《Soldier First》Failure
Advertisement
If you've come, this far and enjoyed this story, my deepest apologies. It will go no further.
I thought it was worth exploring, for my own benefit and that of readers, why this was the case and what I'm going to do differently, next time.
My principle stumbling block was Butcher himself. He was supposed to be an amoral character in pursuit of morality. He was supposed to be a classic "just following orders" soldier who would eventually come face to face with the consequences of his decisions. But I found his amorality exhausting and confusing. In retrospect, whilst his narrative arc made him a good choice of a protagonist, I should have provided the story with more perspectives. I tried to do this, bringing in Ron's and Emmy's perspectives later, but it was too much, too late.
But I can't blame Butcher. The plot I dropped him into just ended up being too full of holes for my increasingly frantic attempts to patch them to continue being satisfying. There were features of the world building that I added early in the story that I only realized later were going to severly hamper plans I had later on. And unpicking those features was going to be more of a labour than I had the time or inclination to invest.
However, there are some good things to take away from this.
I sketched out the whole story from start to the point at which I stopped in advance, and that ended up being the story I wrote. The problem was that I hadn't actually sketched the story all the way to the end. From this point onwards I had vague ideas but no clear vision and, the closer I got to the end of my sketch, the more it became apparent to me that I had no clue where the story should go from there. So, on the plus side, I wrote exactly the story I sketched out from the start. But on the negative, it turned out that this wasn't a whole story.
Advertisement
Second, I learned a hell of a lot from writing this and my writing, overally, improved dramatically as a result of this attempt.
Third, I wrote stuff! I put it out there! This is an achievement in itself that I need to recognize and embrace.
I could, theoretically, go back and try again but, as I think I made clear from the start, this wasn't a story I passionately cared about. I have those stories tucked away elsewhere. I don't want to expose those stories to my ham-fisted experimentation because I care about them too much to let them fail. The whole point of this exercise was to see if I could write a story from start to finish and, no, I didn't achieve that. Maybe, once I've done better at mastering the craft of writing fiction like this, I will return to the story and try again.
However, before I go, I wanted to let those of you who did get here know the vague outline of what I thought was going to happen if I'd been able to add everything up. Bear in mind that some of this doesn't align well with what you've already read because of the aforementioned holes in the plot.
This story was basically going to go on to be a race between Butcher, Ron and Emmy (with help from BRS) and CTS to get to the orc colony, with Butcher et al wanting to somehow (!) rescue them into some form of protected community (yeah, I wanted to create an orc ghetto... believe me, I see the problems with that), whilst CTS just wanted to kill or capture them and put them back into their secret army.
Butcher &co would've been broadly successful but, along the way, would've discovered a few things.
First, CTS's design of nanoids is what creates the orcs and the other "fantasy" races. Ron was responsible for parts of that process. But it's also discovered that the CTS nanoids can be used to create "programmable" people. For a brief time after infection with the nanoids, the infectees can be effectively remotely controlled. It was what happened to Butcher and what happened to Cally. After a while the remote control effect wears off and the body-altering effects kick in, creating orcs, gobs and elves. It didn't happen to Butcher because he was given the BRS nanoids, which stopped the process (or possible only slowed it down).
Advertisement
In the course of rescuing the orcs, though, they discover that both versions of nanoids are infectious - they are starting to affect people never treated by either CTS or BRS.
This discovery would have ended the first story.
The second arc, Mage Second, would begin in a world panicking at the discovery of the spreading nanoids, with some people getting the BRS infection and becoming "heroes" (in the classical sense - i.e. not necessarily good people) and other getting the CTS infection and turning into an orc or something else. Draconian new laws, new commercial enterprises and old social tensions would all collide.
In this story, Butcher et al were going to become secondary characters - figures of rumour who are hunted by a government trying to exploit the situation to their own advantage, while they try to find an independent solution. Butcher's arc would take him away from his soldier-y roots to become a Mage - someone who can consciously manipulate their nanoids to perform all sorts of astonishing feats (including limited super-speed - the "mage second" of the title), but at tremendous cost to their physical self and at the risk of basically becoming a mindless nanoid colony.
A new threat would emerge when it was found out that dead bodies with a nanoid infection can be given a semblance of life by a sufficiently powerful Mage (i.e. a necromancer can create zombies). This would be Gordon, who would be opposed by the protagonist of this arc: his own daughter, who tracks down Butcher to learn how to control her Mage powers.
The third arc, Human Third, was going to be set some years after the end of Mage Second, in which the world's population had settled into a rough equilibrium, with one third being heroes, one third having turned into some other species, and one third being unaltered humans (for whatever reason, they are immune to nanoids which simply get flushed out of their system without ever affecting them) (the "human third" of the title). The protagonist here was going to be one such human - a politician/diplomat who is a key leader in an effort to hammer out an international agreement to establish new rights and laws to govern the strange new status quo. He faces all kinds of threats of violence, espionage and corruption. The overall theme of this story was to emphasize that even unaltered humans weren't "powerless". Butcher, Ron, Cally and other characters would make cameo appearances in various roles.
Now, I'm going to go away and sketch out a new story. And I'm going to do some stuff differently, this time.
First, I'm going to sketch out the whole story from start to finish and I won't get over-excited and start writing it before I've got to the end.
Second, I'm going to then write the whole thing out before I post any of it on Royal Road.
Third, I'm going to write it in chapters of no more than 2000 words.
Again, it's not going to be a story I really care about. It's probably going to be some kind of isekai or re:fic, because that's what's popular on RR, but it's also going to be a twist on one or both of those genres, because that's what I find fun.
Thank you for reading this. Thank you for your views and votes and comments along the way. Sorry it ended like this. Maybe, one day, I'll get to come back to Butcher and his friends to do them the justice they deserve.
Advertisement
- In Serial7 Chapters
Arcane Regeneration
Transported to another world, with a system that lets you take your fate into your own hands. Inside a dungeon, who knows how far away from human civilization, where the only way out is through. Join Noah in his desperate struggle and find out what this new world has in store for him. I am REALLY bad at synopses. What I will aim for in my story: 1. Logical choices 2. Good character development ( first story, might mess it up :D ) 3. I have epic plans for the future (not an actual aim but just saying :D ) What I will avoid like the plague: 1. Characters' IQ suddenly dropping just to further the story. 2. Whimpy main character 3. Stupid situations that can be avoided by basic communication and clearing things up. All in all, no generic trash anime protagonist and stereotypes. [participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]
8 174 - In Serial20 Chapters
The Exiled Prince
A young man who possesses what appears to be an immortal soul is stripped of all his memories and forced to fend for himself. Throughout his struggle to survive among mere mortals, he slowly regains his powers, powers he should have already lost. This causes a ripple effect throughout the entire universe. Chaos ensues followed by a manhunt that reaches far and wide. Join Dimitri in his quest to reclaim his past, unearthing the truth from all the lies along the way in a perilous journey with only two possible outcomes: his glory or his death. Author's Disclaimer: Hi there! I've rewritten the first few chapters to adapt to the changes in the storyline. Due to my online classes and job, I can only promise to write one chapter per week. Hoping for your kind understanding! Please don't forget to vote and give me your feedback in the comment section of each chapter.
8 159 - In Serial326 Chapters
World of Alvarra: Rise of the Vampire Lord
Van was born a dhampir with memories of past lives that plague him. If he does not overcome them, he may face a slow descent into insanity. Growing up in a world where the memories of his past lives, clash with the truth of this strange new world. A world where women outnumber men to a large margin and are in control. Filled with magic, ki, aura, and creatures from other dimensions trying to break into his world to devour it. Will Van survive and thrive and make sense of it all? This is a story where I’m hoping to take some things and put them on its head. Everyone has heard of isekai about now, but has anyone ever really contemplated what it would be like to have voices, visions, or archaic ideas and views swim around a person's mind? We also hear about how the mc’s always gets the harem. But what if that's because there are more women than men and women are somewhat biologically different then the women we know from our world. Imagine a society where anyone can become strong and since there are more women than men, there are more stronger women than stronger men and now apply medieval history and a view that men are lower than women because the goddess made women in her image. And what if, the mc isn’t the only one with memories of past lives, and he meets some people who have been driven insane because of it? This is my first time writing a book and showing it to potential thousands of people. I won’t promise that my work will be good right off the bat. But I'm hoping that, with enough constructive criticism, I can provide an interesting read for all comers and improve to match and exceed the expectations put on me. The image used above does not belong to me. Warning! There is blood, gore, sex, and rape!(not anymore...) I may not be a good writer yet, but I will try to give a more realistic and authentic view of this world. This world and what you know of it will be of the view of the mc. So if something does not make sense to you, it probably does not to the mc ethier. Finally. For the sex or smut, scenes. I will hide them under spoiler. But you should not have to worry about it until somewhere around chapter nineteen or twenty, so if you don’t want to continue reading a book with sex, stop there. I will also be putting an NSFW sign in the chapter heading to warn people ahead of time. (all sex scenes will now be moved to my Patreon and scribblehub.) Thank you for reading and please help me become the writer I am hoping to be as well as the writer you all deserve to read from.
8 492 - In Serial17 Chapters
Jade Immortal
(Experimental story)Six people stood in line for reincarnation and went to the same world. One person broke the rule of Six and followed them to the xianxia world they selected. Tricking a mortal bent on vengeance, an evil jade spirit was freed. It has a body at last and will do all it can to protect its freedom.
8 156 - In Serial12 Chapters
Purgatory=Resurrection
Paul Oaks was a promising hard working man with a loving girlfriend and a solid circle of friends, but he lost it all to his uncontrolled desire and VR(Virtual Reality) game. With the death of his parents he finally awakes from his nightmare only to be killed before he could regain what he lost. What will death ofter to this unfortunate person?This story is about a personal struggle against ones own sins and wish to reunite with loved ones in heaven.(Note: Mature sexual content will show only in later chapters, readers will always be warned beforehand)
8 246 - In Serial12 Chapters
Size doesn't Change Love
Riley loved to code Undertale . she was responsible for getting all the secrets about Gaster to the world. but when her best friend, Chara (NOT THE DEMON XD) gives her a copy of an Undertale Coding Software that was Banned, both of their lives take a turn when its discoverd that using that software has "SMALL" consequences. (2 things about the cover. 1. I DON'T OWN THE ART! ALL CREDIT GOES TO ORIGINAL CREATOR! 2. NO THEY DON'T ACTUALLY GET PUT IN A JAR! (maybe later on ;)
8 72

