Receiving no answer at the front door of the inn, Elmidath and I made our way around the back. There was a back door but it was no response there either. Flummoxed, we were wondering if we should give up when we found the cellar entrance around the side. I knelt down and pulled it open. “Hello?”

“Who’s there?” came the reply, a woman’s voice.

She was suspicious at first but after explaining why we were here, she gave us permission to join her in the cellar. The dumpy, middle-aged woman sat on a stool in the cellar, smoking a pipe. “Those awful things sent you here to determine my integrity?” She chuckled, smoke leaking from her mouth.

Elmidath leant against the wall opposite her. “That’s what I told them, at least. I figure it can’t be too difficult to concoct a reason why you’d keep them out they can accept.” She said it wasn’t too difficult, but I could see by the look on her face that she hadn’t come up with any ideas. Not that I had any myself. I’d thought of a few potential excuses but I wasn’t sure if they’d make sense in this world or if they’d suffice to convince the intractable brutes outside. They seemed set on inflicting violence and quite stubborn to boot.

The inn’s owner tapped her pipe against the wall. “A reason, eh? Is stopping them from befouling my establishment not enough?”

I sighed, it was good enough for me but I knew they’d never accept it. “They’re quite convinced that they have a right to your establishment for some reason. Telling them that would probably only make them angrier.” Despite their remarkably lucid conversation, I think they were more than angry enough already.

“Then what am I supposed to tell them?”

“How about saying you’re not serving anyone today because… it’s a religious holiday, or something?” I wasn’t sure if they actually had religious holidays but surely they had some kind of holidays.

She chewed on the end of her pipe. “Not sure what you’re talking about. My inn is open every day if I can help it.”

That wasn’t much help. “Well, when is it closed?”

“When I’m either too sick to work or I’m off visiting my sister, she lives about a day’s walk from here.” Neither of those options gave me much to work with either. We could pretend she was ill, but… I couldn’t imagine we’d be able to set up a very convincing ruse and the humanoids waiting outside were sure to want proof. I turned to Elmidath. “What are those things waiting outside the inn, anyway?”

“Hm? Oh, they’re ogres. Why?”

“No reason, just curious.” That’s what ogres were like in this world? Other than their intelligence, I suppose they were roughly what I’d expect. But knowing what they were called brought me no closer to a solution. “I have no idea what we’re supposed to tell them though, nothing else comes to mind.”

Elmidath bit her lip. “It’s going to hard to change their interpretation of things, they seemed quite determined that they’re right. We need something that follows along with their reasoning but deflects the blame away from the innkeeper…I’ve got it.” She gestured for me to follow and we returned to the ogres. Looking up at the two of them with her hands on her hips, she declared that our investigation was finished. “The owner barred you from entering the inn, that much is true. However, there’s a crucial detail that you were unaware of.”

The shorter ogre grunted. “Would you care to enlighten us as to this crucial detail that we so carelessly overlooked?” They both looked suspicious.

“She didn’t bar you out of malice. No, in fact, she had no choice in the matter. She only did so because the lord of this land decreed that no inn shall allow strangers onto their premises. If anyone is to blame, it is that lord.”

The taller one cried out in disbelief and I thought for sure they had seen through our ruse, but no, he was crying out in disbelief at the wickedness of this lord. “The evil here is far greater than I could have imagined. Who could have thought it extended all the way to the local authorities? What is becoming of the world?”

The fact that they took all this so seriously was worrying. If this was how they reacted to being refused service at an inn most of their interactions with civilisation must result in violence. Ogres were yet another being it seemed wise to avoid where possible. The other ogre slammed his fist against his chest. “Where is this villain? We shall see that he pays for his crimes.”

Elmidath glanced at me, the side of her mouth quirking upwards for an instant before her eyes found the ogres again. It was not a reassuring gesture given the circumstances, what was she planning to tell them? “It’s quite a coincidence, but my companion and I are seeking the very same lord so that we might put an end to his evil reign.”

“A coincidence?” The shorter one scoffed. “No, you’re mistaken. This is no coincidence.” He raised his club toward the sky. “This is fate. Our meeting was preordained so that we might uproot this vile creature from his throne of

Elmidath’s features lit up in what I was sure was an act. “It does me good to see that there are still those who believe in justice. I will happily work with you toward such a noble goal, however would you be willing to tolerate a delay? We’re currently in the process of marshalling our forces so that we might put an end to him once and for all. Though the wait pains me, it’s our only choice if we want to have any chance at success.” Had Elmidath come up with this whole spiel to convince someone else? It was hard to imagine she was adlibbing the whole thing, it felt too polished for that.

The shorter ogre sighed. “Delaying something of such importance makes my heart ache but there is wisdom in what you say. We cannot afford to fail in this.”

If it wouldn’t have spoil the whole thing, I would have burst out laughing. These guys were way too serious, it was hilarious. Did they have no self-awareness at all? Or were they just this warped? Then again, Elmidath had just offered to work with them. It was hard to tell which side was more ridiculous. “If you’ll have us, we will serve you until it is time to destroy this plague upon the world.” Laying his club at Elmidath’s feet, the ogre took a knee. “I am Aog Fire-eater.”

Seeing that his companion was just standing there, Aog turned around and slammed his fist into their face. Dazed, the other ogre followed suit. “I have the honour of being Gurk Steel-belly.”

Their names really didn’t match their manner of speaking, how did they even end up with such stupid names? Were the other ogres as stupid as I’d expect and these two were just anomalies? That would make sense but it was hard to say if my guess was right.

With Aog and Gurk in tow, we left the village behind. Once they were trailing behind, talking amongst themselves, I leaned over to Elmidath. “I thought you wanted to gather information?”

She shrugged. “I did but my plans changed when the ogres joined us. They should help to dissuade any attackers and I didn’t want them in the village any longer than necessary. If left to their own devices they’re sure to get into more trouble. Besides, I’m happy to take whatever allies I can get.”

“Are you sure it was a good idea to bring them with us? They seem like they’ll be more danger to us anything.” One of the ogres was gesticulating wildly and shaking his club behind us. By the sounds of it, he was railing against the cruel nature of walking.

“They’re certainly dangerous, there’s no arguing that, but if carefully handled I believe they’ll an asset to our cause. Though far from my preferred soldiers, they’ll do for now. We can’t afford to turn down any additional forces at this stage.”

“I know, but…”

“No buts, this is how things are now. I suggest you come to terms with it.”

Being lectured grated on me, especially by someone so young, but she was right.. I suppose the ogres weren’t as bad as the Tertiums we’d been fighting. At least the ogres could be reasoned with… to a certain extent and with a liberal definition of the word ‘reason’. “What’re we going to do about food? They said they were hungry.”

Elmidath hesitated. “I… haven’t quite figured that out yet.” It sounded like it’d slipped her mind entirely, not that I expected her to admit it. She looked out across the plains around us, the blackened earth was barren as far as the eye could see. “I doubt we’ll be able to find anything worthwhile here. But I’m sure we’ll be able to get food somewhere along the way. What we brought with us should be enough to last for two days or so, even if we have to share.”

And so, our rations were devoured in the space of a night, without Elmidath or I getting so much as a bite. The ogres even had the gall to complain about the lack of food. It pissed me off but I was hardly going to bring it up with the ogres, that was certain to lead to a fight. However, I wasn’t above complaining about it to Elmidath, it was largely her fault after all.

She didn’t look much happier about it than I did. “I’ll definitely figure something out today.” Or so she said. But as midday rolled around, and it looked like I was going to skip three consecutive meals, I had to ask again. “So? What’re we going to eat?”

“I’m still thinking about it.”

“How long are you going to think for? At this rate your new lackies will have eaten our food only to abandon us the next day.” They’d spoken at length about their disappointment in the lack of food for breakfast. “And that’s assuming they don’t decide to eat us instead. Now that would be a funny way to go after everything we went through with your uncle.”

Elmidath snapped at me, every bit as frustrated as I was. “I’m working on it, okay? Why don’t you try coming up with something instead of complaining?”

“What good would it do? You probably wouldn’t listen to my suggestion, anyway. And it’s not like I know anything about this world. In case you haven’t noticed, I was only dragged here a little while ago. Thanks for that, by the way.” I wasn’t exactly proud to be sniping like this but I had to vent somehow.

“It’s not like I summoned you on purpose, the spell just happened to connect with you. Do you think I wanted a servant without any useful skills whatsoever?”

I sneered, cold fury overtaking my better sense. “Then you shouldn’t have summoned me in the first place if I’m so useless.” Not that I disagreed about having no useful skills.

“Believe me, had I known I never would have bothered.”

“Besides, what makes you think you’re so great? You’re just a spoiled brat with delusions of grandeur.” Intense cold radiated through sheath slung over my shoulder and I realized I’d gone too far but in that moment I didn’t much care. “Oh, you didn’t get to inherit your father’s title like he said? Guess we’d better murder your uncle and half his household so you can take over a burnt ruin.”

Elmidath’s face was tight with barely contained fury as her hands tightened into fists. “Fine, if you don’t want to serve me then I release you from your obligations. Now get out of my sight.”