-[ You have spawned into the playing area of Atone Online. ]-

-[ While being transported to this facility, you perpetrated an act of violence against the authorities. Rep -1. ]-

-[ You were injured by a guard during transit to this server. HP -3. ]-

-[ Warning: This is an extremely dangerous zone. Statistically, this area presents a 16% probability of being assaulted by another player and a 100% probability of being attacked by an enemy monster. Caution is advised. ]-

-[ Diagnostic alert: You are suffering from the effects of a corrupted memory file. Attempted memory rebuild is at 0%. ]-

My senses were hit by a blast of dank fusty air, mingled with the scent of freshly shed blood. And yeah, I recognize that last one from my old job. All around me, the sound of what could be wild animals, howling in a frenzied symphony of chaos and confusion. When I dared to open my eyes, I understood why.

The beast was twice my height, black as midnight, and looked like it had probably crawled straight out of Satan’s asshole. It hadn’t spotted me yet (it was too busy feasting on some poor dwarven sod to notice or care) but given its size, I couldn’t imagine the small bearded snack would either occupy or satisfy it for long.

To my right, a smaller version of the monster was attacking a barbarian who (to my disbelief) wasn’t even attempting to defend himself. And to my left, two of the strange creatures were fighting one another, one of them noticeably more bloodied than the other. That was when I heard a deep guttural growl from behind me.

It was a third. A horse with the legs of a spider, the tail of a scorpion, and the teeth of nothing on earth. And it was staring straight at me. That wasn’t even the only surprise: I was completely surrounded by human statues, possibly as many as ten warriors, mostly stripped to the waist, all frozen in a defensive stance, their faces a picture of horror. The image quickly brought to mind the gorgon of Greek myth, the snake-headed creature who froze such warriors with little more than a glance. But this unholy creature was staring straight at me, six crimson eyes gleaming, and the only thing freezing my avatar was fear. Its weight shifted upon its spindly spider-like legs as if getting ready to strike. I knew I couldn’t outrun it. There was no time for flight. Fight was the only option. I subtly called up my menu, taking care not to make any sudden movements that would goad the thing into pouncing any sooner than it intended.

-[ Item selected: Premium Sword. The highest caliber sword available to new arrivals, this weapon is a worthy addition to any beginner’s inventory. Attack +5. Durability 40/40. ]-

-[ Warning. Your mana supply is empty. Mana is required to channel special actions through weaponry. ]-

It was my first time holding such a weapon, a far cry from the rotten branch I’d wielded back on the goblin camp, or for that matter, the steel baseball bat I’d been known to favor in my old life. At its touch, basic attack techniques immediately flooded my mind, granting me the preprogrammed skills my swordsman’s avatar would require in order to meet the basic description. It was enough to tell me how to swing the damn thing, but there were no clues on how to fell this monstrosity.

-[You are severely overmatched. Recommended course of action: retreat. ]-

Where the hell too, I protested. But no answer came. My stylus system was now little more than a barebones AI, and not a patch on Mai.

-[ //y0urrrr n0t su/pp0sed t0 be herrrrrrr//// ]-

…added another message, this one noticeably garbled.

“No shit,” I replied. “And what the hell was that? Don’t tell me my files are corrupted already? That’s all I fucking need.”

-[ Status bot running at 100% ]-

…it replied, almost smugly.

“I’ll take your word for it,” I replied, not once taking my eyes from the snarling creature that stood before me.

Without warning it finally pounced, the beast’s ebony mass blurring toward me with unnatural speed. On instinct, I attempted to bring up my sword, but before I could decide if I was attempting to block or attack, its weight was crashing against me, knocking me on my ass. I flailed out wildly with the blade, severing the tip of one of its legs…

-[ You cut the shadow foal for -1 HP damage. ]-

…but the bastard barely noticed, pressing its considerable weight down on my body, its spindly legs forming a nightmarish cage around my struggling avatar. Its slobbering needle-like teeth were now snapping at me, the creatures drool splashing my face as it lunged to tear it off. It was all I could do to use my sword as a barrier, but the thing was way too powerful. Barely 2 minutes into the game, and I was mob meat.