“On top of a snowy mountain range south of Eshos, north of Kesper, east of Estrist, and west of Ostia, many dangerous beasts prowl. Today we join the fearsome Mountain Tiger as it searches for its next meal.”

Caboose’s large movie screen depicted a snowy mountain top with a large, grey, striped cat like animal with large razor like teeth hiding in wait in the center of the screen. The Mountain Tiger was crouched behind a large rock covered in snow and it was using magic to hide its scent. It was perfectly still as it waited for its prey to walk into its trap.

“Using its innate magical abilities, it scans the surrounding area for prey, happy to see a foolish fox wandering blindly into its territory.”

As Caboose said, a snow white fox, none-the-wiser of its soon to be demise, had made its way into the tiger’s strike range. Even though the snow fox is indistinguishable from the surrounding rock and snow due to its camouflage spell, the snow tiger can use its senses to feel the magic used by the fox, so it's spell does more to give away its position rather than conceal it.

With everything in place the tiger leaps from it’s hideaway and digs its saber like teeth deep into the fox. The fox dies almost instantly as its blue blood stains the snow around it. The Mountain Tiger picks up its next meal and begins to make its way back to its home.

“Satisfied by its easy kill, the Mountain tiger slightly drops its guard. However that will be its undoing, as a much more dangerous predator is on the hunt.”

The Mountain tiger did not sense any magically inclined beings in its immediate vicinity, generally that would mean that no one is nearby as all life is magically inclined to some degree. However the mountain’s newest predator disagrees.

With the freshly laid snow muffleing its fast approach, a small two legged beast jumped from its cover and moved to attack the Tiger in it’s blind spot. Noticing movement out of the corner of its eye a second too late, the Mountain tiger turns its head only to be stabbed in the eye by a makeshift spear.

“Now partially blind and confused, the Mountain tiger will attempt to retreat, but it’s aggressor has other plans.”

After quickly and adeptly removing the end of the spear from the Tiger’s eye, the beast advances and strikes at the Tiger’s neck as it attempts to flee. The spearhead slices through the bottom of the Tiger’s throat, cutting it’s windpipe.

“After dealing a lethal blow, the beast retreats to a safe distance and eyes its prey as it struggles to breath.”

The Mountain tiger, unable to breath, labors around for a minute before succumbing to suffocation. The Tiger collapses to the ground. After watching the tiger for a few seconds and ensuring that its actually dead, the beast exhales in relief. Then sharply inhales and begins shouting slurs at the Mountain tiger and insults the Tiger’s mother. Caboose mutes the screen and stops recording his nature documentary.

“Goodness, I knew Julie had a dirty mouth but that was a little much.”

Last time Caboose saw a drunk Julie, she didn’t curse that much. Then again, it looked like she was having fun piloting that private jet she stole and she clearly wasn’t having any fun high up in the mountains.

After a while of Caboose watching a muted screen of Julie switching between cursing, making inappropriate gestures, and eating talco berries, Julie grabbed the thoroughly insulted corpse by the legs and started dragging it back to her train car.

“This is lowkey really boring, I’ll just get back to Julie in a while. After all I am a god, I have more important things to do than watch a drunken four year old try to eat a tiger.”

Caboose snapped his fingers and the screen turned itself off. As he stood up his attire changed into a high quality suit, and his hair was suddenly clean and professional looking. His hands which were once unoccupied now held a small stack of papers.

“I hate working”

He moaned as he vanished from the basement.

…

…

...

When Caboose returned to his mess of a dwelling, he looked thoroughly worn out. He threw himself onto his couch and snapped his fingers. He was suddenly back in his pink pj’s and large shirt.

“Why do they always have to be so serious about everything?”

Caboose was never one to want to work but to be a god he must govern something, and unfortunately for him he chose to govern the most serious group of people this side of that space worm. At least in his mind.

The people Caboose just spoke to were about as serious as any average person, it's just that they were in front of and spoke to an actual god. It's difficult not to be nervous in that situation. However all that flew over Caboose’s head, and he just got the impression that they were overly serious about everything.

“Now that that's over, I swear I was doing something… Oh right!”

Caboose snapped his fingers and pulled out a movie. As he was about to continue his marathon of the entire cinematic cannon of the human race, the screen fully turned on and depicted Julie wearing the pelt of the Mountain tiger and eating some cooked meat over the large bonfire she made out of her train car. Propped up next to the fire was a skinned, partially cooked and partially eaten mountain tiger.

“You know, Julie’s gonna be so pissed when she sobers up. I’ll make popcorn.”

Caboose snapped his fingers and leaned back into his couch. Eating popcorn while he waited for the show.

“Ugh my head…”

As I gradually returned to consciousness, I recognize the feeling of a terrible hangover.

Oh god, what did I do this time? I don’t even remember drinking...

I opened my eyes -and after groaning in agony over how bright it was- I saw a large fire, cooked meat leaning into the fire, and a nice warm animal pelt wrapped around me who was laying down face first into a blanket draped over the snow.

Huh, I guess drunk me didn’t ruin everything this time.

I plopped my head back onto the snow to wait out my hangover like I usually do.

Wait… Why is there snow inside a train car? Did drunk me leave the door open or something?

I look back up again -groaning from the light again as well- to find that I’m not actually inside the train car, BECAUSE DRUNK ME SET IT ON FUCKING FIRE!

“NO! -WHAT? FUCKING WHY?!”

I shoot up and start running around, doing inventory and hoping to find a train car that can still pass as shelter. As I start running around I realize that I’m not wearing my boots and that my feet are freezing against the snow.

“God damnit its cold!”

I run up to the burning train car and sit my ass down next to it with my feet practically against the flames. Taking a look at my feet, I was a little grossed out. They were soggy, cold, and I’m sure I got a little bit of trench foot.

Great, just what I needed. Health complications. At least I have something to eat.

I reach over and tear some meat off of the… cat-thing that drunk me hunted. I can’t really tell what it is, just that its cat-like. Much like what I did with the berries I devour the meat I tore off, with meat I don’t have to worry about my allergy.

This must be where drunk me got that animal pelt.

I have to admit, the animal pelt on my back is really nice, it's almost like a cape. The pelt was a medium grey with white stripes along its back. The head and top jaw are also still attached to it, sort of making a hood. It's also a little warm too.

I don’t know where drunk me learned how to skin animals, but damn she’s good.

Still, even her skills with making a nice cloak/cape thing I don’t know the proper term for and her making me food won’t distract me from the fact that she fucking BURNED DOWN MY ONLY MEANS OF SHELTER!

All the other train cars attached to this one are also on fire, and the only other one I can think of is the one that Daddy blew up. I have no more real means of shelter, so what now?

At least I have food, fire, and clothing. Actually speaking of clothing, my boots were sat next to the fire, so at least they’re dry.

I sat there for a while, cursing drunk me for burning down my temporary home and thanking drunk me for cooking for me.

…

…

…

Once I was nice and full I put my now dry boots on and stood up. I need to find a new shelter, for the third damn time. But before that I have to pack up whatever I have lying around. After all I don’t have much to begin with and anything I can use is something I should take.

I grab the blanket that drunk me fell asleep on and wrap it around the rest of the cooked meat. Because I’m only three feet tall, I didn’t eat nearly as much as I thought I did so there was still a lot left over, about 3⁄4ths of the animal. I don’t know how long it’ll last before it spoils, but food is food and I don’t know when I’ll get more.

I tie the wrapped up blanket around my backpack(which drunk me had enough sense not to burn thank god), put it on and grab my spear. I’ve eaten so I’m nice and full, I have my jacket on under my pelt so I’m nice and warm, and I have only a semi-horrible outlook on the future, so I’m ready to go. I couldn’t see the sun because it was so cloudy, but it was bright enough for me to guess it was high in the sky.

It’ll probably snow soon. AGAIN. I should get moving and find a cave or something.

I look towards the peak of the mountain and start walking towards it. I don’t really know how caves form (or if there would be one near the summit for that matter), but in all the movies I saw where there was a mountain with a cave on it, the cave was at the top of the mountain.

The world is made of cliches as they say.

The mountain is rocky and hard to climb, but I somehow manage. It honestly wasn’t too hard to do once I got the hang of it. Don’t get me wrong it was still incredibly tiring and I want to die right now, but really it’s just walking. Albeit vertically.

Really though it wasn’t that hard of a climb, I’m just shit at climbing.

Once I got to near the top of the mountain, I saw a large opening that sloped downwards. It was dark and I could smell the humidity coming from it, but it was a cave. A genuine cave.

Shelter! Better yet, drunk me can’t burn this one down!

I took my first step into my new (hopefully temporary) home and immediately slipped. I landed flat on my ass and started to slide down the slope and descend into the dark cave. Amist my screaming I mostly had one thought.

Gee, I really hope I survive this.

The last few days have been rather bothersome.

I repose in the main chamber of my dwelling while contemplating my troubles.

Prey has been rather difficult to find in my territory as of late thanks to those miserable humans and their lousy contraptions that seem to have a habit of combusting, but nothing can hide from me.

I look with glee towards the creature trapped within my claws. A white bird-like creature that's common in this area. This one is large for its kind but still insignificant when compared to my majesty as it fits in my palm. It thrashes about in my grip as it seeks freedom, yet to no avail.

“Ah you poor, pitiable creature. You were out looking for sustenance weren’t you? Well so was I, and it appears that I am the bigger fish.”

I taunted my lunch as I hung it over my open beak, ready to devour the second-rate creature and feed my appetite when I heard a sharp screech that was loud enough to be reminiscent of a dragon’s roar.

What?! Did something get past my senses? Impossible!

I raise from my resting position and prepare myself for an unexpected confrontation. I stand on all four of my legs, pinning my lunch to the ground under my right claw while I begin to invoke my magic. I keep my wings to my sides as they would be of little use in my dwelling.

In truth I was on edge. I had complete confidence in my ability to sense the magic of nearby life but it seems this one has slipped through. If it has the ability to do that then it must be a formidable foe.

No matter, even if I was caught off guard, few can stand against my might.

While thinking that, imagine my surprise when a human cub, about the size of my lunch comes sliding down the entryway to my dwelling.

What?

The human cub was clearly panicking as it slid down, the lousy thing must have tripped. However I was confused. How could a human cub get past my sense. I have lived a long and full life, yet a child no older than five had gotten past my senses!

No wait, I don’t sense even an iota of magic on this human cub.

That makes sense in a manner of thinking, it was clearly young so it wouldn’t have much magic to speak of. Yet from this one I could sense no magic. Not just a small amount, pure nothingness.

In my surprise of my revelation, my grip on my lunch had unconsciously loosened. The bird freed itself and quickly flew through the exit. I had a brief thought of following it, but those cursed things have the speed of the devil. It's too much trouble.

Instead my attention moves back to the uninvited guest.

“Oh dear human cub, you’ve made me lose my lunch.”

Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit!

As I slid down into the dark abyss, I was pretty much anything but calm. I mean can you blame me? I was sliding down an icy slope uncontrollably into a dark cavern that could have all manner of things that want to kill me. Plus I was screaming the whole way down.

When I reached the bottom, a huge blur flew past my face and almost sent me flying backwards. I flinch and fling my head back so it doesn’t get hit, only to hit it on the slope I slid down.

Owww.

Holding my head with my hands, I sit there for a few seconds before I head a deep and powerful voice.

“Oh dear human cub, you’ve made me lose my lunch.”

Do I want to look up? Probably not.

Despite my best judgment, I instinctively look up to see what just spoke to me and to get my first real look at the inside of this cave.

The slope I slid down leads into a large circular chamber illuminated by a soft blue glow from the ceiling. The glow came from patches of moss spread across the ceiling that contrasted the dark cave like stars in the night sky. Thanks to the mosslight I could barely make out a few pathways likely leading to other areas in the cave. However, what caught my attention the most was the huge beast that stood tall in the center of the main chamber.

It was about as tall as a one story house. The talons adorning its bird feet were easily the length of my arm and the claws of its hind legs were about the size of my foot. Its front reminded me of a predatory and prideful bird while its hind reminds me of a powerful and territorial cat. Large wings were tucked in and it’s six long tails reminded me more of ribbons than actual tails. It’s white fur and feathers were tinted blue due to the glowing moss adorning the ceiling. A solid white GRIFFIN was staring me down.

I stared stupidly as it’s forceful dark eyes were burrowing into me, leaving me with one general thought.

I am so fucked.

I don’t know how, but I pissed off a Griffin. I know my old coworkers said that I was a little aggravating to work with sometimes, but getting on someone’s nerves just by existing was a first. I’d love to ignore all of this and just leave but I get the feeling that doing so would end my bloodline, and I owe it to Daddy to keep that train- er, cart rolling. I’ve had enough trains in my life.

Regardless of my opinions on trains, I have to say something before this Griffin decides to stop waiting for my response and just eats me.

“U- Um, I’m sorry… about your l-lunch.”

FUCK! I stuttered. I’m dead. No wait! He hasn’t eaten you yet, keep talking Julie! You can do this!

“I-is there anything I c-can do to help fix i-it?”

Mr. Griffin tilts his head back slightly as if contemplating something. As he moves I tense up, expecting it to pounce on me but luckily that doesn’t come to pass. At least not yet. God this is scary.

Was that proper grammar? FUCK IF I KNOW BUT IT WORKED! He isn’t eating me! NO! Don’t get your hopes up Julie! You could still die at any moment! Who knows what evil and horrible thought of eating cute and pretty children are running through that monsters head at this very moment!

“I-is there anything I c-can do to help fix i-it?”

The human cub was shivering before me yet still managed to produce a query, even if it was choppy. I tilted my head back as I thought about it’s offer and how exactly it would accomplish providing me a meal, and the human cub visibly flinched. The tiny thing was terrified.

I eyed it a little more and realised it was wearing the fur of one of those puny tigers that dot the landscape. At first I thought it’s caretaker hunted it, but then where was that caretaker now? The human cub was also grasping onto a small pointed twig. I recall humans calling those “spears”, a weapon used for battle. Did it hunt that itself? Those tiger may be weak, but are they truly that weak?

“Human cub, that pelt on your back, did you prey on that yourself?”

The cub tensed at the unexpected question.

“I-uh I think so? Yes... probably. I c-can’t exactly… remember.”

The cub’s words became smaller as it spoke.

That… was a peculiar reply.

It could not remember? Did the stupid thing hit it’s head on its way down unto my dwelling? I narrowed my eyes on the cub.

“What do you mean you can’t remember? If you didn’t kill it then who did?”

I didn’t sense any creatures other than myself in this cave yet my eyes could clearly see the human cub cowering in front of me. I refuse to believe that the Gods would be so short-sighted as to birth a being with no magic, so I surmise that a more experienced human could have made some sort of contraption to interfere with my senses and is hiding nearby. I never even considered that being possible but I believe it to be more likely than a creature being born incompetent.

If a human wanted to kill me, then sending this confusing mess while hiding it’s magic with the supposed contraption would be a suitable distraction. I’m confident in my strength, but if a human had the knowledge to completely hide a creature’s magic from my senses, then even they would cause me a bit of trouble if they were able to land a surprise blow.

As I focused my attention on my surroundings, preparing for an attack, the human cub seemed to notice my seriousness. It face slowly grew ever so paler as it fumbled to respond to my inquiry.

“Well I-umm… I t-think I was… intoxicated when it happened. I was the only one there so it c-couldn’t have been anyone else.”

Intoxicated? I was under the impression that human cubs tended to be prohibited from alcoholic substances. Even more so was that it said that no one else was there. Did she not have a caretaker?

Honestly, a human cub seemingly with no magic appears out of nowhere without a guardian and cannot even remember how she got here. What is even happening?

“Human cub, from my understanding humans do not typically leave their young alone. Not only that, I do not sense a speck of magic from you. Do you have an explanation?”

After hearing my question her expression slightly changed to one of sorrow, but fear was still the predominant emotion.

“My Dad was… k-killed… and I never really had a g-gift for magic.”

So her guardian was killed and she was forced to fend for herself? If the human cub was here now, then this couldn’t have happened far away. What do those aggravating humans want with my mountains?

I knew there were humans working in my mountains, but I believed it they were just hunting. I do not have a problem with those insignificant creatures taking my game as long as I have enough to eat. To be honest I prefer hunting in the forests below rather than up in the barren mountains, but if some lousy humans are killing each other then its no doubt a territorial dispute. A dispute for ownership of my mountains.

I put all my focus back onto the human cub, it flinches as I’ve come to expect from this anxious human. I cannot fathom a reason why it would be here. Humans are protective of their young. They would not lead a cub to a dangerous place, yet it said it’s paternal guardian was killed like it watched it happen. Humans as a whole are conservitave with their use of magic. If this cub cannot even cast the magic-efficient spells of its people then it truly cannot use magic, yet it was able to kill a creature which by all means should have killed this cub without a second thought. It is out of place.

“Human cub, why don’t you start from the beginning. Why are you here?”

The cub looks up at me with confusion in its eyes. What? Did it think I was just going to eat it outright? I am no barbarian.

Unlike those battle-hungry Valkyries and Berserkers.

“You won’t eat me in the middle of it right?”

It asked that question quietly.

“I will wait for you to finish your tale. Then I will eat you.”

Though I said that, I didn’t truly intend to eat the human cub. Humans had a bad aftertaste.

I might just kill it though. I do not feel like nursing a human cub.

With an expression of fear and resignation, the human cub began its story.

“So a few days ago Daddy had some time off of work and decided to take me to the market and he told me to leave my backpack at home.”

…

…

“Then after Daddy decided what we we’re going to have for dinner a week from now he overheard some creepy looking guys in cloaks talking about some trains or something.”

…

…

“After Daddy put me in the box he fought all those guys by himself! He was so cool…I also almost caught on fire...”

…

…

“Daddy told me to run and I did. I ran as fast as I could. I didn’t know where I was running to but… I just ran...”

...

…

…

…

“I crawled through the small space and found a really big and really complex magic circuit. I was very impressed by it. It was very nice”

…

…

“As the ugly ogre was holding me up the circuit popped and I almost died.”

…

…

“My life’s work caught fire…”

…

“I ate some berries…”

…

“Then I fell down into your cave.”

This tale is absurd.

The human’s tale began somewhat differently than what I expected. It wasn’t a cub of some soldier stationed in my mountains, it’s caretaker just thought itself some sort of irresponsible vigilante. After it’s parent perished the human cub elaborated on it’s escape. I knew humans matured rather early compared to beasts such as myself, but being that proficient in circuitry at such an age seemed unrealistic. Then it seemed the cub consumed those berries that blanket the landscape of Talcoyo, or whatever those humans call it. After it awoke, it’s most pressing concern was resolved and it was forced to seek shelter.

I want to say the tale was false, but I do not think this human is lying. The emotion on its face was not one of falsehoods. It’s father seemed somewhat familiar though...

“Human cub. What was your father’s name?”

The cub looked up at me with a questioning expression.

“Weren’t you going to eat me? I’d like it if you got it over with instead of just listening to things you’ll forget in a week’s time.”

The human crossed its arms and turned its head to the side in a perceived final act of defiance.

“My memory is not as fickle and pathetic as yours. I asked you a question and you will answer it.”

I began to use my magic to influence the ice surrounding the cub and it encroached on the cub’s position. As the ice moved up the cub’s crossed legs and restricted it’s movement it began to visibly panic.

“M-my Daddy’s name was Terry Fulcreek! Terry Fulcreek!”

Terry Fulcreek, now that makes her story believable.

I had many encounters with a human of that name. The human tried to steal a few of my feathers -I have no idea why- and was easily caught. After I trapped him in a cage made of ice, he said he could escape from me whenever he wanted. As I was about to kill him he challenged me to a battle of wits, diverted my attention for a mere moment, then disappeared. He had escaped me, and I noticed he nicked some feathers on his way out as well.

After my first encounter with him he would make a return from time to time to steal some more of my feathers. The first few times I did not notice his return and so I began honing my senses. Then when I did notice him, he would pull some ludicrous stunt and escape my clutches, still remembering to pilfer my feathers every time.

After a while my senses became so sharp that he could not hide from me with his spell, so he would trick me with words instead. Until he improved his spell and the cycle started again. At first I was furious at his constant intruding unto my territory, but eventually it was something I just stopped getting angry at. I had accepted his constant trespassing as a part of reality and I was somewhat thankful for it. I had fought many battles that I would not have lived through if it weren’t for my senses that I sharpened in his company.

However I had grown tired of my domain at the time, so I moved. I found it funny. He said that he would escape me, but I had to escape him and his ceaseless feather hunting. I thought I had, but apparently now his daughter has found her way onto my territory.

“W-what are you going to do? I-if you’re going to eat me please do it already. It’s really c-cold being trapped in your ice.”

I feel like I owe that whimsical human; despite him being an unfocused mess of a person too focused on feathers for his own good, he indirectly saved my many times. Now that he is dead I cannot repay him. So I might as well repay his daughter.

“Human cub, what is your name?”

“IF YOU’RE GOING TO EAT ME FUCKING DO IT ALREADY!”

I lightly flinch at her deafening scream.

How can someone so small be so loud? If she wasn’t so inept at magic, I would suspect that she was enhancing her voice.

“I have decided not to eat you. Now what is your name?”

I moved the ice further up her body to show her that I was done with her shouting nonsense.

“M-my name is Julie. Julie Fulcreek.”

“Julie Fulcreek… Well then human cub, you had asked if there was anything you could do to solve the problem which you caused.”

I moved the ice away from her and back to its resting position as part of the ground. The cub noticeably relaxed as I did so.

“Y-yes. I did say that.”

“Then I shall have you hunt for me.”

The cub nit her tiny eyebrows together in clear confusion.

“What? Why? Ten seconds ago you were you were going to eat me?”

“It has been a very revealing ten seconds cub.”

“Wha- You were so clearly going to kill me a second ago! Then you hear Daddy’s name and all of a sudden we’re buddy-buddy?! No, wait Julie. It isn’t going to eat me. I should just be thankful and go along with whatever it says.”

She said that very quietly, but my senses are sharp. I heard it very clearly.

“I shall have you hunt for me and in exchange I shall provide you solace within my territory. As long as you stay here then I shall demand one kill from you per day- no. One kill per week. I do not expect a child such as yourself to vanquish beasts like the one on your back every day. I also do not expect us to be ‘buddy-buddy’ like you whispered. I shall tolerate your existence so long as you see fit to be here and you fulfill you end of the bargain.”

“Y-you heard that?”

I turned toward one of the many chambers that branch off of the main chamber and began walking towards it.

“Come human cub. I shall acquaint you with your quarters.”

She stood with a stupid look on her face for a few moments then picked up her backpack and began to run after me. Quieter than last time, she whispered under her breath.

“I’m not even five years old and I already have to pay tax. Fucking wounderful.”

I smiled slightly as I heard that.