“I’d suggest you visit Rickey next, RuiRui-chan,” Ume advised. “Sadly, I can’t do anything else for you.”

“You could come with us,” Rui suggested with a wheedling look plastered all over her face like a child asking a parent for candy. “It’s incredibly awkward with just the two of us. Susumu constantly complains, flopping and thrashing all the time. He’s not good company.”

“She’s always calling me names!” My rebuttal was quick because I couldn’t hold back. Pleadingly, I looked to Ume. “She’s always insulting my manhood, my intelligence, my face! Please protect me from this little Oni!” I pointed at Rui dramatically.

“You need protection from a small girl?” Ume blinked. “Noted.” She eyed Rui with a small giggle.

“She’s really fierce, you know!” I yelped, uncertain whether she would take my side. That kiss should have told me this mediator was biased.

“Well, it seems like an awfully fun idea.” Ume spread her lips in a toothy grin. “I adore the thought of spending the day with you two.”

Rui’s face brightened, expressing joy at Ume’s response.

“However, I have appointments. A few major clients are going to drop in. One of them needs some shrunken heads. Another is interested in a nail coffin I got my little hands on. Then there’s also a cursed hutch. It’s rumored that someone was murdered by a master yokai craftsman. It’s said that there are body parts secreted all throughout it. The hardwood shines redly like blood, and that caught my interest, but on the other hand, I can’t say it smells like it. Whatever odor might have still lingered in it has probably faded over time.” She shrugged, looking disappointed. “In any case, I have a customer, and I have to make a living.”

I noh-gaped. This was casual business in the yokai underworld! Oh crap! I’m way too deep in this shit!

“Awwwww..." Rui’s eyes welled up. She threw her arms around Ume. “Nya, please! It’s going to be so maddeningly boring without you. If there was at least another cute girl along, I could forget the presence of this disgrace to humanity of a face such as his.”

Ume patted Rui’s head comfortingly and hugged her back. “Anyhow, all that aside, you’re going to challenge an insane noh-face today. How can that be boring? Honestly, I’m worried for you... but you’ve always insisted on following your parents’ footsteps. The noh-face is very dangerous, RuiRui-chan! You could get seriously hurt... on behalf of some random idiot.” She shrugged.

“H-hey!” I protested. Waving my hands excitedly, I made my case. “I’m a really good person! I’m worth helping even though I scare the pants off most people who see me in the street and even before I changed, their reactions weren’t ‘quite’ as aggressive or fearful as now.”

“That’s really rough, Susumu.” Ume smiled at me with new warmth. “I know you’re a great kid. I can tell from the smell of your blood. It’s warm. You don’t have a ton of it left, but it smells like strawberry syrup to me. You’re a really warm person, without many evil thoughts. ” Ume winked and tousled Rui’s hair. “Take good care of him. He’ll look after you too. Don’t forget, another noh-face will be a useful asset in your escapade.”

“He’s a noh-nuts!” Rui stomped. “He really has no guts. You think he can do anything? He’ll run! If he catches the slightest sniff of any danger, he’ll fall over. I know it!”

“So much drama,” Ume giggled, rolling her eyes. “Be brave and get it done. You can do it! You have a lot of pride, Rui-Rui-chan.” She did a little seated hop, looking so cute.