《Noob Superhero》Lesson Twenty–Three: Figure It Out As You Go

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“Together we are stronger!”

–Super Corps Propaganda.

“Don’t get in my way.”

–Dark Fire

Life is full of surprises. I’m moaning at one of the weapons technicians about my suit – I’ve become such a typical superhero – when Stacey walks over and slaps me across the back of the head.

“I bet your dad wouldn’t want you whining like that!” she says, smiling.

The room falls silent – it’s incredibly rare for a member of the support staff to talk directly to a superhero unless in response to a question, and slapping me is technically an act of treason punishable by death. A couple of the stewards rush forward, but I wave them back.

“It’s okay, she’s okay. We knew each other in high school.”

The stewards back off, but only a little. The world has so few superheroes left that they are really nervous about anything happening to us. I even have a bodyguard and a nurse who follow me around the ship.

“Aren’t you glad to see me?” Stacey asks, oblivious to the effects of her actions.

I don’t know what to say – I never expected to see Stacey again, and certainly not on the Cerberus. Stacey laughs at my tongue–tied mumblings.

“Still in shock? Well, I never expected to see you here, either. I only started a week ago. They have been keeping me locked away in the lower decks with the other newcomers.”

I want to talk more, but a senior technician ushers Stacey away without warning. I watch her leave with a sense of both excitement and confusion.

“What the hell is she doing here?” I ask out loud.

I’m not really expecting an answer, but Pet Shark steps out from behind a weapons cabinet and gives me his trademark creepy smile.

“I convinced her to join us… I thought she might be a little bit of added insurance.”

Insurance. Classic Pet Shark.

“I thought you were dead, but I guess I was hoping for too much,” I say.

Pet Shark gives me a small shrug that makes me wonder what he did to stay alive, and who was killed in his place. I don’t think it’s a story I want to hear.

“You seem to take no interest in preserving your own life, but survival is a little hobby of mine,” he says. “The General is coming for us, but even he isn’t insane enough to attack someone holding his daughter. That girl is my escape plan.”

Part of me wonders if he is right; The General doesn’t seem to be in his right mind.

“Take her back,” I demand.

“Make me,” he says and slips out of the room.

I really hate that guy.

I’m sitting on the deck eating a piece of cake when I notice a pair of Comets flying towards us. They veer off and a dozen tiny shapes fall out and assemble in a perfect V. The figure leading them is familiar, even at this distance, and suddenly I have bigger problems than talking to Stacey. I drop my plate of food and leap for the phone next to the barbecue set. I call Dark Fire.

“Boss? I wouldn’t worry too much about coming up with a plan to find The General, because I think he is coming right to us.”

To my surprise, my voice is perfectly calm.

We only just have enough time to get into our suits before our visitors arrive. I’m carrying the squid’s head in an armored container on my back, and a big red switch has been added to my arm to allow me to power the container when I need to. I have never used it before, and no–one else knows how it works, so I suppose I’ll have to figure it out as I go. I’m last onto the deck, and Dark Fire is waiting with the rest of our team, every superhero we can muster. There are less than a dozen of us. The General and his surviving bodyguards circle overhead. I can see Silver Shadows and Crimson Lion, and even Firestorm Commando is up there. They could rip the whole ship apart with their powers, but on the other hand, all our shields are low while we are over the water, so all it would take would be a few well–aimed plasma bolts to take The General and his team down. They must know this.

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“Missiles?” Pet Shark asks eagerly.

“No. The whole point of the Cerberus is that if this day ever came, both sides would have to talk to each other,” Never Lies says.

“You worked that out?” Dark Fire says, impressed.

“On my first day. It was pretty obvious. Do you have a plan?”

“Second Best has a flight dampener that will force them to land. After that, diplomacy is our first plan.”

“And when that fails?”

The superheroes above us falter in the air as Second Best turns on the flight dampener. I take my place next to Dark Fire, my helmet up and my hand next to the switch. Little Voices draws his sword and hums a few tuneless bars of noise. The superheroes above us drop slowly out of the sky and land in front of us. They are heavily armed and ready for a fight, but they hold their guns down and their swords are sheathed. They are trying to look like they are in control, but I can tell they are scared.

I mean, who wouldn’t be? I know I am.

At the back of The General’s pack of superhero thugs is Silver Shadows. He gives me the slightest nod of recognition and I return it. I still don’t know whose side he is on.

The General lands last, his heavy boots denting the metal deck below him.

“A flight dampener… so I suppose Silver Shadows was right; you do want to talk. What if I preferred to crush your traitorous head in my bare hands?” he says to Dark Fire.

“You could try, but we have missiles locked on you right now, and Talented Brat is just itching to use them. I think we should talk first, don’t you?” says Dark Fire evenly.

Firestorm Commando steps up beside The General and whispers something in the master superhero’s ear. The General smiles and nods in agreement.

“We don’t have to talk with you treasonous scum,” Firestorm Commando says loudly. “We don’t have to deal with people like you at all. We have taken control of the Super Corps, and with their power we are ridding the world of all those who would stand against us. We started with people you might know.”

He pulls out a holograph display and shows us dozens of images of scared faces, my father amongst them. I hear the rest of my team hiss and swear in anger, and I think of hitting the big red button on my suit. Not yet, I think to myself, not just yet.

But soon.

“We have been rounding up traitors,” Firestorm Commando says. “And we would like to offer you a choice – join them in prison, or watch them die.”

Most of the Elite Guard isn’t surprised by this proclamation, but Silver Shadows is. He shakes his head angrily.

“This is not acceptable, sir. This is not an honorable course of action, and I think you know that.”

“Traitors,” says The General very softly, and I can see madness in his eyes.

A madness that Firestorm Commando has clearly been taking advantage of. Dark Fire shakes his head sadly.

“I can’t believe it’s finally come to this,” he says sadly, “you threatening our families like this. What kind of people are you?

“Ha! Your families are nothing to us!” says Firestorm Commando scornfully.

“No? They should be, because we swore to protect the world and all of its people,” says Dark Fire very quietly.

“Do not try to distract us with your follies,” The General says. “You know why we are here. You have something I need.”

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“And you have something I need,” counters Dark Fire.

The General pulls a crystal container off his back and places it at his feet. It contains a squid head that is still clutched in the grip of an armored hand. My hand! The squid’s head on my back whispers thoughts of revenge to me, and I listen carefully.

“You don’t know how to use what you have taken, do you?” Never Lies says. “Talented Brat and Second Best won’t help you incorporate it into your suit, and none of your people know how to use it.”

“Shut up!” yells The General.

“They helped us… this dumb kid is carrying around more power than any of you will ever have,” she says, waving at me.

“You are lying!” roars The General.

“She never lies,” I say quietly.

My fingers are playing with the red button on my arm. I think of what I can do with my new power: how I can rip through these false superheroes; how I can rescue my family and save the world. I can do it, and my fingers rest on the switch. Not yet… not yet.

But soon.

“Turn him over to us, and send out your technicians. Do that and we will let you go in peace,” says The General.

Dark Fire snorts derisively.

“I don’t take orders from you,” he says.

“He is the head of the Super Corps, and you will show him some respect!” yells out Firestorm Commando.

Weapons are being powered up and things are getting tense. Dark Fire takes off into the air and floats above our heads; the flight dampeners don’t seem to be affecting him like they do the rest of us.

“Perhaps I should, but I won’t. I’ve known him since we were both trainees, and we were even friends once… but those days are long gone. I lost my wife because of you, Shaun. I lost years of my life because of your jealousy and stupidity. Forget the squid heads; I’ve got a score to settle that’s waited long enough. Let’s go, just the two of us.”

“Do you really think you can beat me?”

“I could always beat you; I’ve just never had to until now. Are you ready? I’ll have my people drop your flight dampeners.”

“I’ll kill you, sink this monstrosity and destroy everything and everyone that ever had meaning to you.”

The General attaches the canister containing his squid’s head to his belt and takes off, flying right through one of the massive cannons, ripping it in two. He and Dark Fire head upwards and then smash into each other with the sound of mountains colliding. Both teams of superheroes stand on the deck and watch the two titans unleash seven kinds of hell on each other, too busy looking up at the gods to remember our own grievances.

The whispers from my back demand I look downwards – Firestorm Commando is standing on the far side of the deck with a large package in his hands. He drops it onto the deck and a giant purple slug slides out. I know it’s a bomb without thinking, and I reach for the red button on my arm.

Not yet… not yet.

The slug starts crawling over the side of the deck downwards towards the waterline where it can do the most damage. I run as fast as I can, which is not fast enough, and by the time I reach the side of the ship the slug is starting to glow bright red.

“Drop the flight dampeners!”

I leap over the side of the ship without waiting for a reply and fall towards the water. My flight kicks back in just as my toes touch water, and I grab the slug and fly upwards. Firestorm Commando is waiting for me and hits me right in the forehead with a plasma bolt. My shields hum and absorb the damage without a problem.

“Once a coward, always a coward,” I say to him.

“Yeah? But once an idiot, always an idiot. That bomb is about to go off!”

The slug is clinging to my arm. It’s getting hot.

“Time to die, idiot,” Firestorm Commando laughs.

He hits the bomb’s trigger.

“No today,” I say.

I hit the red button on my arm and let the whispers fill my body.

The slug melts in my hands, hissing and steaming as it hits the water below. I have such power flowing through me that I find it difficult to concentrate, but Firestorm Commando is bombarding me with all sorts of gunfire that simply slides past me.

“Help me,” Firestorm Commando says, retreating back to his team.

They turn all their guns and powers on me, but all I can hear is a soft thump–thump of their weapons bouncing off my shields. I hover in the air and try to remember where I am and what I am doing. A shuriken catches me in the chest, but I pull out and crumple it like it’s made of wet paper. There is nothing that can hurt me. I am unbreakable, untouchable, unstoppable... but I can’t remember why the team of superheroes on the ship is trying to hurt me. Are they on my side? How can I even tell?

No wonder Simon Smith was so weird.

Little Voices s land beside me. He has been shot in the leg, but I draw the bullet fragments out of his leg and order his flesh to heal. I can see his lips moving, but I can’t hear what he is saying over the buzzing in my ears. I hear a thud and turn to see Crimson Lion standing behind me with a huge axe.

“Go away,” I say, and I send him flying out over the sea.

The rest of the enemy are backing away from me.

“Get out of here!” I yell, and they take off like scared pigeons, fleeing the boat.

“Not you,” I say, pointing at Firestorm Commando.

He freezes in the air, and I draw him back to me. I wave my hand at him and invisible hands pull his armor off him, scattering it across the deck. I flick my fingers at him and the bones in his arm snap loudly. I have the power to punish him any way I want to, and the whispers say I should. Things are about to get really ugly for Firestorm Commando.

“No!” Little Voices says, grabbing my arm. Never Lies pushes the red button on my arm and my powers fade, as does my anger. Firestorm Commando drops to the ground, too scared to move.

“I… I don’t remember what I wanted with you,” I say at last, my mind fills with bright colors and a buzzing noise that makes thought impossible.

“Allow me,” says Small Talk.

He hits Firestorm Commando with a punch that sounds like a truck crashing into a brick wall, sending Firestorm flat onto the deck. It’s good to know my team has my back. Never Lies disconnects his power plant and motions two of our other superheroes to drag him away. I focus the last of my whispers on him and strip him of his ability to fly the superhero suits, casting it out into the ether. That wakes him up, and he screams. Firestorm Commando will never fly again, but I don’t know if that is enough. I want to do more.

“I think… I was going to crush all his organs,” I say, amazed at my own rage.

“No–one deserves that, dude!” Little Voices says.

“I have all your families in prison,” Firestorm screams, “I can have them all killed.”

“Yes, you do have all our families in prison, don’t you? Even my sister. I love my sister,” Never Lies says thoughtfully.

She draws a knife and advances on Firestorm with an expression on her face that makes me think that what I had planned for him might have been kind in comparison. I have never thought of Never Lies as a killer.

“Wait…” I say uncertainly.

Firestorm Commando starts crawling towards the edge of the ship.

“I believe you are heading for a court–martial,” she explains softly, but Firestorm Commando clearly doesn’t believe her. He rolls to his feet and throws himself over the side of the ship.

“Man overboard,” Small Talk calls out, but not very loudly.

We hear a distant splash. Small Talk walks over to a lifesaver ring and throws it over the side, but not anywhere near Firestorm Commando. The Cerberus pushes forward, leaving Firestorm behind. I watch as Firestorm bobs in the waves, and I wonder how good he is at swimming. Not very, judging by how often the waves close over him.

“Good riddance,” I say.

A roll of thunder reminds us that the war overheard continues.

“What if Dark Fire loses?” Never Lies wonders.

“He won’t lose.”

“He may,” says Small Talk.

“I wish we had a plan ‘B’… some kind of insurance,” Never Lies complains.

I can hear Pet Shark laughing at her back. He is standing with Stacey at his side and has a gun pointed at her head. I glare at him, but he isn’t scared of me. Pet Shark smiles knowingly.

“Did someone say insurance? That’s one of my specialties. By the way, I liked the way your drove that idiot off the ship; it just warmed my heart to see.”

“Shut up and go!” I shout, but Stacey is as much his way of controlling me as controlling The General.

I hate Pet Shark, but his villainous ruthlessness may have saved the Cerberus, and maybe even the whole Earth. Above us, the heavens explode in color and chaos as the two old enemies face each other one last time. A final explosion blinds us, and when my vision returns I can see

a point of darkness descending fast, spiraling unsteadily down towards us. We all stop what we are doing to see if it’s Dark Fire or The General, but the air is too full of smoke for us to see much of anything at all. The deck buckles beneath us, and a figure lurches unsteadily out of the smoke.

It’s The General.

It’s The General, and he is still alive.

It’s The General, and if even Dark Fire can’t stop him then I don’t know what hope we have. Dark Fire must be dead.

The General hasn’t had an easy battle, and his armor is torn and badly burned. His helmet is off, and he looks confused and extremely dangerous. He stumbles and looks for his team, but they are long gone. Then he sees Stacey standing beside me, and he loses any sanity and control he has left.

“You! This is all your fault!” he roars, throwing himself at me.

Stacey leaps to my defense before anyone can react, and he slams into her with terrible force, sending them both crashing to the ground. The General seems to fall unconscious for a second, so we roll him off Stacey. She looks badly hurt, and I’ve seen enough battle damage to know she needs to get to a hospital soon. I step forward to help her, but as I do so The General stirs and floats to his feet.

“Stacey?” he says weakly, seeing her body.

“Dad?” she whispers.

“What have you done now?” he screams, turning to me.

“No! You did this! You hit me!” Stacey says.

“Stacey? Where am I? What was I – no, was I going to hurt you? I don’t ever want to hurt you!”

He bends down and grabs her too hard, breaking her arm. She screams in horror and recoils from him, crawling away from him and behind me. The General howls and the ship shakes and rattles as his rage becomes raw bolts of energy.

“You too, Stacey? They have turned everyone I love against me.”

“That’s not–” Stacey says, but he screams at her and she hides her face behind her hands.

I’ve never seen a superhero lose his mind before. Small Talk calls out to The General, but The General’s only reply is to shoot a salvo of plasma bolts across the deck, sending us all diving for cover.

“I’m going to kill you all,” he whispers, and we know he can.

And then Dark Fire shoots out of the sky and hits The General so hard that both their shields explode in crimson light. Dark Fire slides across the ground until he comes to a sudden stop against a wall, and The General falls to his knees. Stacey rushes to his side and holds his head.

“Dad!” she cries, smoothing his hair.

Is it wrong to hope he’s dying? I hope he’s dying. Got Greedy could probably save him, but I don’t want him to. I leave Stacey and her father to check on Dark Fire. He took a heavy hit, but he looks fine apart from what I identify as a mild concussion.

“Did I do it?” he asks weakly.

“You did. I think he’s going to die.”

“I lost the squid head… it might be in the ocean. I never thought I had a chance of actually winning. What do you think of that, Cold Comet? We always thought it would be you who would have stopped him…”

Dark Fire’s voice becomes a mumble and then trails off entirely. I realize that his concussion is far worse than I had first thought, and I call for help. Bad Day grabs him and they disappear to safety.

Little Voices and I don’t leave immediately. We watch from a distance as The General dies. I’m not sure how I feel, because although he ends his life as a villain, he lived most of his life as a hero. I wonder if any of us will end up the same way; if any of us will serve long enough and survive long enough to know how The General felt. I doubt I will.

We make sure Stacey gets to the ship’s hospital, and then we return to the armory and our vigil over the Earth.

Because the saucers never rest, and neither do we.

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