done investigating their respective floor that they are free to go.

Look, it's nothing personal but I need to...

I need to what?

Am I gonna pussy out like this!?

Didn't Daniel said that if a female individual happens to clash with us that we should fight back, by all means!?

Reaffirming my resolution, I slap myself.

"Ouch!"

Why did I expect that not to hurt!?

Either way, I'll knock her out. She's always saying that she will kill me. I'll show this hoe what's up.

After grabbing the black pack, I stood there in the middle of the hall. I was no longer afraid.

I see! I achieved it! I have defeated my superficiality. I have officially climbed to the league of the fearless.

Ah no.

No.

Nope.

Can't.

Sorry.

"I can't believe that I got tricked by a bitch who will never get married! That's a chainsaw you dumbass!"

I'm not at fault here. I can't fight back against a chainsaw. Fuck this shit, I'm out!

"Heeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy....! Come back here...! I won't hurt you, I promiseeeeeeee!"

I feel relieved about the fact that she doesn't recognize me yet I can't shake this fear off.

Without showing a trace of investigating the rest of the hall I descended down the stairs.

It just occurred to me that I said those words to Sana a bit loud. Oh well, what's done is done.

Also, this bag is heavy as fuck. Just what the hell is in it?

Yet it also occurred to me one thing. Even though only Sana came out from her room, she made considerable noise. I as well. Given that, aren't I a bit too lucky to only have Sana after me? Something seems off.

Oh well! I guess it's natural to be lucky and unlucky at the same time.

....................

Did I jinx myself or something?

"End of the line, pervert."

Please don't call me a pervert when you girls aren't that appealing.

However---

Guys, please realize before it's too late!

2nd floor, Tsudo's side.

This event happened roughly around the same time as Akihiko's.

To be honest, it's not the first time that I have infiltrated into someone's house like this. However, this is a thrilling experience because I was never granted the possibility nor the suggestion of infiltrating a girls' dorm.

Oh, it's at times like these as to why I am reminded. Reminded of the reason for being in this school. I happen to be a slave to thrilling experiences. I get bored easily. A quick peril is enough to give me stimulation for months straight but it will eventually expire.

However---

"Wow, Akimiyashika was spot on. We did have some perverts in this dorm infiltrated. I can't believe this. I really wanted to tell her that she was wrong from the get-go. Impressive, both Ikkiri and Akimiyashika managed to think this up."

Shizuku Mayuraki. I'm somewhat self-conscious about her. There really isn't anything that outstanding about her. She is often sarcastic, yet that's about it. Although, if I had to say, there is something that always manages to catch my eyes.

Those gigantic melons. I can't even look at her in the face.

Because my eyes are looking at them.

"....I need to thoroughly inspect this floor. Please let me."

"Could you look into my eyes and say that?"

"I'm sorry, I really can't do that."

I am not lying. I may be mischievous but I do not lie.

This is also a strategy. I know how to deal with this type of girls pretty easily. They can't sustain indirect sexual harassment. So, that's exactly what I'm doing.

"My, my. Are you that attracted to my body?"

"N-Yes!"

Shit!

"Oho. Then, do you wish to see more?"

My blood pressure might've slightly just risen.

93cm. 58cm. 87cm. I knew these numbers all along. It won't allude an eye like mine to know that, Shizuku, these are your three sizes!

But!

"....Pass....."

I can't forget my original objective. Plus, this is not working. She seems to be overly conscious about the fact that she possesses such harmful weapons to any male creature out there. She's dangerous.

Let's try something else...

"...Have you seen another male student around here?"

"Aside from you, nope. Oh, wait. Don't tell me that there are more to come! Hahaha. That's great. You do realize you're all screwed, right?"

"...How come?"

"It's against the rules for boys to be in the girls' dorm. It's common sense, idiot."

Yeah, I was extremely aware of this. However, we were actually all aware of this consequence. It seems that I had to go forward, despite her presence.

"I will just check this floor."

"No, you won't."

"Out of my way, boobs."

"That doesn't faze me. I'm aware of how big they are. Look at them giggling, come on, look!"

Crap, she's a fucking exhibitionist who is self-aware of her own body!

W-Wait, did I just saw a nip-

SHE'S NOT WEARING A BRA?!

"Kahh!"

Blood streams down from my nose. That damage right there felt like lethal damage! I must make haste.

"Ara, ara, what's wrong? Too much for you? Did you 'lose' already?"

The nerve! She meant 'lose' in a sexual way! She's clearly testing me! However, you are a fool, Shizuku Mayuraki! If you knew what I committed you'd be quaking right now!

Right now, I was standing in the middle of the second floor's hall. 2 meters in front of me, was, Shizuku. There were three rooms on this floor. One of them, being Shizuku's room, was open. I knew that inspecting the rooms would be meaningless.

What I was really aiming for was the bathroom that was at the end of the hall. The lock was slightly open and I could see someone peeking through them. Therefore, I needed to confirm who it was.

"....Are your two roommates sleeping?"

"I think so?" She says tilting her head.

"Then, why is someone in the bathroom?"

"Nice try, but you can't fool me. That was a really bad attempt, I was expecting something better honestly."

She doesn't believe me. I needed to convince myself then.

"I really need to pee. Please let me pee."

"H-huh!? Can't you hold it in?"

Oh, what is this? She's becoming embarrassed? Weird, you are self-aware of your own body yet you are not very knowledgable about these themes it seems. A chance, then.

"I'll give you thirty seconds. Otherwise, I will just pee right here. I will take my fucking dick out and paint this hall in yellow! Don't think I'm joking!"

"I-If you do that then I will call all the girls in this dorm! Think about it. You would have to withstand an everlasting period of being mocked. Besides, your size is probably small as fuck. Might as well keep that in, heh."

Your retorts, were, unfortunately, already part of my initial plan.

That's right. This was all bait to make her say those words. Because as soon as he heard them, he left the bathroom at the speed of light.

By doing the following it would mean that I would have to be sacrificed. But, I've noticed something from the get-go. Shizuku mentioned Ikkiri and Akimiyashika earlier. I can't overrule the possibility that our arrival was predicted. What if they let Kuzan enter on purpose? If that was the case, then we were expected.

Although it's just a possibility, I am able to realize such. Given that, it's safe to assume that I never had a way out, to begin with.

"Ara, did you go silent from my ultimatum? Pathetic."

"This is... my last stand!"

"W-What?"

Taking a deep breath, I take every possible oxygen flowing through my body to shouts these important words of mine so the whole dorm could listen...

"Everyone!! Kuzan was on the second floor! He's heading up!! Don't let him run away!!!"

I didn't say their names thankfully...

Of course, as soon as I say that, Shizuku, Arkalee and Yulia, the residents of this floor completely incapacitate me.

"The rest is up to you guys...!!"

I let out my last war cry.

3rd floor, Sagasuga's side.

This also happened at the same time as Akihiko's and Tsudo's.

Jesus fucking Christ, how did he find out? I knew it! It was far too suspicious for him to be there at that time. I was careless. I allowed my secret relationship to be found out. I absolutely can't allow Daniel to spill the beans out.

Nonetheless, that issue aside, there is a more worrisome problem at the moment. No way this plan is gonna work. Nope.

I mean, let's think about it. This dorm has cameras. Our movements are basically tracked. There is also the fact that we aren't silent at all. I bet Rayazaki is gonna make this whole dorm quake when he talks. The conclusion being, there is only one person that could lessen our punishment.

That's correct, that person is no other than I.

The question was, how would I explain to her this whole situation? I seriously can't think of a convenient lie. We've only been dating for a week but I do know that she can see through lies pretty easily. She probably didn't believe me when I said those words earlier.

Damn, what should I do?

I should not lie here, I'm just gonna explain to her how it is. Lying is useless here because we are going to get caught regardless and so, if I'm caught lying, the situation will only get worse.

Don't get me wrong here, I have no problem telling Tateyana how it is. What truly concerns me is the possibility of this not working at all. After all, how exactly am I going to explain that I have infiltrated here?

Wait. That's exactly it.

This is so easy actually. Heh, alright then.

"Do I smell good?"

I smelled my sleeve to test whether or not I smelled good.

And I do. Not to flex or anything but my colonies are quite expensive. It's only natural that I smell good.

Yosh.

I knock the respective door. Yes, we exchanged contacts already, I was fully aware of where she was.

"Mhm... What now?"

I didn't say a single word. I just stood there and stared.

However, as soon as she was about to speak, I placed my right index finger on her mouth.

Then I took a step forward.

I continued to do so. While at it, I closed the door, slowly and silently.

We were now the only ones that could possibly exist in this current moment. No possible interruptions could arise.

Finally, I took the finger out of her mouth. Nonetheless, my heart was beating pretty fast.

Although I demonstrate a placid attitude most of the time, her ethereal lips kept dragging me in.

I was both exultant and elated. Maybe it was due to my debonair appearance, but she slightly kept blushing.

We were both abashed. Furthermore, what would be usually interpreted as taciturn attitudes were actually our own way of being equanimous before each other.

In my eyes, Tateyama really is a comely girl. I could not take my eyes off her cerulean dark hair that made me wanna have a loutish sexual attitude straight up.

---No.

This was not the time to state facts. I had to get on with it.

"I really need to talk to you."

"I-I can see that!"

"I... will tell you the truth. Can you promise me not to freak out?"

"Don't worry, I might not look like it, but I can handle all times of information maturely!"

Trusting her own words, I told her the situation.

"What!? You want me to help you and your friends just because you think that Kuzan is inside this dorm?!"

I was fooled. The previous mood was way too suggestive. I can't believe this.

"Yes... Look, I'm aware that we can't escape the consequences, so I will ask you this one favor. I won't ask that you completely let us go. I know that it's completely unreasonable to do so."

"Then what?!"

"Don't tell the teachers about it."

"Sagasuga, you're not making any sense... How can you expect us not to tell the teachers that we are currently being invaded by 6 boys!? It's completely against the rules to do this! You know this!"

I really don't hate this attitude of her, but damn, would it hurt to side with me on this one?

"Please! We can't afford to get punished! Can't you think of something that will convince the other girls?"

"...We really aren't united you know... Only Shizuku, Akimiyashika and Ikkiri are the ones that bother to communicate. The rest just doesn't bother. Even if I ask..."

"That's fine! Just tell them to not tell the teacher about it, please."

"...Okay. If it's for you, I don't mind..."

"Phew, thank you so much..."

Oh no, this was going down like this!

Which means that a romantic development is bound to happen! Damn it, it's not as if I don't want it to happen I just need to find out where that rat Kuzan is!

"I-If you want..."

I automatically place my index finger on her lips, once again.

I couldn't allow her to say those words. They would immediately shatter my fucking will.

"I'm sorry. Right now, I can't, you see, I-"

Just as I was about to utter such words, I heard a loud shout which supposedly came from the second floor.

"Everyone!! Kuzan was on the second floor! He's heading up!! Don't let him run away!!!"

That was definitely Tsudo. But why would he shout like that? Why can't he simply pursue Kuzan? What's the deal here?

Also, she was grabbing my arm with tremendous strength.

"Tateyana, please let me go."

"No can do."

Oh crap. I might've just fallen into the basic trap of all time. No way. She wouldn't do me like this...

Out of nowhere, she pulls out a cellphone from her pajama pockets.

I fucked up big time, it seems.

I was stuck with two options. One, break free and catch that rat Kuzan. Two, break free and jump out of the window. It's alright. I did learn parkour. A 12-meter fall is nothing to me. However!

"Phew. Who would've thought that you'd be so dumb? Hahaha, men are so easy to manipulate, ahhh.

Coming from the hall, I could hear fast footsteps. Damn it! That bastard is gonna get away! Please notice this, Rayazaki!

"Heh. I have to say, your plan wasn't half bad. But that's about it."

"Bluffing, are we? I already knew from the get-go that you would come."

Also, as a side note, she probably took her phone out to stop the recording that was happening. She means to use that in the future as evidence.

"Yeah, I would always come for you."

"S-Stop."

That's right, you can be a two-faced bitch but you can't escape the fact that you can't handle my godlike flirting skills.

"If you don't let me go, I will flirt with you until you turn tomato."

"F-Fine."

Thus, it began.

4th floor, Rayazaki's side.

Ahhh... Man, it fucking hurts... I'm surprised I can even speak.

My jaw is supposedly broken, correct? If so... How the hell can I...

...Mhm? Oh, what's her name, again?

Shit, I don't really give a fuck about it. Whatever, now that she's in front of me, I will just knock her the fuck out.

No, I'm not doing this because of what that fucker said or anything like that. Coincidentally, I just shared the same thoughts as him. Women, baby, dogs, I don't give a fucking fuck. Whoever gets in my way gets clobbered.

"Surrender, you have no way to turn back. If you do so, I won't give you a harmful punishment."

"Shut the fuck up, you tiny bitch. Out of the way or I'll throw you out of the damn window."

I really will.

"Don't talk to me like that, pleb."

"Pleb? You dare to insult the mighty I?"

"So arrogant, you are. Utilizing the word 'I' to describe yourself."

"I'm not arrogant, I'm confident. Get the difference, dwarf."

"That's what they all say. Back off or I will destroy you."

"You took the words right from my mouth!"

I didn't care about the fact that I just shouted extremely loud, but I couldn't help but notice something weird.

Although I have shouted nobody, except this bitch, was standing here. This should've been enough noise to wake some people up. What's going on?

Regardless, I charged at her with a low-kick.

.......

She rolled her way out of it.

If I recall correctly, that's...

"What's the matter? Is that all you got?"

"Heh, I'm not surprised that you know ninjitsu. Hey, I'm curious now. What type of shit did you do to get your ass in here? Killed your master or some shit? Hahaha!"

"That's.... none of your damn business!"

A childish comeback but the problem was that she wasn't all words. We were both similar in that sense. She immediately climbed the right side wall and delivered a fast high kick at me. I wanted to fully block it but I couldn't. My broken right shoulder didn't allow me to.

Oh... One of my teeth came out. I see. I should not undermine her. Besides, I am not in the mood to lose. Never am nor ever have. However, if by some fucking coincidence I happen to lose again, I feel like I might explode.

Plus... She aimed at my jaw. Perfect. Just perfect. I would question her but I'm positive that she is aware that my jaw and right shoulder are not moving properly.

"You're injured. Wanna stop?"

"Is that pity, you little bitch?"

"Damn right it is."

Alright, she's fucking dead.

I, once again, charged, however, this time, it wasn't just a simple charge. I predicted that she would roll her way out again and so--

"Ah-"

I managed to counter her roll by spin wheel kicking her legs while she did so.

Of course, she immediately backed off a few meters to regain her stance.

If this fight were to happen a few hours earlier, I would've demolished her by now. Unfortunately, the spin wheel kick made me use my right arm on the floor as support. Thus, my shoulder was in pain again.

"...."

This time around, she said nothing.

Oh? Did she fell silent out of fear? Don't think that I won't notice that!

"You're wide op-"

As I tried to form a dash, I saw a familiar face passing by. I did hear someone shout a while ago but I didn't bother to give a fuck.

I also became aware as to why she didn't say anything. She might've thought that she would be in a scenario of 2vs1.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!"

"Finally, the primary intruder appears. You shall not pass!"

As much as I would like to help her out with that, I had to take out Kuzan first. That rat just can't be allowed to breathe another portion of air.

"Hold on, Kuzan! Where do you think you're go- Hey don't get in my way!"

"That's my line! What do you think you're doing? Back off!"

"What am I doing, you say!? Why the fuck do you think I'm here in the first place?! It's to catch that motherfucker! Now, fuck off!"

"I-I don't care either way! Anyone who invades this dorm that doesn't belong in it will get punished!"

"What the hell!? That's what you're worried about?!"

"Should I not be?! You're not making any sense! Starting making some!"

"It's completely irrelevant whether or not we are here, you dumbass! I just came here to hunt that fucker dow--- Ah!! He got away!! Damn it! It's all your fault!"

"Excuse me!? How was that my fault!? If you had not gotten in the way, I would've captured him by now but mister perfect over here thinks that I'm at fault now!"

"Don't you dare use sarcasm to bail out of this situation! This is definitely your fault! Think about it, if you just had backed off from the start then I wouldn't have to force myself to fight you and then this whole argument wouldn't even have started!"

"Your argument is so dumb! You were the one who charged at me! You're not thinking about this at all, are you!? I told you to back off the moment you arrived here! I even said it in a peaceful manner, you jackass!"

"I don't take orders well! I will never obey yours nor anybody's words, you hear me!?"

"I'm glad we share the same sentiment!"

Lastly, she shrugs.

The rat was already gone. It was completely up to that bastard now.

I say this because I have 5 girls surrounding me right now. One of them has a chainsaw. Just what the fuck happened!?

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