Pride is worth nothing in the face of certain oblivion. - Susumu

Tactics must change to suit the situation. Well, my quote wasn’t Sun Tsu-worthy, but the brief moment of inspiration I experienced reminded me of far wiser words than mine.

The words of Sun Tsu. I knew only one of his sayings from my schooling. History wasn’t my best subject, but I did recall one relevant adage.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. - Sun Tsu

The illumination I experienced outshone the sun. After putting our quotes together, I determined the best course of action.

“I’M SORRY!!!” I groveled, falling to my knees before the dragon, offering myself to her.

I pressed myself firmly to the floor. “I’m just dirt! I’m a pile of crap lying in your hallway! Please hear these horrible noises coming from it like fumes! This poo is sorry! Poo needs to hire the great detective! Please don’t step on me, you’ll be fouled!” I regained a bit of pride mid-way and indignancy slipped out. “What kind of a business turns away a desperate paying customer?! Why does gender matter here? Please, loli-sama, spare me, please!”

She lifted her foot to squash me like a bug. I spoke again, “To step on me would mean to dirty your very stylish shoes!” CRAP! SHE’S NOT WEARING SHOES! No, don’t give up! Keep going! “I beg of you!! Please!!!” I slammed my head repeatedly on the floor until it started to chip. My butt was pushed up into the air. I’d be vulnerable there, but only if she slipped past me.

No matter what she chose to do to me, it would always pale to what Noh-face had done to me.

She looked back and forth between me and her bat, measuring distances. Her eyes peered down towards me like beams. It was fifteen minutes before she responded.

She swung her bat again, throwing all her energy into it. The bat spun towards me. I winced, having no place to retreat to except for the death-trap. The moment I thought about it, I imagined a massive chasm opening behind me. I’d die from falling a long distance. I’d die if she kicked me into the abyss. She was still incredibly pissed off. She twitched as she stomped over to me.

The thought of falling made me think about Reiko-chan again. I couldn’t stop from bawling. The bat struck.

*CRACK!*

*Crumble…*

There was no pain. I confirmed joyfully that I was still alive, and unhurt. She turned her back on me and returned back to her door to lean against it. She stared at me and finally scoffed.

“Hmmph.” She pondered. “Why are you here? I’m not letting you into my office until you speak.”

I stared in horror at the bat embedded firmly into the floor beside where my head was. It still quivered from the attack, quivering like myself. I nearly wet myself on the spot.

I glanced up from the bat to her face, uncertain about how sincere her change of heart was. She’d more than adequately demonstrated her might and savage anger.

“You can go if you won’t speak.” She moved to turn back into her office. “You’re wasting my time, fool. My favorite show is airing right now and you’re really pissing me off with only your presence.”

“As I said,” I yelled, leaping to my feet. “I was attacked! It was a noh-face. You specialize in Yokai, right? Aren’t you ‘my’ guy?” I threw her pun back at her.

Her eyes narrowed as she thought it over. “Is that supposed to be a feeble insult?”

“It was your joke!” Who else could have written such an atrocious joke? She said it’s her office! “Anyhow, I’ve become a yokai! Am I still a man? I don’t think so, but then, kick me in the nuts, do I not cry?”

She didn’t look impressed. “Um... okay..." I lamely proceeded. “I need to find it before midnight, or... or else I’ll be a monster my whole life. My life isn’t worth much, but it’s all I have. If I become a thing like the monster that beat me nearly to death, just imagine how bad things could become. I can be incredibly annoying as it is... if I was a true yokai... how much more annoying could I get?” I nodded to myself.

“I suppose so, but why would that be any of my business? An extra yokai in the city wouldn't make much of a difference.” She seemed to be very annoyed, still, but her anger had cooled off.

Crap! Well… maybe I should try to get to know her a bit. Maybe then I could form a better plan of attack. “Um, errr…” I proverbially flailed my brain fiercely trying to find a way to keep the conversation going. “Why do you hate men so much? Detective-sama! Please... why do you hate me so much?”

She stared at me, her lips twisting bitterly. Her response was even and calm, “Do you think I’d tell a stranger just off the street, let alone a yokai with balls, what I feel or think? Haah…” she sighed. “I don’t hate you specifically. Even if you’re a yokai and a filthy man, no matter whatever else you may be, you’re purely annoying.” She pointed a finger directly at me. “That’s all there is to it.”