《The Villainess With No Happy Endings》Chapter Thirty-Two – Let Try Once Again
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I am Aurelia Giliam, I am hated by my family and I crave to feel any type of love. I am stuck in an endless cycle of trying to get the love of people who I know will never give me it. I am bitter, I am angry. I hate this.
I am Alina. I don’t have a last name. My mommy family doesn’t want me to have their surname and I hate saying my father's last name as well. I felt love from my mommy, that love of her was so warm and so pure. I wanted to experience that love again so I kept my heart open… Until I reached a point where my heart was broken to a point I couldn’t fix it anymore. I met a boy with a kind smile and love for me but… I pushed him away. I lost him. I lost my mommy. It hurts so much. I am so lonely.
My role in this world was the villainess, I was made to suffer so other people could fall in love. Even if I try to change my fate it wouldn’t end well for me. I would only suffer and die in the end. I hate this world I was in. I hated the people who were happy because of my suffering.
I wanted to be loved so badly by the family who loved my mommy so much. I did everything in my power to make them love me but they only saw my father. The man who caused my mommy to kill herself. The scum threw away my mommy love without a care in the world. I was just a reminder of why my mommy isn’t here anymore.
The only person who I thought understood me didn’t care about me as I care about him. I felt something in me break once I realized I was alone in the world where I was made to suffer. I hate that I wasn’t allowed to be happy. I hate how the one person who I thought would understand me… looked at me with such cold eyes. I hate him. I hate this world. I hate this crushing feeling in my heart.
I gave up on love once I realized my mommy family would never love me. When I gave up on love someone finally fell in love with me. He was perfect, he saw me. I wanted to love him back so badly but I was scared. I was so scared he would end up hating me as well. I kept pushing him away until… I finally lost him to someone else. Even though I kept telling myself it was for my own good. I think that was the day I finally died. The one person who loved me is gone and I am alone again.
I hate this world I was born in. I hate this world I was born in. Even when I managed to experience a new life where I wasn’t Aurelia I still managed to suffer in the end. Maybe it isn’t the world's fault, maybe it is my fault. I hate myself so much. I don’t want to remember this pain anymore. Just let me forget this pain and suffering like the coward I am. No matter how much I want to feel love… I will only suffer in the end…
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I am in a void of darkness, it feels like a place. It is like a home I am coming back to. A lonely home. I am laying flat on my back and I can hear the voice of someone who is so familiar but at the same time completely unfamiliar to me. I could feel myself being grabbed by countless hands as they held me down. They don't have to do that, I don't feel like moving.
I feel a weight suddenly appear on my chest and I see a young girl looking at me with cold eyes. Her appearance is hard to make out, she looks one way but suddenly looks like something else. It is like she is switching between the way she wants to look but can't settle on an appearance that she likes. Her skin is brown but she looks rather sickly and her skin doesn't look like it sees the sun that much. Her hair is black and short. It isn't a neat type of short hair, it is like someone just cut at the hair with no care at all.
We try to change our fate. Yet we always fail. Why do we always fail? Is it our fault? Is this a punishment for a crime we did? Force to suffer endlessly. Never getting a happy ending.
Her mouth doesn't move as she speaks, it is unsettling but I don't care much about it. I don't care much about anything at the moment. I could feel the hands holding me down on the ground increase their hold on my body. It hurts but I just ignore the pain my body is suddenly feeling at the moment. The young girl slowly brings her face closer to mine and I am just staring at those cold eyes. I feel like I am just looking into an endless void.
Why do we even try? What's the point? This is a pointless cycle we are in. It feels so exhausting. We should just stop. No more suffering. No more loneliness. Let's end it finally.
I feel myself getting lost in these cold eyes of hers. It feels like I am slowly becoming an empty shell, my emotions are finally leaving me. I just wanted to lose myself in this strange sensation. It feels comforting in a weird, scary way. I just want everything to finally stop. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I feel tired, I feel weak.
But... I wonder why I don't want to give in? Why do I still want to keep trying? I am acting so stupid, foolish, stubborn. This is the easy way out for me yet... I still want to... I want to... I want to keep trying. Again and again and again and again and again...
“I wonder why I'm trying? It is confusing, it is frustrating, it is pointless.” I finally spoke up, my voice echo throughout this dark space I started to pull against the hands that were holding me down on the ground. I didn't break eye contact with the young girl who was sitting on my chest. I could feel the nails of the hands holding onto me dig into my body but I didn't stop trying to escape from them.
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“Whenever I hope for something it always ends up going bad for me. No matter how much I try to tell myself it will work out next time, it never does…” In the girls' eyes, I can see all the moments in my life where everything just went wrong for me. It was just failure after failure. I hated it so much and just wanted to give up. Life was pointless to me. I had nothing.
“Maybe I should give up. It would be easier. I lived so many lives where I ended up getting killed. My other life ended with me killing myself in the end. I wonder what the point of trying anymore…” I was slowly moving my body up into a sitting position. The hands holding me were trying so hard to pull me back down but I wouldn't let them. It felt like they would dislocate my bones from how hard they were pulling at me but I didn't care.
“But… I think I am stupid for saying this… I want to keep going. I don’t want to give in. Some people care about me. I am not unlovable. I don’t want to lose this feeling. Even if… Even if it ends with me getting another bad ending… At least I didn’t give up. I don’t want to give up anymore. When I gave up I lost the only person who ever loved me. I want to keep trying, even if it is foolish. It would be so much easier to give up but I am being so stubborn.” I managed to get only one of my arms free and I started to pull at the hands holding my other arm. I was still looking into the young girl's eyes. She was now just sitting in front of me but I couldn't make out her current expression.
“I am sorry for not giving up. Can we please keep trying until we reach an ending where we can be happy? To be loved? Let us not give up yet. I don’t want to.” I finally managed to get both my arms free and feel the soreness in my arms, but I just ignored it. I slowly reached out towards the girl and hugged her. I hug me.
This is foolish. You are just extending our suffering. Why can’t you just let it stop? It's too much… Just make it stop…
“...I love you, Aurelia. I love you, Alina. I love me. Even if no one will love me… I will start loving myself. Why should I find someone to love me? I still have myself. I don’t need to look for people to love me. I just need to start loving myself.” As I was saying this the dark space I was in started to get some light. It was like a sun was coming up in this darkness. I didn't let go of myself. I wouldn't let go. I just wanted someone to hold me so tight during the times where everything was so hard... I wanted someone to make me feel so safe. I just needed someone to... I...
The me who was so lonely. The me who hated the world. The me who wanted love so much. The me who was just a child who just wanted a family so badly. The me who grew up too fast.
I just needed this… I caused all this pain… I hurt myself so badly… I was just like the people who caused my pain as well. I didn’t like that at all. I want to be better, I really want to be better. I don't want to feel like this anymore.
“I am sorry but… Maybe this time will be better for us? Because this time I will actually learn to love myself. Learn to accept the fact I don’t need to seek out love from other people who clearly don’t love me. Learn that I am someone important.” I was still hugging her, I was hugging the child who needed this hug so badly. I could feel small arms slowly wrap around me and hold me tight. I could feel wetness appearing on my chest but I didn't mind, I just kept her close to me.
“You are so dumb… Who are we kidding? This trait of ours isn’t that bad. It's so good that it's back. Maybe things will be different this time…” I could feel her disappearing from my arms but the tightness of her arms around me didn't go away. Even after she was finally gone I could still feel her hugging me. I was alone but it still felt like someone was hugging me.
I am going to be okay. I love... I love myself. I am someone who deserves love. I deserve happiness as well. I am not just a villainess in someone's story, I am just a person who wants to be happy as well.
The dark space I was in now had a bright light shining everywhere, and flowers appeared around me. They were daisies, white, yellow, and orange daisies. It felt like they were all speaking to me, cheering me on.
I slowly unwrapped my arms from myself and stood up. I can feel myself standing straighter and a heavyweight disappears off my shoulders. I felt... I didn't know how to explain it but it was a good feeling. A feeling I wanted for a long time...
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Regis and Charlotte
Regis knows it's an illusion. He's only ever seen Princess Charlotte from afar; only heard her voice when she spoke to a crowd. Sure he's good at reading people, but he knows she of all people will be wearing a perfect mask. The problem is he's in love with the illusion, and it's not going away. So he strikes out on a quest: win the fighting tournament held every year, where she gives out the prize, and hypothetically—just hypothetically—he can forfeit the monetary winnings and instead ask for a week to be close to her, to get to know the real her, and break the illusion once and for all.
8 128Vampire's Pet
The world had gone to hell long ago, taken over by the vampire race. In order to keep some sort of peace in our land, the Vampire Lords made a consecutive agreement. The rich and powerful humans could survive just as they had been, untouched by the vampires save for the occasional blood collections, or so they thought In reality, we were all under their control. Castles spread out throughout our land, one landing in each city. Each castle varied in the number of vampires residing there, but all of them carried a Lord. The Lords were the ones in charge in every city, whether we liked it or not. The vampires often roam through the city, making sure that everyone was in order and no one stepped out of line. If you stepped out of line, you died, end of story. Even if the rich were still under their control, their lives were still better than the poor. The poorest lives held a much worse fate. The men were to be put to work as slaves, whether that meant serving a specific vampire, or just building their castles, they were slaves. The women were to be pets.Pets were the lowest rank you could have. They were forced into cages that were too small to stand in with collars around their necks. They spent their lives in pet shops, just waiting for the dreadful day that they'll be bought. They were treated like animals, trained into what their master wanted, and punished if they misbehaved. Those who were lucky enough to live through that, we're to be slaughtered for their blood at age twenty-five in an act to make sure that our population would stay steady. I was born into this world. Born into this world full of blood-sucking monsters. Except, I was one of the lucky ones.Was.It all ended for me when I was 12, when I was taken away from the last bit of hope and family that I had left. Ever since then, I've lived in a cage, just rotting away, waiting, dreading for the day that some monster would make me his.This is my life. I am a pet.~~~Cover by: @mshacake
8 106a b a n d o n e d - Slashers x reader
A lonely girl befriends a bunch of killers. But what happens when they want more? ⚠️TW⚠️: there will definitely be gore, cussing, and maybe other things but I will give warnings at the beginning of each chapter. Read at your own risk#6 in horror - March 31, 2022
8 88i am not a replacement
Amanda decided to sacrifice everything and get married just for the sake of the future of her deceased friend's baby.Thinking that everything she has ever done was the right choice, she starts to break down when the outcome is something she never thought would happen. Leaving everything behind, she goes back to the life she left before marriage.Henry; a man that decided to get married to his deceased wife's friend thinking that it is the best decision for his kid's mental growth, but at the end, realized it wasn't the best for any of them. So, When things go down, he was forced to let go..Ending everything and leaving each other behind, each one of the two starts to view things in a different way, in a different light..Both were at fault..But will they turn around to fix it or turn a blind eye on it and keep on living?
8 165Even In Pieces [bxb]
-KIND OF MATURE-"I wouldn't fuck you if you paid me." Well, at least my question is answered. He can get more punchable. We glare at each other, I am surprised neither of us have raised our fists yet. It wouldn't be the first time. "Who says you'll be the one fucking?" I snap back. _______________________________________Zachary Alvarez has always hidden his broken parts behind his charm, sarcasm and arrogance. He is a complete asshole to most, especially one man in particular who he occasionally wants to lick all over or shoot in the head (He isn't picky). Nothing in Zach's life is constant. All he has ever cared for is himself since nobody else did. A lot of drinks, one-night stands, relationships that he never put effort into and people always leaving, that's all he has ever known. And Everett absolutely hates Zach's guts and hates how his smirk makes him feel triggered. Everett has always been this or that for people, always an image. Most times he doesn't even care, but sometimes it gets irritating. But somewhere both Everett and Zach starts to see each other. All that hate gets a bit too exhilarating. In so many ways... _________________________________________If you guys are looking for an enemies to lovers with a lot of sexual tension... #1st in lovers #1st in homosexual#1st in bxb#1st in university #2nd in drama #4th in Lgbt#8th in mxm#19th in romance
8 91The Dead Poets
The year is 1959, and for its very first time, Welton Academy Boarding School is now accepting female students. Violet Ross is not only one of those girls, but the only girl in the graduating class. She feels as though she must face her fears entirely alone, until she comes across a quirky group of boys. Also known as The Dead Poets. Violet soon finds herself becoming rather close with one in particular..."I'm not entirely sure I even knew what constituted 'love,' until I had met him. Now the mere thought of him made me ache to be with him, to look at him, to touch him. I couldn't quite put my feelings into words. Even as I try, few seem to suffice. An entire sea of ink could not adequately describe my feelings towards him. It was almost as if all the stars in the sky were condensed into a single, twinkling one. The only words I felt could convey some of what I felt for him, easily fell from my lips. ' I love you, too.'"
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