“W-welcome! Um, please forgive us for this excuse. We aren’t staffed to take on such a number of customers. Nevertheless, we’ll do our best to serve everyone! I-is-- F-forgive me... is there a convention going on?” the waitress stammered.

“No, but we are going to an event together, later,” Rui explained with a wink.

“Ah, I see. You’re going to a party?” the waitress asked with an eyebrow arched.

“Something along those lines!” Ume giggled as she flashed her fangs at the waitress.

She blinked. “Ah, but if that’s the case, won’t they have refreshments there?” the bedraggled waitress pressed.

“Oh, I doubt the host will offer us any food.” Rui laughed aloud. “He’s a skinflint. All he does is making money by kicking others down.”

“And... you want to go this man’s party?” The waitress blinked even more.

“Oh, yes. It’s simply to die for!” Rui cracked up.

I looked at Rui with my head tilted. Does she really think we’ll die? Is that really supposed to be funny? I really don’t think so. “I certainly don’t intend to die today,” I stated gravely.

Rui looked at me with a small smile. “You’re right. My bad. My little joke was in bad taste.” She directed her attention to the waitress. “So you have it, could you please show us to our seats?”

ONI! How did she think they could serve this many? It’s ridiculous! If I worked here, I’d feel the same way she does.

“Ah..." The waitress waved her hands, smiling weakly. “I am sorry, but we’re not equipped to handle this. But as I’ve said, we’ll do our best. There are employees who are on call for these kinds of odd situations, but it’s a huge deal to call them in. People who finished their shifts or don’t work have to sacrifice their time off, but that’s why some have the responsibility. We can contact them.”

“It’d be good business.” Rui grinned. “I’d say you’ll make around one hundred sixty thousand yen tonight. Do you think you can handle it?” She casually slipped a huge wad of bills from her purse and waved it.

The waitress’s jaw hung ajar. “That would break the current records for sales during this shift, but I can’t promise that you’ll be served quickly. It’ll take some time to call enough people to get them to come. Anyway, I need to make sure you understand that it will take an hour before they can get here, and then it might take another hour to complete the service. Is this worth your time?”

“Rui, this is unreasonable!” I yelled at Oni. Hearing my words, she shot a glare at me.

“I know. Natalia-sama sent us here. It wasn’t my idea.” She shrugged. “I don’t know if there are any other better places that would be as good a choice. Do you not like Regal Boost?”

I smiled dryly. “I was here before. The food is good. My favorite is the hamburger steak special. My co-workers weren’t interested in coming along, so I rarely bothered. I mean, it’s not like I wouldn’t like to eat here.”

“Susumu-sama..." Akuchi, who had been silent until now, stepped forward and smiled eagerly. “Do you really want to eat here?”

I tilted my head. “Um... honestly, I’d be satisfied with conbini food like fried chicken or instant noodles.”

“You’re so easy!” Rui laughed, punting my shin.

I hopped up and down, gritting my teeth. My eyes descended on my loli assailant. Her eyes were filled with determination. She glared at me like a chibi yakuza. She really wants to eat here… probably she wants to cause trouble like with that poor conbini worker. Her eyes flashed at me. My eyes crossed as I uttered a sigh.

“Y-yes... I’d love to eat here..." I shot an apologetic look to the waitress. She seemed like she’d faint on the spot. There was no reasoning with oni when she wanted something.

“W-well..." the waitress reassured us, trembling. “Let’s not dally, then, everyone please seat yourselves. I’ll see that you all get menus. I’ll get to your tables as soon as possible. We’ll get the night cook working as fast as possible and call for reinforcements. Please understand it will take a long time for him to fill the orders.”

The river of vampires flowed to the tables. A few fights started as they warred over who got what table. My pity for the waitress was palpable.

“Come along, please suit yourselves as you wish,” the waitress managed with a firmer tone, pointedly ignoring the skirmishes as though the goths were nothing more than bickering house cats.

“Wait a moment.” Akuchi stepped closer to the waitress. She peered deeply into the waitress’s face to the point where she was uncomfortable. Her nose quivered as it neared her face. Then the mischievous tanuki exploded. When the mist cleared, a perfect copy of the waitress stood before her. This poor girl’s eyes practically popped out as she tried to understand what just happened. She was practically foaming at the mouth.

“Y-you shouldn’t do things like that!” Rui yelled. “You idiot! Don’t flaunt your powers or bully girls! It’s a rule!” SHE said that to Akuchi? Freaking Oni!

“It’s for the sake of my master, my husband, my partner for eternity!” Akuchi shot back over her shoulder. “Since I’ve already broken every rule once, let’s just break them even more!” she yelled and promptly exploded again. This time the foyer was filled entirely with Akuchi’s transformative byproduct mist. Where previously stood two waitresses, there were six. The waitress’s scream was almost as loud as mine.

“Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” we yelled in unison.

“Susumu-sama?” five of the waitress asked impishly. At least now I knew which ones were Akuchi.

“I-I didn’t know you could do that!” I gulped. “That’s... are they all real?”

“Yes!” Akuchi chirped and the five converged on me simultaneously.

“W-whaaaaaa?” I exclaimed as they pressed on me from all sides. I felt the waitress’s breasts press against me. I nearly shorted out and was not sure of how to react. “Ah… look at the time!” I pointed at the clock hanging above the front counter. “We need to get started! A-Akuchi, are you sure you can handle all this showboating on top of everything else tonight?”

The Akuchis tilted their heads in unison and grinned identically. Meanwhile, the waitress stumbled backwards heavily against her desk. She seemed to be shorting out for sure. Ume stepped forward and put a comforting arm on hers. She whispered softly into her ear. Her eyes widened even more as she looked at Ume.

Rui took my hand suddenly and yanked me from the center of the circle of Akuchi. She grinned as she led me to a free table in the back corner. The vampires had occupied the more convenient booths and tables.

She stuffed me into a seat and smiled brightly. “It seems Akuchi can handle the situation, hopefully. We’ll trust her with this. Or him.” She tapped her chin, needlessly reminding me of Akuchi’s true gender for some reason. “She’s pretty useful, though. Make sure she joins my detective agency after we crack this case!”

Damn... she’s so bossy...

She beamed as she sat down across the way and settled her elbows on the table as she watched me.

“Ah..." I laughed. “I don’t know how Akuchi can go this far, but she seems capable.” I turned my eyes away from her musing little face to the vampires. Akuchi was already serving everyone present. She was passing out the menus. It wasn’t long before she reached us.

“Hiya! I’m Akuchi, your waitress for tonight! Here are your menus! Please read them carefully and consider your order well! Let me know if you need anything.” She winked. I faintly heard the same lines from afar, but those lines weren’t issued quite as chipperly, since those Akuchis weren’t talking to me.

“Ah… th-thank you..." I thanked Akuchi, but I couldn’t help wanting to apologize for all the hard work she was doing for my sake. “I’m sorry you need to go to this trouble for us. You should enjoy a warm meal too.”

“I could split off one more Akuchi to speed things up even more so this Akuchi could relax with friends, but doing that would tire me more.” Akuchi smiled warmly at me, happy I was concerned for her. “I’ll tell you a little about it. If I did, one Akuchi would have a little fun, but once we rejoined, all the experiences that all my clones had would combine, but messily. It creates a huge jumble of a mental tangle, because my memories will be fragmented for a time. What I mean is that my memory can become a bit scattered. It’s something of a temporal issue which is a concept that’s too complex and strange to explain. The memories all overlap and all sense of time is shattered. I don’t like how it feels, but I don’t mind dealing with it because I can help you a lot.”

I smiled warmly in return, but no matter what, I still saw visions of Akuchi’s junk under his skirt or kilt if it was that. Traumatized, I couldn’t unsee it. “Thanks for your hard work, Akuchi.” I opened the menu to hide behind it, my eyebrows furrowing. Rui had long since started looking over the menu, but her figure emanated what I can only term as annoyance.

“Curry!” Rui yelled. “And tea, please. Thank you!”

I considered my choice for some time. The curry looked good, but I’d had some for lunch. Curry must be Rui’s absolute favorite food. The hamburger steak looked most attractive to me. It was what I took every time I came to eat here. There was a hotpot meal too, and it was discounted. I rocked back and forth, considering which would make for the best last meal. A hotpot would be really good… so delicious. That’s what I’ll do. I want to break away from always doing the same things.

“Alright..." I said, “-- I’ll have the hotpot, I think. Thank you, Akuchi!” The tanuki grinned and nodded.

“Ahhh! Hotpot sounds wonderful! And your drink?” she asked solicitously.

I was wondering what kinds of jobs Akuchi had done. He said he’d traveled from Africa all the way here to Japan. Despite that, his Japanese was very fluent. I never learned many details about his journey, or even why he was here. Since he seemed to make an excellent waitress, working in a restaurant must be something he had some experience with. Honestly, I’m still not sure which gender I should apply to Akuchi, but it doesn’t much matter if you can change your body at will. At that point, what you are probably fluctuates based on your mood.

“Um... I'll have tea as well, the same one as Rui. There’s no sense in having two different pots.”

Akuchi nodded and smiled. “Of course, Susumu-sama! I’ll take your order in. Err... by the way..." Akuchi started to explain, but a foul odor in the air interrupted her.

“Oh, Kami... what’s going on?” I pinched my nose.

“Oh... that has to be Ume-chan’s uncanny cooking.” Rui laughed softly.