August 28th, 2012

I don’t like my brother Matthew. He’s far different from what he used to be. He doesn’t care at all. I went to see him later that day. He hangs around Freeway park in the mornings before heading to the center skatepark to sleep. All Matt cared about was money. He didn’t ask how I was doing or what I was up to. It’s the first thing he asked.

It’s just another disappointment.

“I’m sorry,” I told Cody. “I don’t love you anymore.”

“I know,” His voice was weak, broken and unlike the Cody I knew. This time I knew where I was and nothing could change that. In the middle of the forest there lies a treehouse that was built a decade ago. It’s well hidden and nobody ever knew about it. It was quite old and was like an oil painting. Whenever Cody likes to be alone, this is where he goes.

“I hurt you and you didn’t care. Then you hurt me and never apologized.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened.”

“I don’t care.”

“Yeah,” he said slowly, “I know.”

“Everything that happens after is your fault. I hope you know that. I hate you. I was wrong about you.”

“I could say the same.”

“I want you to yell at me.”

“No. I shouldn't have blown up on you like that.”

Cody looked away. There was a blue flower next to him. It was dying. He looked at it then looked back at me. I told him, “This is my break up and you can’t say no.”

“Okay.”

“That means I can still be friends with Sara and Andrew because I like them. It means you can’t tell them to deny me shit and you can’t control me anymore.”

“Okay. Do whatever you want. Is that all you wanted to say?”

“Yes, I’ll see you in school.”

“Hey, Elizabeth?”

“Yeah?” I turned back round to face him. He was still leaning against the tree. “In the tall grass. It was bullshit. I was just trying to be poetic.”

My mom called. “Hey honey, sorry I haven’t called in a few days. I broke my phone during a parade, can you believe that?”

“Mom, it’s been three days.”

“Well, what if you got hurt? How would I be able to know? A mom’s gotta worry.”

I laughed, “It’s okay, I can take care of myself.”

“How are things, Elizabeth? Are you still feeling down?”

I shook my head even though she couldn’t see it. “Yeah, I’m feeling much better, thanks for asking.”

“That’s good to hear. Hey listen, It’s still going to be a week before we come home, how are you on food and money?”

“Fine, I have more than enough,” I lied. I ran out of money weeks ago and out of food a couple days ago. “So you’re coming back on Wednesday then?”

“Yeah. I sorry, you should have come with us. It’s lovely here. Maybe next summer.”

“Yeah, maybe next summer,” I frowned.

“Hey listen I gotta go, call me if you need anything.”

“Hey, mom?” I paused.

I thought about all the fights I had over the years with this woman. She is irritating and stubborn. I remembered every little bit that I disliked about her. My mother is in every way who I am but only 20 years older. She’s in every little bit and way the same mess as I am.

Still, she’s my mother. She’s a good one. She cares. My mom always tried her hardest to make me happy. I knew that deep down inside there was no other person who I loved more. I remember how hard she tried to cheer me up after her divorce. I remember that she lied to protect me from my brother. Turned out she was right, all along. I remember that she wouldn’t leave my side whenever I had a nightmare and was too afraid to go to sleep.

“Yeah?”

Which is why I trying so hard not to cry when I said, “I love you.” But I failed. I was in silent tears.

“I love you too, Elizabeth. Have a great week at school, bye.”

Those words broke me.