“My character stats are advancing quite nicely…”

Lian examined his status screen as he was in the midst of storing items. He would grab one, as it instantly disappeared into his storage space.

After completing the first quest, he was now ready to master a new skill. His cooking was at level 4 and he could already teleport to another location.

“That last trip was wild! I wonder what fuckery I’ll get into this time…?”

“Regardless of the situation, with the system and my wit, I’ll always end up on top.”

System: “Is the user ready to leave?”

Lian murmuring: “Calm down! Remember…always overestimate others and make them underestimate you. What’s that quote again? The cicada stalks the….”

System: “…”

Lian: “Crap. I totally forgot how that went! I need to learn a poetry skill soon.”

System: “Is the user ready to leave?”

Lian: “Ahem…uhhh… yes…yes let’s head out! “

System: “The user might experience a slight headache…commencing preparations…”

Lian: “No problem, I’ve already been through this once.”

*System: Creating clone and setting disguise…..*

*System: Clone created and transformation completed. User’s clone is being transported…*

*Shwoop!*

Welcome to my life! I’m Buyao Lian, but everyone just calls me Lian for short. You’re probably wondering: “What the fuck is going on right now?” I constantly ask myself the same question. Anyway, this shouldn’t be much of a problem. Before we move along, let me introduce you to my life, and let’s travel back in time to last month.

Regarding myself, I’m probably the best embodiment of what not to be. I’m a 20-year old University student with no job, mediocre grades, and who still lives at home with no path in life.

My weight fluctuates a lot and my looks are barely average; though I have no control over that. My only redeeming traits are my height, green eyes and ability to grow a beard. Otherwise, I have afro-style curly dark hair, no jaw line, a chubby body, and a dissimilar head-to-body ratio.

I spend most of my time watching anime and online videos, playing PC games, or reading martial arts novels. In addition, I’m obsessed with stories that use shameless MCs and systems. This is because it reminds me of my scheming self. I put on a façade, my only bottom-line is my family, and my self-awareness results in philosophical outbursts and extreme fits of laziness.

Ever since graduating High School, my lack of effort has become more obvious. I’m not severely depressed, but sitting in front of a computer screen all night has definitely altered my mind.

Rarely do I spend my days studying. However, when I do, it mostly consists of cramming the night before an exam or assignment.

Frankly, it’s only been a few years since I’ve drifted along and mostly given up on reality. If I could trace it back to a common trend in my lifetime, it would be that I always quit halfway. I’ve just learned to accept it now. I know... boohoo… hail the self-pity sect!

Both of my parents were doctors who quit their jobs when I was a child, and moved to Canada from China in order to provide myself and my older brothers with better opportunities. My father is retired and has Parkinson’s disease and my mother works as a nurse to pay for the living expenses at home. We’re well off with some savings, but they’re quickly running out.

My oldest brother is currently already married and lives in Vancouver, while the other one is also away from home and studying in Windsor. On other hand, my parents and I live in Toronto.

At this point in my life, I’m studying science at the Toronto University… and currently, I’m on my way to hand-in a paper…

*normal narration from now on*

*thoughts in italics and quotations, system text in stars, and dialogue in normal quotations*

After typing an essay by directly copying, pasting, and strategically rewording numerous articles, Lian was running on campus to hand in his environment assignment for the 4pm deadline.

“Fuck! Where was that class again…? I haven’t been there since the first day.”

“This shit’s worth 30%, and I’m not trying to fail the course. It would have been easier if this was due online… but then again I probably would have got caught plagiari…ahemm…”

He pulled out his laptop and checked the room number on the syllabus. After a brief look, he bolted to the lecture room. Whilst rushing past dozens of people, Lian could tell that the class was over as everyone was in the midst of leaving.

Sneaking to the front desk, Lian noticed that the professor was away from the table and engaged in conversation with a student. Therefore, he snuck his paper underneath a pile of essays, then started walking back out.

In the hallway of the science building, he happened to bump into an acquaintance from his faculty.

Mark: “Hey Lian! How’s it going bro? I haven’t seen you in…ages! I never see you in class. Are you sure you’re not going to start coming often?”

“Ahhh crap! It’s this guy… Just smile and make up an excuse. He gives some good damn notes. Better not to come off as a lazy shit.”

Lian replied with a smile and came up with the excuse of having a difficult workload this semester. After exchanging a few pleasantries, he excused himself and rushed to the washroom.

“Fuck! I stayed up all of last night finishing that assignment and I couldn’t even take a shit just to make it to the bus on time. My ass feels like it’s going to explode….”

He ran to the male’s lavatory and released a number 2 that shook the heavens.

After checking to make sure that everyone left to avoid confrontation for the smell, Lian quickly washed his hands then headed for the bus back home.

“I really need to start being more organized… and writing my own work. Otherwise, I’ll just be a leech and a shut-in my whole life.”

“Sigh... oh well. I remembering reading somewhere that more than half of college students do the same exact thing. If you really think about, I’m just a typical college student...”

He stopped by the local convenience store and bought some junk food, before walking home with some bags. Along the way, his stomach was constantly growling.

“I’m hungry as fuck! I’ll grab a small bite of my mom’s rice porridge and vegetables so she doesn’t rip on me, then I’ll snack on my own food upstairs.”

Upon arrival, Lian had a quick meal. He then stopped by the living room where his father, Zaoshou Buyao, was found sitting on a wheelchair. Lian smiled as he filled his dad’s water bottle then proceeded to walk up the stairs to his room.

He opened some bags, lied down on his bed, and then began stuffing his face as he browsed for new novel releases.

“Is this MC for real!? He’s literally whipped by his girlfriend. Can he not stand up for himself?”

“Why is this dude so adamant about marring dozens of girls? It’s like he’s never seen a woman in his damn life… harems can be a reliability!”

“What about this other guy? He risked killing an entire clan because of one enemy? He’s definitely a meathead.”

“Why are all these characters so one-dimensional? Wtf!?

“Why not be more realistic? Can they not just make a shameless character with a system who’s good at everything? It’s a fucking novel, you’re supposed to be letting us live our dreams…”

After ranting and spewing cookie crumbs all over his top… Lian thankfully calmed down.

“Reading novels is sometimes so draining! I need to watch a few videos to reset my mind a little bit…”

After shamelessly acknowledging that he is a lazy piece of shit, Lian continued his computer and junk food binge until late at night.

Background noise: “Ahhhhh! Aiiiii! Ahhh!”

Lian squinted. This sound was coming from his father’s room on the other side of the hallway.

As his father had Parkinson’s disease, every night he’d have to go through a tremor episode where the movements of his body couldn’t be controlled. A nurse was always there at that time to help tie him down and tend to his needs.

Lian shook his head, turned up the volume on his laptop, and continued watching viral videos.

“I feel pretty groggy right now… this is probably from that all-nighter.”

“Thankfully, everyone’s sleeping. Time to whip out the tissues and open up the incognito…”

Lian concluded his quick session of self-pleasure after washing his hands and experiencing some shame and regret for his actions.

“I should stop doing this crap. I know that most people say it’s healthy, but I can definitely feel that I’m addicted. It makes me feel so drained afterwards.”

“My left nut also hurts a little. I can’t help but worry that if I keep going like this, I won’t be able to have kids once I’m older. Let’s just hope that I’m overthinking it…”

Spending another hour in front of the computer screen, Lian was exhausted and decided to crash…