June 10th, 2012

During the time of my parent’s nasty divorce, my brother Matt disappeared. At least that’s what my mom told me. I knew the truth. She kicked him out when she found out about Matthew’s drug problem.

Turned out, he was addicted to coke and heroin during the time of the divorce. My mom probably thought I was asleep when she got into this huge fight with Matt. I never saw him again after that.

Mom likes to remind me constantly that Matt is out there begging for money so he can get sauced up. I like to remind myself that I won’t do anything that may lead to addiction like that. Drugs ripped my best friend away from me.

Matthew was seven years older than me but was the best big brother a girl could ever have. My strongest memory of his was when we were at the state fair with our parents. I was nine and Mom and Dad only wanted to stay for an hour because they didn't want to spend that much money. Matthew, being the sweetheart he was, paid for one of those unlimited ride passes. Even after Mom and Dad left, he stayed by my side so I could have as much fun as possible.

There was this one game, however, that had this giant sized teddy bear that I needed to have. I kept bugging Matthew to win it for me but he refused. Instead, he let me try to get it for myself. He must have spent around twenty dollars on me on just my attempts before he got impatient and played for me.

It took him about forty more dollars before he won.

I felt bad that he spent so much money on me and this what he said, “The smile on your face makes it all worth it, Eli. Don’t worry about it.”

So I don’t appreciate it when Mom talks bad about him whenever she can. “I saw Matt today in the streets of Seattle. He’s still begging for money,” she snickered that morning. “He saw me and probably thought about talking to me.”

I got out of my seat in the kitchen immediately. I was like: “Do you really have to laugh at him at every chance you get?”

She’s like: “I’m not the one who threw my life away.”

“Maybe he just needs help! Did you even consider sending him to rehab before you threw him out?!” Shit, she didn’t know I knew.

“We don’t give second chances in this household. Now, I don’t want to talk about this anymore, we’re just gonna fight again. Clint and I are going to Ibiza for the summer starting July. Clint thinks it’s a good idea to take you along as it’s a chance where you can travel the world like you always wanted. Of course, you’re going to miss a few days of school. The trip is going to be two months long, want to come?”

“Ew, no, I don’t want to go anywhere with Clint.”

“I’m not gonna make the offer again. It’s Spain, darling. Ibiza.”

“I’ll be fine here.”

If I would’ve have gone with them to Spain, everything would have been different. There’s no point in what-ifs anyways. I would spend the entire Summer with my soon to be the new group of friends.

“Suit yourself, we’re leaving in a couple of days.

Today though, would the last day I spent with Megan.

“Have you been ignoring me?!” Megan said outside of her house. “Don’t tell me you’ve gone dark on social media. You haven’t posted anything, and I mean anything in five days. People think you’re dead!”

“I’ve been busy.”

“With what? It’s not Cody, is it?”

I shrugged, “Kind of,”

“Ugh, I can’t believe you. Look like I have to take your spot this year.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m just saying,” Megan’s back to her snarky, judgmental voice. “You haven’t really been keeping the plebeians in check. I’ll have to take over and do that for you.”

“Plebs? Who cares. It’s just high school. No one is going to remember who we are after we graduate.”

Who am I? I thought. That sudden rush of anger caused me to say those words, feelings that I’ve kept down inside for a while. In truth, now that I was shown they are snakes in the grass, I could say this.

“Uh, hello? Elizabeth? The future doesn’t matter because we’re not in it? We have a reputation to uphold and you’re breaking it.”

“Just how you broke my trust when you slept with Chad?”

That stunned Megan real fast, enough for her to take a step back. It took her a second but she regains her composure by scoffing and flipping her blonde hair back. “I guess it wouldn’t be kept secret for too long. You didn’t fuck him, so I fulfilled what you didn’t, like always.”

“Ugh, I can’t believe you. You really only care about yourself. You’re such a bitch!”

“Uh, and you’re not the same?”

No. I’m above it all. I always have been better than that. I’m never a direct bitch to anyone. I only act like a bitch behind their backs to put up the front I always thought I wanted. That’s what makes me different. I don’t want this anymore. Yeah, I like the power but it’s too stressful.

“Fuck you, Megan. Don’t talk to me,” I said leaving the scene.

I text Alyssa and Jana Kramer because they seem to be the only ones who I don’t view as snakes. Alyssa might, but she has that kindness that never lets her be a bitch to people. Jana minds her own business and never really got involved in gossip for her own pleasure.

Megan’s a bitch. Fukd chad while we were tghtr.

Meet @ camp in 30?

Alyssa replied:

LOL. Tell us all bout it w/ we get ther

Jana replied:

Srs?!!! :O

I said:

Ugh. Someone bring booze.

Jana and Alyssa are there in thirty-three minutes. “Girl, fuck yeah, I love Emmah Melody Ryan,” Alyssa said getting out of her car with Jana.

I had one of Emmah’s song playing through a Bluetooth speaker as I stared into the forest. She’s this wonderful new artist that makes music that somehow connects to whoever listens. They call her a prodigy. Even with being active for half a year, she already dropped some songs having some big features. I’m listening to ‘Sunday Morning’ featuring Kanye West. She doesn’t use her angelic voice to sing in the song, instead, she lets Kanye rap over a violin-hip-hop-classical beat.

“What happened?” Jana Kramer asked, giving me a hug.

When I finished explaining everything, they immediately got on my side. I was unsure if it was because they were actually my friends or because they just wanted to be on my good side. Either way, it was good to have them both for comfort.

“We could totally spread the rumor that Megan got an STD from Chad, “Jana Kramer suggested.

“Don’t be an idiot, Jana Kramer. Everyone thinks he had s...err, did it with Eli. They’ll just think she has it too.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Guys, we don’t have to do anything. She’s not our friend anymore. Once people realize that then they’ll be on our side and she’ll lose her status.”

“You really think?”

“Are you really doubting me? I predicted snap like two years before it came.”

“Oh yeah.”

I get a text from Cody. It fluttered my heart, something I haven’t felt in a long time. “Can I get a ride?”

“Where too?”

“Cody’s.”

Alyssa's mouth went wide open, “You’re being sex-positive?”

I laughed, something I needed today. “It’s summer baby. It’s a perfect time to be sex positive.”

Cody is once again raw.

It’s like being able to eat chocolate of all flavors without ever getting full. Cody pulled my hair, called me, “his little slut.” I hate that word, it's so misogynistic. But fuck does the dirty talk felt good, so it’s not misogynistic, it’s fetishism.

“Fuck me harder.”

He obliged.

Once again, it felt like we were one. Everything felt so synchronized and right. The trance I was on made me forget about anything else in the day. For the second time, it’s been hard and fast-paced. I thought about how it would feel if we went slow. What song would we listen to? Right now it’s ‘Kiara’ by Bonobo. I only know that because, in middle school, Cody showed me who that was and Bonobo has been one of my guilty pleasures since.

I come and once again, so does Cody, except he doesn’t.

I fell down to his chest and rolled over to the side. “You really know your shit,” I wheezed, once again catching my breath.

Cody stayed quiet for a while then looked at me with those haunting eyes. They eyes that got me interested in him in the first place. I protected under their watch. “What are we doing?” he asked.

“I don’t know. What are we doing, Cody?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. I like you, Eli.”

I giggled, “Gosh, I hoped so caused this would’ve been really awkward,” I paused. “I like you, Cody. What is it that you want?”

“How about a girlfriend?”

“Y’know. I just wanted a summer fling but now that idea doesn’t seem so bad.”

“Hmph,” Cody scoffs, “We don’t know a thing about each other, not since middle school. We just hooked up because we both wanted too.”

“We can figure all that stuff later. I love the sex too much to postpone it to get to know each other.”

“A blue flower. Sad is honest but truth comes from the witching hour,” Cody said.

“What?”

He chuckled, “Nothing, just talking to myself.”