《Noob Superhero》Lesson Fourteen: …So Have A Plan For When Everything Goes Wrong

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“Stay calm and trust in the Corps. We have everything under control

–Superhero Corps official propaganda

“Some days everything goes wrong, despite all the plans and attempts to make things better. Being a superhero doesn’t prevent those days, it amplifies them.”

–Bad Day, email to his brother.

Only seven of us make it to the second titan, and all of us are hurting. Tenchi and I are the only trainees, but we are in better shape than the others. Never Lies has lost one of her cannons, Home Brew is limping, Free Man and Simon Smith are covered in burn marks and cuts, and even Dark Fire is moving more slowly than usual.

“We’re dead,” says Home Brew as we soar in the Comet, and no one disagrees.

The Comet drops us above the city and we fly in formation, a thin shield to stand against the saucer’s great weapon. The city unrolls below, streets and buildings all laid out like a model. Cars and buses rush under our feet as people flee back the way we came. Some look up and wave, but most do not. They are too busy trying to survive, too busy in the struggle and frenzy of escape. The sounds of sirens and screams drift up to us, but they are muffled and far away, noise from another world. We fly in silence, each of us full of both focus and fear. The people below are relying on us; thousands will die if we fail.

I feel like a superhero for the first time; I feel like this is my moment.

We land on the highest tower and wait. We can’t see any other supers in the air. Dark Fire drops a purple emergency flare, a call to any and all superheroes to gather to him. I doubt they will. The first team sent to stop the titan are missing, and it will be too long to wait for any others to arrive. We are alone, but Dark Fire still drops the flare. It sizzles loudly. We can hear the heavy footsteps of the creature approaching, smell the smoke of distant fires. The ugly sounds of a panicking city drift up to us, the crash of cars colliding and distant, useless sirens.

“Any sign of the East Coast Warriors?” asks Never Lies.

The warriors were meant to be protecting this area, but there is no sign of them. I wonder if they have already tried to stop the creature and failed.

“They are not here,” says Simon Smith with worrying confidence.

An enormous red dorsal fin rises over the hills. This titan is different from the last one, with a broad head and two vast cannons on its shoulders. It has long rows of spines taller than the building we are standing on and a pair of long, thin tails that whip from side to side as it approaches. We aren’t the first to try and stop this thing: it's limping, and smoke rises from a long gash on its right side. Whoever did that must have hit it real hard.

Just not hard enough.

“What are we waiting for?” asks Tenchi.

Dark Fire waves him to silence.

“You have a plan, right?” asks Home Brew nervously.

I know his story; he was kicked out of two teams for getting dangerously drunk while on duty. He’s not the kind of superhero you might expect to find at the end of days, yet here he is.

“We have a plan,” says Never Lies, “but it’s a long shot. We won’t blame anyone who leaves now.”

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There is an uncomfortable silence as we consider it.

“I’m staying,” I say at last, “there are too many civilians still out here.”

“I’ll stay,” says Tenchi, “but I want a promotion if we survive. And a dog.”

I laugh, but Tenchi shakes his head.

“I’m serious, I want a dog.”

“I choose to stay,” says Free Man, “which is both the first and last real choice I’ve had in years. I wanted to be a philosopher, you know, not a soldier.”

“You can be both,” I suggest.

“Everyone will know my name after today,” says Simon Smith, and smiles as if that’s all that matters. I don’t know if he’s planning to leave business cards when we’re done here, and I’m not about to ask him.

“You’re a weird guy, Simon Smith,” I say, “but I’m glad you’re here.”

“Call me… Simon.”

Home Brew looks like he might fly off, but he doesn’t.

“I’m staying,” he says at last, “I would never forgive myself if I left now. I can’t believe that brewing a few beers landed me here. I’m never drinking again.”

“I’m glad you are all staying,” says Dark Fire.

“We’ll be fine,” says Tenchi.

“No, we probably won’t,” says Never Lies, “there is no use pretending otherwise.”

Two parachutes open in the sky, little flowers of home almost lost in the big blue forever. They circle, see the flare and head to join us.

“It’s Perth Rose and Three Brothers,” I say.

I didn’t see them in the fight earlier. It looks liked they just arrived from the Cerberus. They are each holding a red bag almost as big as I am, but they aren’t carrying any other weapons. The bags are connected directly to their power suits by thick tubes, something I have never seen before. Whatever they are, they’re powered by the suits. They land gently beside us, and Dark Fire checks them over.

“How long?” asks Dark Fire.

“Seven minutes to minimum charge, eleven to maximum charge,” answers Perth Rose. He looks like he’s been crying.

“And you’re both sure about this?”

They nod in unison.

“Okay. Start the first charge now, the second charge in five minutes. We’ll try rip open an entry for you. The best plan is to hit it as it crosses the parkland if we can. Otherwise just hit it as best you can. Set?”

“Set,” we all say and we start to move.

“Wait,” orders Dark Fire, “I know the odds are stacked against us, but they always were. People are relying on us. We can do this. We can!”

“We can do this,” echoes Never Lies.

“We can,” says Free Man.

“Call me Simon Smtih.”

“Set?”

“Set!”

Perth Rose pulls a cord on his suit and the bag starts pulsing with light. Dark Fire starts a timer on his arm then waves us into the air. We rise together.

“Thank you,” Dark Fire calls out, and I don’t think he’s talking to us.

“I’ll draw the fire,” I say, and race ahead of the others.

They call me back, but I don’t respond. My shields are back to full, and I know what I have to do. My only real skill as a superhero is taking a beating, so it’s better that the titan focusses on me rather than my friends. I dive and spin as best I can, but the alien titan hits me with everything it’s got. My suit vibrates and rolls under the fire, and all of my alarms start ringing.

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I really need a master switch to mute those things.

A missile hits me and pushes me to the ground. I have a few seconds of respite to check on my team as they fly over. A plasma storm engulfs Home Brew and he falls right out the sky and crashes into a rooftop bar in a spray of glass. He’s up again in seconds, but then a pair of missiles find him and he falls again. Free Man lands beside him, but then both are covered in green smoke and I lose sight of them.

Huge missiles fill the air. Simon Smith flies overhead, followed by a cloud of rockets the size of buses. He points at the titan and the missiles arc past him and at the beast. The titan turns its head and blasts two of the missiles out of the air, but the others catch it right between its enormous eyes and stun the beast.

“Go Simon!”

A squid-liked alien drops out of the sky and wraps its tentacles around my legs. I blast it and stamp it into pieces. The squid dissolves into an oily green gas.

“Weird.”

The gas clumps and reforms, so I blast it again.

A triclops armed with axes charges at me, and I blast it with my color cannon. Tenchi lands beside me and slaps me on the back.

“I remember when one of those nearly killed us,” he says.

“Yeah, now all we have to do is worry about that titan.”

“And those things,” he says, pointing his sword at three octo-apes and a cube-tank overhead.

“I’ll take the hit and then the tank,” I say, charging my cannon.

Tenchi ducks behind me and we leap forward together. The cube-tank hits me in the chest, but I drop Tenchi right into the octo-apes and he cuts into them. I take out the tank with one shot and then land just in time to smash an octo-ape on the head, stunning it. Tenchi shoves his sword through the thing’s chest and cuts until it stops moving.

I get back into the air just as one of the titan’s massive shoulder cannons fires. It hits me square on and smashes me into the sky. I fly high above the city, spinning dangerously. My shields flicker and die, but my new suit of armor keeps me alive.

I pull a parachute cord and once again offer a prayer of thanks to whoever is in charge of packing my little lifesavers. I stabilize and start dropping through the air when I see four new superheroes joining us. They are flying in perfect formation, unconcerned about taking fire or conserving energy. I recognize one of them immediately: his poster is probably still hanging above my bed.

The General has arrived, and he’s brought his friends along. They’re called the Elite Guard and I’m not sure whether I should be celebrating or running right now. They are the best of the best, the most power and beautiful superheroes on the planet, and if anyone can save the day it’s them.

But there should be twelve of them, not four.

I swoop towards the titan to where Dark Fire and my team are trying to burn through its neck.

“The General and his people are incoming,” I say, “don’t know what you want to do about it.”

Dark Fire drops a purple flare onto the creature’s back.

“Put your visor down, kid, you don’t want him to see you!”

We’ve almost cut a hole through the creature’s armor when the Elite arrive. They don’t talk to us, they don’t even look at us, they just swoop down and start dishing out incredible amounts of damage.

I watch in awe as Golden Zeus uses a lance to cut a piece of the creature’s armor right off, but then he gets hit by a missile and slammed into a building. A second super drops next to me, rolling hard. I fly next to him and help him up as cube-tanks strafe us.

“Thanks,” he says.

The name on his suit says Silver Shadows, but Silver Shadows is a bit of a legend and this guy only looks a few years older than me.

“I have your poster on my wall,” I say, and then immediately feel stupid.

This is not the time, idiot.

“Charming. I’ll sign it if we survive. Now, where’s the boss?”

I point out The General, but Silver Shadows shakes his head. He sees Dark Fire and lands next to him, adding his own cutting rays to theirs. I cover them as best I can, using my body to shield theirs.

“…took one down already, but lost most of the team. This one is larger,” says Silver Shadows.

“Copy. We took one down, too. I have a bomb for this one, but we need to cut through the armor!”

The titan shakes itself violently, sending us flying. I land hard in a tree, and struggle to get out.

“On your feet, convict!” yells The General as he flies past.

He may hate my unit, but at least he doesn’t know who I am.

He slams into the titan’s side and the whole creature rocks from side to side. He’s doing a lot of damage, but not enough. Golden Zeus is back, teaming up with a superhero called Lion Heart who has a huge red mane. He starts blasting away with a plasma cannon, but he’s nowhere near as accurate as Never Lies and he doesn’t achieve much.

Free Man rushes past me in a blur of energy but is stopped suddenly by a host of tiny seeker missiles. An octo-ape lands on his head but is blown away by Lion Heart is on the ground, surrounded by octo-apes. He punches one into a building, blasts another with lasers and launches a missile that spirals out of control and hits a tree. A cube tank hits him hard, and he doesn’t get up.

This is not looking good.

The titan keeps moving, oblivious to everything we throw at it. It will hit the city soon, and all I can think of is those long queues of cars filled with people.

“This thing isn’t stopping,” I say, “I don’t think we are hurting it.”

“This titan can heal itself!” Never Lies says.

“And the Elite Guard are getting their asses kicked!” I say.

“Is Silver Shadows with the boss?” she asks, and I nod.

She cuts me out of the tree and we fly back to Dark Fire and Silver Shadows. I see what she means: the creature is growing new turrets and horns as it moves, and heavy plates of armor are sliding over whatever holes we have managed to make in its skin.

“Saucerhat!” I yell back, but she doesn’t respond.

“Three minutes still!” she yells at Dark Fire, “and this thing is healing itself.”

“Focus fire here!” says Dark Fire, and together we burn our way through the red armor. Golden Zeus joins us when he sees what we are doing, but not The General. He focusses on the creature’s massive legs, trying to break them. The titan shudders each time The General hits it, but it doesn’t stop.

Tenchi and I guard the others as they work together to pull up strips of armor up. Simon Smith lands beside me and places a hand on the titan; it shudders and its healing slows.

A spider-scorpion climbs over the titan’s back and rushes us, but Tenchi cuts it into two. Its tail wiggles across the titan’s back, and I blast it.

“Does it get worse than this?” Tenchi asks.

“Sometimes it’s raining,” I say with a smile.

Together we seem to be making progress. They have stripped away the titan’s metal hide down to the strange metal tubes that form its arteries and muscle. Dark Fire disappears inside the beast, burning his way deeper. He emerges after a few seconds.

“When I say move, we move!” he says.

“Time!” shouts Never Lies.

“Move!”

We take off together, the faster supers helping the slower ones through the air as we struggle to gain height. The titan fires missiles and lasers up at us but we evade the worst of them. Perth Rose is waiting in the sky, the red bag on his shoulder glowing brightly.

“Land!” orders Dark Fire, and even the Elite Guard do as he says.

Dark Fire lands on the grass.

“Gather!” he yells loud enough that all hear him.

We land beside him. We are all tired, all injured, all without hope. I don’t think I can even take off again.

“Ten seconds,” Dark Fire says.

“We’re too close,” says Never Lies.

Perth Rose glides out of the sky, down towards the monster, and disappears into the gash we managed to cut.

No time for escape, anyway. I guess we die here.

“This would be a good death,” says Dark Fire, “but I’m not ready to die today!”

He adjusts something on his suit and places his hands on my arm. Power surges through my suit and my shield powers up, expanding into a dome of over-locking green plates. I’ve never felt so much energy in my suit. The rest of the team add their power to my shield until the air is buzzing with blue discs that form a dome around us.

“Is this going to work?” asks Golden Zeus doubtfully.

Personally I doubt that it will, but what do I know?

“You can do this, dude,” says Tenchi.

“Focus!” orders Dark Fire.

The titan explodes like a volcano, casting out chunks of burning and liquid metal into the air. The debris rains down on us, hammering my shield. The air fills with smoke and I start coughing inside my helmet. My lungs are burning but I need to keep my shields up to save myself and my friends. I drop down to one knee, but unseen arms grab me and help me to my feet.

A massive metal leg lands on us, rolling off my shield with a bang loud enough to wake the dead. Somebody swears in an Australian accent. A second shockwave hits us and my shield thins, falters and then fades entirely. I gasp in surprise and power rolls through my body and arcs to the ground. There’s nothing more for me to do, and all I know is that the next hit will be my last. I close my eyes.

Nothing more falls from the sky, and after a few seconds I relax enough to open my eyes.

Still alive.

Silver Shadows is leaning on Never Lies, and I don’t think that either Free Man or Home Brew made it. The other supers limp off, a couple leaping into the sky.

“What about Three Brothers?” Tenchi asks.

I had forgotten about her, but that’s okay. She has a few minutes to disarm the bomb, time enough to save herself. We could even help her, if she needed.

“There she goes,” says Dark Fire, pointing at the small figure rising into the sky. She flies away from the city, away from us, away from any chance of survival.

“What is she doing?” I yell.

“The bomb cannot be disarmed,” Dark Fire says quietly, “look away.”

He doesn’t, and neither do we. I follow Three Brothers until she is a speck in the sky before losing her.

“She’s entering the clouds,” says Tenchi.

The explosion tears through the sky in streams of blinding golden light. It’s a minute before the shockwave hits. It's far away, but still strong enough to throw us around. I blink until my eyesight returns. There is no sign of Three Brothers, or of the cloud she flew into. The sky is a perfect blue, and the sun is shining.

And Dark Fire looks as tired as I feel.

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