I wasn’t able to sleep at all that night. After Daya had cursed Fal, he roared in the cell for hours. His fists, which were once large in their own right, were now the size of my head and were smashed against the walls and the ground. From my room, I could hear none of this. The images played over in my mind, as if Daya had not just cursed Fallon but myself as well.

By the time the sun was rising, I made up my mind to bring him something to eat. I slipped into the kitchen before meals were meant to be served and managed to snag a few dates and dried goat. Tucking them into my bag I headed down to the cells.

The cells were dry and dusty, which was to be expected of an underground tunnel with no windows. Orange flames dotted the hallways, marking the openings of the cells. All of them were empty, as Daya preferred to use the cells more for limbo than actual punishment. Though, her punishments were often delivered in a swift manner.

The dungeon was quiet and for a split second I considered turning around. What were the chances of him turning on me as soon as I entered the cell? He was bigger, stronger. I had never fought a desert orc, and he had turned to one. The cell was small, and my only way out was the way I came in. I could slip the food under the door, stand on the safe side.

No, I scoffed at myself. I couldn’t treat him like the animal Daya had turned him into. I was supposed to work with him. How would we ever trust each other if he could see that I was clearly scared of him? The only way I could ensure that he would not turn on me once we left the sanctuary was by building his trust now. Out there, in the dunes, I would have no other protection. If I wanted to do this, I now had to do it with him.

My foot moved forward as if a weight were attached to it. I inched my way down the corridor until I was at the final cell. Still I could hear nothing. I didn’t dare to look through the bars before entering. I inserted the key into the lock and at the turn I heard something within the cell shift. When the door swung open, I saw Fallon huddled in the corner, facing the corner as if he were ashamed of himself. I sat the tray down at the wall just beside him.

“I brought you my portion of today’s breakfast. It isn’t much. I hope you don’t mind goat-”

“Why are you here?” His voice was deep, gravelly. Hoarse. However long he had been screaming, it had been enough to take a toll on his voice. It used to be smooth as silk.

“I need you to eat,” I asserted. “If we’re going to get the spellbook, I need you to be strong. After everything you’ve been through, your body likely needs something to catch up with itself.” I continued to stand, but forced myself not to look over towards the door. Forced myself not to stand close to it so he wouldn’t see just how scared I was.

“Everything I’ve been through?” He paused. “Everything you have put me through. That would be the proper wording. Am I wrong?”

“I was trying to help you.”

“When? When you delivered me to my death or when you got me cursed?”

“Fallon, I belong to Daya. I had to deliver you to her. If I hadn’t then I…” I couldn’t finish the sentence.

“You what? You would be in my shoes?”

“Yes.”

“Am I supposed to forgive you because of that?” His voice started to raise, echoing against the corner of the room. His breathing was becoming heavier, and I watched as his bare shoulders raised and fell. The tattoos that had once covered his skin were now painted onto the rocks that enveloped him, painted on as if he was stone.

“I’m not asking for your forgiveness.”

“You don’t need to when you can just wipe away your sins with the wave of a hand.”

I kicked the tray over to him. “Eat.”

“What is it like?” His voice softened. “The Baurpei. Just being near it… it feels bone chilling. I couldn’t imagine having it go into my mind and remove something that is meant to be there.” His voice was light, and while he was still facing the dark corner, I could see that he was calming down once more.

“My guilt doesn’t belong to me. Daya makes me do all sorts of things and I have no option but to obey. You of all people should understand that.” I could feel my skin burning with embarrassment. Whatever he was insinuating about me wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right. I was not my own. I’m Daya’s puppet. How am I supposed to win against someone like her?

“Your defense to murdering and stealing and lying is that someone made you do it? Wannfota, have you ever confronted your true self? You say you do it because Daya tells you to, but really you do it to preserve yourself. Everything you do to others is to avoid being hurt. You give the pain you deserve to others and then you just let the Baurpei remove it.”

“Stop it.”

“Think about it… if you refused to do Daya’s dirty work, all of the people you hurt would be fine right now. Where would you be? Living the high life in the mouth of Kavali married to someone on the upper end of the food chain? What a terrible sentence to have.”

The heat in my body spiked. “You don’t know half of it! Don’t sit there and act like you haven’t been selfish,” I spat. “You made your own brother paranoid that he was being tailed so that he would feel the need to buy someone like me. And for what? Power. All you wanted was to have more power. That’s how people like you work. You and Daya aren’t much different, Fallon Ere. You have others do the dirty work. You’re just upset and angry because you failed. All you had to do was give the location of the book to Daya, but instead you sent your goons after it. You wanted the pride that came with delivering something to Daya. You didn’t go after the book with good intentions. You haven’t done anything so far because it was the right thing to do. I do what I do for my life and for a chance at a free life. I don’t have the luxury to do the right thing. If that book brings me one step closer to my freedom, then I’ll do whatever it takes to get that book. You don’t know what it’s like to be roped into something you never wanted in the first place.”

Fallon spun on me, charging towards where I stood. I tumbled back into the wall behind me, and when Fallon came up to me he had me pinned. His horns protruded from his scalp-- branching out just slightly before arching backwards and up to the sky. When he cornered me, he had rammed his horns into the wall just above my head and caused bits and pieces of the stone to fall over my head. His eyes were nearly glowing, they were so alive, and air blew from his nose like steam. “Do you think I asked to be roped into your story? Do you think I wanted to be turned into this? I chose to work for Daya, yes, but when you made that deal you treated me like a pawn. You could care less about other people, wannfota. It shows.”

Tears stung my eyes as he towered over me. I could feel heat radiating from his body. It wouldn’t take much for him to throw me against the wall. It wouldn’t take much for him to kill me.

Instead, he pushed himself off the stone once more and returned to his corner. “Go to it. Go to the Baurpei and have it take away any feeling you have from this moment. Forget how guilty I made you feel. Forget how terrible of a human being you are. I’ll be here to remind you later.”

“Fuck you.”

He didn’t respond. I stormed out of the room, and as I sped through the hallway to reach the staircase, a crash sounded. Every fiber of my being jumped, and when I turned I could make out Fallon’s figure as he thrashed about in the cell once more.

He’s not right. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, I told myself. Still, I found myself nearly running through the halls of the sanctuary to reach Daya’s office. When I arrived, she was sitting at her desk. Unperturbed by my entrance. She didn’t even look up. I hurried to the windows of the balcony, slamming the curtains shut against the light. This got her attention.

“Is there something you need, little bird? You seem distressed.”

Tears were now pouring down my face, and I could see my hands shaking as I went to wipe them away. “I need it.”

“Need what?”

“The Baurpei. Please. Now. I need…” I fell to my knees, unable to cope with it all. I need to forget-- to forget how I feel. It wasn’t guilt from past assignments. Everything I was feeling was because of him. He had picked at it until it was now festering. My guilt and embarrassment of how others see me. I may not feel guilty about everything I’ve done for Daya, but I feel guilty that I should feel guilty. I feel guilty that in the eyes of others, I’m a murderer. How could I be feared almost as much as Daya, but still be this helpless? “Please,” I sobbed. “I need it.”

Daya somehow came to be in front of me, and she gently wiped my tears away. Perhaps it was the tears blurring my vision, but I could almost see concern in her eyes. Her touch was gentle and warm, and she held me in her arms for a minute as we sat there. “Little bird, don’t cry.”

I took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet perfume that always followed her around. Daya was everything I hated about myself, but I found so much comfort in her presence. Around her, I couldn’t be touched. She stroked my hair, detangling a few of the curled locks of black hair that brushed past my shoulder. “You haven’t brushed your hair yet this morning, have you?” I shook my head. “Make sure you keep it oiled so it doesn’t dry out, perhaps wrap it for a few hours before you head out this evening. I would hate to see you return with matted hair like some of the fresh faces.” She said, smiling slightly as she teased the girls who Daya recently brought in.

“I’ll do that.”

“Good.” She stroked my face and looked me in the eyes. “Are you sure about this?”

I nodded. “I need to forget this.”

“Not much time has passed since the last time you used it.”

I stayed silent, but readjusted myself so that I was kneeling before her. “I need it, Daya.”

She sighed, her brows furrowing. She wasn’t one to ask questions about why I needed the Baurpei, or one to suggest it. If anything, she hated when I used it. She preferred that I just try to forgive and forget. But there are some things you just can’t forgive yourself for. “Very well,” she whispered.

A cold chill ran down my arms as Aumee grabbed the orb of black sand from her desk. This Baurpei had a strange ability to shift its form to whatever it wanted, and Daya loved its practicality. She felt the orb in her hands for a minute before tossing it into the air. As it peaked, it exploded into its full form. Not quite a man and not quite a monster. Just tall, looming, and dark. When it reached out for me, sand dripped like water from its arm, rolling back into the base of its body.

I usually closed my eyes at this part, but something made me want to watch as its bright eyes took me in. The closer it came to me, the sand began jumping erratically from its place before it jumped at me, circling me like a whirlwind. The sand scratched my skin as it tore over me, burning like a coal straight out of a fire. I shut my eyes tightly to block it all out, and could feel the air in my lungs begin to be pulled away from where it belonged. I thought about my time with Fallon, and all of the emotions that were swirling through my body. I could almost feel the Baurpei latching onto them, feeding off of them. Eventually, when I thought of my time with Fallon, I had nothing left to feel. Just like that, the Baurpei peeled back from me.

Air rushed into my lungs, allowing me to breathe. Daya watched me from afar, holding the Baurpei in her hands once more. “How do you feel?”

“Numb.” I sighed, relief flooding through my body. I feel myself again.

By the time evening rolled around, I had prepared for the trip. I had thought about asking the girls for help, but in the end decided that it wasn’t a good decision. They would have questions and concerns, and I’m sure some of them would see that there may be an opening for Daya’s second in command. Instead, I packed the food in the quiet of the kitchen, tying each string tightly around the bags.

Part of me felt prepared for the trip. It should have felt like any other. I was going on an assignment from Daya. Retrieving an item as I’ve done plenty of times in the past. But, for some reason, my stomach was in knots. I fixed myself a cup of tea as I sat in the kitchen, breathing in the fresh air from the wide windows above the countertops. A few years back, we had to dig gardens just outside of the kitchen windows for herbs and trees to grow. Previously it had just been used for a wretched goat named Cecil, and the air always smelled rotten. Even the food had a disconcerting taste. Now, the air was fresh. Calming.

I watched as the light began to turn gray, the colors in the garden becoming less vibrant. It was time to leave. I placed the small glass cup on the counter, and it clattered down without grace. It was time to leave, and the very thought made my stomach turn.

This wasn’t any assignment. The free life I had been deprived of for nearly a decade was on the line. If I failed, I didn’t think Daya would have my head. I wasn’t sure what she would do. Still, it was worth the risk.

I made my way down to the dungeon, where I found Fallon sitting in the corner once more. I hadn’t even thought about whether or not he would still be willing to come with me. If he didn’t, what then? Daya wouldn’t be happy, that much was clear. “Are you wanting to stay here?” I asked, propping the door open with my foot.

He slowly rose to his feet but seemed to be thinking hard about something. After a few seconds, he turned around, holding some black mass in his hand. I didn’t realize what it was until I looked up to his face. The horn on the left side of his forehead had been broken off, and a dark red liquid dripped down from it. He didn’t look me in the eyes when he uttered, “Do you think it will grow back?”

I reached out and placed my hand on the horn. “Whether it does or not, it’s not a part of you.” I grabbed it from him, feeling the weight of it before presenting it to him once more.

“You keep it.” He pushed it to my chest. Then, he turned his eyes to the spot on the wall where he had me pinned earlier. There, I could see where the stone had began to crumble from where he must have rammed his horns against it so many times. Light was peeking through from the other side. Whether or not that was what stopped him or if it was his horn breaking that stopped him, I couldn’t tell.

“When all of this is over, I can speak with Daya. She would likely be willing to remove the curse she put on you. Then… you’ll never have to worry about horns again. I promise.” I forced myself to look at him.

He simply nodded and pushed past me in the doorway. “We should be going.”

I followed him through the hallway, staring at his back as he walked. It really was amazing how human-like he looked despite everything. The rocks on his back imitated muscles, the cracks and ridges being the only give away that he was something other than what he once was. I wonder how he felt, being turned into a creature that he had been betting on in the Ring? I had never seen it with my own eyes, but it was easy to hear the whispers about what occurred there on some colder desert nights. Not just desert orcs, but people were occasionally thrown in. Whether it be someone who had betrayed someone else, or someone who thinks that they have what it takes. It was something I never had the desire to witness.

When we reached the top of the stairs, Fallon hesitated. Just on the other side of the door was the world he was familiar with, but it was no longer a world that welcomed him. Desert orcs were nothing but fighters, monsters, or muscles. They weren’t commonly found in the great city of Arden. He creaked open the door, peeking out to see if there was anyone on the other side.

I chuckled. “Everyone in the sanctuary is in their rooms by now. If you’re concerned about being seen, I can assure you that the only person who will be seeing you is me and the gatekeeper.”

He huffed, but tossed the door open. As we came into the light, he let out a long sigh. “It feels nice to not be trapped inside a cell anymore.”

“I can imagine,” I quipped. “This way. I’m taking a saladassi. We’ll need him to carry our things.” I led him over to the stables, though he could hardly fit through the entrance.

“Wouldn’t it be easier if I carried the load while you rode the lizard?”

I shrugged. “Perhaps. But, I figure you would make a better fighter in case we have a bad run in. The saladassi can carry the load, and we can stay vigilant. Besides,” I chucked a bird into Durabi’s pen and he tore it apart, “if you’re walking anyways we’ll be moving at the same pace. I would have you ride one, but you would crush it.”

“You think so?” Fallon laughed. “Perhaps we could test that out sometime.”

I tried my best to stifle my smile. Despite everything that happened earlier, Fallon no longer seemed bitter with me. He was likely just hiding it well, but it made everything better nonetheless. “Another time, sure. Durabi, heel.”

Durabi slid out of his pen, and froze at my command. I carefully loaded everything onto his back, and the whole time he looked at me with expectant eyes. I sighed and gave him another bird. “Last one.”

I led him out of the stables, and the three of us made our way over to the entrance of the sanctuary. On the other side of the gate was just some back alleyway of lower Arden, dark and winding and close quartered. On the other side of the gate was also an opportunity I was probably never going to come across again. With a wave of my hand, the gates slowly began to swing open. Whether I was ready or not, I had to step out.

We stayed silent as we walked through Arden, the only noise being made was by Fallon’s rumbling body making contact with the ground, and perhaps some loose change in a bag on the saladassi. I tried to busy my mind with everything that I had packed.

Bedrolls, a mess kit, tools for fires, rope, food for Fallon and me, food for Durabi… though I imagined we would be able to hunt for some as well. There would be plenty of Waystations on our way to Waystation 20J to search the markets for fresh produce. The water skin was at my hip, and a few others were back with Durabi. Tonics, daggers, coins, blankets…

“Wannfota?”

I turned to Fallon, who was standing beside me as we stood at the edge of Arden. The sky was a beautiful jewel blue, with stars shining brightly beside the full moon. They dimly lit the dunes of soft sand, but everything else fell to darkness. The air was fresh and cool and, despite the slight breeze, free of sand.

“Are you ready,” Fallon asked.

I nodded. “You can call me by my name, by the way.” If he called me wannfota the whole way, I would have to reconsider his punishment.

“You never told me it.”

“Aumee.”

“Any last name?”

“No. Daya named me it when she found me.”

“Aumee,” he said. “Call me Fal.”