《Here's Our Princess, Take Care Of Her! (And Don't Get Killed By The Dragon)》4. Let's Go To The Mall (Today!)

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Astil was vibrating with energy and clasping the couch when Zacharias groggily slouched into the room. She began to ramble in record speed. “Listen I’m sorry I used your TV so long but I discovered this Netflix and it’s just great I couldn’t stop watching Grimm the first season it’s so great I’m sorry I’m sorry!”

“...wa?” He groaned, his hair loosely pulled into a bun. He just got out of bed and had neither his coffee nor his shower, but one thing slowly crept into his mind.

His eyes shot wide open and he was very much awake. “Hold on...Netflix?”

She was on her knees, gripping the armrest and bobbing up and down. “Yes! It’s incredible!”

Oh no. Nononononono. It was too early for her to discover the internet. She wasn’t ready.

He sighed heavily, massaging his nose bridge. At least it wasn’t the real internet. Grimm was fine.

“But you do know that it’s all fiction, right?”

The bobbing stopped. “It is?”

He could see her heart break on her face and it hurt him physically. “Yes...it’s made for entertainment. Like a novel, but live action. Look, I’m sorry - please don’t look at me like that.”

She nodded, slowly accepting reality. Nick wasn’t real. Juliette wasn’t real. The hilarious Wu wasn’t real. And Monroe!

“I should have disabled Netflix, too. It’s a bit much all at once.”

Astil nodded, got out of her temporary bed and began to strip, deep in thought.

“So what do you want for breakfa- HOLY SHIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

She stopped, her nightgown halfway down her torso. “What do you mean?”

He looked away, kind of grateful she was wearing underwear while a voice in the back of his head yelled at him to watch every second.

“Yes, no, we don’t strip in front of others out of the blue. Don’t get me wrong, you are extremely attractive, but you are a princess and I didn’t have my coffee yet. I would just disappoint you.”

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It took her a moment before she got it. “Oh. Oh! No no, I mean, that’s not what-” She pulled her clothes up and hid behind the couch in shame.

“I forgot. I’m sorry.”

It took Zacharias a moment to recover from the shock. He nervously cleared his throat. “Well, it’s fine. Just keep wearing clothes and we should be okay.”

She nodded. He couldn’t see it which is why it had no effect whatsoever, but she did nod.

“...maybe you should go to the bathroom to change. I’ll make breakfast.”

Altis silently gathered one of the bags with her belongings and scurried to the bath, mumbling something about tea before the door slammed shut and was locked.

Exhaling slowly, Zacharias filled the boiler and readied two cups, one with black tea, one with coffee. The image of her chest lingered like he had stared into the sun.

Why.

When Astil returned, Zacharias sat at the kitchen table, the windows in his back. Both of his eyebrows rose when he saw her.

“I see the archmage went...shopping for you.”

The princess looked down at herself. “These clothes are ridiculous. I feel like a peasant.”

“No offense, but you can’t run around in a fancy dress all the time. You need to adapt. Not that I have much experience with that.”

She wore a simple V-Neck and dark blue jeans, along with white duck socks. Fucking duck socks. Priceless!

“He wouldn’t let me take any of my clothes.”

“You’re complaining about clothes, sitting on several bags full of them while the children in Africa suffer hunger.”

Her eyes went big. “They do?”

He began to sweat. “It’s...a saying.” Not a lie.

She relaxed slightly. “Oh. It’s a dark one. That’s good, I suppose.”

“Well, have some tea and fresh bread.”

“It’s fresh? That’s nice of y-”

“...from the freezer.”

“...”

They ate, Zacharias feeling much better after taking a sip of his coffee. He wanted to do a Janeway, but black coffee was just...it needed milk. A shitton of milk.

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“So, how was your night, your highness? Sleep well?”

Astil thought long and hard whether there was any sarcasm in his voice before answering. “It was better than I expected. The couch shows craftsmanship worthy of a palace. But the bedding is a bit...thin.”

He smiled into his cup. “That’s good. Because I’m a bit tight on money this month. I can’t furnish the guest room until next week. Or buy clothes, but you seem...covered on that end.”

She frowned, then lit up. ”The archmage said something about money! Wait!”

Rising from her seat, Astil went to the couch that had been returned to its natural state of existence, rummaging through one of her bags. “Here it is!”

Zacharias’ spoon dropped into his bowl of cereal.

She was holding up a black credit card.

“It took me years to amass enough carrots for my Epic Level GameStop card and he just pulls a premium credit card full of money out his ass!” Zacharias exclaimed while wandering through the maze that was IKEA. Astil walked by his side, a beanie covering her ears, the diadem safe at home after much arguing. She looked around, amazed by the many possibilities of decorating a single room and the sheer amount of various furniture.

There were also plenty of people staring at her because of how unfucking believably pretty she was. She ignored them, blissfully unaware.

“I want a big bed. And a desk. And I’m going to need a lot of space for clothes.”

“It’s not exactly a big room.”

She pointed at one of the many room-like areas about the same size as the guest room with exactly the furniture she just described. Zacharias looked at the price.

“...no.”

“What! Why? I have the money for it!” She almost whined, the fact that she was a princess shining through. Not pampered, but still used to being royalty.

“Yes, and I’m supposed to keep you from spending it all. We’re going to look around and find what you need, not want.”

She sighed. “...fine. I suppose you’re right.”

“You bet your royal ass I am.”

“Ass will suffice.”

Zacharias smiled. He liked their bickering. It made him feel like he wasn’t the only intelligent person in the room. Astil was inexperienced, but smart. And she could have a sharp tongue if she wanted to.

“Here, look at this one.”

Astil eyed the bed he pointed at. “No.If it’s smaller than the couch, it’s not big enough. I need room.”

He sagely pet her head. “You. Are 5’3” and probably shrinking. You get a single double, nothing larger.”

The princess held back her rage at being belittled. He has no right, but he is older and knows more. Don’t be mad. just accept it. You have no power here. A voice in the back of her head whispered ‘eldritch blast’, but she shooed it away. No magic. She wasn’t ready to be put in a zoo or worse, a laboratory.

Then, she saw it. The perfect bed. It was white wood with drawers in the bottom and book shelves as the headboard!

She turned to Zacharias. “I want it.”

He looked at the price. “No.”

Her heart sank, but she wasn’t defeated yet. Remembering his reaction when she learned that Grim wasn’t real, she focused all her effort and made the saddest puppy eyes she could muster. “Puh-lease?”

He stared at her face. At her perfect fucking sad face. Be strong. Don’t give i- WHY IS SHE SO SAD AND CUTE AT THE SAME TIME OH MY GOD! “Yes, you can have it, you can have it all, everything will be alright!” he said as he hugged her, petting her head.

Astil’s fists clenched in victory.

Yes!

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