Chapter 03 : Arcanist

Darkness was everywhere, it fell almost reassuring to Nikolaï. Darkness was the only thing that exists and it didn’t hide anything, it was not deceiving or fake it was just darkness. Nikolaï was not sure how he felt but that was okay because in the darkness it didn’t matter.

Unfortunately, darkness was fading away rapidly, replaced by other things not as straightforward as darkness was. Pain was coming and it was not alone. It had brought the need to breathe, the need to wake up and Nikolaï couldn’t do anything against them.

***

Nikolaï woke up from his coma in a panic. His whole body was hurting and breathing was the only thing he seemed able to do without having tears of pain forming. His head was also making him suffer, he clearly had a fever and his brain felt like it was pulsating inside his skulls.

Even with his arms feeling heavy and sore Nikolaï tried to reach his head with his hands.

“_ Hey ! He’s awake. Go fetch Expert Orsana !” Said a man voice.

Nikolaï didn’t recognize the voice but it had come from very closely. He realised that he couldn’t see because of the blindfold he had on his eyes. He tried to take it off but a hand stopped him.

“_ No ! Your eyes are still healing, don’t pull it off or you are risking being blind.” Said the same voice.

Nikolaï stopped and finally realised that he was lying down on a bed. He heard the sound of a door opened and closed as the man who talked was helping him straightened. It was painful and Nikolaï tried to talk but his throat was dry and sore.

The man put some pillow behind Nikolaï and put a cup of water in his hands. Nikolaï drank slowly while he tried to gather his last memories. In a way, he had hoped that everything would be blurry but it was not. He remembered the experiment, the pain in front of the unaware Arcanists and the deads.

“_ Where am I ?” Asked Nikolaï with a harsh voice.

“_ We are not supposed to talk to you until the Arcanists had come.” Answered the man with hesitation in his voice.

“_ Did others survived ?”

“_ I’m not supposed to talk, sir.”

“_ Can you tell me who you are at least ?” Asked desperately Nikolaï.

“_ I’m working for the tower, sir, in the infirmary.”

“_ Are you a healer ?”

“_ No sir, but I help him sometimes.”

The man was just a servant as Nikolaï realised quickly. He had suspected by the way he addressed him, he couldn’t be an Aspirant or an Arcanist. If he was just a servant Nikolaï could try to pressure him to talk but he was pretty sure that the man feared the others more than Nikolaï.

Nikolaï tried to check on his body. He was in pain but in one piece, his muscles were sore and he wondered how many days he had been unconscious.

Almost 10 minutes later Nikolaï heard the door opening again.

“_ See, he is awake.” Said someone.

It was probably the person sent to fetch the Arcanist that Nikolaï suspected of being Expert Orsana. Nikolaï straightened a bit in his bed, cocking his ears. He was not sure but only one person seemed to have accompanied the servant. Someone was approaching the bed.

“_ You are finally awake.” Said a new voice.

“_ Y-yes.” Responded a confused Nikolaï.

Even if the voice didn’t introduce itself Nikolaï was pretty sure that it belonged to Arcanist Julius, the assistant. His tone sounded almost annoyed.

“_ We need to ask you some question about what happened ?”

“_ What !? What about the others ? What about Seth ?”

“_ Seth !?” Responded Arcanist Julius, clearly not connecting the name. “ You are the only survivor.”

The information fell on Nikolaï like a ton of bricks. He couldn’t process what he was really feeling. Arcanist Julius started to ask questions and Nikolaï mechanically answered. Everything felt surreal to him, all of his body was hurting and he was just waking up from a coma but Arcanist Julius didn’t seem to care. In the same way, he didn’t seem to care about the effect of their conversation on Nikolaï well being.

Nikolaï eventually learned that he had been unconscious for 21 days. The number rang in his head like it was an impossible thing but the shock was quickly piling up with other news. Nobody seemed to have thought about contacting his family. The excuse was that Nikolaï’s condition was falling under the secrecy of Expert Orsana’s research.

Few hours after the visits of Arcanist Julius the other assistant came. Arcanist Amos had an all-new round of questions.

Nikolaï hadn’t the mental strengths to oppose it and complied just for the chance to have answers for himself. What he learned pushed him into more despair than his condition already had. Expert Orsana had been reprimanded, as they say, but he didn’t lose any of his advantages. He had “generously” compensate the families and was prohibited from organised large experimentation for a year.

***

It was only the next day that Orsana decided to visit Nikolaï. He talked about Nikolaï’s condition and how he was taking care of under his order. He explained that his eyes were going to heal, like the rest of his body.

It asked everything of Nikolaï to pretend to thank him. He couldn’t stop having the impression that Orsana and his assistants were disappointed by him waking up. Nikolaï felt clearly paranoid after being unconscious for almost a month but there was something in their tone of voice which was unsettling.

Nikolaï was not feeling like a survivor, as they kept emphasising, but more like a witness reminding the world how bad they messed up.

As the days passed Nikolaï fell more and more into despair. It was not just the present situation but something Orsana had told him. Nikolaï’s body was going to heal but his Ether had been destroyed, taking away his chance to be an Arcanist. Forever.

Since, the word Arcanist was floating constantly in Nikolaï’s head. He thought about what it meant. How people reacted to it. There was a popular phrase from a scholar about Arcanist having to step away from their humanity for power. Nikolaï couldn’t remember the quote completely but as a student of the Arcane, he knew that the scholar was talking about the fact that to progress as an Arcanist and wield more power, they had to alter their body in order to support the toll of the elementium and the Ether.

The way they did it depend on the path they choose but every Arcanist knew this fact and accepted silently the sacrifice but right now Nikolaï was wondering if the scholar had only talked literally. The way he was treated by Orsana and how all of the case seemed to have been handled made him sick. Sure there was no cruelty in their acts but there was no decency either.

Orsana, Amos and Julius had killed and butchered seven peoples and even if they didn’t feel pleased by it, it was not bothering them either.

Nikolaï cried silently under his bandage. He was not a child so he knew how the Arcanist world could be cold but right now it’s like he couldn’t look away, ever.

Even with this mindset, the most painful for Nikolaï was the fact that his chance to become an Arcanist had been taken away from him. This selfish thought made him feel guilty toward those who didn’t survive but he couldn’t help it.

Even if Nikolaï had been kicked out of the Tower before reaching the proper level of an Arcanist he would have been an Aspirant. The title would have allowed him to settle in a place and make a living. In Nikolaï’s mind being an insignificant Aspirant in the middle of nowhere was better than coming home with no power at all.

Nikolaï, with all this time to think, was constantly pushing away the thought of what he was going to do after being healed. Expert Orsana would be “released” of his responsibility and Nikolaï would be chased off the Tower or sent back to his family. Nikolaï didn’t want to think of a life in the shadow of his father and brothers now that he had lost the thing that could have gave him the chance to stand up to them.

***

It had been almost a week since Nikolaï had woken up. He was moping in his despair when the door opened.

“_ This is the subject I was talking to you about, Master.” Said Arcanist Orsana voice.

Nikolaï didn’t react. They often treated him like being unconscious or not didn’t make a difference and Nikolaï didn’t care anymore. He was broken. So much that despite guessing who was the person Orsana was addressing, he didn’t move. There was only one person that the Expert Orsana could call this way : Master Arcanist Drahan. His title indicated that he was an Arcanist of the 7th circle and he was also the tower Master. He had authority over everybody in it and only the Emperor himself could order him.

“_ I see.” Commented an unimpressed voice. “How did he survive ?”

“_ For now I believe that the fact that he has no proper affinity delayed the effect or at least diminish it.”

Nikolaï couldn’t help but feel a bit curious. Orsana had refused to share any information on the subject of the experiment with Nikolaï. Explaining that he didn’t need to know and his research couldn't be discussed. He had even refused to say what killed the others.

Master Drahan didn’t say anything and from the sound of it, he was reading something.

“_ You seem to be right but your subject also seems to have learned some knowledge in Impalpable Arcane. You should never underestimate the value of trained visualisation when facing raw Ether.” Finally said Master Drahan.

Nikolaï was not really paying attention. Sure he knew the words but he was only an Aspirant, or at least he used to be. The two people in front of him had knowledge of subjects that he wasn’t even aware of existing.

Nikolaï stayed silent only half paying attention to the conversation. He barely reacted when Master Drahan checked him without even asking. He took a minute or two and not once did Master Drahan address Nikolaï.

“_ So what do you think Master ?” Asked Expert Orsana with so much politeness in his tone that Nikolaï almost feel nauseous.

“_ I think that, like usual, you have no patience for things and rush to conclusions.” Answered Master Drahan.

His word may have seemed harsh but he had the tone of someone commenting on a bad habit rather than blaming him for his actions.

“_ You overestimate your power if you think you can destroy the Ether of someone. Even an Aspirant of the 1st circle.”

“_ Oh really !?” Asked a genuine curious Orsana.

The rest of the conversation was a bit lost on Nikolaï but the Master words were echoing in his head. In his pit of despair, a small piece of hope appeared in Nikolaï’s heart. While the two men continued discussing about arcane Nikolaï was filling up with strength.

Yes, his Ether had been shattered but it wasn’t beyond recovery. He could still be an Arcanist and reclaim the small power that was once his.

***

Nikolaï was finally back in his room. He was still in bad shape but he was strong enough to eat by himself and walk a little. His recovery was far from over but it hadn’t been hard to convince Expert Orsana to let Nikolaï take care of himself.

Learning that he still had a chance to be a user of the arcane, Expert Orsana did what was necessary to push back Nikolaï’s exam as proof of his “generosity”. Nikolaï had taken on himself to say anything and took whatever advantage he could.

Nikolaï was still wearing a bandage around his eyes, they had recover enough that he could take it away but he decided against it. It was for the same reason that he moved back to his room : isolation.

If Nikolaï’s Ether was still here he needed to rebuild it piece by piece like a puzzle of shards. To do that he would have to meditate like he once did to awake his Ether. Nikolaï was confident that he could do it but only if he was determined and focused. To pull it off he decided to confine himself in the most ascetic way he could handle.

Using the compensation given by Orsana, Nikolaï had offered a small payment to his room’s neighbour to bring him bland food and water daily. Besides that Nikolaï was planning to use every of his awake time to meditate.

Only when he successfully rebuilt his Ether would he leave his room and take away the bandage that was restraining one of his senses.

Days passed as Nikolaï indulged in his behaviour until he couldn’t make the difference between day and night. When he was too tired to concentrate he was just lying down to sleep and started back the moment he woke up. When he was hungry or thirsty he blindly walked to the door and took the provisions let by his neighbours without care for the time.

Before the experiment, Nikolaï would never have the kind of mental strength to do what he was doing but that was before falling into the despair he felt when his dream of becoming an Arcanist was taken away from him. His determination was now as high as his despair had been low. That was the thing with hope.

At the first shred of result, Nikolaï only became more focused and evaluated that it would take him a month to heal himself.

***

Finally, Nikolaï succeeded. Despise his first impression he successfully realigned his Ether in two weeks.

Nikolaï stood up with difficulty from the corner of his room, the one he used during those two weeks. Inside him, he could feel his Ether healing itself, resorbing the breaks between each piece. Sure, he was not even an Aspirant of the 1st circle anymore, his Rune had been broken but he had a chance to become one again and it was enough for now.

Nikolaï untied the bandage around his eyes and blinked repeatedly after opening them. His room was in complete darkness and slowly he moved to his desk and the candle on it. Lighting it on revealed itself to be painful for Nikolaï eyes so he only lit one, to limit the brightness.

Being underground the room had no window and even if the wall was made of light grey stone it was very easily dark inside it. Every Aspirants living on this floor were used to buy extra candles if they wanted to study in their room. The only source of light around was the corridors which had ceiling stone producing a dim light and extra torches on the walls.

Nikolaï was blinking repeatedly, his self imposed sensory deprivation was not something he could recover from in seconds. Wanting to acclimate slowly he decided to wash. During the last two weeks, he had maintained his hygiene to the minimum to not let his sense of smell bother him but now he could take his time.

His room had a small bathroom with water coming from a pipe. He didn’t have a bath like the room above ground but it was enough. Nikolaï took his time, massaging his sore limbs. The lack of movement had made them stiff but the medicine he had to take after his coma was going to be useful to recover.

Nikolaï eventually went out of the bathroom. The candle was still too bright for him but the penumbra in the bathroom that the light had created had helped him adjust.

In his eyes, there was still spots of light but Nikolaï put the candle closer to the bathroom. He did it to be able to look at himself in the polish piece of metal in it.

Nikolaï looked at his reflection like he had forgotten it. When he tried earlier, just after untying his bandages, the result had been blurry but now he could see himself again. His eyes were healed, they just needed time to readjust.

Under the mirror was a small basin and Nikolaï used a bucket to fill it with water from the bathroom pipe. His glabrous face didn’t need shaving but he washed his face one more time to clean the corner of his eyes.

As he plunged his hand once again in the basin water, breaking its surface, he spotted something strange in the reflection created by the water. He frowned as the surface was calming and sending him a clearer vision of himself.

He looked at his face in the polished metal and the water several times.

In the reflection sending back by the basin water, he could see a marking on his forehead. A circular shape that apparently only appeared on the surface of the water.