I sat still, staring at the space where the man in black once sat. He left as quickly as he’d come, whistling without care as if he didn’t understand the magnitude of what he’d just told me. An illusion which was shattered when he looked back for a moment and said,

“You’d best not dilly-dally, little girl. You’re not the only one who seeks the First God’s corpse.”

And then I was alone once more, in a house so quiet that I could hear just how quickly my heart was racing. My vision blurred, my legs gave out, I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding.

What the hell? What the absolute hell am I supposed to do now?

My chest tightened, my breathing came out in gasps. I squeezed my eyes shut, swallowed the bile that quickly rising to my throat.

Calm down. I need to calm down.

An eon passed between every second, an infinity between each strangled breath. Time had no meaning, the only thing that mattered was the knowledge that weighed upon me. This must have been what Junogloris felt, when the heavens rested upon his shoulders all those years ago.

I don’t know how long it took before I was able to think clearly again. The sun, which had been high in the sky when the man in black spoke his piece, was now lazily setting on the horizon. I’d missed an entire day’s worth of streaming, which my dwindling stores of faith could not afford.

I could go on that quest, hunt down the corpse of a cargo cult god. A god that nobody seemed to know about, save for a man who made Hydrargyrus, shameless patron of thieves and liars, seem pleasant and trustworthy. For all I know, the man could’ve been one of El’s messengers in disguise. I could search forever, and find nothing. Where would I even start looking?

I should forget about this, go back to streaming. Continue performing for whatever scraps of faith I can. For an audience that is as fickle and capricious as the wind. Continue fighting desperately, even as I march to my inevitable demise. Luna Invicta, who ruled the greatest empire on earth, dying like a worthless dog.

I looked towards my shattered monitor, my cracked reflection staring back at me. I staggered towards my computer, went into my room, and closed the door. The setting sun painted everything a deep crimson. I closed my eyes, sighed deeply, and drew upon the my meagre stores of faith, and decreed the monitor’s repair. It was trivial, so small that it didn’t even deserve to be called a miracle. And it still took almost everything out of me. By the time the monitor was fully repaired, I had used up so much faith that I only had enough to continue existing for three days. Even if healing and craftsmanship were outside of my Domain, I did not expect it to take this much out of me. The monitor gleamed, good as new, in the middle of a messy room dyed in the dying light of day.

I turned on my computer, preparing to stream once more. In the corner of the screen I saw Matsuri-hime’s viewer count. It had actually gone up since I last looked at it. She was able to draw those numbers even while FantastiCon was streaming multiple panels on multiple channels. Going up against her would be suicide, not streaming today would be the same.

The walls were closing in, I had to do something.

I could hear the man in black’s voice echo within me, his gleeful words like tendrils of desire, finding each and every crack within me, infecting me with the cruellest feeling of all.

“What if he was telling the truth? What if I can finally be free?”

In spite of myself, I began to hope.

A small laugh escaped from my lips as I collapsed on my chair. I closed my eyes to Matsuri-hime’s ever rising viewer count.

“I guess I’d finally gone insane.” I said. I called upon the scant remaining faith within me, and I made my decision.

“-and that’s why I won’t be able to stream quite as regularly for a while. Don’t fret though, my lovely citizens and plebs~.” I did a light chuckle and flashed my rote, winning smile. “I’ve got something that’ll tide you over. That’s right, be on the lookout for LadyAstair’s Travel Vlog series, coming soon! Who knows, I might even do a livestream, if I can. That about covers everything. This has been a LadyAstair Game Stream update, ‘til next ti-”

“Lulu, can I come in?”

“I’ll have to edit that out.” I stopped the recording and turned to face the door. Vanafreya stood at the threshold, wearing a fashionable red dress which she must have worn while promoting her new movie. She looked dishevelled, worn down by a non-stop gauntlet of interviews, Q-and-As, autograph signings and who knows what else. Yet she showed no weakness, only resolve, and all of it was focused on me. She strode in, her expression a mask of steel, and stood before me, commanding my attention in a way that only a goddess in her prime can. I couldn’t help but feel a small stirring of pride, even as withered under her solemn gaze.

“Lulu…” she said. For a moment, it felt as though she’d leave it there, that I’d be spared. But we both knew that she’d never do that.

“Lulu,” she said, all hesitation gone from her voice, “what are you planning?”

“Oh, this? Well, this is just a video updating my view-”

“Don’t. Just… don’t.” she said. The silence between us was deafening. It would take all my cunning to wriggle my way out of this.

“As always, you see right through me, Vanafreya.” I said. “Last night was, for lack of better word, an epiphany. I have been a burden for you Vanafreya, and I refuse to be one any longer. I’m planning on striking out on my own. That whole travel vlog business is just a way to quickly amass enough faith to tide me over until I find a permanent place to call home.”

I shook my head, and put on my best bittersweet smile. “I’m sorry for not telling you sooner Vanafreya. And, well…” I let a tiny stream of tears leak from my eyes, just enough to not be overblown, “Thank you. Thank you for letting me stay with you all these years. I could’ve never asked for a better sister.”

“You know Lulu, you’re right.” Vanafreya said. “I do always see right through you.” She snapped her fingers, and my door slammed shut. No amount of self-control could stop her hands from shaking in anger. “Tell me the truth.”

“Vanafreya, I just told yo-”

“Why did you tap into the Thoughtstream three hours ago?!”

I froze. How did she… but I made sure to hide my entry!

“This is my domus, Lulu, my place of power.” she said, as if she read my thoughts. “Nothing happens in here without me knowing. Just as I know that you started talking to yourself in the afternoon. And that you collapsed. For five goddamn hours!” She was crying freely now.

Gone was the goddess passing judgment upon me. In her place stood that scared girl I found on that ash covered battlefield, all those years ago. The young goddess from a frozen land who I would one day call my sister.

That vision disappeared as quickly as it had come, and she gazed at me with righteous fury. “So I’m gonna ask again. What. Are you. Planning. Luna Invicta?”

I couldn’t move. I was an ant faced before a yawning chasm fathoms deep, I didn’t have a choice. I told her everything.

To call the expression that Vanafreya wore one of shock would be to do it a severe injustice. Vanafreya looked as if someone had told her that the sky had been pink, and had always been pink, and that her eyes had simply been deceived her entire life. Her mouth opened and closed repeatedly, the goddess of beauty’s impression of a particularly gormless goldfish.

“So…” she said, finally finding her voice after a painfully long three minutes, “This man in black… you sure you weren’t just hallucinating?”

“Quite sure.”

“I couldn’t even detect him, even while he was in my domus.” she muttered to herself, her brow scrunching in worry. A worry that I was beginning to share. Even one of El’s messengers would not have escaped Vanafreya’s attention while within her domus. What exactly was he?

“And the reason you tapped into the Thoughtstream was?”

“He didn’t exactly tell me where the fragment was.” I said. “But I thought to myself, if the fragment really was siphoning and storing huge amounts of faith, then I had a way of looking for it. I simply had to look within the Thoughtstream.”

Vanafreya’s eyes widened as she understood what I did. The Thoughtstream, what others would call humanity’s collective unconscious. A vast maelstrom of thoughts, emotions, and, of course, faith, that blanketed the globe wherever humans may be found. A secondary, invisible world of ideas, from which the divine and the infernal were born.

“I simply had to look at places around the world with abnormally large concentrations of faith. I ruled out all the places where it made sense for faith to be gathered, which narrowed it down to around six places.” I was a bit disappointed that I had to do that, no storming my old empire and personally retaking my throne from El for me. At least at first. “The plan was to go those places first and, if they prove to be fruitless, widen the net.”

“You mean go to Rome.” she said, her face grim.

“Well, it’s not the first place I would check. Probably.” I didn’t even believe that for one bit, there was no way I was convincing Vanafreya.

Vanafreya closed her eyes, deep in thought. When she opened them again, I could see the same unwavering conviction that ripped the truth from my lips. As much as I admired that resolve…

“I’m coming with you.”

“No you’re not.”

…I had to deny it.

“Wha-! Lulu, I-!” I held out my hand, stopping her indignant speech.

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you, I knew you’d react this way.” I had to match her indomitable will with my own. “Please listen Vanafreya. You can’t come. This hunt requires the utmost subtlety, otherwise I risk drawing the eye of jealous gods. Or worse, El’s messengers.” I sighed deeply. “And nothing attracts attention more than an A-lister like you, Vanafreya.”

Vanafreya went silent. She knew I was right. No amount of protestation would change the fact that she was too famous for her own good. She should accept her defeat any second now.

“Lulu…” she balled her hands into fist and grit her teeth. A second passed, then two. Finally she spoke once more.

“I’m giving you some of my faith.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said I’m giving you some of my faith.” she said, her voice completely even.

“Vanafreya.” I said, I could feel my face heating up as I began to shake. “I may not be as strong as I used to be, but I am not some vulgar peasant reliant on your charity. I am Luna Invicta, and you would do well to reme-”

A sharp sound echoed, interrupted me. Silence fell quickly, my words died in my mouth as I struggled to comprehend what had just happened. I felt the sting as I gingerly touched my cheek. Vanafreya had just slapped me.

“Shut up.”

“You dare-!”

“Shut up shut up SHUT UP!” Vanafreya screamed at me. “For once in your life SHUT UP! How much faith did it take just to tap into the Thoughtstream?! How long were you in there trying to find what you were looking for, bleeding faith into the aether with every second? I’d be surprised if you have any to last you until tomorrow. Hell, I don’t think you’d last another goddamn hour!”

“I can get m-”

“I SAID SHUT UP! You’ve got no idea don’t you? You’re too caught up in being big bad Luna Invicta that you’ve got no idea how much I want to help you!”

“A-are you pitying me?!”

“GODSDAMNIT LULU, I’M NOT! I just-!” Her voice broke under the strain of her emotion. “I just don’t want you to die too.”

All of my words left me, the fire within me instantly extinguished. What did she just say?

“Everyone I know. My entire family. My entire pantheon. Everyone I’ve loved. They’re all dead. I’ve already lost everyone else Lulu. I can’t lose you too.”

Vanafreya had abandoned all pretense of dignity or restraint. She was openly sobbing, but beneath her tears was a weariness. A resignation. She was weeping, not just because of those she’d already lost, but because she knew that she was surely going to lose me.

I was Luna Invicta, Lady of Strategy, Mistress of War, The Undefeated Moon. But in the face of this miserable display, I was less than nothing. I was a worm so foul that I was not fit to even crawl upon the dirt.

“I-” My tongue ceased to move. All my reasons crumbled like ash. The only thing I could say was, “I’m sorry, Vanafreya.”

“You can be sorry by swallowing your pride and just accepting my fucking faith already, you moron.” she said, wiping tears from her eyes and cracking a crooked smile.

What else was there to say? Even though I hated it, I did it for her.

“Take it back.”

“Nope.”

“I’m serious, Vanafreya!”

“Too late~” she said with a playful smile.

“The thousand years worth of faith is bad enough, but this?” I pointed at the five thousand dollar silver beast of a laptop that, along with a matching high end video camera, I found waiting for me when I opened my door. “It’s too much, I can’t accept this!”

“You can and you will. ‘Sides, how else are you gonna stream? Or film your travel vlog? Don’t tell me you were planning on using your phone?”

“Vanafreya…”

“If it’ll make you feel better, consider it a loan. With zero interest. Payable by regularly streaming while you’re away, and fully forgiven when you’re back.”

I sighed, defeated. There was no convincing her, not after what happened last night. I gingerly took the laptop and camera and placed them, with utmost care, into my tyrian purple backpack.

“Fine. But mark my words, I will pay you back for this.”

“I’m counting on it.” Vanafreya said. Her smile faded, replaced with solemnity. Before I could even react, she’d begun hugging me tightly, desperately. “You better come back alive, okay?”

“Since when have I ever let a debt go unpaid?”

“I’m serious.”

“Don’t worry. I swear, on my name and on my honour, that I will be victorious.” I said. My voice was sure, steady, but inside I was anything but. I wanted to back out, to disregard this whole venture for the absurdity that it was. But I know that I can do so no longer. The die have been cast.

It took everything I had, but I broke our embrace. Vanafreya’s gaze was mournful, and I had no doubt that mine was as well. I looked towards the open door, the sunlight was so bright that all I could see was white. I took one last look at my sister.

“Goodbye, Vanafreya. And thank you. For everything.”

“Hey, it’s not like we won’t be meeting again, right? Now get outta here, you’ve got a dead god to find.” she said, even as she tried her best, I could see sadness threatening to break through.

I turned away, I didn’t want to see her cry, I couldn’t afford to break down now. I pushed those thoughts away, and began to walk forward. Onward, to my future.