Part 3 - Guilt

Elian focused his full attention on the sole task of walking; a movement that should be natural and unconscious to most people but that had become quite challenging, taking into account his present condition. Above all he didn’t want to draw any unwanted attention. That was hardly the best time to engage in compliments, greetings and the customary ceremonial bows that would certainly follow should his presence be noticed. And so he walked as fast as he dared towards the kitchen doors, in search of the sanctuary he knew he’d find once inside Adira’s domain.

With an effort that left him breathless he pushed the open the door that he didn’t recall being so heavy and stumbled inside, fighting to catch his breath. He felt extremely tired, his body heavy, his legs weak, and every time he closed his eyes it took all he got to force them back open again, his sight half blurred and dim.

He walked towards his usual table, leaning heavy on the top, and looked around. No one in sight, not even Adira who had probably went to the market.

“Denar!” he called after a deep breath to make his voice sound audible, and the Knight appeared from a small door, straightening his shirt with an amused smile on his face that didn’t last long.

“Elian! By the Gods! What happened?” he immediately asked, virtually running across the kitchen to offer him his support, and a young blond girl peered from the door he had just left.

“Sir Knight?!” she called, smiling seductively, but Denar didn’t even turn to look at her, placing himself strategically in front of Elian so that he could shield him from her watchful gaze.

“Another time, Leia,” he told her and the girl looked slightly disappointed, but not enough to raise a protest, leaving while still tying the silk lace of her disheveled corset. Denar waited until the girl was gone and helped Elian to a chair, feeling how his body trembled from the simple effort of standing and walking around. “What happened to you?” he insisted, unable to hide his concern, and Elian pointed towards the chair across from him, anticipating the Knight’s reaction when he told him what had really happened. “I don’t want to sit, Elian!”

“Sit!” he ordered dryly and Denar looked at him with a hint of dread. Elian seldom used that tone, much less directed at him, and so, without a whisper of complaint, he went around the table and obeyed. “I want you to remain calm …”

“What the hell?! Spit it already! What happened?”

“Elipson …” The sound of her name was enough to extinguish the Knight’s fiery anger and his expression became serious and cold.

“What about her …?” he asked, his voice dangerously calm, and Elian tried to make his tired brain come up with a gentle way to give him the news.

“I’ve been with her until now … And she’s better now … But there was a moment there when I just didn’t know …”

Denar jumped to his feet, his chair almost falling backwards, and Elian sighed.

“Where is she?”

“Sit, Denar.”

“Where?? Answer me!” the Knight demanded furiously, practically flying over the table to grab him by the collar, and Elian squeezed his wrists hard, facing him fearlessly.

“Sit … Down …!” he told him again, firmly uttering each word, and Denar blinked, looking down at his own hands, releasing him as he sat back, breathing heavily.

“Forgive me …” he asked between clenched teeth, averting his gaze, fighting to keep his own emotions in check, struggling to sit still on that chair while all he could think of was that he had to get out of there and go look for her, and Elian sighed.

“Denar. She’s okay. Look at me.”

He didn’t look but was abruptly very still when sudden realization washed over him, his green eyes widening as despair took over, making him hold his head between his trembling hands.

“It was me … wasn’t it? Yesterday … Because she wouldn’t listen … And I lost control … Why won’t she ever listen to me?!”

“She’s fine now. She’s resting at her place.”

“I hurt her!” he declared in self recrimination and Elian nodded.

“I know. And you’re both equally to blame for what happened!”

“But Elian …”

“And I want this to end here, Denar! Something like this will never happen again! I don’t want to lose any of you!”

Denar lowered his head, looking more composed, and took a deep breath.

“Can I see her?”

“I guess so. She’s asleep, right now. She’ll feel better once she wakes up. But please, don’t take too long …”

Denar nodded, looking almost like an obedient child, and stood up leaving towards the Knight’s grounds.

Elian sighed as the door closed offering him some peace and quiet and, resting his head on his arms, he finally allowed himself to closed his eyes for a few moments.