Chapter 12

The man was Robert Zenekiss, entrepreneur of the wealthy, manager of eighty percent of Iona’s money and the greasiest slob on the block. The man was a sentient penguin, he waddled instead of walked, his hands were like fins, with his chops of fat running down them, almost hiding his small pudgy hands, and a suit of black velvet covered his bulbous protrusions. So when Jason saw him, he burst out laughing.

Robert was about to smile one of his charming smiles but instead frowned, “Might I ask the cause of such happiness my Lord?”

Jason, still laughing, pointed his walking stick at Robert’s belly and said “You sir, are the fattest thing I’ve ever seen!”

Roberts scowl turned into outrage as he shouted “How dare you!”

Jason was now howling with laughter as he gasped for air. “Stop! Please! You look like a turnip now!”

Mr Zenekiss, his jowls now shaking in fury screamed at the top of his lungs “GUARDS!”

That shut Jason up. He pointed his cane down onto the ground and struck the floor with it once, sparks flew out of the bottom and a ring like the clearest church bell rang throughout the room, Zenekiss heedless of this, continued to scream shrilly.

“You can stop now, no one can hear you.” Jason said.

Mr Zenekiss continued to scream until he ran out of breath, even then he took a few lungful’s of air before continuing.

Jason meanwhile went to a leather couch at the side of the room, plonked himself down, imagined some Fanta and a Comic magazine into his hands and waited till Robert finished.

After a few minutes the scream petered out and Zenekiss fell to the ground gasping for breath.

Jason looked over and asked nonchalantly “Are you finished?”

“What… Do you… Want.” Robert said, changing from speaking to looking for oxygen in the atmosphere.

Jason closed the magazine and sat up, dissolving the never ending glass of soft drink. “Okay here’s the gist, I wanna open a bank account and put several billion zin things into it.”

“Ha…” Robert said heavily breathing “No matter what you’ll do I’ll never let you steal a single penny form here.”

Jason sighed “No you misunderstand. I want to open a bank account, in my name, and put my money in it. The keyword here is my.”

“I don’t believe you.” Robert huffed.

“Okay, I’ll take a leap of faith, I’ll start time again and we’ll reintroduce ourselves. Deal?” Jason asked

“Deal. Wait, you stopped time?” Robert looked at the frozen faces of his employees, bewildered.

“Obviously.” Jason rolled his eyes “So do we have a deal?”

“Yes, you have it.”

Jason once again struck his cane on the floor, the second he did it the world resumed.

Zenekiss started screaming again “GUA-“

Jason struck his cane onto the floor once more, sighing.

“I don’t wanna do this all day mate, make your mind up, get stuck in time, or open a bank account. Your call.”

Robert, finally getting off the floor, pointed a shaky finger at Jason.

“You’ll regret this.” He whispered.

“No I won’t.” Jason said, reading his magazine.

Robert just stood there, holding out his finger before the strain made him put his arm down, he waddled behind his desk and sat down, the chair creaked under his weight but held and Robert put his hand down, as if in prayer, collecting his thoughts.

Finally he said “Very well, how can I help you.”

Jason grinned and struck the floor once more, the frozen clerks and accountants started moving again, exclaiming and shouting as Zenekiss and Jason seemingly teleported.

“Gentlemen! Gentlemen! No need to raise your voices please, calm down.” Jason spoke over them.

The clerks looked at him, confused before someone in the back shouted “What happened? Do we call the guards?”

Robert hurriedly shook his hands “No! No! We’re all fine now, you can all go back to your work boys!”

Muttering and grumbling in disbelief, the employees left, leaving Jason and Robert to themselves.

“So then, let me introduce myself, my name is Jason Fyr, head of house Fyr, I came to open an account and deposit in it an unimaginable amount of money into it.” Jason said, manspreading on the couch.

Robert listened calmly before answering. “My name is Robert Zenekiss, head Chairman and treasurer of the Iona Financial Vault, in order to open a bank account, a minimum of three hundred gold coins are required as your first deposit.

Jason clicked his fingers and suddenly twelve burly men came through the door, carry similar chests as the one in Jason’s fist carriage between two of them. With brisk proficiency they placed the chests in neat rows before heading out the door again without a word.

Jason stood up and walked over to one of the chests, he banged his cane against the lock, breaking it before pushing the chest open with his leg, like some sort of pirate. He scooped up a handful of the green, jade like cubes and threw them in the general direction of Robert’s desk. Most missed but one managed to land in front Zenekiss.

“S’that enough?” Jason said, laughing.

If Zenekiss was surprised, he hid it well, merely picking up a cube and inspecting it under an adjustable magnifying glass attached to the side of his desk. Wordlessly he produced a hundred pages of fine print from a cabinet behind him, handed it to Jason before mumbling “Sign at the end.”

Jason happily swiped through the pages before just turning the whole thing over, picking up the last page and read the seemingly only sentence on it.

‘-Agree under the threat of death.’

Signed _________________

Jason wrote in a beautiful and flowing running writing, after admiring his handiwork, he promptly shoved it back to Robert.

“Anything else?” Jason asked jovially.

“Yes, you’ll get a key to your own vault delivered to you, it will be magically attuned to you so that when you request transactions, we can verify you are indeed the owner.”

Jason frowned “So I have to come in personally every time I want some money?”

“You can write a cheque, but we will need a signet ring imprint to verify the authenticity when a third party is requesting to be payed from your account, other means are possible such as written transactions but we generally do that within the bank where a clerk validates both parties and does the transaction manually.” Robert explained.

“Well, it’s been a pleasure Mr. Zenekiss, I hope we can work together in the future.” Jason said, extending his hand

“I don’t.” Robert said but nevertheless shook Jason’s hand.

Closing the door behind him, Jason walked outside to a strange sight. A guard was trying to argue with Fletcher.

“For the last time you can’t just park here-”

“I’m afraid he is deaf and mute, please excuse my servant. My name is Lord Fyr, the owner of the transportation you see before you, is there anything I can help you with?” Jason interrupted with a friendly smile.

The guard seemingly mollified said “My Lord, you cannot just park in a public plaza.”

“Dully noted.” Jason said, hopping into the carriage. “Won’t happen again friend.”

The guard was left standing there awkwardly as the entire caravan rumbled off. After all, you can’t just arrest a Lord just because he was parking in the wrong spot.

Jason steepled his fingers as he considered what to do next. With a thought he dissipated the other carriages while his trundled along the streets. As he looked outside he saw another carriage being robbed in an alley, Jason could hear the obvious demands and shouts a bandit would say all the way from here.

“Get out of the carriage or else!”

Jason curiously stopped his own carriage before teleporting over to see how this was going to play out, leaning against the wall he noticed the emblem on the new coach was almost competent, lacking half the scrolls and decorations you’d see on others, you could almost make out the picture of something vaguely military and warlike.

Better watch out! We got a badass over here! Jason thought.

The door of the carriage suddenly banged open before a woman charged out, a saber in each hand and white hair down her back. She looked on the ripe side of forty yelling out a fearsome battle cry before attacking her attackers with reckless abandon. The bandits, seemingly expecting this already had swords drawn. The fighting was intense as death was avoided at every corner, the two sabered tiger was definitely more skilled, however final blows were always avoided as another would always stop the blade just in time.

Huh, waddaya know, she is a badass.

Eventually there was a breaking point where the bandits retreated, carrying there wounded away, the lady made no move to follow them but sheathed her blades before preparing to step back into her coach. A sound interrupted her thought as Jason started clapping in a most mocking fashion.

“Bravo Madame, Bravo.” Jason said, almost sneering.

The Lady looked at him and made a disgusted face “Were they yours? I suppose I must congratulate you for having the balls to turn up here to watch the fight happen in person.”

“I assure you Madam, they were not mine.” Jason said unperturbed.

“Then what business do you have with me?” Madam asked.

“A question answered is all I need. Tell me, what do you think the best school within the city is?”

“Is this a joke? Don’t ask me stupid questions.” Madam said as she turned away from Jason.

She stepped into the carriage and instructed the driver to continue their journey, when she turned her head back inside Jason was sitting in front of her. Without a thought Madam took out a dagger and threw it at Jason, however Jason simply caught it, opting to just not bleed when the blade hit his palm.

“A question Madam, a question and I’ll be gone.” Jason said still smiling as he held the blade out hilt forward towards Madam.

“Begone!” Madam shouted as she ripped the dagger out of his hand and slashed him.

Jason stopped the blade once again and repeated “A question, no need to be objective about it, your opinion will suffice.

Madam sat back “Okay, the best schools are the Magician’s Academy, the Military’s Institute and the Noble’s Private School.”

Jason nodded “Which one do you recommend?”

“Military.” Madam said automatically, “Magic’s for the pansies that can’t stand the sight of blood. While the Noble is for the inbred sons of bitches who can’t even put their pants on without a servant.”

“Thank you, you’ve been most gracious.” Jason smiled and bowed while still sitting.

“Get out.” Madam replied flatly.

Without needing further encouragement Jason leapt out of the coach.

The woman’s carriage has travelled quite a distance already so Jason reimagined Fletcher and rode back to the Fyr Manor. As he cruised up his street he saw a nervous looking courier standing by his gate.

Jason addressed him “How long have you been standing here lad?”

The messenger jumped before replying “Just a few minutes my Lord, I’m here to deliver a package from Bates and Co.”

“Give it here then.” Jason reached his hand out. “And here’s a coin, for your troubles.”

The messenger took the coin and handed the book to Jason, who promptly tossed it onto his seat.

“Fletcher! Open the gate!” Jason shouted as the coach started moving again.

The path up to the house was uneventful but before Fletcher arrived Jason dissipated him and walked into view of the manor afoot.

Looking at the mermaid on top of the fountain he flicked a coin into the pond “Morning.”

The statue merely smiled at him.

Reaching the steps he opened the door, which was unlocked, to be greeted by a surprise.

“Hi!” Tilda said as she noticed Jason, around her were group of middle aged men with clipboards and measuring tapes, also sporting glorious mustaches, and a dwarf.