I wanted to go home. I could not put up with the bullying and the teasing again. I was tired of being considered strange and inferior. Life at boarding school was hell. Being teased and bullied was the best that happened to me. At least it gave me some contact with the others. The worse thing was being alone and feeling like you have no support or friends. The worse thing was not having hope!

I told mom all this and hoped she would tell Dad to pick me up straight away. I did not expect her to be silent. After a few minutes of hearing Dad's voice in the background, Mom told me that she thought I should try some more and to “stick it out”. This shocked me and I told her that my life could not get any worse. I begged for her to come and collect me. She refused to come and told me to wait a few days. My aunt was coming to visit me, and she would speak to me.

I felt even more alone now as I thought my family was ignoring me. The next time when I went to get my diaper on, Brother Francis told me to sit and have a chat with him. He told me in a nice way that I could tell him my problems. I told him what my life was like. Brother Francis just sat there and listened.

“I heard that they found out about the diaper,” he said, “I know for a boy your age that this is very humiliating. The fact is that children can be so mean. You are a good person. I think we should speak about this when you come and get changed. You need someone to talk with about your sufferings.”

This made me smile as someone wanted to listen to me. Brother Francis told me that whenever he felt like he was suffering, he offered these sufferings to Jesus. He explained that Jesus suffered for us and our sins, so we can offer our sufferings for him. He reminded me to imagine that the sufferings that Jesus had were far worse than what we experience.

When I went back to my cubical in the dorm, I found a pacifier on my bed. I threw the pacifier in my drawer and looked up to heaven and told Jesus that I appreciate that he died for our sins.

I was teased as much as I ever was. My body had black and blue marks because I was shoved and at times punched. I tried being positive and I tried not to feel sorry for myself. During one study hour, I asked myself how many times did I smile since I came to this school? I knew that I could count them on one hand. Was this a sign of what the rest of my life would be like? Was there any light at the end of the tunnel?

My Aunt came and it quickly became obvious that she would not be taking me home. Despite what I told her about what this school was like and how lonely I was. When this did not work, I showed her the black and blue marks on my body. My uncle seemed to have some sympathy, but my aunt did not. I was told that our family was respected and liked. If I was having problems, then I should work on myself to be a better person.

I was now in tears and I stopped begging to go home. My aunt told me to stop crying. This school could be good for me and help me mature. I looked at her wondering did she not notice how bad it was and how unhappy I was. I went silent and held my tears back.

When my aunt went, I looked at the school and said to myself that I did not want to go back to school. I walked to the park and sat on a bench. I could not stop the tears coming. I looked down as I did not want people to see me. All that went through my mind was the fact that I would have to survive here for years. The big question is would I survive?

This old woman sat down next to me and told me that I look like I was the saddest boy in the country. I did not reply but wiped my tears away.

“You feel like the world hates you and have many hardships.” she said, “I bet you even asked God to help you and wonder where he is. I can assure you that you are not alone. You have the courage to survive the bullying and teasing that you got at school. You are different, and be proud of who you are. Remember to keep a good and pure heart. Remember to forgive. You are not alone and things will get better.”

How did this woman know that I was getting bullied? When I turned to look at her, the seat was empty and I could not see her anywhere.

Things were not different when I went back. I was still invisible until people wanted to tease or hurt me. I could not help thinking about the old woman who said I was not alone. This made me think that some guardian angel was sharing the pain with me?

The headmaster called me in his office. His name was Br. Columba. He was a very serious religious brother that was bald. Pickard, who was in Star Trek's next-generation reminded me a lot about him. His office was very posh and I did not like it at all. He told me that he knew I was being teased and bullied and he wanted to know who it was that teased me. He did not ask how I was, he just wanted names. He wanted to know if it was Justin. I never spoke with Justin. He was a loner and spent all his time alone.

I just sat there and said nothing. I could have got half the school in trouble, but I was not a snitch. I am sure they would not be nicer to me because I did not tell their names, but I know if I did, it would mean I would be hurt. Brother Columba was very annoyed with me and made it known that he was disappointed with me.

That evening at supper, two boys sat down at my table. This was strange as I usually had to beg to sit at a table. One boy's name was Declan. He was a normal-looking boy that had a small lisp when he spoke. He also waved his hands a lot. The other boy's name was called Kieran. He was smaller and had these big eyes. Everyone called Kieran “Kermit” because of his big eyes. Declan and Kieran always hung together. They lived close to each other.

Declan wasted no time at teasing me. He wanted to know if I had princess dresses and did I find my prince yet? I just looked down and ate and did what I usually have done... nothing. There was not much he could do to me that I did not hear yet. Both Declan and Kieran was not popular. So this was their way of telling me that even I was lower than they are!

After we ate, I went to the study hall and sat at my desk. The others were doing their own things. Reading books and doing homework did pass the time and made me feel less lonely. Kieran came up to me and asked me to forgive him for the teasing. I nodded my head and said that of course he was forgiven. After a bit of silence, he sat down and we started talking. Kieran mostly talked about himself and his family. He was not a rich snob. His family was farmers that worked hard. Kieran also thought it was hard to be at this boarding school. He admitted that there were so many snobs, and for a Catholic school, the pupils could be so mean.

Kieran was nice and it was the first time that someone really spoke to me in the few months since I came to the school. He was not trying to tease me or make me say things that he can tell the others about. This was a normal conversation.

Kieran told me, “I know that you have no friends, and I think you seem to be nice. The others say so much about you. They say that you are a sissy and gay and that you wear diapers. I do not know if this is true. I do not think that we can be friends. If we do become friends then my life could be hell.”

I heard this so many times that it did not bother me anymore. People were so afraid that I would tarnish their image if they were my friends.

Brother Francis noted that I was in a better mood that night. I told him that Kieran spoke with me and despite this seems like a small thing, it was a huge event for me. Brother Francic smiled and explained that no man can live on an island alone. Humans needed to be social. He told me that people will see me for the kind and compassionate person I was. He really hoped that I would not give up hope or become bitter.

Things went back to normal. My economics teacher had an exam once a week, and once a week we all changed seats according to the grades we got. This caused some competition and the other boys really were interested in getting one of the top 3 seats. I will be honest, as my aim was just to survive the class. A stuck up boy called Paul always won the top seat. This was until I came. I suddenly got the top seat which shocked everyone. The other pupils did not congratulate me. After class, Paul and some of his friends pushed me like a football from one person to another person. They would hit me and then push me to the next person. I ended up on the ground trying to breathe and trying to hold back my tears.

Kieran saw this and helped me the best way he could. He thought that no one deserved what I just experienced.

“I am not afraid of what others say,” he said, “I like you and hope we will be good friends.”

I was on a pink cloud when he said this. I finally made a friend. This was all that I asked for. Declan did not like that I was now part of their little group. I tried my best to show him my positive sides. He did not tease me but made it clear that we were not friends. I did not mind, as Kieran was now a friend.

It was time to go home. I did the same as the last time and hid in my room. The school was still hell but now I had a friend. Despite Kieran being a friend, I dreaded going back to school.

My parents did not want me to come home, but my mother was still worried. She came into my bedroom and asked if I still wanted to come home, or did I want to go back to boarding school?