Gaffriel 57

Niala had a panicked moment when she realized we were penniless and stranded. We had no food, water, or shelter options, but my random act of greed not hours before had secured us. A few crisp bundles of hundred-dollar bills tucked into my pant leg did us wonders to buy a cheap hotel room. I looked young, but my height made people not question things. We hosed off at a padded concrete area where they put food stalls. We got most of the blood off of ourselves, and we bustled into town on foot. Niala had a spare shirt in one of her pockets that didn’t quite fit me, but it didn’t have bullet holes.

The clerk barely gave me a second glance before tossing me keys. I thought I might have to make Niala use her oblivion, but hotel desk workers were, as it seemed, not too big on checking IDs. So that’s how we got there, in a cheap motel with a lukewarm shower, a single king-sized bed, and complimentary bags of peanuts that we couldn’t eat.

“Think we’ll be safe?” Niala asked.

“Who knows,” I shrugged as I kicked off my shoes, socks and started on my pants before I noticed her cheeks went mottled red.

“Right,” I said, sighing. We had no spare clothes. We had nothing to our names but a hundred dollars short of three bundles of bills. She usually carried a little cash with her, but the bills were holy and bloodstained.

“I’m getting a shower,” She told me, and I wasn’t going to argue. But she stayed in there a while. I called myself patient, but I didn’t want to leave her alone after what we went through.

“Niala?” I called out, asking as I heard a sniffle through the door.

“Yeah?” Her voice wavered.

“You’re crying,” I told her.

“Yeah.”

“You ok?” I put my hand to the door and waited for her answer.

“No,” She whispered just loud enough for me to hear.

“I’m coming in, cover-up,” I told her.

I counted to five and didn’t hear anything, so I pushed in, and she sat in the tub, eyes wide open, shower running, fully clothed, and just…let the water rain down on her. She looked like a drowned rat, I mean, the best-looking drowned rat I’d ever seen, but I don’t think she needed to be alone.

She didn’t look up as I sidled in behind her, didn’t flinch as I wrapped my arms around her, and only let loose a shaking sob when I squeezed her around her waist, tight to me. My head throbbed, and I was still a little dizzy, but her aura dominated the small space.

“Ni?” I asked.

Her hand reached up to my arm and squeezed in acknowledgment. I leaned my face forward, chin on her shoulder, and closed my eyes as the lukewarm water trickled down.

“We’re ok,” I promised her.

I could see the hollow look in her eyes, and I don’t know why I did it, but I brought my hands up to her face, covered her open eyes, and whispered to her ear.

“Close your eyes. I’m here. You’re not trapped. I promise you,” I told Niala but still shook, tensed.

“I make do a try for your happy. I love you with all my fires,” I whispered to her ear in the best Anil I could manage. I heard her breath hitch in her chest, but she shook, still scared.

“Tie amma vai,” I whispered to her ear, and I could feel tears stinging my eyes. I knew those words, barely, not Anil, but what she spoke before. It seemed to snap her from the moment, just like it did when we were kids, and I tightened my arms around her.

“You can’t mean it,” She whispered to me.

“With all my heart, all my fires,” I promised her.

She turned over to lay on my front, the water sloshing around us. She buried her face in my neck and rubbed her cheek up and over mine.

“Gaff, please just kiss me,” She breathed in deep sighs as she brushed her lips to mine.

I was reminded of our earlier kiss, the forced thing with teeth and light, then severe delighted pecks. It was awful. She’d never kissed anyone before, and it showed. I mean, I had, but she never even thought about it, and I let my own desires carry me away.

I hooked a finger under her chin to control her movements, brushed my lips to hers, and kissed just as light as a feather’s touch. I liked the feeling of Niala on me, laying there, breathing, touching lips with the barest of brushes.

I parted my lips and let my tongue brush over hers, invited into her mouth. She went still and less frenzied, letting me guide her with little soft noises of pleasure. I could feel her Ikris twitching as I drew my hand around to her back, her mana desperate to touch mine.

“Take my hand,” I told her, whispering over her lips as my hand on her back moved to catch one of her hands. We shared our fires, completing the circuit as I took my hand from her chin. I let her balance herself atop me, and we let our fires go. Her breathy noises drove me, but I held myself back. I just needed her. She just needed me, and our soft kisses turned into something more, yet less. My mouth found her neck, and in traveling kisses, hers found mine. Even still, our fires melded, and the tingles she sent through me made me shudder, and once again, far too aware of my body. The next shower that this bathroom gave would be ice-cold.

I pushed her off, easing her from me. She clutched for me, but I just sat up and clung to her, pushing my face into her neck, away from her mouth. My hands slipped from hers.

“I’ll share my fires as we need, kiss you when you want, hold you when you’re sad. I’ll mark you as mine with my ault, and you can mark me too, but I don’t think either of us is ready for what you’re asking for,” I told Niala, and it pained me to say it. The penultimate urge to feel the sear of a binding mark across my leg rose within me.

“I thought you wanted-,” Her eyes formed pools of darkest grief.

“Oh, I do, so freaking bad. I want it worse than anything I’ve ever wanted in my entire life, but I made promises to keep you safe. I promised Kiromir that I’d prove myself,” I told her. It hurt so bad to say that, to tell her ‘No,’ to pull away from that moment.

“Why not, then?” She asked, and I wanted to kiss the hurt away.

“Because we’re kids, and because I made a promise. I want to earn it.”

“You already have,” She breathed, and I closed my eyes, turned off the shower, and stood.

“That’s enough. I can’t take a moment more! We’re both in the wrong here.” I filled myself with as much wavering conviction as I could manage. She looked up at me, betrayed, desperate for something close, “Feathers sake...” I couldn’t stand to see her there whimpering, crying over me, wanting me that badly. This moment constituted eighty percent of all the dreams I’d had since the day my fires came.

I felt over my neck, looked down at hers, where our kisses had gone from tender to hungered. I closed my eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, “Kiromir’s going to kill me.”

I slipped from the shower and struggled to get a towel over my clothes to keep me from dripping.

“I’m going out to the store to see about something for us to wear,” I told her. It was the dead of night, but there was a mega store not a mile down the road with signage still up. I hesitated for a moment, and the raw hurt on her face made me stop. I couldn’t help it, and I leaned down for a soft kiss to her temple. Then I left as fast as I could.

I toweled my hair and stumbled out of the hotel, hoping the night air would be cold enough on my wet clothes to chill that particular ‘need’ out of me.