《The Angle of Death and other Mathemagical Hazards》Cowculable Consequences

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Since the readers had kindly finished the excercise in stacking 3 distinct climbable non-spherical cow volumes for extra stile points, Newt was finally prepared to make her journey over the fence and to the apple tree. The footing was a bit squishy, but over the cow-made stile she clambered.

She approached the apple tree and began to snack on the delicious fallen apples, even though they tasted a bit different than the flying ones. There was an unusual dry feeling in her mouth as she chomped her way around the tree, spiraling inward in a decaying orbit around the trunk. Toward the end of the fourth orbit, the spiral became less formed and a bit more wobbly, as the first sine of drunkenness started to have an effect on Newt. She had experienced this only from the receiving end before, when several people flailed around the field trying to shove her about. A few tail-flails and a head butt or two and they'd moved on, but now the cow was a bit more in danger of going cow tipsy herself, instead of being tipped. As the sines continued to accumulate around her, she slowed her pace, counting and cowculating arrivals and departures as measured in munched apples per minute. At a pace of 40 APM she determined that she had achieved an unsteady state equilibrium in terms of the ratio of sine to cowculator. Slowing to 30 APM, the sines started to fade away slowly increasing her steady state, but no longer in equilibrium. That seemed fair. Those sines were just deflecting a good spiral anyway. Having cowculated optimal consequences, Newt proceded to nap for a while, before she would resume her circular consumption.

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