VI

Talk

"I wanted to do this again, you know?" Mei snickered happily, strutting alongside me on the street. I looked behind us for the fourth time, waiting for someone to chase after us. No one came.

"Did I hear you say, again?"

"I miss my elder sister," she continued inside her own little world, "it was always so much fun when she took all of us to the neighbouring villages."

"Villages? Don't you mean cities?"

"No, villages," she gave me a curious glance. "Why, you think that strange?"

"Strange? No, I-"

"Don't lie, it's written all over your face."

"...It is?" She laughed at me. "Well," I coughed slightly, "a princess rarely travels to the plebeian land."

Even I hadn't until I was to no longer return home.

"I'm not a princess!" She huffed angrily.

"Alright, alright." I gave an exasperated sigh. "I didn't mean it literally. Do you prefer I call you Fairy Mei like the other noble girls?"

"I'm not a noble either."

I stopped in my tracks.

"What do you mean, you're not a noble?"

"I was born in the village of Naming," she kicked a pebble on the ground, "not that you'd have heard of it."

"But the duke, he..." Mei avoided my gaze. I took it as my cue to drop the matter. If she was neither of noble descent nor part of a distinguishable family, then... Why was the duke marrying her? I thought she was an eccentric noble girl, forced into a political marriage to tie two families. Or a mortal pawn used by cultivators to do similar. The duke of Zhanhai was of old royalty no less. To insinuate that he was marrying a common village girl was preposterous.

Is she lying to me? For what reason? I put those doubts aside. Mei was visibly uncomfortable with the topic, so I didn't want to push my inquiry.

"This elder sister of yours," I said, instead, "she must be the one from whom you've learned whatever this was?"

"Taught by the best!" She spun around, beaming with pride that knew no equal.

"By an idiot, you mean."

"You still don't get it, dummy." She shook her head in disappointment. "It works every time! If it doesn't at first, you scream louder. And louder! Eventually, everyone will listen!"

"So I've heard!"

"Every single time, I tell you." There was an incalculable number of ways it could've gone wrong, but I decided to leave her delusions be. I thought about the jar of powder jiggling in my robe.

"Do you actually need these ingredients?" If all she wanted was an excuse to do this, why an apothecary?

"Of course."

"What for?"

"To make a love potion." My mouth dropped. "If I have to marry anyways, then why not when I'm madly in love? Wouldn't that be much better?"

"You can't be serious..."

"What?"

"A love potion?" I chuckled. "Where have you picked that one up? I've certainly never heard of such a thing, are you sure you aren't mistaking it for a bad joke?"

"Humans are flying," she looked at me, incredulous. "They fight storms, decimate countrysides, and create entire continents. They brew potions of eternal youth, and you doubt that love potions are real? What are you, dumb?"

"I... uh..." Now that she says it... "Well, pardon me, that I don't know everything about anything, when did you become an expert on cultivators?" I felt a tad bit embarrassed, though I didn't know exactly why. "What next? You're going to tell you're the one to brew it?"

"Of course."

"...I'm sorry, what?"

"I'm an Alchemy Grandmaster."

"And I'm Reverend Horseshit, Grandmaster of Bullshit."

"It's true," she scoffed, "fine, then don't believe me."

"Name me one third-grade ingredient of the earthly realm."

"...Blue Spirit Grass?"

"Is that a question?"

"Oh, shut up, dummy!" She crossed her arms. "So I'm a Grandmaster of only one potion or two, what's the big difference!"

"How would you plan on brewing it anyways?" I laughed, taunting her further. "Got some hidden, long-forgotten technique up your sleeve that makes you too good to use proper tools? I've seen those kinds of people before. They come up with the wildest things, it's hilarious."

"Keep making fun of me, and I'll make you swallow that potion, nailing your eyes to a pig! Oh, I really should, she'd make a fitting wife for you!" She stuck out her tongue. "But if you must know, I'll have the right utensils back at the manor!"

That shut us both up.

"Sorry," she stopped me from saying anything. "Why did you take the honey?"

"I heard it helps you sleep at night," I said, glad to evade the topic, "also, it sells for a lot. You can use it for anything. The chance was there, so I took it."

Mei nodded meekly, her eyes occasionally darting towards the pot in my arms. I hoped to restore her joyfulness, so I asked her more about her elder sister, which turned out to be a great idea. She was ecstatic to tell me all about her.

She spoke about how her elder sister had once tipped an ox with only one finger. How she'd caught a thief by studying a web of torn spider threads. How she'd always chased her bullies away. All the times they'd visited all sorts of places. There were many different stories - one sillier than the other. I listened, occasionally, adding a story of my own. Mei seemed to enjoy them without complaint, much to my surprise since I doubted I was any good at telling them.

I'd never spoken to anyone like this before. Told and listened to stories of this kind - devoid of meaning and without a particular purpose. Lacking both intrigue and two-faced intentions. For the first time, a person was talking to me. Not to the name of Fang, or the young master of the sect.

Before I'd met her, all my spare thoughts circled around home. Now, every moment with her made me forget. We probably both knew it was a fleeting moment, running on borrowed time. That's why we never ran out of things to talk about until deep into the night.

***

Darkness. The laughter stopped, at last, but I could still hear it ringing in my ears. The shadow was gone. No one was here, except for me. I didn't know what to do, so I ran.

The stench of blood grew stronger. Was I running away from it? Or towards it? I kept running either way. The dark looked the same from anywhere. There was no end. I didn't know how far I'd come when the urge to scream assaulted me. I realized, my mouth wouldn't open. Air. I needed air. As long as I breathed, I could keep running. It's all I needed, but my mouth remained closed.

My legs keep taking me away. Air. Run. My lungs stopped. But even so, I had to keep running. I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop.

***

My body shot up straight, ringing for breath. Something heavy was pulling on me as I looked around. Where was I? Mei clung to me; her arms squeezing me with an embrace like a titan's, betraying her frail stature. I managed to free myself without waking her.

We were in an old building, I remembered. One on the verge of collapse - a safety hazard. I headed for the glassless window to find some relief in the weak breeze. My robe felt disgusting, glued to my skin with sweat. My lungs worked ceaselessly for no reason. I paced quietly, trying to calm down. It was as if I'd rested less by closing my eyes than if I'd just stayed awake.

The pot of numb honey in the corner was empty. Strange, I thought, but it didn't matter. Clearly, it had done little to help me through the night. I stayed at the window, watching the outside as I avoided the night-sky; the stars were glittering too bright with memories.

"Don't go," Mei's voice disrupted the serene night, startling me greatly. I walked back over to her, realizing she was still asleep. "Don't leave me alone..."

Her face was on the verge of crying. I put my hand on her head, caressing it gently as I could, wondering if it would help any. It did. Or maybe, it was my imagination, but some of the tension in her face melted. A faint smile blossomed where furrows had marred her face before until she looked as peaceful as the other night. I felt a twinge of envy.

Her eyes opened without warning. A quiver, at first before they were wide with relief. Her face lit up in a burst of happiness amidst the moonlight shining through the cracks in the roof. It was but short-lived bliss. Disappointment displaced it soon enough. Mei said nothing as a tear trickled down her cheek. She turned her back to me and I gave her some distance.

It stung deeply. How her expression had changed once she realized who was next to her... A gaze that spoke more than words. It didn't carry anything malicious. Nothing of that sort. She'd simply hoped there was someone else. Someone that wasn't me. It was nothing strange. We hadn't even known each other for half a week. What was I expecting?

At some point, I'd deluded myself into believing I was the most important to her. Ridiculous. The thought didn't leave me, however. Was it love? That sounded even more ridiculous.

What is she to me? A companion? A friend? A sister? I was confused, failing to understand any of my feelings.

"You're not sleeping?" Mei murmured, glimpsing at me while I was ruminating in my nonsense.

"I've slept enough." Daybreak was still hours away. I looked back at the empty pot. "Did you take the rest?"

"Should I not have?"

"It's fine," I sat next to her. "Nightmares?"

She nodded meekly as she reached for my hand, squeezing it tightly. Her small grasp dispersed my unwarranted doubts. She needs me. It was all that mattered. When she was around, I wasn't alone. No darkness. No shadow. No memories.

"She doesn't know what's good for her," suddenly, Mei spoke up. She turned to me, playing with a part of my robe in her other hand. "Everyone tells me that."

"Everyone?"

"Father. Mother." She gazed at a distant sight. "The duke. I guess, if everyone's saying so, I must be a dummy, right?" She laughed without cheer.

"But no one knows," her eyes met mine, and I saw traces of the same terror of the day we'd met, "what he's like. My parents thought it was for the best, but they didn't know. At least, I... I think they didn't. Resistance was pointless, so they might as well take the money. I don't blame them. Really. Truly, I don't blame them, but... I don't know. Elder sister, would she have..."

"They sold you?"

I immediately regretted my poor choice of words. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence. The whims of nobility aside, even the illustrious Falling Star Sect would lower itself to acquire promising children, offering vast mortal fortunes in exchange, as well as the promise of a glorious return as a cultivator. Few and far in between would make it to that point. If they did, most would return decades too late, finding their parents' tombstones instead of a warm welcome.

"Selling," she smiled sadly, "dowry. I guess, there is no difference."

"Sorry, I shouldn't have-," she shook her head.

"Say, Shin," her grip tightened," do you believe in rebirth?"

"Rebirth?" I hesitated. "From a cultivator's standpoint, I'd have to say, yes. Personally... I don't care either way."

"A cultivator's standpoint?"

"It's... complicated." I expected it wouldn't be enough to satisfy her, so I racked my brain to simplify it. "We're all made of Qi... deep down. Qi never disappears, it only changes form. Death means a return to the elements to become something new. The Qi that once made up you could become a tree next. A strand of grass. An animal. Some rocks. Or, even another human, in theory. But not all cultivators believe that to be true. As I said, it gets complicated."

"...It sounds nice," she closed her eyes. "I didn't know cultivators could think of something so romantic when all they do is fight the entire time..."

"There's a lot more going on than on the surface," I said, hardly convinced by my own words. Why was I even defending them?

"I hope what you said is true."

"Why?" I couldn't refrain from asking. "It's not like you'd remember your past life."

"Even then," she whispered, "I'm afraid of death. Terrified of it and... pain. Pain's the worst. Aren't you?"

"Maybe."

It was my best answer. Instead of taking the Mortal trial, made for people without a cultivation base, I was adamant about getting the license. Any mission it'd have let me embark on would be far out of my depth. There was no glory in a death in the midst of such a duty, but at least some dignity. It wouldn't make my family proud, but it wouldn't disgrace them either. It was a foolish notion, born at the end of my wit.

"And how nice it would be," Mei chirped, spreading her arms wide. "Imagine being reborn as a bird. I've always wondered what it would be like, flying through the sky with my wings basking under the sunlight, free of the earth. Or watching over the night under the gaze of stars. A world of the dark I'd call my own as an owl. Or becoming a phoenix that no birdcage could hold, that no master could ever tame."

"I take it, you like birds?"

"Love them! Freedom through flight... Bland, isn't it? For a girl trapped in a marriage to dream of such things. You think that makes me a boring girl?"

"No, of course not."

"And the wind," she exclaimed, smiling at me, "I love the wind, too."

"...Why's that?" I frowned.

Once I hated the wind more than anything else. The element that began his rise. I liked to believe I was over it, but my clutched fist was of a different opinion. Combining the image of his wind and her smiles was something I was loath to do.

"Because it has led me to you," her words extinguished those worries, striking me speechless. She enjoyed that a lot. "When I ran away, I had nowhere to go. I got much further than I'd thought. I ran and ran, somehow finding the strength to keep going. The entire thing seemed pointless. And when I thought I could go no further, the wind pushed me from behind. It showed me past every corner, the entire way, so I could meet you, Shin.

"How long has it been since I've had so much fun? How long since I talked to someone else that listened? What if the opportunity to escape had come a moment later? What if I'd taken another corner? If I'd slowed down for a bit, would I have still met you? The wind has guided me, and I'll forever be thankful for it. Thankful to you."

"You... You're over-exaggerating," I pulled away from her intense gaze. Such sincere gratitude. It was misplaced - I hadn't done anything remarkable. "It's... I'm not... someone... You're..."

"What do you like?" Her earnest smile beamed, piercing my chest. It hurt me. Why did it? "You haven't told me much about you yet."

"Me? I..."

Cultivating? No, I did that because I'd been good at it. Because I was praised for it. It was the same with martial arts. There was one thing, however...

"I've never really thought about it," I said, instead of what was on my mind.

"Oh, come on!" Mei pouted aggrieved. "We've talked so much about me, why can't you tell me anything about you? All your stories were always about others!"

"I'm serious," she didn't look convinced. "You know I was a cultivator. You don't get much free time. I learned martial arts for as long as I can remember. My days only got busier once I started cultivating Qi when I became twelve years old. You won't even have time to sleep anymore."

She tried to stifle a yawn, but it seeped through her efforts.

"Look, the night's still long, how about you rest some more?"

"Fine, be like that," she harrumphed and turned away. I reached after her but stopped myself. Sorry, I mouthed, but I can't answer that.

What do I like?

I knew the answer, once. Myself, and only myself. It was all that I was concerned about. The world revolved around me, the young master. A world where countless servants were at my back and call, where if I'd done wrong, someone else was to blame, and anyone would agree.

But not anymore, I thought. No, not anymore. There was someone else now. A person that wasn't me. I found myself caressing her cheek as she snoozed away, wondering what we'd do once morning came. Take another stroll through the streets? Steal something else she wanted? Whatever it was, I'd be satisfied.