“Your alive! That is more than I expected, honestly. Why do you think I had you put all your stuff in the bank? Half of the time, new groups take heavy casualties, sometimes they don’t come back at all.” He walked in the direction of the chow hall, but when I tried to follow him my body didn’t seem to want to obey me. My world spun and suddenly the ground rotated around me until it rushed up to meet me. I lay there, my head throbbing and two Kirks peered over at me until my eyes focused and there was one Kirk smirking down at me.

“Go along… will catch up.” I said and weakly waved to him before he shook his head and gestured to a couple of people. I felt myself being lifted up, then placed on a stretcher.

They brought me past the chow hall, and dumped me into a bed. The player I had seen when I had woken up this morning, the one in white robes peered at me curiously. “She really overdrew her power…yea… not good.” She said and forced me to drink a cup of vile tasting tea. It made my eyelids feel like lead and I quickly passed out.

When I woke up, it was already well into the night cycle. There was a murmuring of voices from the little table, and I saw the same players who had been playing cards there the night before, at it again. I yelped when I tried to climb out of bed and stand up. A leg cramped and I had to stand there shaking it out for a second, my entire body a mass of pain and ache.

At least my head didn’t hurt. Whatever was in that tea had gotten rid of my normal throbbing headache. The card players froze for a few moments, then went back to talking as they threw down glowing tokens and someone raised a bet.

I passed them, feeling as if I was covered in a layer of filth and grime. I stank badly of sweat and blood, to the point it almost made me nauseous. My clothes were spotless, but I still stank so badly, my stomach turned when I got a good whiff. “Where is the bathing area?” I asked the players at the card game and they gave me directions.

I followed the corridor in the opposite direction from the chow hall until it opened into a doorway facing the street. Across from me I saw lights on, and laughter coming from a nearby structure that was reported to be the bath house. I stumbled and fell to my knees, before I managed to get back to my feet as I made my way across the street, stumbling and wincing.

When I arrived, I saw two directions available to me, labeled male and female and I followed the female sign. Inside, I felt the pull of rushing water, and a comforting billow of hot steam blew over me as I pushed past a thick canvas flap and saw heaven in front of me. It was setup like a Japanese bath house, with hot pools of water. There was an attendant adjusting a faucet that poured hot water into tubs, with bathing women. She took one look at me and pointed to a tub on the end that was filled with dirty water.

I wrinkled my nose for a second until she explained that it was there for me to get most of the worst off before I joined the rest of the bathers in the other tubs.

I had never been in a public bath before, and it was weird stripping down and putting my stuff into lockers. Public nudity didn’t seem to concern the locals here, and I did see that most of the occupants of the baths were not players. I quickly dunked into the tub with dirty water, turning it swiftly from light grey, to almost black as I washed. It was cold and I scrubbed off with a bar of soap and a rag that was handed to me by the attendant. When I plunged into the hot water of the nearby tub, I sank down into bliss. This was in fact, the first time I had a hot bath in Endaria. The bath easily met my expectations and surpassed them. My muscles unclenched and relaxed in the hot water as I tried to imagine I was anywhere but in a world that wanted to chew me up and spit me out at the least opportunity.

“Hmmm heard you did well traveler… good job today.” A voice called next to me and I blinked my eyes open and saw Reesa peering at me. I gave a tired smile and nodded. “Well guess I didn’t die, so that’s something.” I grumbled.

“Keep training, it will come easier, you’re still a fishy, and it takes some time to adjust.” She laid back in the tub as she talked with one of her friends, their low murmurings lulling me back into a doze as I drifted off. The attendant had to prod me awake sometime later and shoo me out as the baths were closing. I changed into my robes, and stumbled back towards my bed, feeling like I had reclaimed some measure of humanity.

The next day was filled with me practicing with a staff in the morning, Kirk drilled me endlessly as he worked with the fishies and ran us hard. This time when we went for a jog, it wasn’t just myself but a good dozen other players with us as we ran around the hub. Kirk had us stop along the way, and do push up, sit-ups, and other exercises. He did everything with us, and I could tell his character was in considerably better shape than any of us. He drilled into me that I had to exercise and work hard on my character to make it stronger.

In the afternoon we kept practicing, and I didn’t join the salvage team when I saw them gathering. Kirk took the time to give personal attention to me, which meant beating me nearly senseless with fatigue as he drilled me endlessly in strikes and blocks with the staff, then ran me through the unarmed stuff he had been teaching me, this time showing me how to use a knife.

The day passed so swiftly, I hadn’t realized I had lost track of time until the sky began to dim, and the salvage crew came back. I saw that they had indeed not managed to come back intact this time.

The veterans all made it, but most of the fishies were missing. When I stumbled towards the chow hall, Kirk stopped me and insisted I spend time meditating. To my surprise, he took me aside, to a quiet room with reed mats and folded into a lotus position across from me, and fell into a practiced rhythmic breathing. I hadn’t realized he knew how to meditate.

It took me longer to relax, but soon I was lost in the familiar practice. I cycled my power through my body, and imagined that it was like the pounding of the surf, the roaring of the winds. It felt refreshing, and I felt peaceful, my mind finally at rest as I lost myself.

The longer I spent in that strange place, that only held the rushing roar of water and howl of wind the more I felt myself drifting until it was like I was being sucked into a roaring vortex of power. I let myself spin around and around drifting in the whirls of energy. Two large serpents followed me as I spun, but I didn’t feel threatened, but as if they were there to protect and guide me. Distantly I thought I heard someone calling my name, but I ignored it. It felt so good… to drift here forever.

I was thrown out of the vortex, and found myself blinking up at the ceiling of the meditation room as Kirk, and Saskin peered wide-eyed wonder down at me. When I tried to stand, I stumbled and looked down to see my entire body was fading from being covered in glowing blue-gold foxfire. It vanished, and I saw that the light was swiftly being sucked into the little case at my belt that contained the wand.

“This one never has seen anything like that… you were good to come get me traveler Kirk.” Saskin said in wonder as she stared at me.

“You… you were hovering over the mat on a cloud of wind, and glowing…glowing… what the heck?!” Kirk stammered and I groaned.

“You really are that champion, aren’t you?!” He pointed at me and I hung my head, knowing that they would never believe me now if I denied it.

“I’ve seen magi before, and yea they sometimes do strange things when they meditate, but it was like I was being pushed away by a swirling wall of wind every time I tried to shake you out of it…” He stammered and backed away from me with a grin on his face.

“It does explain much now… do you want to give your full tale to me young champion?” Saskin asked and smiled as she sat down on a mat and motioned for me to sit next to her.

“Will not judge you… among friends now, we all here in this place together.” She said and I gulped and nodded as I sat down across from her. Kirk leaned against the wall with a stern gaze fixed on me. I sighed and recounted everything that had happened, how I had lost control of my power.

When I was done, my eyes stung with tears of guilt and Saskin gave me a hug. “Do not despair… this one knows much about the ways of fate. You were guided onto this path, and sent to us for good reason, sent to The Labyrinth of Light, where redemption… discipline and courage are needed. This is good for you, and will make you stronger.” She said as she stood up and bowed to me.

“It is good to meet a champion… very rare to find one who is a champion not because of the draw of power, but because of necessity.” She smiled at me and left me alone with a glowering Kirk.

“Well at least, it will be fun!” He said and laughed when I glared back at him. “Can I call you by your name? Nimue?” He said, reading my player tag. I nodded.

“You can call me Nim if you want. Just stop calling me fishie…” He grinned at that and shook his head.

“Can’t quite do that in public, it would break tradition.” He laughed and helped me up. We walked into the chow hall, and grabbed bowls of stew.

As I ate, we greeted a set of newcomers I hadn’t seen before. The group was all dressed in a set of those plain robes that I had seen Kirk wearing after he respawned that first day. There was no cheer among them and they dejectedly picked at their meal. A group of vets had apparently respawned.

There were three of them, two young men in their early twenties, with similar features, something that surprised me, but they were slightly different ages. An older man, with greying hair and watery eyes had his head down and was tapping irritated fingers on the surface of the table.

“I take it you didn’t make it through the red zone we were mapping…” I heard Kirks low, almost frustrated tone and the two younger men nodded.” One of them nodded.

“You were right Kirk… it was a lost cause. We should have turned back to Talis when you were washed off the walk, but… we were so close dammit!” He pounded his fist.

“We just don’t have the right path on the walk yet, we will get it eventually.” Kirk said cheerfully and the older man, their leader shook his head. “No. We are done with that stupid route. Reese can do her own dirty work if she wants, I’m just going to stick with what works.” He snarled and Kirk let out a sigh.

“So your not heading back into the shades right away? He said, and all of them nodded or in the man’s case he just gave a despondent grunt.

“Well I didn’t die when I was washed off the middle path by the way. I did manage to work my way back to the shore and was climbing out of the spray. If my rope hadn’t broke, I could have made it up to you guys.” The leader laughed and rolled his eyes.

“Told you… don’t ever trade with those asshats, even if they are the only ones around.” He chuckled and Kirk gave a long sigh and nodded.

“How much did you lose, the entire shipment?” He asked and the man with greying hair nodded.

“About half of it, the rest was back at basecamp… guess we will have to go around the shades, and just brave the colosseum again, at least that thing is straightforward.” He got up and took his bowl over to get washed as the two other younger men followed. “I’ll pay you for the contract Kirk, you did do a valuable job.” The man said and he smiled at Kirk who shrugged.

“Well, I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain, let’s say half… I know you won’t have much anyways.” He said and the man grinned at him crookedly and left the hall.

“Who was that?” I asked and Kirk grinned.

“My previous employers… I was the beater on their last trade run.” He said, and at my look of confusion he clarified.

“I’m usually employed as a beater, as they call it or in simple terms I go ahead and scout, trying to trigger or puzzle out the traps and look for anything that will get a group killed. It’s not really as simple as it sounds, the shades of gold, often called the gold zone or the gold path… is pretty much designed to kill groups, and not individuals.” He said and then pulled out a slate from his pocket. There were a few moments as he manipulated the magical construct and then he got it to show a small, but detailed map.

“Ok… well the shades of gold are one of many different mazes in the labyrinth that we know about, it’s like a wall that goes are certain parts of the explored areas we have discovered. He pointed to a large stream of gold that circled the hub in a half-moon. There was a gap in the one side of the golden circle that was black. Next to it is the colosseum, it’s a maze that is mostly like a monster spawner where you fight increasingly stronger enemies, but the rewards are pretty good if you keep going into stronger fights, instead of using the keys to the trade roads.” He said and I frowned, my head spinning with the flood of information as I studied the map, there were so many colors and areas marked on that the thing looked like a rainbow, and there were clusters and masses of tiny skulls on the map. When I asked about those Kirk laughed.

“Er it’s where I’ve died so far.” He said and winced at the number of them.

“Is that why your waiting so long to go back out?” I asked and remembered about how the death system worked.

“Yes… death is very brutal on me now, and I’m still under respawn sickness, my character is swiftly starting to degrade.” He closed his eyes and I saw for the first time that Kirk seemed to be scared. His hands shook and voice trembled as he spoke.

“Wait… so respawns start to affect more than just some sort of sickness?” I said and he nodded.

“I’m actually finding it really difficult to advance now, and… it’s not a good feeling, almost like I’m a shadow of what I was when I first joined the game. I’m guessing I only have about a dozen respawns left until the end and I’s not possible for me to keep going.” He said and leaned back to grin at me sardonically even as his voice wavered.

“Your scared to lose your character?” He nodded at that and sighed.

“Don’t worry about it. This is just a game, and I’m having a blast.” He saw the look of concern and shook his head.

“How long is your debuff?” I asked and he seemed to lose focus in an expression I was coming to associate with people looking at their interface. “Two days left…” He groaned.

“The thing about respawn sickness is that you can’t just log out and wait on the timer to expire, it only ticks down in game, so I actually have to spend time here playing and working it off.” He said and I nodded. It made sense, or people would just wait it out in real life, and only play when they were off the timer.

“Also, the more you work on your character during the debuff, the better. It’s insidious…” He grumbled and I finally realized why he was pushing himself so hard along with the other things he was doing, training everyday and exercising.

I looked over the map again and frowned as I saw a purple section cut off with an island of dark black in the middle. “What’s this? I asked and he grinned, pointing to a line of skulls all over it.

“My bane… the area is called simply the Miasma and it’s probably one of the most difficult areas we know about. There is a path of sorts… but it’s challenging even for the locals who live in there.” He said and I gaped at him.

“People live in those death zones?” I said and he shrugged.

“You should know better, look at real life. People still live in the exclusion zones with radiation all around them despite plenty of places that are just fine. We are a stubborn species…” He chuckled and nodded at the markings on the map that had a few enclaves listed. Most of them were clustered not far around the Hub in areas marked green, but there were a few, almost in a line that spread outwards towards the edge of explored territory. Kirk pointed at those.

“That’s’ the Delver’s road” He said, and a line appeared on the map as he manipulated it for a second.

“Most of the players are pushing down the road, and trying to get farther into the labyrinth. Those are outposts that have been setup for people to rest and recover, and respawn.” He explained.

“I thought there was only one respawn point.” I asked and he shook his head.

“Well we can’t release our respawn out of the labyrinth yes, but we can respawn elsewhere, and if you are stupid enough to piss off the guardian enough, you could be exiled from the hub and end up with a random respawn that will toss you almost anywhere in the labyrinth.” Altars still work inside the labyrinth, and so does other stuff like respawn crystals and the like, though it can be a risk. Most still keep their binding here at the hub, or one of the more established enclaves.” He pointed to two larger marks on the map.

“This is Kazcart, and the other one is Talis. We were trying to find a better, faster route through this section. He pointed to a line along the golden colored maze with a single skull on it, about halfway between Kazcart and Talis. Zooming in on the map I saw the line was actually a bunch of confusing squiggles, Xs and notations. Long descriptions, solutions to different puzzles, traps and other esoteric things I couldn’t understand were in tiny, neat scrip all over the mess. Kirk studied it for a while, with gritted teeth, grumbling angrily to himself.

“Almost have it cracked… we are so close!” He muttered and then looked up to see he had me as an audience and grinned as he zoomed back out and put the tablet back into his pack.

“Sorry, was just… thinking. The council has had me on this project for nearly two weeks, and I’ve died several times trying new approaches.” He grumbled and perked up.

“You can manipulate water… and wind, right?” He said and I slowly nodded.

He thought for a second them had a faraway look as he leaned back in his char and put his big, beefy hands behind his head as he hummed to himself, lost in contemplation.

“Well mostly water… I haven’t really tried wind much.” He looked at my uncertainty.

“I’d have expected you would use it all the time…” He said and I frowned.

“I really can’t feel the wind in the same way as water… it’s like it’s hard to pin down and manipulate.” I tried to explain the feelings I got when I used my power. He shrugged.

“Its just like anything in Endaria, takes hard work and practice.” He said and got up, stretching and groaning as he yawned.

“Need to log out for a while and get some sleep. Later.” He waved to me and his character froze for a bit before it dissolved into motes of green light. I shook my head, and felt a twinge of envy. If only I could do the same.

The next day, I was up early, and somehow, I felt much better about training. That was until Kirk found me and took me aside to acquire a new ‘training aid’. It turned out to be a weighted leather vest.

It was a collection of leather straps holding rough cast lead weights. There was a whole stall dedicated to those, and other training aids and it was predictably right next to the training yards. The harness was well used, and looked like it had gone through several owners before I had been gifted it. There was also a bit of evidence that the previous owners had parted with the harness in a few gruesome ways, with caked blood under some of the metal punched fastenings or in hard to clean spots of the harness. It was supple and well coated with protective wax, and clear grease.

Kirk adjusted the weights as he watched me exercise with a practiced eye. As I studied his gear, I realized that he was also wearing a harness, something I hadn’t paid any attention to before, thinking it was just part of his getup, not understanding what the thick pockets all over the webbed strapping on his armor was.

“We are going to increase the weight… as your character grows stronger. Just keep at it, and be glad you will advance much more quickly than any of the NPCs. Player characters change very quickly, and those changes can be difficult to cope with.” He explained.

Kirk took me to the far side of the training grounds, on the other side of a wooden wall that was constructed to simulate fighting on fortifications. I found myself in an extensive obstacle course from the very pits of hell. Everyone here were mostly veterans, and NPCs, all running a long course filled with traps, spinning objects and so much bedlam that I had to just stand there, slack jawed until Kirk poked me.

“Welcome to the real training…fishie.” He smirked and I backed up, in pure horror.

“No! What the heck is this place?!” I snarled and he just grinned.

“It’s your new home, welcome to the pit!” he spread his hands and pointed to one of the entrances to the maze. “Start running!” he bellowed and ran over to flip a glimmering golden hourglass. “GO!” He screamed and I gazed wide-eyed at him for a second before dashing into the maze.

Walls shifted chaotically around me, and I nearly fell into a rushing pool of water that streamed past, leaping over it, I jumped for a peg wall that was turning and spinning in circles. I let it carry me to a platform that looked safe and jumped for the platform. At the last moment I saw that I wasn’t quite going to make the platform, having misjudged the distance. My jaw slammed into the side of the platform as I tumbled down into the roiling water, and I was dazed for a second as I was sucked into the spinning water. I was spat out a few moments later into a pool of water that had Kirk standing there shaking his head. As I rubbed at the scrape on my jaw and tried to focus on him.

He helped me out of the pool and made me take deep breaths to calm down before he led me back to the entrances. He flipped the hourglass again and pointed. “GO!” He bellowed and I ran.

The next few hours were filled with pain, and suffering as I was battered and bruised. I only gained a short break when I managed to break my ankle on a rather silly fall where I had jumped out the way of a spinning log, and the floor had popped open on hinges and dropped me down into another section of the maze with approaching spikes.

“This is insane…” I groaned as I sat next to the pool, taking my sweet time healing my ankle.

“This is the easy entrance… for the fishies!” He grinned and pointed to what I could see up over the top of the maze, with one climber running along a bridge with a metal saw chasing him as he whooped and hollered, jumping off the bridge, catching a rope and swinging out of sight. I winced and my eyes bulged as I saw the player smash his fist into a metal plate that threatened to push him off where he landed, causing it to spin away as he jumped and ducked out of sight into the depths of spinning blades and glowing balls of fire. There was a cheer from one of the onlookers.

“The most important thing, is to stay alive and not panic.” He said and motioned for me to follow him. I watched the maze shift around once again, worn wood and stone groaning as it changed configuration. A group of fishies, five of them were running the maze as a team. I watched them help each other up over obstacles, a complete group effort. As they quickly dodged traps, solved simple puzzles and made the course look easy, until they all managed to make a bad choice. The group was nearly wiped out when they were dunked into the rushing water. Three of them came sputtering out of the pool and stood to watch the rest of their friends slowly get picked off by various traps. When one was knocked out by a wooden practice dummy, I looked up and saw a mechanical claw descend into the maze, grab the girl, and toss her back to the entrance where they all swarmed over her.

“Almost had it, what was our time?!” She remarked as smelling salts were shoved over her face. She chewed on some sort of herb to restore her senses as they inspected the frozen sand in the hourglass. “Not bad…” Kirk said and they brightened up.

Kirk pointed to a nearby chalk board that listed times on the course for that week. They were rated not upon completion time, but how long they managed to survive, and how far they got. I had to gape at some of the times, one was an entire hour long.

“You don’t complete the maze fishie, you survive it.” He turned to me and grinned evilly, then he sprinted into the left entrance that was marked with yellow paint, whooping and hollering. Other players who were gathered around the entranceway ran for vantage points on the nearby wooden walls that separated the maze from the training grounds. “Kirk’s going for it!” They yelled and I saw one of them calling out bets and glowing tokens quickly changed hands.

Kirk was… to say a few words… superhuman. I saw him release his true power, as he leapt impossible distances with his body glowing in a haze of red foxfire in the corner of my vision.

Effortlessly, he vaulted over obstacles, completely ignoring climbing holds or ropes as if they didn’t exist. It seemed as if he could sense the traps with eyes the back of his head. Ducking only inches from being heavily injured and rolling into perfect tucks as he landed on one platform and vaulted off, all of this in his full armor and with all that weight on his gear. All the way he was whooping and hollering, as if he was having the time of his life.

Cheers called out from the crowd as the hourglass filled before he finally fought his way through a series of some sort of gigantic wooden golems, and slipped up. A dozen managed to surround him and he tried to vault over them with one of his incredible leaps, and was snatched out of the air and thrown screaming into a dark pit. I looked back at the pool of water when he came coughing and sputtering out of it, standing up and whipping his hair back as he searched in the pool for his helmet. The helmet popped out of the stream of the water with a clang as it bounced off him. He gave a yelp and rubbed his head where it slammed into it, but didn’t stop grinning.

There were cheers and I saw tokens hauled off by a few of the vets who grinned at Kirk. Reese was eying him with a sly smile on her face, and I swear I saw the woman lick her lips. I had to blink at that and when she sashed up to him and grinned at the man, I clenched my teeth.

“So, when are you going to run the red zone… Kirk.” She seemed to bounce on her feet as if the very idea was enough to make her day.

“Well, not off my rebirth sickness yet Reese, taking it easy.” He smiled and leaned down to tweak her nose as she snickered.

“How… long?” She mouthed the words as Reese blinked her eyes at him, brushing around him with a seductive smile.

“Don’t worry, I’ll beat your time someday on the red zone… and take the offered forfeit.” He ginned and bit his lip as he turned and saw my glare. Reese saw his change of expression and gazed at me in speculation. “Go back to instructing your fishie… I’ll talk later.” She flashed me a nasty smile and I glared at her and then stopped to think for a second.

What was making me angry? I couldn’t understand it, It’s not like Kirk and I… I froze and I felt something, as a shiver went through me. When Kirk flashed me a grin and gave me a playful sock in the shoulder, I had to turn my face away as it went completely red. He looked at my reaction, and stared at me.

“Um… well don’t be discouraged Nim, I’ve been doing this for a while, and I’m able to self-buff.” He said as he tried to puzzle out why I was looking embarrassed.

I was still a bit shaken. One thing that had never happened to me was feeling this, this curse of hormones. My treatments had stunted that part of my physiology and I hadn’t felt the same thing other kids my age did for hot guys, or the like. I had read romance books and was always confused at the different feelings described in them, as I had never experienced any of them. I even found it often difficult to love people, even my father. My entire life my emotional spectrum always seemed a bit… off.

“I need… a break.” I said and shuffled out of the pit and to one of the benches around the practice courts. I had to sit there for a while as I tried to collect myself. “Never... felt jealously before…” I muttered and then gave a bit of a laugh. Laughter turned into sobs as I clutched my face in my hands and wept.

I hadn’t really understood how pathetic I had been, trapped in my little bubble world, usually drugged up to my gills in medications, or forced to sleep away most of the day. Now… what was happening to me? I couldn’t understand it.

Kirk left me alone as I tried to gather myself and come to terms with what was happening to me in Endaria. Finally, he found me trying to tear apart a practice dummy with clumsily administered strikes, that I was struggling to execute properly, earning wallops from the padded shield every few moments.

“Nim…what is wrong with you?” He said shakily as I turned, my eyes filled with tears as I tried not to break down again. “Just leave me alone for a bit.” I said in a trembling voice. He shrugged and glanced worriedly at me as he went back to instructing another unarmed practice group.

I couldn’t talk with Kirk, the very idea filled me with both self-loathing at my petty thoughts, and my own weakness. I felt broken inside, as if everything was a rush of confusion and hopelessness. What was the point of me ever even lusting after anyone? Or caring about anyone anyways?

I wouldn’t live long enough to have children in the real world, and no one would want me if my time was measured and uncertain. I finally slumped down, my entire body completely spent. I lay there as the practice dummy twirled and spun above me. There wasn’t any point… all of this was just… pointless.

This fantasy game was just me fooling myself that I could be happy or have fun, but there was nothing to look forward to. I could meet new people, laugh and enjoy myself, but soon it just would all be pointless as I died in the real world. What would Kirk make of my twisted, frail form on life support if we ever met? He would be disgusted.

I hadn’t had many friends, but there were a few over the years I kept in touch with, other people I had met in the hospitals, in the terminal wards.

They had all left me, dying one by one and each one of them had abandoned me, just as I would soon abandon Kirk and anyone else who would grow to depend on me here in Endaria. I had fought on long and hard, but sometimes fighting wasn’t enough. Sometimes there was just… the end.

My eyes were blurry with tears as I lay there in the dirt, heaving in rasping sobs as all of the frustrating hopelessness poured out of me. Wind began to swirl and spin around me as I let out a shriek of rage.

I was trapped in world that just kept reminding me of my own mortality, and what I would never have. The practice dummy shattered into kindling and was launched away, sucked up into a vortex as I curled into a ball and shook in misery.