My expression smoothed. I smiled softly. “No... never.”

When I’d struck the table, my hand had landed on a familiar face in the file. I wished that hitting a guy’s photo would actually affect the man. “This is the man we want. He’s Reiko-chan’s murderer. Trust me that he’s the one we should target. I'll explain it now.”

They stared down at where I’d slammed my hand down. They took in his features. His cold eyes were portrayed perfectly, just as how they were back in the amusement park. Those eyes probably had never been filled with love.

Ume flashed another toothy grin. “He’s pretty handsome! I can handle him! He looks like he could be a vampire lord! Those cold eyes. They remind me of the legend of Vlad Tepes.” She blushed intensely.

“You’re hot for a murderer?” My eyes widened. I wasn’t sure if I was referring to the man or Dracula himself.

Ume twiddled her fingers, giggling. “A lot of yokai have killed at least one human in their lifetime. It doesn’t bother me very much.”

Rui flared up. “What? I’m not letting you flirt with him! He’s off the menu! This bastard needs to die, or face justice.”

Ume tilted her head and nodded. “That’s fine. Girls are more fun.” She purred practically.

Rui blushed and looked down at the picture again. “Anyhow!” She changed the subject smoothly. “He was dating Reiko-chan. If he cared about her, he’ll be interested to see her alive. In the event he hated her, he’ll be even more intent. Furthermore, if he killed her as I think she did, he’ll take the bait no matter what. All we would need to do is to wave you around in front of him like a cat teaser,and then we can see if anything happens. Our culprit will reveal himself! Susumu.” She directed her gaze to me with a slight smile. “Why are you so sure of this?”

“It’s watertight evidence. And I hated his guts the moment I saw him, but it’s a fact that I saw them together just before she died. Without a doubt, he was the last man she was dating. The question is, what will we do, Rui-chan?”

Rui took a deep breath and nodded. “That’s very solid. I think you’re right. I can’t believe you were both investigating these murders at the same time! If you both were up to that, you’re both amazing people! Reiko-chan would have made an amazing partner, if she worked with others better. You already are a great partner, Susumu!” Rui lavished me with compliments. I blushed and shied away.

“Fufufufu... so adorable!” Ume burst aflame with passion. “Oh, the sweet love of young people! How it warms the blood. I’m sitting in a room filled with maple syrup! You make me feel so wonderful!” She clasped her hands before her with a happy sigh.

“L-l-love?” we yelped in unison, and stared at each other with stained cheeks.

“W-what..." Rui interrupted the moment. “We’ll do it... we’ll storm that bastard’s nest! I know just where to go! He owns at least one huge skyscraper in Tokyo! This man is filthy rich. Just as much as the seediest yakuza you ever read about! I wouldn’t doubt he’s done horrible things to amass such a fortune in such a short timeframe. Like killing Reiko-chan!”

There isn’t anything worse that he could have done. Even if he robbed all the country’s banks, killed all the beloved pets all over Japan, those acts would pale compared with murdering Reiko-chan! That man has no heart!

“Let’s call everyone right away! I think everyone will get behind us. We need to be careful. However, we’ll keep it to my tight knit network of friends.”

“I’ll make tea!” Ume leapt up and skipped to the kitchen. “I’ll call all my vampire minions too! You can count on us!” she sang.

I laughed weakly. “Ahahaha, the only, um… minion I tentatively have is a certain perverted tanuki… but whew..." I winced at the thought.

“Just run outside onto the porch.” Rui laughed. “Yell his name. I’m betting he’s within earshot. He’ll probably show up out of the air.”

“He’s pretty useful, but he’s also pretty... weird... He scares me.” I squirmed.

“DO IT!” Rui yelled.

I stiffened and darted over to my sliding door fronting my porch. I didn’t want to do this, but Rui’s command had me obeying like a dog. Oh darn it... Why am I just doing what she wants, just because she barks at me?

“SUSUMU!” Rui barked behind me. I shivered and threw the door open as I opened my mouth, feeling foolish doing it.

“AKU--” A small helicopter toy hovered over the porch rail, flying circles around me. I gasped and looked around for children who might be playing pranks on me again. It hovered before me. I saw a name written on it: “Akuchi.”

“You were eavesdropping!?” I gasped.

The helicopter exploded as Akuchi appeared and glomped me.

“Noooooooooooooooo!!!!” I screamed.

Rui laughed behind us in the living room. “Stop cuddling out there! Get in here!”

“Nooooooo! I’m not gay!” I screamed while prying Akuchi’s arms off me.

“Susumu! I thought you’d never ask to see me! You need my expertise again! Of course I will do all I can to help you! Whatever you need I will become!” Akuchi hopped back and clapped his hands together. One of his legs lifted as he exploded into mist again. When it cleared, a dark-skinned woman with curly hair stood where he had been. She wore the same clothes Akuchi usually wore, and the skirt looked a bit more appropriate on him now.

“Are you pleased, master?” Akuchi grinned.

“D-damn it! Stop calling me that! I’m just Susumu!” I yelled.

“Awww... okay, just Susumu. I’m ready to assist you!” he... um... she said.

“Can you actually keep that form up? I mean, isn’t it exhausting? That isn’t your real form, or is it?” I asked.

Akuchi grinned broadly. “Hehehehe... well, my real form is an African civet actually. Yes, I was born a virile man, but the human form I take doesn’t matter.” She moved her hands dismissively, crossing them before her. “When you live as long as I have and you gain transformation powers, your sex means nothing. Of course, speaking of sex…” She put a firm hand on my shoulder and her eyes sparkled dangerously.

“Noooooooo!” I yelped. Rui stomped out from my apartment to seize one of Akuchi’s ears. She dragged him inside, kicking and screaming.

“Oh! Another person for tea! How many are coming?” Ume asked with her grin as she poked her nose outside. “Oh! You’re the tanuki! Very impressive! I like it!” She winked at Akuchi.

“Okay,” I said with a deadpan expression.

Knocks came on my door. I leapt up to get to the door, but Akuchi squealed and jumped. “I’ll open it!” she exclaimed.

I watched, gaping. Does he think... um? SHE? Is at home? Nonononono… My hands waved exaggeratedly.

“Susumu’s residence! All are welcome!” Akuchi was already greeting the newcomers.

“Oh my! How cute!” I heard Natalia-sama’s cooing. There was a shuffling of feet as people entered. My eyes widened as I saw Natalia-sama herself walking into my humble abode. It was a magical moment! Cherubs circled her in my mind.

“It’s wonderful to see you!” I yelled, jumping up and down. “Natalia-sama!”

She looked at me and giggled. “Oh... so many cute sights... a very strange one, but very adorable!” She turned her gaze upon Ume and blew her a kiss. “I’m pleased to see you, Ume-dear! Your new dress is finished! You must see it soon!”

I blinked, wondering just how tightly knit this group was. “Um... Natalia-sama..." I fidgeted.

“What?” she asked, looking at me. “You know me? You’re the cutest thing ever! Your body isn’t right, but... ohhhh... no way..." Her eyes widened and she laughed while running to me. She threw her arms around me and kissed me soundly. I gasped and stiffened like a board. Kyaaaaaaa!

“Natalia... whew... You... would you mind please letting Susumu go?” Rui sounded a bit annoyed.

Natalia-sama kissed me until I was a melted puddle. She turned her eyes on Rui to shine her smile. “Rui-chan! You look good today! Your face is a little mottled though. Did you eat too many sweets?” she asked in a motherly fashion.

Rui blinked and laughed. “No! We had Ume-chan’s special curry.”

“Oh... “ She nodded. “She’s a very impressive individual!” She wagged her finger at Ume, who blushed slightly for an unknown reason.

“Ahhhh! Vampire friends!” Akuchi yelled.

Moments later they shuffled in. A horde of vampires entered in full goth regalia to fill my apartment. “Nonono!” Ume-chan laughed, waving her hands amidst the thick pile of goths.

I cringed in a corner.

Ume spoke loudly to carry over the crowd. “There’s not enough room here for such a large amount of people, but please wait patiently outside! Thank you so much for coming!” She posed and winked. The vampires looked at her adoringly. As one they bowed and hit their heads on each other. OUCH!

Ume hovered above us. I wished I could do that. She cupped her hands over her mouth and yelled. “Thanks for coming! I’ll make lots of tea for you! I’ll bring it out shortly! Please step out!”

They milled and jostled to leave, creating an instant bottleneck at my kitchenette. “I’ll... see my vampire friends off, Susumu!” Akuchi yelled. The apartment was full of the sounds of the tromping of feet as gradually the numbers of goths inside was reduced. Finally, we were able to breathe.

Rui laughed aloud. “We might have a chance thanks to you, Ume-chan!” She wrapped her arms around Ume's neck with a wink.

“I-I don't have enough teacups… I mean, I never expected to ever host a p-party," I stuttered and bowed. “I’m sorry!”

Ume hesitated mid-smooch with Rui. She tapped her lips and grinned. “So true…” She darted to the door quickly and loudly spoke. “Everyone, please go buy some teacups and more delicious tea!”

Rui interrupted me with a smile. “By the way, there’s a convenience store near here and it has delicious fried chicken. If they’re hungry, that would be good.” Ume smiled brightly.

“Akuchi! Tell them about the chicken!” Ume called out to Akuchi.

“Oh, I know the place. I will,” Akuchi yelled back. I stared at Rui and she grinned with her tongue stuck out. She clearly meant more trouble for the elderly clerk.

Rui continued, looking a bit more serious, “Susumu, I called Rickey too. I have no idea how he can operate a phone, but he said he’d..."

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT HERE!” I screamed.

“Don’t interrupt me, idiot!” Rui yelled back. “He’ll be waiting for us to storm that murderer’s tower tonight! But Susumu, I am worried that numbers alone might not be enough to carry our assault. There’s something else I want to know about.”

Rui fished an object from her purse and slapped it down on the table. Ume looked at her and nodded. They they all gazed at me mysteriously after they saw what Rui had put down.