《I Was Summoned To Have Tea With The Demon Lord [Rewrite]》Chapter 16: Darjeeling

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"All rise for the Honorable Judge Darjeeling."

The courtroom, a mix of humans and demons, oblige the bailiff's request. We stand before the judge's bench, squeaky-clean and wearing our best solemn expressions. This is no laughing matter. I can feel the oppressive atmosphere of the room start to suffocate me.

Darjeeling calls for our attention with a metered cough.

She's an older demon, a pleasant pale grey, though her face is flushed with anger. “In your arrest for disturbing the peace, we have uncovered several other crimes for which you now stand accused.”

“In the case of Cha vs. Chiba, Chisaka, and Amamiya, there are numerous charges to be discussed,” she says, scowling and showing her sharp teeth.

She repeats the charges - mostly our actions in the forest, just like Ceylon had theorized. Honestly, I don’t grasp the finer nuances of any of it. Izumi and Mamoru look progressively angrier with each count of this or that.

Darjeeling takes a short sip from a western-style teacup, still steaming. “Before we get things started, I’ll give you one chance. How do you plead?"

"Innocent!" Izumi protests.

"Innocent," Mamoru grunts.

"Guilty." I hang my head.

I can't lie, even to a demon, even if Izumi and Mamoru shoot me glares cold enough that I swear they've learned ice magic.

Ceylon puts her head between her hands and sighs. It’s going to be a long day.

Darjeeling’s brow furrows as she looks at me. “Curious. I had thought all humans were about refusing to take responsibility for their actions.”

“Even if you don’t know the laws, that’s no reason to believe you’re an exception from them,” I paraphrase the words that had been thrown at me at the time of our arrest.

“Oddly respectable.” The judge bangs her gavel. “But since your companions profess their own innocence, and since you do require a sentence, we must move forward with the formalities of the trial.”

When it’s time for her opening statement, Ceylon is ruthless. “Human ignorance is blisteringly strong. It is a state of bliss, but it belongs to a lower class of being who can’t be expected to function at the level of a demon. Laws are a joke to them, not because they do not understand, but because they cannot understand.”

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Oh my god. Is the crux of her argument that we’re too stupid to be punished for our crimes? She goes on for another two minutes before finally calling us to the stand to serve as our own witnesses.

The trial goes on for hours. We’re examined, cross-examined, and re-examined more times than I can count. Adventurers from the tavern are pulled in to serve as character witnesses, and they paint a picture of us as troublemakers, seemingly allied against outsiders. The prosecution is merciless. I find myself wondering what the punishments are like on this world. Would we really have to build roads for Sinensis?

“Your Honor,” the bailiff interrupts the trial rather suddenly. “A call has come in for you.”

"I will take it in my chambers,” she says, stepping down from her podium elegantly. “Court will resume session in ten minutes.”

We all murmur amongst ourselves, but nobody truly has the courage to do much of anything in the judge’s absence. When she returns, her face is ashen.

“I received troubling news that these three are new in town. The character witnesses were not providing accurate testimony. ” Judge Darjeeling bangs her gavel. “I may be forced to rule this a mistrial.”

“In addition, although there has been misconduct on all sides, I do not feel it is necessary to deprive these young adventurers of their futures. The inciting incident was a tavern brawl, for which they have already served a night in jail.” She looks at us. “If you're willing to correct your registration issues and begin your adventures with a permit, we can overlook the rest. Self-defense is a clear motivator in your attacks against forest creatures."

"What do you mean, our registration issues?" I ask.

"Your party registration."

"We weren't having a party, Your Honor."

"Your adventuring party," Judge Darjeeling sighs. She reminds me a little of a tired aunt, rather than a malicious creature that I'm supposed to be scared of. "Girl, do you know nothing of this world?"

"Hiyorin, you're hopeless," Izumi groans.

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Mamoru stares at me. "Are you an idiot?"

My face burns red with embarrassment. What on earth does a party have to do with adventuring? What does any of this have to do with us? We're supposed to be saving a noble's daughter, or learning how to fight, or something. Anything. Anything but this.

My spotless record is still going to have an arrest on it – and a night's stay in jail – and there's nothing I can do to expunge it. That's the true humiliation of it all.

"Sign here," the bailiff instructs me, pointing to a dotted line on an unreadable piece of paper.

I shoot him a confused look. "There's no pen."

"Just press your finger against the line," he explains.

"Without reading what it says first?" I inwardly curse my illiteracy. "That's hardly fair!"

"Would you prefer the alternative? It's your... what do you call it... Your plea deal."

I look at Izumi for confirmation. She nods and gives me a thumbs up. At least she looks confident, though I can't tell if it's because she can read the bargain or whether she's just excited to be living the life of an adventurer.

As I move my finger to the page, Mamoru's eyes widen. "Wait, not the first line!"

But an afterimage of my thumbprint is already shimmering against the parchment. He scowls, slamming his hands down on the table in front of us.

"What's the big idea, making her the party leader like that?" Mamoru asks the cop. "If you're going to force us together, at least let us choose properly."

"I didn't make anyone anything. She simply signed in the party leader's registration slot." There's something almost smug about the way the cop speaks that makes me suspicious, but I can't put a finger on it. "You're up next."

Mamoru grudgingly places a finger on the second line, and Izumi follows up with the third. Once her thumbprint appears, the parchment rolls itself up and a brilliant purple ribbon appears out of nowhere, tying it neatly with a bow.

It looks a lot like a college diploma, a mockery of the education we're all losing out on by being brought to this world.

"You are free to go," Judge Darjeeling announces. "Now that you have your party license, do not lose it. You can collect your belongings in the next room when you are ready. Court is adjourned."

The audience to our mockery of a trial takes some time to filter out, murmuring tedious gossip about corrupt courts, and I can't help but wonder again what made the judge go so easy on us. We leave last, escorted by the horned bailiff to what I can only assume is an evidence locker. Dozens of items are categorized, labeled, and shelved in the adjoining room, and our possessions are among them, retrieved swiftly.

Did they pick up on my connection with Sinensis? Did we just inadvertently bribe a judge? I don't want another charge on my record.

By the time I've tuned back into the conversation, Izumi is trying to pry more than two words at a time out of Mamoru. It's not working very well.

"Fine. If you want to get arrested again, be my guest." Izumi sulks. "Or you can come meet us in front of the Silver Turtle Inn tomorrow at dawn and take us to the castle."

He's tight-lipped about the matter. "I'm not partying up with you.”

"Legally speaking, you already have," my sense of justice compels me to interject.

I'm beginning to get a picture of how this world's legal structure works.

It doesn't.

It doesn't work at all.

The dysfunctional court is apparently the closest thing to sanity around here. I can't believe I'm siding with the demons.

"So... quest?" Izumi asks.

“Quest,” he sighs.

Izumi flashes a peace sign. "See you at dawn~!"

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