Date: 10.2.2152

To: you, my only friend

Subject: i'm getting the hell out of here

hi,

Kevin contacted me.

Well, he actually wrote a message to Mike, but I’m pretty sure it was meant for me. The message itself was: "How are you holding up, buddy?"

Nothing out of the ordinary, right? But hold on!

The picture attached to it was of a white grinning monkey holding a knife and saying: "I know you have the answer. Share it or else…"

If that’s not a threat, then I don’t know what is.

Maybe Kevin somehow figured out that I’ve managed to decrypt the data? Can it be he’s reading the emails I’m writing to you? No, that is impossible. These emails go through a very secure channel.

What should I do? Should I tell him? Or should I run? Move to a different country? That seems like a reasonable idea. Should have thought about it earlier. What if he's following me? I should have just stayed home that day... Everything’s getting too complicated.

I think I’m going to delete all the data I have on Mike and Kevin, I'll erase any evidence that I ever looked through their communication. And then I’ll pack my things and get the hell out of here.

At moments like these, I’m glad I have a job I can do anywhere. They don’t care who I am or where I am – they just need their projects done. As long as I send everything in on time, my boss doesn’t even email me.

I have no one who would miss me here, so that’s not going to be a problem. Except… do you think I should tell Mia I’m leaving?

She probably won’t care, and I’d be putting myself at risk by telling anybody at all about my plans. You, my friend, don’t count, of course. I know you’d never betray me.

I've gathered some experience with running away already. First, when I was barely 13 and had no other choice but to run away from home. Then, a couple years ago, I skipped town to get away from someone I considered "a friend" for a while.

When it was over with Mia, I also considered running. But after thinking about it, I saw no good reason to do so. She said she never wanted to see me or hear from me again anyway, so there was no impending need to change locations.

I don't have too many possessions – all I really need are my hard drives. I can get anything else on the go.

Before I discovered my fascination with terraformers, I used to think I was the only one who was constantly running away from something – be it unpleasant circumstances, other people, complicated relationships, or my own thoughts. But the more I get to know those people on other planets, the more I realize that my problems are not unique. It doesn't make them less problematic, of course, but at least I feel less alone.

A couple months ago, they sent a guy named Jin to Saturn. He was a quiet one - the only emails he wrote were to his sister in Tokyo. Sadly, she never responded. I looked into her and discovered she had been dead for nearly ten years.

That piqued my curiosity, so I looked into Jin's family life. Turned out his father was abusive, and his mother had a major depressive disorder that, I guess, prevented her from ever bonding with any of her children. Jin was bullied heavily at school.

According to the records, during his first year in middle school, Jin was beaten so hard he lost vision in his left eye. Shortly after that, he ran away from home but was found a month later, wandering the streets, drugged out of his mind. His family didn't want him back, so he was placed in foster care.

He tried to run away several times but was always brought back. When he was barely 21, police caught him with a small amount of crack. Usually, that wouldn't be a reason enough to send someone to another planet – possession for personal use warrants only a steep fine and many hours of community service on Earth.

But during the trial, Jin did everything in his power to piss off the judge. It was like he wanted to be sent as far away as possible. An ultimate escape.

He got his wish, and just a couple months later he was on Saturn. He didn't bond with anybody during the space trip, nor did he befriend anyone who was already residing on the gas giant.

Three weeks later he took off his gear and jumped out of the space station - right into the gas clouds. His last email to his sister said: "No one ever loved me like you did. We will meet soon."

I found it scary how much I could relate to this guy. I was probably the only one who mourned him. Just like you will be the only one who will mourn me, when my time comes.

I'll write you again once I find a safe location.

Yours,

Ryan