《Bonfire of Souls》21 - A Moment's Respite

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Ardenne looked and felt like a broken city, the battle between Frederick and Richard was very rough on the people and the city itself. Still, unfair as it might have been, Franz couldn't help comparing the situation of it with Trestia's end. How could these people look so downcast? The people of Trestia, plunged into a sea of despair as they were, would likely have done anything to be put in the situation that the people of Ardenne were in now.

“That's kind of pathetic... Do they really have to look like their lives are so miserable? They just have to build the destroyed buildings again. As far as I know, the loss of civilian life was actually quite limited.”

Oh, he had let his thoughts show too easily again. That was disconcerting. That strange change in his attitude did not go away, somehow it felt to him that maybe it would never be. Before, he wasn't sure, but after meditating on it, he was certain that there was something new within him, something that he couldn't see but that fundamentally changed him.

“Well, their lives did get flipped upside down completely, also, I don't think there was ever a battle of this scale in this city before. Maybe it fostered inside them a false sense of immunity. Give it time.”

This was also clearer to him. Chelsea was different now. This mortified him more than his own transformation. The thought that the person who he had fallen in love with might be gone now terrified him, still he did not have enough courage to find out the truth. She didn't look like she was bothered by it, so he never steered any conversations they had in this direction. He didn't want to imagine her face colored by the torment of being unsure of your own mental integrity.

“Time... I don't think we are staying here long enough to witness any change, but I suppose it might be nice to come here again after the Great Race is over.”

He wanted to say “after the Great Race is won.” but he didn't have enough confidence. At least that part of him hadn't changed at all. Even with some of it destroyed, Ardenne really lived up to its reputation as a city of artists embodying that ideal: Even the architecture it shared with the other cities in the empire, angular and utility focused buildings, were all painted in tasteful color, creating an overall aesthetic that was reasonably pleasing to the eye.

“Yeah, I'd very much like that.”

They stopped at a square that was completely untouched by the fighting. Normally, it would be swarming with people spending their leisure time or struggling artists trying to sell poetry or offering to draw someone's portrait. Instead, as the city dealt with its wounds, people were more preoccupied with rebuilding the city in other places or battling with newfound fears. At the square's center was a a fountain with a statue of some important benefactor to the city. The deserted square had a calming feeling to it and helped Franz forget for a moment that he already had almost lost his life some half-dozen times now.

“Whoa! This is so cool! It looks so tidy, but so meaningful!”

Delilah sprinted around the square with childish glee. She was almost adorable, which made the whole scene all the more disturbing. In a way she was purer, more innocent than anyone else, yet she had done and witnessed things that would make even the cruelest cold-blooded killer whimper in shock. She interacted very much like a child, yet she had an intuition and wisdom derived from many years of existence. Franz did not trust her, he couldn't, not with how... different she was.

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“Oh, Lord Sword, Lady Shadow, were you also looking for a place to relax? Personally, I'd rather look for a nice bar, but not only do I have to take care of her, since she took a liking to me, I also want to be completely sober during the final battle.”

Captain Richard Lewis, another enigma, although for different reasons than Delilah.

“Is that so? I heard some soldiers prefer to not take home very clear memories of war.”

Lewis shrugged.

“Clear memories of war are better than not having any because you got to be cremated after the battle. Plenty of time afterwards to muddy your memories with alcohol and whatever else you feel you need to put into your body to tolerate your life.”

Who was he, really? He didn't talk like a noble, he didn't act like one. It might be prying into personal matters, but he had to ask...

“Richard has it right!” Delilah joined the conversation before Franz could ask. “Nothing good comes out of thinking too much about the past and listening to your own thoughts, anything that distracts you from that can only be a good thing!”

That offended Franz. He lived his life carefully thinking about almost everything. Who was she to say that the way he lived was wrong?

“Is that so? I happen to believe that the flame which we all carry inside of us holds the truth of everything, we only need to properly listen.”

Delilah smiled at him. It was a smile that made him feel small and ignorant. It felt like she was this distant existence which had already gone through what he was going through. It felt like he was a child denying a truth that she, the teacher, knew to be undeniable, but she also knew that he just wasn't ready for it. She pointed at his chest.

“Think back carefully about a memory you truly dislike. How about me almost killing Chelsea here?” How dare she? The bastard! Chelsea didn't look very pleased either. “Now pay close attention, how many filters did your raw feelings and thoughts go through before manifesting into your rather subdued reaction? How much of the raw aggression and blood thirst did you cut down and hold back? The human soul is truly ugly without polish. You don't have to believe me, but I am not lying when I say I have lived a long time surrounded by raw human emotion. Let me tell you clearly, you're better off not looking too closely into yourself. It's not that the abyss looks back into you. You are the abyss.”

He had no words to reply her with.

“Huh... So much for relaxation. Hey, don't get yourself too downcast. Gotta be looking up to see incoming bullets and blades.”

A rather crude way of trying to encourage someone.

“You know, this has been bothering me for a while, but really, who exactly are you? Captain Richard Lewis.”

Chelsea asked the question that Franz missed. Nice one! It made Franz glad to know that he could always count on Chelsea, be it in battle or conversations. As for Lewis, he seemed slightly taken aback.

“Who exactly am I? That's a seemingly direct question that is actually pretty vague. You want my life's story?”

“Maybe just the abridged version is good enough.”

Were their minds actually connected or something now? That was exactly what Franz wanted to ask.

“Well, OK, I will try to make it short without leaving anything important out. Yes, as you might have realized I do not come come from a noble background. Very few commoners manage to go through the Knight Academy, since its so expensive, but I had relatives that were willing to indulge my wanting to become a knight. Not to toot my own horn, but I am good, damn good, good enough, in fact that you'd be surprised that I'm here with you instead of with any other candidate to the Throne.”

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That was pretty much the bulk of Franz's suspicions. Why was he with them, instead of Frederick? According to rumors emanating from the capital, it seemed that the prince was quite the meritocratic person and he had first pick of most Knights in the Empire.

“I'd love it if you could give me a good explanation for that.”

It was weird, Franz was sure that he said these words, but the mouth that they came out of was Chelsea's.

“You think the main reason that there are so few commoner Knights is the matter of money? Nah, graduating from the academy is easy enough, but without the right connections or influence you never amount to anything. You should know that very well, Franz.” Suddenly he was talking like a captain. “Before Princess Lia took you under her wing, I assume you did not have many opportunities to even prove yourself, but at least you're petty nobility, your father died honorably in battle. I had no opportunities, but I wasn't lazy, I never made any mistakes or screwed anyone else. I am not an old man, but I am far from a boy, perhaps Prince Frederick ignored me because he saw no potential in me? Colonel Rommel gave me a chance, just as Princess Lia gave him his second one. I took it gladly and here I am. Does this help assuage any suspicions about me?”

It did, actually.

“It did actually.”

Chelsea was the one who said it.

Lia breathed in and out, very slowly, taking breaths as deep as she could, trying to relax herself. Around her was the empty Command Car, in which so many discussions were had. Right now it was empty because everyone was given a single day of complete rest before the final battle. In a way, she was saying goodbye to this place. She had no intentions of staying behind, trying to coordinate any kind of strategy. To be fair, sending Delilah by herself would be a possibility, but then, what if Frederick left the palace and went after her? She loved and trusted both Chelsea and Franz, but even with their abilities, they had been acting strange lately. Ever since... Her train of thought was interrupted as someone stepped in the room.

“Oh, it's you. I thought you might have left already, isn't everyone of your kind safe and sound now? As far as I know, Ardenne has a decently sized Tal population, do you need to still be here?”

The Egregius, Jonah, bowed respectfully before speaking.

“These are quite the cold words you have for me Princess, is it because I tried to convince the Colonel to leave you behind in Trestia? I have nothing to say to defend my actions back then, except for the fact that I was taken by a deep terror, which I am sure you understand very well. I suppose that's why you didn't find it in yourself to ask for my neck, despite your resentment.”

She did, it was why she couldn't find it within herself to even consider condemning Jonah to death for treason. She would do the exact same thing to run away from the Matriarch. In a way, she did something worse. Wait... did he suspect anything?

“Ah yes, to possibly become on of the infected... It is a dreadful prospect. I can see what kind of emotions led you to your actions.”

For now, she decided to give a very neutral response.

“Certainly, looking at the Infected from the outside looks like a very sad and wretched destiny, but I don't think just that is enough to give one a clear view of just how terrifying a thing it can be. You know, sometimes you have to gaze at that woman which stands at the center of it to understand the depths of the suffering it entails.”

What was he playing at? So what? The “official” story included a confrontation with the Matriarch. She didn't have to deviate from that to admit understanding true fear of the Matriarch. Wait, was she overthinking things? But he did try to interrogate different people in the aftermath of the flight from Trestia.

“The Matriarch... She was very scary, I must admit... I have never before felt such fear. It feels like I could forgive almost anything that anyone does in order to flee from her.”

Ah, she thoughtlessly let out her true feelings on the matter, hopefully it wouldn't provide to big of an opening.

“Even though you Sword and Shadow managed to fight her off? Doesn't seem that scary to me...”

Oh no. What was she going to say to that? Lia's mind froze trying to look for an answer. She couldn't really find one.

“Whatever could you mean? I don't understand.”

A glint of understanding entered Jonah's eyes. It was over. Lia's non-answer completely gave things away. Perhaps he merely suspected the truth before, now it seemed like he completely grasped it. Now, the question was what he would do with that knowledge.

“Let's not play any games, Princess, I accepted a position as your teacher. I am not your enemy. Whatever deal you made with the Matriarch, you may have doomed thousands of people. Please, tell me about it, I want to help you.”

He didn't sound all that accusatory, which gave Lia a slight relief. She considered feigning ignorance, but decided that it would in the end just do more harm than good, so she became honest.

“I... just wanted to live... I just wanted more time, I didn't doom anyone else, just me. I traded future me, more important me, for more time time as a person, could you truly blame me?”

Jonah sighed.

“No. I don't think anyone who has ever met the Matriarch up close could ever blame anyone for a deal like that. But even if nobody else is part of the deal, if you think you haven't doomed anyone else, especially if you're considering avoiding to pay it, which I know you are, you're very wrong.”

This sent a chill down her spine. There was no way.

“What do you mean?”

Jonah slipped back into a lecturing tone.

“You've given her a reason to directly meddle with the Empire. She might be a god-like existence, but she was once a human and all the minds in her swarm are all human. She is disturbed and rotten and evil to the core, but there is something that still holds her back from truly getting involved in the Empire and just absorbing or destroying it. This is not my business. The moment she has a hold on to the Emperor or Empress, the Empire starts being her business.”

Really? Somehow, Lia couldn't believe in something like that.

“Infected have been tormenting and attacking us for centuries. Do you really want to tell me that she... doesn't feel right destroying us... She doesn't flat out wipe out the Empire... because we're not her business? How does that make any sense?”

It sounded stupid and absurd. More than that, she didn't want to accept it. Because t felt like accepting it would mean accepting another much more terrifying fact...

“Please, you've had a direct confrontation with her. Can you truly say in all honesty, from the bottom of your heart, that you think she is not capable of destroying the Empire?”

That was hard on her.

“I...”

She didn't want to say it, because she knew that if she said yes, it would be a lie, but if she said no, if she admitted that the Matriarch could end everything by simply willing it... Lia could not recover from that.

“I can see not wanting to say it out loud, fine, but just listen to me. What actually happened? Depending on your answer, something might be done for your Sword and Shadow, who supposedly beat back the Matriarch. Please be honest, for their sake, not yours. You might think you can still be saved, but I'm sorry, you can't. They, however...”

Chelsea washed her face again and again. She couldn't help feeling anxious as much as she was excited. Inside the room was Franz, ready as ever to embrace her, but now there was something else. It was quite a while now since she had loved him and it seemed like he loved her back. Now she knew it to be true. For some reason she had lately been able to feel what he was feeling, she knew that he also felt what she was feeling. It was something completely different from before, it wasn't just in her mind. Right then, at that very moment, there was some kind of connection between the both of them. It wasn't there before, she knew that much. That hesitancy, that need to think things through, it wasn't something she was used to feeling, but she felt it now, just as much as she knew Franz felt somewhat relaxed towards all this.

“What is going on... What's this... What's happening to us.”

She said it to herself but she knew that Franz might not have heard it, but he still knew she had said it.

“Don't worry. In fact, this might help us I the last battle. Now we will never be apart. After Lia ascends to the Throne, we will have all of the time to discover what's going on.”

It relaxed Chelsea a little, it was usually something she would tell herself, but somehow, hearing that from her beloved and knowing it was completely sincere felt even more soothing. Somehow, she was sure, everything would be alright.

“I... Know... You know what? I'm glad to know that we truly do love each other.”

“Yeah.”

They embraced each other one last time in the night before the Unbreakable departed to the Capital. Soon, the last battle would come.

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