《BurgerPunk: Pizza Time》A Great Pylon

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"The day has finally come to tear down the Eiffel Tower,” read the Twitter post from the official French Government account. I read through the comments. It wasn’t good. There were quite a few opinions, but no one had anything important to say. No facts of the situation. No critical analysis. No solution to the problem. Repeated 240 character hot takes.

It was to be another world’s fair monument torn down in the name of progress, yet I couldn’t figure out what was going to replace it. Every news article I found interviewed people on the street and across the world, getting their hot takes. Every Youtuber did a thirty second history of the Wikipedia article and proceeded to give hot takes. Was the building good? Or was it bad? Value judgements everywhere I looked, and not a drop of reality to drink.

I was desperate. I went to the official Eiffel Tower website. Nothing but drone video shots and accepting cookies. I called them, and all I could do was make reservations. I realized the city owned it. So I called them. I was put on hold for two hours, only for lunch time to hit and be sent directly to voicemail.

I did the same thing with the Arrondissements of Paris the Eiffel Tower was located in. Voicemail again. I wrote an email to the Mayor and I got an automatic reply. I sent a letter to the mayor and never heard back. I called the city one more time and this time got someone on the line. “The Construction Department phones are currently being worked on, but I can take a message.” So I told her I would like to know what was going on and to get an email about it.

I did eventually receive an email, but said email told me that the Construction Department wasn’t in charge of the project and that it was still currently in the Land Procurement Department and that I should send them an email.

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When I sent the Land Procurement Department an email, they told me the sale was still being negotiated and that they only procured land, they didn’t sell it, so I actually wanted the Sale of Government Properties Department.

After waiting on hold for several hours, I got a hold of someone at the Sale of Government Properties Department who informed me that any and all sales are initially negotiated and then forwarded to the Legal Department for review of deeds and sales contracts.

When I called the Legal Department they said that I had to make a document request through the Records Department regarding the current status of the sale of land.

When I made the request for these documents and got them back, they were all redacted with the exception of the name of a company “ Société d'achat de bâtiments historiques et de transformation en appartements de luxe.”

So I called them up and was threatened with legal action if I were to inquire any further into the possibility of or of not purchasing a particular historical monument but that if I was interested in a luxury apartment or a commemorative coin made of wrought iron, I should contact their subsidiary “Société de location d'appartements de luxe qui étaient autrefois des monuments.”

When I posted all this on Twitter I was called a conspiracy theorist. No one asked for proof or double checked my work.

I went to some news outlets to try and give them the story, but none of them would take it. Apparently there was conflict of interest due certain advertisers possibly pulling away if the story was published.

In fact, I believe I was put on a black list by “Société de location d'appartements de luxe qui étaient autrefois des monuments” and now I can’t rent an apartment. I was kicked out of my flat and I’m currently staying at a men’s dormitory where the Bastille used to be. It’s owned by a non-profit, but at this point, I’m not going to look into it.

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