《Bonfire of Souls》15 - Delusion
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It was a wonder, an absolute wonder, an exhilarating and incredible wonder. Delilah was imprisoned in a dark room full of boxes, probably a deposit of some sort, but she had never before felt so free. Her hands trembled a little, but she moved her arms and fingers in meaningless ways only to try to confirm what she felt. Rather, the important part was what she didn't feel. The voices, all of them, every single voice but her own, were gone. She was alone and she could barely describe how happy it made her feel. She was herself, by herself. The compulsion was gone and she felt like whatever she did was out of her own volition.
“Oh boy, this is so great, so fucking good. This is so exciting!”
“Really? What is so exciting?”
Only after he spoke did Delilah realize that the man she had negotiated with was standing right next to her, looking at her. For what had been an eternity, she was made to have the strictest attention for her surroundings. In an almost instinctual level, she heeded the warning of multitudinous consciousnesses that were connected to her. For many years she was made to be hyper-aware of her surroundings so she could better serve the Matriarch's purposes. To now realize that she had just relaxed enough that a person approached her while she was unaware of it was simply sublime. It brought tears to her eyes.
“Everything! This... freedom! I can barely believe it...”
He seemed taken aback by her reaction, did he not expect an answer like that? It was what she honestly felt though. At least as she could best express in words. She felt a tinge of regret for not being able to express her feelings directly like usual. Not really though, because it wasn't worth it being under Her thumb.
“Huh... Is that so? Good for you, I guess.”
Was he uncomfortable? That was strange, she was doing her best to communicate the good feelings she had inside. Could such a thing really make a person uncomfortable? It wasn't like she was... She then froze, realizing how her face must be looking like. Not good. She didn't want to be left behind, she couldn't!
“No! Please! Uhm, don't worry! This face, I... I don't mean any harm you know? I may be smiling... It's strange, I just can't help it, but I promise you, I won't kill anyone. Really!”
The man became more confused. He didn't seem to be following. Why? Wasn't he uncomfortable because of her smile? It was what she was supposed to show before killing people. It makes it all the more delicious. Was the feeling she got from Her when she was forced to smile as she ended the lives of people. She smiled out of happiness now, but to her it was engraved as an act of violence.
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“Smiling? I don't get it. No, calm down. I known you won't kill anyone. Just... sit down and let's talk, okay?”
He was telling her to calm down. Good. That was a god sign. It meant he was likely to deescalate any conflict. She was unlikely to get thrown out or something else, that was good. But first, she had to calm down. So she did. If he didn't care about her smile, then she should act like she doesn't either.
“Okay! I don't mind. Let's have a conversation.”
She had better be cooperative. After all, she really didn't want any problems. Whatever he wanted to talk about, she would.
“Hehe, it's kind of disconcerting having you be so cooperative, but I guess I shouldn't complain. Anyway, we haven't even exchanged names yet, have we? That's awfully rude of me. I am Richard Lewis, by the way. You are?”
Disconcerting? Was it not good that she was being this cooperative? Perhaps it was strange. Maybe he expected someone formerly controlled by the Matriarch to be needlessly hostile? She wasn't sure. What should she say? Should she refuse her name? Ask something? An apology? For what? Lack of food? She didn't need any. She wasn't sure. He was staring at her, she was fast exceeding the expected timing of answering a simple question like that. She decided to act slightly more reserved, sort of shyly.
“I, uhm... My name... It's Delilah.”
He didn't show any great surprise or any more confusion. Good. She hoped that meant she had taken the right course of action.
“Delilah, huh. So, I'm going to ask you a few questions, you don't have to answer if you don't want to. I am just being curious here, okay?” She nodded after an appropriate amount of time, like would be expected of a person not entirely comfortable, but still willing to cooperate. “So, first question, are you, or rather, were you from the Empire before being taken?”
That was an easy question. Judging from the question, she could easily infer that he would be curious about where she grew up. Being proactive with answers would probably end up in good things for her.
“No, before I was turned into one of the millions of the psycho bitch's slaves, I lived in a village. It wasn't very big, none of the villages from the region that I come from were very big. We weren't allowed to leave, the adults said we would get eaten if we did. They were right, a friend left the village once out of curiosity. He never came back. Years later, while controlled by the psycho bitch, I killed and ate many children and young adults who tried to leave their villages, although the prettier ones were to be taken to the psycho bitch. Life in the village was boring, so very boring, but it was much better than living under the psycho bitch's control. The villages have communal lands and cattle, there is no law but the ones that people make up and maintain. Some villages seemed pretty okay to live in, others had tyrants governing them. Living in any of them was preferable to being taken as part of the psycho bitch's swarm. The only thing that had to be respected was the “church” the priest of every church is somewhat of a representative. There were two different ways in which a village could find themselves in very deep shit: By disrespecting or attacking the priest in any way and by being somewhat prosperous. The two things that the psycho bitch hates the most are happiness and being disrespected. But she never destroyed a whole village outright, she always prefers more torturous methods. I still remember when I was taken by her. The village was pretty boring, but crops were being pretty bountiful, people actually looked reasonably satisfied. Then it started, the priest told us that we would have to offer food to our “goddess” in gratitude. The required offerings constantly grew in size, week by week, until the point that people started starving, and the requirements grew still. Desperate, people refused and attacked the priest, but all that it did was make an Heir Maiden come. The village would be free of having to give food, if instead they offered a child every week, until the psycho bitch was satisfied or the village ran out of children. I was the twenty-third and last offering. I don't blame the villagers for their actions, but I still think they are pieces of shit. I hope I have somewhat satisfied your curiosity.”
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He looked horrified. Delilah kept calm, it didn't necessarily mean that she was saying or doing anything wrong. After all, She was something really unpleasant to talk about. A whirlwind of dark emotions and suffering, a denial of human happiness and prosperity. Having been more than a century in the middle of that storm, it was to be expected that Delilah wasn't well aware of how far regular people's sensitivities went. Richard Lewis might look disturbed as she described to him the life she led before being taken and the lives she saw people leading while under That Woman's heel, but the truth was that it paled in comparison to being in direct contact and submission to Her mind. Th single, lonely, limited suffering of one free person, no matter how intense it was, was nothing compared to the constant shared suffering of everyone in the swarm, she wouldn't even bother try to explain it. No words would ever be able to do justice to the feeling itself, and she didn't wish that destiny on anyone, except for Her, She deserved everything bad that happened to her.
“I see, it seems you didn't have a very good life up until now.” He hesitated briefly, but put briefly a hand on her head and patted it. “Things are bound to get better for you.”
That was a new sensation, or perhaps it was something that she had just forgotten to feel? That warm and comforting feeling. It was so nice. She hoped things could be like that forever.
Richard left the room with a heavy heart. He could barely believe it. She acted like... No. She was just a child. She was a scared child who had known nothing but suffering her entire life. Did it matter that she had technically been alive for more than a century while under the influence of the Matriarch? Not really, those were stolen years, a stolen life, a time during which she knew nothing but violence. What a travesty. He had thought he could not hold any more contempt for the Infected, but now he did, particularly for the one that controlled them.
“Don't be fooled.”
He was startled, he had almost run into the Egregius, Jonah.
“What do you mean?”
He couldn't possibly mean the girl?
“You just went to talk with the Unchained, didn't you? Don't get fooled, don't let compassion cloud your judgment. Even if this is not a trap and she actually is an Unchained, they are not human anymore, not in a biological sense, much less in a mental sense.”
That was very irritating.
“How can you say that? That, that girl went through so much! How can you just say that she's not human? The last thing she needs now is to not be treated like one. She, needs, help!”
Jonah clicked his tongue.
“Stupid. She went through so much... That's exactly why she can't be considered human anymore, in body or spirit. Keep that compassion of yours up, go ahead. When it gets you killed I won't even bother saying I told you so, unless it happens to also get me killed. Then you'd better hope our trip to hell together will be a short one.”
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