《Saints Row: The World Is Yours》Chapter 9 - Mind Fuck

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The Saints find themselves in a difficult position where they have to save their associates from the hands of The New Syndicate, getting to decide how they will pull it off with a minimal amount of time. Meaning, they will be forced to improvise once again. The Boss is willing to face the consequences, but Shaundi disagrees with it.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go!" Miguel ordered, noticing that they are stalling.

"I beg to differ, Boss. You know how things are fucked up when I agree with someone, especially with you and Kinzie. We could think of a better plan, come on." Shaundi disagrees, after all.

Pierce gulped in finalization. "I'm sorry... But I'll make the sacrifice."

"Since when did your lazy ass get to save them?" Miguel quitted on being so tense with the question.

"Oh, right. Pierce right here finds Markova hot. Of course, he would do it." She gets to clown with Pierce in times of making a crucial decision.

"Look, we gotta think and move at the same time. Viola and my boy Dustin ain't looking good with them kinky shit." Pierce could barely look at both Dustin and Viola wearing a ballgag.

"Markova would probably squeeze out of everything Viola knows about us and how the Syndicate used to be." Miguel had a guess.

"Kinzie, I need you to track down Markova's location using the Sequencer Shaundi gave you." The Boss seeks help from the hacker.

"That bitch is one fine looking- Ah, never mind," Pierce muttered, discontinuing what he was about to say.

"Radio waves, Kinzie. Those radio waves would do the trick." Shaundi gives her a hint on what she should do.

"I know, Shaundi. This would be quick, so don't go hard on me." Kinzie starts to search for Lady Kalashnikov's location using the device that they robbed from STAG, being able to show signals of it.

"That is cheating, Saints." Ana is still on the screens, knowing that the rival gang is now making their next move.

"You'll see, Ana. Think you could fuck with the best?" Miguel flips the bird at her.

Pierce was about to bail out when he saw a cat mascot running around the hallway. "Damn, is that- Oh shit, it's the mascot from the Genki show! He's gonna kill us!"

The mascot turns out to be Jenny hiding. "Sorry if I scared you! I tend to be like this when I'm in the middle of an uncomfortable situation."

"What the fuck? I thought you're on your alien princess mode again." Pierce took a deep breath after knowing that it was Jenny under the mascot.

"Look, I'm a big fan of your Saints Flow commercial. I know this isn't the right time to be a fangirl but-" She was interrupted when Pierce shot a Morningstar member behind her.

"You gotta watch your back, literally. What happened to Director Andy Zhen, by the way? He fucked up?" Pierce asked after shooting the thug on her back.

"Sort of. We had a little disagreement that made him back out so the rights of the movie belong to the Saints and the Saints only." Jenny hid what happened to the director.

"Don't fucking lie to me, Jenny. Miguel told me about that sick fuck. We know we're all about killing and blowing shit up but we ain't tolerating unauthorized snuff films!" Pierce knows where they should draw the line.

"Heh, fair enough. Oh, are you guys finding a way out? The set's all messed up from the attacks." Jenny changes the subject, peeking at Shaundi and Miguel.

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"We've been set up, but don't worry, the rest of the gang will get us outta here." He was positive about it.

"Pierce, get back here! Think we could use the vents nearby the audience seats, I know it'll lead us somewhere else." The Boss pointed at the vent.

"Are you sure about that? Because if that vent gets us to something horrible, I'm outta here." Pierce starts to remove its screws.

"Just blow that shit up already!" Shaundi grabs an emergency grenade launcher beneath the seats, firing it on the vent.

Pierce was nearly caught by the explosion, exclaiming from it. "What the fuck! My hand got almost blown out! Be careful with that shit."

"Be thankful that I didn't fire this right up your sorry ass." Shaundi tries to fit herself into the vent, crawling into it.

She was followed by Pierce before the Boss assisted the actress for their escape, getting out of the set by it. But little thing did they know, there was a vast amount of the Luchadores, Deckers, and Morningstar gang members waiting for them.

"Ah, fuck me." Shaundi sighed in dismay.

"Take cover!" The Boss tells the crew to get into cover.

The Saints quickly hid to avoid the pursuit from the Syndicate, knowing that all gangs howling around the city of Steelport has teamed up to oust them from their reign as an icon. Miguel and his crew waited for the rivaling gangs to run out of something to throw against them, and now's their turn for an all-out assault.

"Pierce! Got something down your pockets?" The Boss asked, getting prepared to fight back.

"I got some cocktails over here!" Pierce replied, lighting up a Molotov.

"Good!" Miguel puts a thumbs up in approval.

Pierce sets the opposing gangsters on fire with the Molotov cocktail, watching them get consumed by it. "Burn, baby, burn! Look at you go."

"Let's move." Shaundi puts some Morningstar members out of their misery by shooting them in their heads with her pistol.

Jenny couldn't do anything but to cover her ears from the gunfire, but she couldn't complain either. This leads to her tailing the Saints as they promised to defend her from any gangs that will dare to go after them.

"Remove that Genki suit already, you'll get a heat stroke with that," Miguel advises the actress to remove the mascot she is wearing.

While Jenny is unequipping the Professor Genki mascot, Shaundi compliments what she is wearing. "Afraid to show that you're a big fan? That's cute."

"Are you getting dumber or what? They gonna shoot her if they see her wearing Saints colors!" Pierce tells the reason why Jenny is being shy.

"I tend to be bitchy but not dumb, so move along, fucker." Shaundi gets suddenly pissed on Pierce, causing her to focus on their work.

"And they say Saints Flow will rot your brain if you drink it." Miguel joked.

"Fuck you, Boss." Both Shaundi and Pierce swore at him.

"Alright, it's on me..." The Boss admits his mistakes.

"Um, excuse me, but don't you think you two are too harsh towards Mister Miguel over here? He's doing his best to get us out of here, and that's how you pay him?" Jenny gets to defend his side.

"Forget it, Jenny. I'm used to it now. Hardening up has its benefits, you know? Just like I taught you." The Boss doesn't mind it.

"So how are we getting outta here? They could be anywhere." Shaundi asked, showing hints of frustration.

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"Don't worry, I got a plan." Pierce has an idea.

"Aw, not this again..." Shaundi sighed at Pierce's actions then again.

"We could call Birk to lend us a hand! Who's with me?" Pierce

"You know what, Pierce? I don't why I wanna throw the fuck up when you speak!" Shaundi was triggered upon the mention of Josh Birk.

"Right, just because Angel has a match tonight and Zimos is busy pimping. Well, we don't have a choice. Call away." Miguel agrees with Pierce's suggestion.

"Okay, okay. We'll seek help from that scumbag." Shaundi agrees, after all.

"Okay, I'll do the honors." Pierce gave Shaundi a middle finger, dialing Josh's number using his mobile device.

Before they could even make the call, a loud, breaking noise from the top was heard as someone lands in front of them. The figure who just landed dawns a red cape, shiny katanas, and a glare signifying that help is on the way.

"Am I in need?" It was Josh who just appeared in his NyteBlayde gimmick.

"Which number did you call, Pierce?!" The Boss was upset about it.

"I don't know, there's two Josh Birks on my contacts so I called the cooler Josh." Pierce grinned mischievously.

"Oh, dear..." Shaundi facepalms upon the presence of Josh.

"What seems to be the problem, dear Shaundi? Flattered by my presence?" Josh stepped in front of them.

"Someone get this narcissistic fuck out of my face." She rolls her eyes, getting out of cover to move on.

"Shaundi, wait!" Miguel eyed the Morningstar gangsters incoming.

"I got this, Saint." The vampire hunter took a huge leap, hacking his way through the Morningstar within just a blink dropping them all down with his swords.

"See how Josh could be our man?" Pierce shows how impressed he was.

"Tsk, I could pull that off too..." Miguel led the team to get out of the building, seeing the war erupting between the Saints and the Morningstar.

"Fuck, we're trapped." Shaundi cussed.

"Worry not, my ravishing lady. NyteBlayde has come to save the day." Josh still won't break character.

"Look, it's our fucking tank over there." The Boss saw the Saint's Crusader joining the march along with fellow members of the Third Street Saints.

"About damn time our backup shows up." Pierce was excited to hop into the tank.

"Pierce, you're with me. Shaundi, join Josh." The leader of the Saints gave the orders for their next move.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" She complained then again.

"It's better than us being dead!" Miguel responded violently, opposing Shaundi's statement.

"When I'm done carving up Birk's face, I'll collect your fucking skull." Shaundi threatened in frustration.

"You know what? Never mind. You're with me. Josh and Pierce will stay here and join our herd." The Boss switched their roles.

"Okay, I take that back." She was alleviated after the sudden change of plans.

"But-" Pierce pulled the method actor near the gang who is exchanging fire with the Morningstar.

"Very well." Shaundi sighed in relief, mounting onto the top seat of the tank.

"Is it because I saved your ass from that weirdo of an actor?" Miguel replied while driving the Crusader.

"That seems to be the case." Shaundi realizes that she's better off when sticking close to Miguel.

"We shouldn't have saved his ass from STAG." He made fun of Josh before running the Morningstar gang members over.

"Wait a minute... We forgot someone." Shaundi remembered the guest on her show.

"Ah, fuck. Jenny! Pierce, go get Jenny before the Deckers go after her!" Miguel calls Pierce telling to rescue the actress from the other gang.

"On it, Boss." Pierce also dragged Jenny into cover, and now's the time for them to go after Ana.

"Shaundi, could you do the honors for me?" On the other hand, Miguel asks her for a favor.

"Since my mood swings are on the positive side, what's the business?" She was up for it.

"Mind if you call Kinzie for an update about Markova?" The Boss tells Shaundi to call the red-headed hacker.

"Okay, since she has the sequencer." Shaundi dials Kinzie's phone number. "You there? Give us an update about Kalashnikov."

"She's in the Burns Hill Reactors! We left the crib unattended. She's trying to take it back!" Kinzie deciphered the location of Ana.

"Okay, that fucking does it!" Now it was Miguel who is pissed.

"And if you wanna ask where Dustin and Viola are, they're tied up on the top of the Deckers tower." Kinzie also managed to find where they brought DeWynter and Dustin.

"So, what now? Boss told us to save Dusty and Viola before we deal with Markova."

"We'll send the air support to get them outta there so we could deal with that bitch..." Miguel still alters their plans.

"Send in the Saints air support to get Viola and Dustin. Sadly, you can't use the sequencer to trace them down." Shaundi brought the orders to Kinzie.

"But there are still ways, Shaundi." Kinzie ends the phonecall to start the search.

As Miguel drives, he continued the conversation with her. "Say, why would Markova leave those two just to take our crib in Burns Hill away from us?"

"I don't know, why the fuck are you asking me?" She focused on keeping an eye on the road.

"Hold on... Is it what I think it is?" Boss had deeper thoughts about it.

"And what are you thinking of, Boss?" The TV hostess asked.

"If I'm not mistaken, it could be a trap or something..." Miguel has his speculations running through his mind.

"That is why we're heading there to find out." Shaundi insisted.

"Maybe she's a fan of multi-tasking, or she's just too damn fast to get herself moving?" He shows hints of overthinking.

"We're nearly there, okay? Get your ass prepared." Shaundi shouted at him.

"Alright, alright. Jesus..." The Boss kept his mouth shut, arriving at Burns Hill with a tank.

They finally enter the Burns Hill Reactors, but the Saints have the place secured. There were no signs of Ana or any intruders that would dare to trespass their property, and this left Shaundi and Miguel scratching their heads.

"We got the homies here... And Markova is no here. So, what now?" The Boss was left confused.

"Why don't you stop asking me and find out yourself just for once?" Shaundi failed to answer due to her being clueless as well.

"Well, I guess our boys and girls pretty much did a great job in securing this place. Ain't that right, homies?" He reaches out for the members of the Saints, but they unresponsive until someone on their back shoots them with tranquilizer darts.

The gang members soon disappeared from Burns Hill, evaporating from the scene with their vehicles. Everything and everyone warped except for Miguel and Shaundi, waking up a few hours later to find themselves on the brink of a blank surface with a tree near them.

"Okay... Why the fuck are we naked?!" Shaundi notices that her clothes were gone.

"Hey, what the fuck is this?!" Miguel was also butt naked.

While they argue, a female voice was heard throughout the area. "In the beginning, there were my creations. Gorgeous, perfect creations..."

"Now who the fuck is that?" Shaundi looked around.

"Shhh, it could be Markova." The Boss walked slowly, reaching the tree.

"They wandered and explored... Until one of them bites the dust!" It was Markova who is narrating the scenery, manipulating Miguel to pick a fruit from the tree, making him bite it before they blackout for the second time.

It was followed by them in a similar position where they find themselves in a plane, about to make the jump right after the moment of Johnny's alleged death at the hands of Philippe Loren. "I'll see you at Stil-" Gunshots were heard.

"Johnny..." Shaundi could be heard saying Gat's name after getting shot.

"Could you Saints do something useful other than fucking shit up? Did you figure out enough time to save him?" Ana owns them with the past events that scarred them.

"Someone make this stop!" The Boss couldn't take more of it.

Both Miguel and Shaundi warp into Stilwater where they deal with the Sons of Samedi, and he has to take her away from her ex-boyfriend, DJ Veteran Child. It was an intense stand-off, sure. But the Boss manages to eliminate the abusive DJ and save Shaundi.

"Did I mention that my ex-boyfriend's a dick?" Shaundi said with her old get-up.

"No, this is not happening." Miguel shoved Shaundi off, shooting the sky to get Ana's attention. "Show yourself!"

"I suggest you stop it, Saint. That wouldn't save you from being trapped in my montage of a simulation." Markova reveals that she has bound them into a simulation of previous events that they went through.

The next moment shows the night where Miguel 'accidentally' kissed Shaundi before getting drunk, and they both watch themselves with a different outcome. "Ew, what the fuck?"

"I was drunk, see?! Then you get kidnapped by my stupid Luchador of a brother the following day!" Miguel defends himself whilst watching their simulated versions going at it by making out.

"Jinx," Ana said before jumping into the time where Miguel confronts his brother, but the only difference is they are in a wrestling ring.

"No, I am not wrestling my brother to death! My match with Killbane is a one-off thing." The Boss said, seeing himself as the Stilwater Butcher.

"Or is it?" Shaundi was the tag team partner.

Markova appears on the opposite side of the wrestling ring with her gear on, ready to strike whenever she wants to. "Should I cue the timekeeper now?"

"Ana..." The Boss couldn't wait to lay his hands on the former KGB Agent.

As the dilemma goes, the mouth of Murderbrawl XXXI and Genki Bowl VII Bobby was heard commentating on the heated confrontation between the leader of the Saints and the Deckers. "Look what we have here, Bobby. The Stilwater Butcher and Lady Kalashnikov having a little staredown here!"

"No shit, sherlock. And they have Mano de Sangre and Shaundi talking smack on each other on the corner. Looks like we got ourselves a tag team match." Bobby's partner, Zach, replied as they comment on the happenings in the arena.

"What is this?! Angel de la Muerte and Killbane enters the ring! And it seems like a brawl has embarked between both parties!" Bobby anticipates the heated fight between different gangs, and Ana just watches the havoc taking place inside the ring.

"Hmph, idiotic machismo is all over the place..." Ana relaxes on the corner, bringing Shaundi to a different simulation where she could see her past once again.

"Hey! What the fuck!" Shaundi gets revolted by her former self.

"Isn't this what you used to be, right, Shaundi? Where you get so high, stoned, and get addicted to both sex and drugs at the same time... Go and watch your pathetic self fall upon destruction." Ana deeply antagonizes her life decisions back then.

"And who the fuck are you to invade my privacy?!" Shaundi was still furious about it.

"Invasion of privacy? Don't make me laugh, Saint. You are here to recollect, not grumble upon your poor decision-making." Markova kept herself calm as Shaundi shouts at her.

"Isn't that what recollection is all about?" She questions it, trying to fight it out and get out of the simulation.

"You're trapped, Shaundi. Your knight of a boyfriend is busy running the gang. Ha, running the gang? More like getting occupied from changing his or her physical appearance." Ana ran yet another simulation which involves the Boss browsing through the Planet Saints and Image as Designed for customizations.

"What is this? Why is he wearing my panties? What is this all about? What the fuck! Tell me!" Shaundi's confusion is now corrupting her mind.

"What if I told you that Miguel wasn't the only Boss you know? You two would be the best of friends if he was a girl." The Russian femme fatale cackled while watching the female Boss saving Shaundi from the Syndicate attacks.

"This is getting weird. This feels so much weirder than me getting high on mushrooms..." Shaundi recalls herself getting too addicted to psychedelics.

"Look at her, isn't she the prettiest woman in the room? She's stealing the spotlight while you're stuck in your dating show with sexless freaks that would die just to hit on you. Is this what you are all about, Shaundi? I believe you're better than that." And finally, Ana appears in front of Shaundi holding a pistol and a Katana.

"And I believe that you should keep your mouth shut." Shaundi cracked her fists.

"Try me, bitch." Lady Kalashnikov slashed her way through, lowering herself to give the Saints a chance to lay their fists on her.

"I could rip your fucking face off with these!" She was bold enough to take on a former Russian spy.

"Say that again, in slow motion." Ana's programmed version of herself was fighting Shaundi to death, while the real one is yet to be seen.

"For what? Just to realize how ridiculous it sounds? I'm not scared of you! This mindfuck session is not affecting me!" Shaundi talked trash while evading Ana's sword attacks.

"All of this would stop if you defeat me one-on-one!" Ana kept on going for the offense.

Shaundi took advantage of an opening she saw, disarming Ana by taking her sword and pistol away from her. "Oops, sorry. But I think I was taught by Johnny Gat on how to fuck some shit up."

"And I have enough knowledge to control something you Saints couldn't!" Ana then disappeared, transcending them to yet another simulation.

Miguel and Shaundi pair up this time as they see Ana wearing purple-colored clothes, putting her Ultor uniform on a sarcophagus. The Russian lady was also wearing minimal make-up, retouching her purple blush-on as she spoke to the ones she trapped into the endless simulation they are going through. "Besides the KGB and the Deckers, I also worked for Ultor."

"Right... I'm not gonna be surprised if STAG steals the idea." Miguel crosses his broad arms.

"Take that off, you're not even a Saint." Shaundi didn't like how Markova looked with the Saints merchandise she is wearing.

"Shaundi, darling. You should take a chill pill. See, I can wear whatever the fuck I want. And besides, they all could." Ana programmed versions of the Boss. From the default skin in the first-ever Saints Row game to six different models of him.

"Okay... Why is my scrawny self looking at me like that?" Miguel gets to complain about the certain glitch he just saw.

"Oh, never mind that one. My point is... My creations are subjective. How many times do I have to tell you that as long as you are here, I could do whatever I want with you people?" Ana Markova then commanded the other versions of the Boss to attack Shaundi and Miguel.

"Holy shit! They have the Penetrator! Run!" He chose to chicken out upon seeing the sex toy-themed melee weapon being brought out.

"Hey! Why aren't you fighting us? Tired from multitasking?" Shaundi mocked Ana after exchanging blows with the several renditions of the Boss.

"You should pay attention to the detail, Shaundi. Have you seen the sixth Boss I programmed? Oh, that's right, you're looking at her." Ana just made the situation convoluted with her twisted, simulated mind games.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Miguel was having a hard time fighting his other versions.

"The player will answer all of your questions, okay? Until then, enjoy fighting yourself." Ana skipped over the place cleverly, dissolving her avatar from the simulation completely.

Shaundi and the Boss were now left fighting in confusion, and they couldn't figure out what hurts them more. Is it the physical pain that they're feeling? Or they are just putting their comprehension in agony by just thinking about it?

To be continued...

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