I felt uncomfortable. I was being stared at by a beautiful woman. While in most cases that would be something to be lauded, right now, her gaze threatened to strip me of all my secrets and leave me bare.

I was sitting in a really comfy black leather recliner, most of the lights in the room were dim, and next to me sat Anna. Standing at six feet three inches, one of the tallest women I have ever met, she stared at me with her piercing blue eyes. Her slightly pale hands were holding on to a legal pad and a pencil, her reddish-brown hair stopping just below her shoulders. As she continued to examine me, she said, “You know if you didn’t want to come you shouldn’t have called. The fact is that you called your therapist, so you’re never getting out of this one. Now tell your big sister what’s wrong or I’ll beat it out of you.”

“See! I’m regretting this already. Why in the world did I have to choose you ten years ago? I was just eight. Did I really have to choose the college graduate as my therapist? I should have gotten an old man.”

“Solare stop deflecting my question and answer me.”

I sighed. I put myself in this position. Lamenting that I acted responsible for once, I answered, “I got an excellent result in the talent test so now I have to learn magic.”

She put both her hands together and tilted her head back. “Thank the lord. We can finally make some progress.”

“What do you mean? I think we made excellent progress. I no longer want to attack everything I can see.”

Anna stopped smiling and became solemn. “Solare, I know that you have come to terms with the accident and you no longer attack anything magical, you can’t be in denial. As your therapist and more importantly, someone who truly loves you, I need to make sure you get this straight. You put up a logical and unemotional front, and you are very smart, you are just repressing your emotions. As evidenced by those bindings I see, you still have problems managing your anger. You react in extremes, extreme logic and extreme emotion. We talked about this before so while I won’t necessarily call it bipolar disorder, it’s extremely similar. Not only that but you have been ignoring and repressing any magical knowledge which you don’t expressly need. You don’t know and don’t care about magical history, mana theory, and any of the other classes you have taken. I get your quarter grades you know. How someone has a 97% and above in all nonmagical classes and a 0% in the rest can’t be explained besides a lack of effort. You need to stop isolating yourself. I would try to do this less directly but you don’t have much time. Even in the reports you send me about the people you meet, you describe their looks and personality but not once do you talk about their abilities. You can talk about magic, but anything personal or any real progress and you break down. Let me ask you this… what is my affinity?”

I sat there silently. Eventually, I replied, “I don’t know.”

“DAMN IT SOLARE. We have known each other for ten years, you met me when I was twenty-six, and it was one of the first things I told you. I have used it on multiple occasions in front of you and you sure as hell have seen it.”

“I DON’T KNOW.”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know. TELL ME NOW SOLARE.”

Jumping up I grabbed the reclining chair and threw it across the room. Panting heavily, I stood there in front of Anna. Slowly, I calmed down and sat on the floor. Putting my head through my knees I sat there, ashamed.

Anna got up and put her arms around me. “I’m sorry. None of the other methods have worked. You say that you’re cured but you just keep it bottled up. I feel guilty making you lose your temper, but this is the only way I can get through to you. Now tell me. What is my affinity.”

Looking up I said softly, “Fire. Your affinity is fire.”

She smiled. “Good, now why is fire easy for me to manipulate? Tell me.”

“You can manipulate and control fire very easily. While you can’t make big explosions and you don’t have that much power, you can easily bend it to your will. Your personality is like a flame in the hearth, warm to be around and you provide a sense of safety. You never get angry and you are like a constant, ever burning candle in the darkness. It’s why you make such a good therapist and such a good big sister.”

Anna stood back up, helping me to my feet. “Bring back my chair. You best hope you didn’t damage it.” I walked over and dragged the chair back to its initial position. I sat back down and lied back as if nothing happened. “Now Solare, this is my assignment for you. You no longer need to send me reports on what you do every-day and some of the methods you use to control your anger. I should have done this type of exposure therapy sooner but I didn’t want to hurt you. These next two months, you are now required to send me a report on every magical phenomenon you see every night. Also, you have to see me every two days so I can help you cultivate your mana.”

“Fine.” I quickly packed my things. I wanted out as soon as possible. I put on my coat and picked up my backpack. Just as I was rushing out the door Anna called out to me.

“Wait.”

“What?”

“Payment. I’m not free remember.”

I reluctantly walked towards Anna. She closed her eyes as if waiting for something. As fast as possible I gave her a peck on the cheek and ran out. She called out from inside the office, “You’re just as shy as when I first met you. Grow up a little!”

LOG 1:

I noticed a mugging happening on the street. Speaking of the street, some magic was used to clean it. Downtown is still poorer than the rest of D.C, but it looks just as clean.

LOG 6:

I hailed a taxi today to go eat lunch outside. The magic core provided energy to the entire vehicle. No more are the fuel exhausts and the loud engine sounds. Although, at times you can hear enthusiasts roaring in the streets. You need a special permit to use gas and its super expensive to refuel at private stations.

LOG 25:

Just came back from a session with you. I still don’t get the point of this. I get exposure, but like, you can see if there is improvement without making me do all this work. Anyway, today I saw a weather balloon floating up in the air. You could see some mages flying up with the balloon, releasing some sort of substance from a machine. After further research it turns out that it was one of the routine ozone fixes by the government. A scientist from the EPA would go up and release a synthesized magical mixture of mana and the gas. It repairs the damage done by pollutants. Finally, I told my superior I can no longer continue my internship due to my unfortunate circumstances. On the other hand, he was very delighted. Since the Worldwide Center for Health falls under the purview of the omnipresent ICM. He talked about finally having someone on the inside so his experiments could get more funding.

LOG 51:

As evidenced by yourself, in today’s session I finally made progress. Before, as I tried to draw in the mana from the outside I had always failed because I rejected the mana instinctively. However now, I made some progress. While I still abhor the magic, I recognize its use as a tool. I also have no longer continued ignoring the world around me. While there is still the old-world brick, steel, and cement structures on the ground, there is a new layer to the city. While the masses walked underneath, above are shiny new mana powered trams that run across the city, the ICM embassy replacing the Washington Monument as the tower to visit in D.C, and the overall adaptation to a more magical way of living. It seems you are right sometimes. However, I recognize there is no way that my trauma will easily go away. As an aspiring doctor myself I know that I probably accepted the way things are on the surface but one day I might erupt. Hopefully I can control myself then.

Log 64:

This is my last log for the summer. Tomorrow, I finally apply to college, although I wonder why the admissions are so delayed. The school year starts in a week. Tomorrow is also my last session of therapy with you, the almighty Anna, where you will 100% with no doubt help me determine my elemental affinity. Right? Please don't fizz out on me.