Nevan shuffled restlessly in his sleep. In his dreams, he tried to move his legs. He urged them with all his will, but his limbs would not budge. A light flashed, and he screamed as he woke up. He heard the squeal of the surprised children from the opened bedroom door. He saw Hua and Safia’s eyes peeking towards him.

Nevan took quick breathes as his eyes adjusted to the light. “Sorry,” he said gently to the children. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Hua and Safia looked at each other in a silent conversation before stepping into the room. “Do you want us to call my sister?” the older child asked him.

“No need,” Nevan shook his head lightly. “It was just a nightmare. I don’t want to worry your sister more than I already am.”

The children nodded at his statement. Nevan looked nervously at them. “Have I been scaring you every night?” he asked. He had stayed in the estate for a few days now, waking up from a cold sweat every night.

“A little,” Hua said. “We thought the shuffling was mice inside the walls.” Her body shivered as she thought about the rodents.

“Was it a nightmare?” Safia asked, approaching his bed. She clutched the pendant of her necklace in one hand. “I have nightmares too.”

“Yeah,” Nevan smiled. “You’re dealing it much better than I am, though,” he said to the younger child.

Safia looked like she wanted to say something, but Hua cut her off. “Is it the war?” Hua asked, running to stand next to his bed. “Can you tell us what it’s like?”

Safia joined the other girl at the side of his bed, both looking at Nevan curiously.

Nevan retracted his stretched legs so that the children could climb on and sit. “Why do you want to know?” he asked them.

“Elnor never tells us anything when I ask,” Hua frowned. “Safia also said she didn’t remember much.”

“You’ve seen war?” Nevan asked Safia, surprised.

Safia nodded sadly. “The knight who died protecting me gave me this.” She held the pendant in her palms. “It means courage,” she read the writing on it. “Wearing it makes me brave. Do you want to borrow it?” she asked Nevan.

Nevan smiled. “Thank you, but you should hold on to it,” he told Safia.

“Can you tell us about war?” Hua asked again. She had a frightened look on her face.

“Why do you want to know?” Nevan gently repeated his question.

“I’m scared,” Hua muttered. “That one day Elnor would not come back,” her eyes began to tear. “I’ve heard the adults talk about it to each other in school. They say it's getting worse and worse. And people die all the time.”

Nevan brushed Hua’s hair with his fingers. “Your Sister,” he began. “Is amazing. I’ve seen her kick down a siege tower through the sky.” The children looked at him in awe. Safia sat sideways, and Nevan began to brush her hair, too, with his other hand. “She’s a Commander,” he continued. “And a master augmenter. All the knights respect and look up to her. And she loves you both very much. She will always come back to the both of you, whatever the cost.”

“She better,” Hua muttered. “Our parents died during the plague. Elnor had been taking care of me ever since. I don’t want her to leave me too.”

“She won’t,” Nevan continued brushing the children’s hair. “I can assure you.”

Safia leaned down on his lap, falling asleep, while Hua was barely keeping her eyes open. Nevan noticed faint black veins on the back of Hua’s neck, where her long hair would typically hide it. “Did the plague struck you too?” He asked her quietly.

“Mhm, “ Hua sleepily mumbled. “Elnor had a medicine. All the Commanders received one.” The girl leaned back onto the bed, falling asleep alongside Safia. If only he had been a Commander, Nevan thought. He would still have a family. Or maybe if he were as strong as Elnor, then perhaps he could have stopped the noble thief.

Nevan left the sleeping children in the bed. He made his way to the front porch. It was not difficult to find Elnor. She always sat at the same place every night, and he would always join her. “Commander,” he greeted her before sitting beside her.

“I thought you were asleep. Did the children wake you?” Elnor asked him, looking at the night sky.

“They were a happy surprise,” he answered.

“Nightmares then?”

“How did you know?” Nevan raised his eyebrows.

“It’s the only thing that keeps knights awake at night,” Elnor answered.

“Maybe I was just wondering what Mrs. Sari will prepare for breakfast tomorrow.”

Elnor chuckled. “Sure.”

“You have nightmares too, don’t you?” he asked wistfully.

“Yeah,” she sighed.

“Why sit here?”

“It’s peaceful. I can think clearly out here.”

“Do you see them in your nightmares?” Nevan asked Elnor, and a chill ran down his spine. “Those that died in our arms?”

“All the time.”

“They don’t go away, do they?”

“No.”

They did not speak for a little while after that. Nevan did not understand why, but he slid a hand into Elnor’s. Their fingers interlocked, and their cold hands warmed each other.

“Ishan,” Elnor said softly, breaking the silence. “I need to talk to you about the upcoming war.”

Nevan nodded. “Hua’s worried about you, you know? That you won’t come back.”

“I know,” she answered. “I don’t know if I’ll live through it. And I won’t promise her something that I’m unsure of.”

Nevan kept silent.

“However, that is not what I want to talk to you about,” Elnor continued.

“What is it then?”

Elnor stretched a hand outwards, feeling the wind that had gotten warmer these past few days. “We’ve been called to return to the third army in three days,” she said. "Winter is almost over."

“I see,” Nevan answered. It had not been long since he escaped from Akar’s prison. He did not think a week was enough to recover his strength back to how it was.

She gripped his hand more firmly. “I want you to leave the army.” She felt her squire’s bony fingers also tightened at her words. “You’ve done more than enough and had paid the price for it. I won’t ask you for more.” Her squire looked up to the sky in contemplation. He smiled slightly. He does not smirk anymore, she thought. He would smile at her and the children but never smirked. And as it grew scarce, she began to realize just how fond of it she was.

“I’ve thought about leaving,” he said after a while.

“I’m sure you have,” she replied solemnly.

“Yeah,” Nevan agreed. “While I was held captive, I promised myself that I would leave everything behind if I somehow managed to escape.”

“Could you take the children with you? Please.” Elnor asked him.

“No,” Nevan smiled softly and looked at her. “I’ve made my decision.” He looked deeply into her eyes, and his heart hammered in his chest as he spoke. “I’m only going to leave when you choose to come with me.”

“I can’t,” she looked away. “It's not that I don't want to, but I’m a Commander. I can’t just abandon my responsibilities.”

“Why not?” Nevan asked. “We can take the children and Mrs. Sari away from here. Somewhere where it is just us. A place where can live at peace.” He brushed his thumb on the back of her hand.

Elnor did not respond, keeping her gaze sidewards.

“Look how much this war had taken from us,” Nevan whispered. “Can’t we just be selfish for once?”

“It’s not that simple,” Elnor turned back to meet his eyes. She could see the reflection of the moonlight glistening on them.

“I know,” he replied. “I can wait. And while I do, I’m going to stay with you until you change your mind.”

“And what if I never do?”

“Then we’ll go through this war together.”

“Why?” she asked softly. “I’ve abandoned you and left you to suffer. Why would you do this for me?”

He smiled slightly. “Isn’t it obvious?”

Their eyes continued to gaze at each other as Nevan leaned in. Elnor’s heart beat rapidly as she began to do the same. He felt her warm breath tingling his cheek, and he closed his eyes. Elnor followed suit. She felt his dry lips pressed against hers. It was warm, and she felt a rush ran throughout her body.

Nevan did not want to stop. He relished the feeling of Elnor’s lips against his. They pulled their lips apart slightly before leaning in again. He opened his mouth slightly and pressed his tongue against her lips, and she slid her tongue onto his. He placed his free hand on the back of her neck, pulling her closer. She moaned softly as his lips continued to press onto hers.

“Wait,” Elnor pulled away and placed a hand on Nevan’s chest. “I don’t think we should continue.” She breathed heavily, the fingers of her other hand still interlocked with his. “It’s inappropriate.”

Nevan did not need to ask why. “I understand,” he said, unable to stop himself from smiling. Elnor smiled too. “Can I just hold you then?” he asked.

Elnor did not reply, but she leaned her head onto Nevan’s shoulder. He placed an arm around her and put his head on top of hers. He breathed her in and closed his eyes with content. He asked himself as he looked into the stars whether moments like this could last forever. But he knew every good thing would come to an end. Fate had not been kind to him. And he was powerless against its will.

Elnor closed her eyes as she rested on Nevan’s chest. She focused on the movement of his chest as he breathed. It eased her worries for reasons she could not understand.