As the other unit members and I went to the crime scene on horseback, I asked them, “Who is Unit Leader Zhu?”

Luo Qingshan stared at me in disbelief. “Do you have dementia? He’s the one you knocked down during the selection competition.”

“Oh, that bastard.” I shrugged it off as I saw a sign that read: Cuandixia Village. Stopping our horses, I walked into the village lord’s house.

There was a body placed in the centre of the hall, covered by a sheet, along with a woman and a boy crying over it. Before we started our investigations, we gave the two our condolences. They asked us to make sure to avenge Unit Leader Zhu.

The other three had grave looks on their faces as they waited for the lady and her son to stop crying. Once she did, I pulled the sheet to the side.

“Wait, what are you doing?” A man tried to stop me.

“Determining the cause of death. An autopsy.” I replied, crouching down so that I could actually pull the autopsy off.

“W-who are you? Didn’t the investigative team just leave to get tools?” The man asked.

“We’re not from the investigative team. We’re from the undertakers’.” I joked with bad timing. The lady and her son began sobbing. The other three glared at me, and Luo Qingshan went over to comfort the two. Tang Yue crouched down next to me, and asked, “What are you doing? We don’t have tools.”

“Like I said, an autopsy.” I replied nonchalantly, “Why would you need tools to do one?”

I checked the body for wounds. There were none visible, so I used my fingers to check in places that couldn’t be seen normally, i.e., behind the ears.

When I realised that there were none, I used internal Qi to cut off his shirt. Everyone was shocked—who would do an autopsy with nothing but their hands? However, there were still none. I checked around his arms, his chest, etc, but there were still no wounds. Cutting off his pants, I checked his legs. Still no dice. At the risk of looking gay, I cut off his underpants. Still no wounds.

“Fuck, Tang Yue, come over.” I said, gesturing for him to transfer some internal energy into my body. I didn’t need it, but in order to not expose my real strength. Meanwhile, everyone else was looking on, horrified. I turned, saw his life rod, and covered it with a half of his underpants.

Using Tang Yue’s internal strength, I probed the inside of his body and the way that it worked. However, before I could find the cause of death, Tang Yue’s internal Qi ran out, so I got Tong Xun to transfer his energy to me. With the new internal Qi within my body, I continued checking on the wounds. By then I determined the cause of death: Explosion of spiritual Qi. His spiritual Qi went on a rampage within his body, causing his internals to shatter and his heart to stop, hence resulting in his death. The cause of the explosion was unknown.

It could be due to Qi deviation, and it could also be due to a disruption in the flow, whether from an attack or a poison.

“Ma’am, did he go through any traumatic events?” I asked her, trying to find the cause of the Qi explosion.

“N-no. The only thing that happened was that……he visited the village since it……was my father’s death anniversary.”

“So the son-in-law and father-in-law have the same death date……got it.” I remarked without thinking, making the lady break down in sobs once again. Luo Qingshan shot a dirty look at me as she tried to comfort the lady once again.

At that moment, another group of five entered the house. “What the hell are you doing?”

I looked over, and just ignored the five of them. They looked shocked.

“Who did this?” Asked an investigator, pointing at the naked corpse. The other three pointed at me. The investigator picked me up by the shirt, and asked, “Do you know what you’ve done?”

“An autopsy, why?” I replied nonchalantly.

“You have destroyed evidence, and still haven’t found the cause of the injury! What should I say to the woman and her son if I can’t find the cause of death now?” The investigator shouted, increasing his grip on my shirt, “Can you take responsibility for this? Explaining to the pair that because of some shit that you did, you are unable to find the murderer?”

“Fuck, who said I didn’t find the cause of death?” I cursed, pointing at the corpse, “He died of a Qi explosion. If you investigate his organs, there was a path from his Taiyi point to his stomach, and then to his liver, and the other organs. They were all shattered, and there is evidence that the blood flowed backwards just before he died.” I replied, pointing out the evidence. I also pointed out how most of his blood valves were inverted, seemingly by force.

The other three looked at me with shock. I know that look very well. You can think? They’re probably wondering right now.

The investigator was stunned as he used his internal Qi to check my claims. After a while, he coughed, and said, “It might be correct, but this isn’t your right to butt into this matter.”

Time to con people. “My comrade in arms just died, and you say that I cannot see if he is fine? I fought with him, drank with him, played with him, investigated things with him, and yet I’m not qualified to see his corpse? We were like brothers in life, yet you say that I cannot check on his corpse because I’m not in a specialised group?” I bullshitted my way out of this, even using a little bit of qigong to stimulate by tear ducts to look like I’m crying.

Luo Qingshan: ……?

Tang Yue: ……?

Tong Xun: ……?

Investigator: “I’m terribly sorry for your loss, but I can’t let evidence be destroyed just like that.” He turned towards the woman and her son to question them about something.

“Son of a—what bullshit! You just joined the corps yesterday!” Tong Xun commented disdainfully. The investigator immediately turned to me, to see my satisfied face. The woman and son also glared at me.

“Hehe, I’ll send myself out.” I grinned as I left the house. Everyone was speechless at my shamelessness.

As I left, Tang Yue followed me. I turned around and scowled, since I had some investigations of my own to do. “Why are you here? Aren’t you going to watch the investigations?”

“You……You’re hiding your strength, right?” Tang Yue asked, as I stopped walking.

“Nope, I’m just a weak bastard that cannot do shit.” I replied.

“You’re lying. I felt a vast sea of internal Qi within your body.” Tang Yue said. Why did he have to become Tang Bo Hu at this time?

“That was your own internal Qi.” I replied in a final tone, shutting down this conversation. Tang Yue was quite an introvert, so I shouldn’t worry about him spreading the news. If not, I would bribe him with wine from my shiye’s stash. They were all 100-plus years old wine, so I could probably bribe him with one or two jugs. “Why are you here?”

“Luo Qingshan sent me. She said that if we left you alone, you would do something stupid.” Tang Yue replied.

“Then, I’m sorry.” I punched him in the stomach, which didn’t hurt him at all. Injecting some internal Qi into his body, I stimulated a few acupuncture points, causing him to faint. He couldn’t even blink blacking out.

Walking across a street, an alley, and a square, I saw a building that looked ordinary. I didn’t hesitate, and simply entered.

. . .

“Fuck!” A man wearing black cursed, “Imbecile, why did you put that much poison into his tea?”

A tall but thin man crouched on the floor, “Your subject knows his wrongs, I should’ve put half a millilitre less!”

Sighing, the man wearing black cursed as he watched the tall man crouching. “I shall forgive you under one condition.”

“What—Sorry, I mean could you tell me what it is?”

“Death.” The tall man didn’t have time to blink before he saw a headless body crouching on the floor. By the time he realised that the man never had the intention to forgive him, he was already dead.

The man wearing black cursed as he sheathed his sword once again. What was this imbecile thinking? Didn’t I tell him to put exactly half a millilitre of poison into the tea? Now that someone had died due to his plan, the authorities were on the lookout, causing his plan to cease temporarily. Except he didn’t have the time to cease it, he had to start it within two days.

“Fuck, I should’ve done it myself.” The man in black looked to the ceiling regrettably.

“Yes, you should’ve done it yourself.” An indifferent and cold voice could be heard from a corner of the room.

“Who’s there?” The man questioned, using his internal energy to probe the corner where the voice came from.

“Who’s anywhere, really. We’re just a bunch of things on a place we perceive to be space, but what is true ‘space’?” Again, that indifferent voice that was cold enough to freeze the atmosphere. It was like the voice of a devil. But a devil would express craziness, greed, anger, something. However, there was no emotion within that voice.

“Who are you? I beg, please spare me!” The man in black recognised that this was not an enemy that he could defeat.

“Who is anyone? Who is actually a thing, and what is someone? What meaning does our identities have for people to want to know them so much?” The voice replied, this time from behind the man in black.

“Let me tell you who I am, since you can’t tell.” The voice was in both of the man in black’s ears, making him shiver, “I am your father.”

The voice laughed as the man in black felt a pain in his neck, and nothing else……

. . .

I walked out of the house, having settled some business. When I first entered the room of the village lord, I smelt the smell of a poison. It was faint, but definitely there, especially if your used internal Qi to increase your sense of smell. If you’ve smelt it once, you’ll know, just like how people who have smelt cyanide before will know when there is any cyanide within the room.

The poison in question is called the Lock of Pure Spirit. Its name sounds quite calm and peaceful, but it’s anything but. With half a millilitre, you can prevent a man from using internal Qi for a few days. Whenever they do, it is accompanied with extreme pain along with a drastic decrease in circulation speed. However, giving too much would result in the poison causing your internal Qi to flow backwards, shattering your organs and causing your blood to flow backwards. You will still be alive for a few shi, experiencing extreme pain as your body shuts itself down.

I simply followed the smell of the poison to the murder site, to where the poison was ingested, and then back to the place where the poisoner took the poison out from. I walked up to where Tang Yue was out cold, and laid down a few chi[1]away from him, and knocked myself out in the same way that I did to Tang Yue.

Shit, I forgot to question the bastard, I thought as my consciousness went to black.

When I woke up, again, the other two members of the unit were standing in front of me. “Oi! Wake up already. Everyone’s ready to go back but you.” Tong Xun shook me awake, before slapping me twice. I nearly blocked it, but I made sure to delay it by a touch so that I looked like I reacted too late.

“So you’re awake. Let’s go.” The four of us jumped onto our horses, before heading onto the road to the capital.

“What happened?” I shouted to the other two to be heard over the sound of the hooves.

[What do you mean what happened? We should be asking you that.] A voice appeared in my ear. I recognised this to be a standard skill, voice transmission. Actually, everyone knows some voice transmission skill, so we could communicate in this way. It was actually better to communicate in this way, since you could talk privately. Furthermore, it was a spiritual message, so it couldn’t be drowned out by sound.

[No, like what happened when the two of us were out?] I transmitted my voice to the two useful people.

[We just did some investigations, and found out that the person who poisoned Unit Leader Zhu were already dead.] Lue Qingshan explained.

[Was it a man in black and a tall man?]

[[How did you know?]] Both of them stared at me, startled.

[I calculated using my fingers.] I replied, grinning.

[Oh, yeah why was there blood on your clothes?] Luo Qingshan asked. This voice transmission was probably sent privately to me, so at least I knew that she had some discretion.

[I coughed up blood when I was beaten unconscious.] I replied flatly.

[What actually happened for the two of you to be knocked out? I can understand you, but Tang Yue?] Tong Xun asked, curious.

[There was a man, and he hit me, and I guess brother Wuming later.] Tang Yue replied for me.

[Just a man? Maybe he was the one that took care of the criminal.] Tong Xun transmitted, [I should go thank him if I ever meet him.]

You’re welcome, I would’ve said if it wouldn’t expose my identity.

[[[For what?]]] The three of them looked at me, confused. Oh fuck, I didn’t turn off voice transmission.

[Nothing.] I replied, dodging the topic.

Hell, my retired life is going like shit. First, Captain Su, then Tang Yue, and then the other two. Damn it, if I would’ve known that the situation would be like this, I would’ve gone to some other city instead. Maybe Shanghai or Wuhan or Nanjing, definitely not Beijing.

[Oh, yeah, how are you so good at doing autopsies?] Tang Yue asked, making everyone else’s ears perk up.

[I was bored in my sect, so I learnt the entire physiology of the human body. Also, I’m better at internal cultivation, and not external cultivation, so I naturally know about the acupuncture points.] I replied.

The following journey was done is silence as I pondered about what goals the two men could’ve had. After all, they intended to cripple him instead of killing him. Of course, there were those sick people who want to cuck him before killing him, but it was unlikely that they would go to such lengths for something like that.

From what I remember, Unit Leader Zhu was not strong, so they could’ve simply abducted him, tied him up with strong rope, and problem solved, they can cuck him all they want. In fact. They can probably cuck him for a longer period of time if they did.

Hence, I believe that they have some other goal.

Did they plan to…No, that’s pointless. What does a small village like Cuandixia village have that they want to seize it?

As I debated the reasons for them to hatch such a plan, I didn’t realise that we had already reached the Imperial Capital.

“Oi, why are you still on your horse? We’re already at Beijing.” Tang Yue asked.

“Sorry.” I hopped off, and pulled it to the stables, and went back to the manor. Upon reaching the manor, I went to Captain Su’s office to report.

“We have determined the cause of death. However, the suspected culprits are dead, and we are unable to determine the motive of the murder.” I reported.

“OK. What’s the cause of death?” Captain Su asked, curious.

“It was Qi explosion, induced by Lock of Pure Spirit.” I replied.

“How do you know?”

“His blood vessel valves were inverted.”

“…OK. Then, what do you suppose the motive was?”

“It’s definitely not revenge. After all, Unit Leader Zhu wasn’t that strong.” I replied, making sure to omit parts that could lead to her thinking that I was the one who killed the murderer, “And it’s unlikely to be to seize control over the village. There aren’t many important things within.”

Captain Su though about my response, and glared at me. “I don’t like how you insult the deceased without a care, but I have to admit that what you’re saying makes sense, so I won’t punish you.”

After chiding me for a while, Captain Su gave me a smile that could outshine the sun, and said, “You did well this time, coming back so quickly. The rest can be left with the homicide investigation team.”

I smiled back, and asked her, “Can I have a bed to sleep in?”

“I’ll give you a blanket. We can’t afford to waste resources on a useless bum like you.” Captain Su’s smile reverted to her usual stern expression.

I almost wanted to curse at her, but knew that she was already being kind. Normal men would have to buy their own beds. Actually, I felt somewhat confused. I hadn’t searched for information of what this company does.

“What do we even do here, if we’re not supposed to investigate murder?”

“We, at the Military Police, are to investigate matters to do with the emperor and the military, like traitors, corrupt officials, etc. I know that you probably didn’t collect information since you left your sect just the night before the selection. Anyways, there is also the Military, and the Police factions. The police faction deals with internal affairs, while the military faction deals with external affairs. In total, the Military Police has the greatest authority, while the Police faction has the least authority.”

“Ohh…” I finally understood the bullshit that they were talking about.

“Also, you’re receiving your first official assignment tomorrow.” Boss Su said, throwing a blanket over, “You should try and sleep well tonight.”

I’d definitely sleep better if I had a bed. But if I ever said that, I would be killed without being able to say a word.

Bowing slightly, I left the room and went back into my room. I was quite energetic, since I basically fell asleep today morning, so I wasn’t in a hurry to sleep again. I decided to head to the tavern to have a few drinks.

As I quietly slipped out of the manor, I realised that a certain Tang Yue was watching me.

“What? Can’t sleep?” I asked, continuing to walk.

“I want to have a duel.” He replied, drawing his sword.

“Nope. Not here, at least. If the captain catches us……” I swiped my finger along my neck. Tang Yue’s expression faltered for a moment before he decided to follow me.

Walking to the tavern, I chatted with Tang Yue with voice transmission.

[What martial arts are you proficient in?] I wasn’t sure, since I hadn’t seen him fighting before.

[I’m proficient in the Hegemon Body Art. I’m also good with the Void Palm and the Yang Sabre.] Tang Yue replied calmly, [What about you?]

[Hehe, I’m sadly only proficient in the Turtle Breathing Art.] I replied self-mockingly.

[Liar, what about the move you used to knock me out?] Tang Yue was suspicious about me.

[That was from my control over my Internal Energy, not a skill.] I answered.

[Oh. Turtle breathing technique is useless, why would you even learn that?]

[Don’t say that it is useless. By controlling your breathing, you can control your heartbeat, metabolism, and presence.] I replied, waving my hand back and forth.

[Oh! I’ve been enlightened.] Tang Yue let out a rare smile as he understood a now martial arts concept. It seems that he is a martial idiot just like a certain shipo.

“We’ve arrived.” I said as I entered the tavern. As soon as I entered, I realised one thing that I had forgotten: I was broke.

“Brother, for teaching me a concept, I’ll treat you to this meal.” Tang Yue grinned as he ordered some beer. As we conversed, our topics changed quite drastically.

First, it was martial arts, about how to stimulate acupuncture points during fights, etc. Then, we began talking about some random shit.

“In my sect, there was something that my shiye is addicted to. It’s some dried tobacco leaves wrapped in some paper or something. He called it a ‘cigarette’, whatever that may be, hahaha. Anyways, there is a popular saying among the members that have tried the cigarettes:

With cigarettes and beers,

My powers have no peers!

Hahaha, I can only agree with them.”

“Hehehe, that sounds fun! Do you perhaps have any of these ‘cigarettes’?”

“It’s a shame, but I didn’t bring any from when I escaped from my sect.”

“Escaped? Brother, I thought that you were out for life experience?”

“Fuck, of course I’m out for life experience. Why else would I be running around in the Military Police office? You know that Captain Su is good sisters with my shimei.”

“I remember now! The two were called the Demon Lady of Hundred Techniques and the Crazy Bitch of the Military Police!”

“Hehe…he!?” I stopped laughing as I saw a familiar figure behind Tang Yue.

“Who are you calling the Crazy Bitch?” Captain Su’s voice could be heard as the entire tavern became silent. Tang Yue’s face turned pale as he recognised her. His drunk eyes also sobered up upon seeing her face.

“I-I’m sorry!” Tang Yue apologised.

“It’s OK, I know that you were just quoting the people.” Captain Su said, making Tang Yue heave a sigh of relief. Oh shit, don’t fall for it! She’s trying to get your guard down—

Smack!

—to make you feel more pain. I’ll make sure to burn paper for you, brother.

“And Wuxing Wuming!?” Captain Su glared at me, “Mind explaining my you brought him to this tavern when you have a mission tomorrow?”

Me: “……”

Tang Yue: “……”

Everyone within the tavern: “……”

So anyways, the next day, my entire body was blue with ruler marks.

[1] 1 chi—33.3 centimetres