After the morning run, Valerie made her way to work. The mundane nature of working at a call centre hit her in waves every time she entered the building. In a way, she was grateful for the routine the new job gave her. As soon as she sat down at her desk, she went into autopilot. Taking calls, printing sheets, going to meetings.

A sharp ringing snapped Valerie out from her daze. It turned out to not just affect her. Everyone started murmuring.

“Everyone,” Julia the safety officer exclaimed, “calm down and please head for the designated meeting point in the car park.” She pointed towards the fire exit.

Valerie did as she was told and calmly moved towards the exit. A small hand grasped her arm. Julia’s concerned face looking up at her.

“Safety officers with me.” She said solemnly “We need to make sure everyone is out.”

Taking a health and safety course in order to skip out on work had not gone as intended.

Putting on the hi-vis jacket, which woefully mismatched what she had put on today, she awaited further instruction.

“Andrew, take the second floor and Valerie take the third. I’m sure all are out, can’t be too sure”.

Valerie nodded and made her way up the staircase. She had always taken the lift up so it was her first time in the stairwell. Ever since she saw Casper crying in there. With anyone else, it would lead to awkward exchanges and not talking about it but Casper would use it as an excuse to bond in his grief, God forbid.

Checking the rooms, she saw no one in them. Recently vacated. She entered the women's toilets. all the cubicles were empty. Men’s toilets, same deal but an assault on the nose. Done with the third floor, she went to leave when she passed the disabled toilet. The lock said OCCUPIED. Never as simple as it could be.

Valerie uses her thumbnail to unlock the door from the outside. What welcomed her was a elderly woman in the fetal position with headphones on. A plume of smoke exited the room at the same time. Wafting it away, Valerie stepped in to feel under her shoe what caused it. A mixture of cigarettes and blunts.

“Maggie?” she shook her a bit. She seemed to jump when Valerie touched her shoulder.

“Val-” Maggie’s smoking seemed to catch up to her “Valerie?”

“Hiya. I think your hotboxing caused the fire alarm to go off.” she picked up the teary eyed woman’s headphones. “Is that Stankonia?”

“You know your early 2000s albums. Andre 3000 always made me feel better.”

Valerie was getting teary eyed herself, the smoke pierced her eyes like menthol. “Come on, let’s get out of here before you start listening to Coolio.”

One arm around her waist, she hoists the elderly woman up.

It was admittedly an awkward walk down the flight of stairs but Valerie did not mind it. It allowed her to figure a few things out along the way. She was sure she could use this as a way out of work for a few days.

They were about to leave through the emergency exit when Maggie dislodged herself from Valerie.

“What are they going to say when they find out it was me who caused it?” Maggie slid down against the wall.

“Well,” Valerie scratched her chin “probably reprimanded, few weeks off no pay. Couldn’t be more than that since this is probably the first time this has happened since you started. How long have you been here?”

“18 years.”

“Yeah, you should be fine. They’ll probably make you do the health and safety course though. What’s the worst that can happen?” Valerie sat down on the flight of stairs in front of Maggie.

“I could be fired.”

“So? Get fired and you’ll just get a job. Life is just a perpetual cycle of work and not work. Work somewhere else, make new friends. Forget this place.”

“I’ve been here for so long. Everyone here are my friends.”

“Then that’s on you.” Valerie sprung back up “If you are more attached to the place than you are to the people, you’ve just gotten comfortable with the routine of coming here.”

Maggie didn’t know what to make of this. She thought she’d initiated pity mode. However, what Valerie said rang true to her. She propped herself up and took a deep breath.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t get complacent. I’ll tell them I quit.”

“No, don’t do that.” Valerie put her hand on her shoulder

“I know I could probably keep my job. But it’s time for me to finally come out of my shell.”

“Come out as much as you want but if you’re going to leave anyway, you might as well get fired.”

“Why?”

“Look you quit, that’s it. However if you get fired, you get severance pay. Let’s see how much that would be.”

Valerie took out a pen and started jotting down on a receipt. She started mumbling to herself. Maggie was only getting every third word.

“See,” Valerie almost shoved it in her face “look at how much they’d LITERALLY hand over to you if you got fired.”

Maggie put her face really close up to the piece of paper. She smiled a bit, “A decent amount.”

“Now,” Valerie grabbed a box and gave it to her. “Take these and pretend you have an attitude problem. They’ll see you caused it.”

“Why do you have these? You don’t smoke.”

“They’re for my brother but I think he’d want you to have them.”

“Valerie, I don’t know what to say.”

“I don’t know, insulting their mums or something might work.” Valerie shrugged

“No, I mean why are you doing this.”

“It feels right. When I hear stories of people who get away with things when they shouldn’t, I guess I wish I was a part of it. Life would be that little bit more interesting.”

“Okay, I’m ready.” She had pulled a cigarette out and lit it up

“Now when you’re out there, pop off. Be mean, be aggressive and if you need a little bit of material, just say that Casper cake was as dry as camels arse.”