Part 2

The sound of a small bell woke me up and I instinctively pulled away, urgently looking for the threat’s origin. I froze in place when I saw him sitting up, surrounded by the blanket. The eyes that stared at me were Human in shape but still silver in color, and the bandages around his naked torso were drenched in blood.

My heart jumped, making me react, although I still kept my distance.

“You shouldn’t be sitting!” I said urgently. “Your wound ...”

“It doesn’t hurt anymore,” he simply answered. His voice was a child’s voice, but his tone was far from childish.

“But,” I started, confused.

“I heal fast. At least faster than you Humans,” he added, contempt clear in his voice, and I was forcibly reminded that that child was nothing like me. “I still haven’t healed completely, though.” He pressed his bloodied bandages. “But tomorrow there won’t be even a mark.”

I swallowed hard. Although I was considerably frightened and knew he’d just tried to harm me, facing that child was nothing compared with the pure horror that took over me every time I was near Gabriel. Next to that child I could easily maintain control over my own body and thoughts.

“Your name is Lea?”

“Suileabhan,” he corrected me and I was sure that it wasn’t the first time I’d heard it.

“And you’re that ... black cat?”

“It’s my other shape,” he simply explained.

I took a moment to digest it. “So, since the beginning that cat was you?” He tilted his head to one side, his silver eyes locked on me, and seemed puzzled by my question. I sighed understanding his silent answer, and took a sweaty hand to my face. The small cat I’d carried in my arms, the kitten that had slept in my bed, hadn’t been a cat at all. “What’s your true shape?”

“This is my primary shape. The shape my Master gave me,” he answered with unmistakable pride in his child-like voice.

“Master?”

“You call him Gabriel.”

My heart stopped for an instant. All that was needed was the simple mention of his name and the symptoms were immediately back.

“He knew who you were? Did you come with him?” I asked, trying to remain logical, and Lea shook his head.

“No. My Master evoked me once he was released. I waited a very long time for it to happen,” he answered with a small smile and I felt a heavy weight on my chest. It was clear that child adored him. How could he have done something like that?

“How long is a long time?”

“Hmm ...” he mused taking his index finger to his lips, as if he was making some mental calculation, and smiled as he reached an answer. “Eighty Human years? More or less, I guess.”

“Eighty years!” I retorted incredulously. “He was Sealed for eighty years?”

The boy lowered his gaze, looking sad, his skinny shoulders slanting down.

“A very long time, all alone in the darkness where there’s nothing. No sound, no cold, no heat. I thought ... I thought I’d never see him again,” he told me, his voice filled with pain, and I was speechless for a moment.

Darkness and nothing else? I couldn’t imagine it. I remembered him standing still under the pouring rain, his face turned upwards towards the sky. At that time I hadn’t understood what he'd meant when he said he was simply feeling. Eighty years of feeling nothing, seeing nothing, hearing nothing. I saw him as he slowly savored his food. If what that child said was true, those were things only Gabriel could probably truly appreciate. Usually people only valued things that they’d lost. That’s what he’d told me.

I realized Lea was watching me attentively and was once more reminded of what had happened.

“Why did you ...” I started and hesitated. “Why did you try to kill me?” He didn’t look surprised by my question, but his eyes glowed coldly, giving him a feral look. “I mean, why now? You had so many other opportunities. All the nights you slept in my bed, all the times I read to you.”

He lowered his gaze and frowned as if struggling with the idea.

“Because it’s enough,” he ended up concluding. “We’ve been here for far too long and this is not good for my Master. We have to return home!”

I tried to decipher his words, wondering where ‘home’ was, from that child’s point of view.

“Hmm, you mean that if I died he’d be free from our Contract and could leave here.” I summed it up and he nodded without raising his head. “I see.”

“But Master was angry with me and he’d never gotten this angry before,” he added with such a sorrowful expression that I couldn’t help feeling sad for him. Human or not, although his words were far from belonging to a child, his feelings matched perfectly with his physical appearance. He sobbed softly and tears streamed down his face.

I took a deep breath and crawled to him. I couldn’t just watch a child cry and do nothing. I placed a hand on his head, feeling how soft his tussled hair was, and carefully pulled him against my chest, fearing I might hurt him. I felt his body tense up, surprised by that sudden contact, and took a deep breath caressing his soft hair.

“Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be all right. I know he likes you very much,” I said, trying to comfort him. He snuggled against my chest the same way the small kitten used to do when I carried him in my arms.

“The truth is I didn’t really wanted to kill you,” he whispered bitterly and I somehow understood. How could anyone ask for forgiveness for trying to kill someone? Worse, how could anyone forgive the one who’d tried to kill him?

“I got it. You wanted to set him free, right?” He simply nodded and a sneeze shook his body, making him press his wound with a pained expression. I took a deep breath and gently pushed him away. “Well, nothing to do about that,” I concluded before his innocent expression. “I’m not going to kill you and I don’t think trying to kick you out of the house would do any good anyway. So, let’s start by getting you some clothes.” He looked surprised as his eyes followed my every move, and I stood up, stretching an inviting hand. “Think you can stand?”

Lea nodded, accepting my help, and stood up, still wobbling and half bending over himself. Freed from the blanket that had covered him, I couldn’t help notice that he really was like any other Human boy, which made me look away, embarrassed. Once more I noticed his bandages stained with blood and felt angry at Gabriel for hurting him like that. I helped him up the stairs, keeping up with his much slower and smaller steps, and we still had to stop twice to allow him to catch his breath before we reached my room.

“It’s not like I have boy clothes, much less anything that will fit you,” I told him as I searched my wardrobe filled with frilly, feminine outfits. “Much less now that he threw away my stuff.” I pulled out an old cotton sweater, hidden with my other pajamas that had somehow survived the closet purge. I helped him put it on, since it was hard for him to raise his arms. As to be expected it fit too big for his small body. “Are you sure you don’t want me to check on your injury? At least let me change those bandages.”

“No need,” he answered and took a deep breath, still weakened from climbing the stairs and putting on that sweater. I smiled and started folding up his sleeves in order to free his small hands. The notion of having someone smaller than me around the house was kind of comforting. “Is this it? Aren’t you going to get mad at me? Or be afraid? Or try to run away?” I smiled briefly and started on his other sleeve.

“What’s the use of any of that? And as for being afraid, well, I know I should, but my mind seems to be having some difficulty complying with that. Probably because, compared with him, you’re not scary at all.”

“But I tried to kill you!” he clarified as if trying to call a crazy person back to reason.

“True. And now? Do you still want to kill me?” He seemed surprised with my question and lowered his gaze.

“No, I don’t want Master to get angry with me again,” he whispered and I took a deep breath. No one who’d look at him right then would think he was any different from any other child, sad after being severely reprimanded by someone he loved.

“Then everything’s fine,” I stated. “Can I keep calling you Lea? Your other name is kind of hard to pronounce.”

He stared at me with his huge silver eyes. “You’re really strange, for a Human.”

“You think? Maybe you’re right. Sometimes I even surprise myself. So?”

“Yes, you can call me Lea,” he conceded and I smiled happily.

“Then how about it, Lea? What would you like to have for lunch? I’m sorry I’ve only been feeding you cat food all this time. You must’ve been hungry.” I spoke the same way I usually talked to my schoolmates about their weekends, and Lea gave me a bright, childish smile.

“Oh, I like cat food. Besides, Master always shares the dinner you leave for him with me, or at least he used to,” he added with a much sadder expression. “Maybe ... maybe he doesn’t want me anymore,” he whispered darkly. “Maybe it was better if I had died. I had decided to die.”

“Nonsense!” I immediately contested ruffling his hair. “If he wanted you dead, then you’d be dead. I’m sure you know this better than I do.” His expression became brighter, filled with hope. What was I doing? Trying to cheer up that, that ... My expression became serious. “Lea, are you also a demon?” I asked, assuming that was Gabriel’s true nature.

“I’m a Ruhim,” he replied and I blinked.

”A ... Ruhim?” I repeated, hoping for an explanation. He nodded slowly.

“That which you Humans call demons we call Deiwos. It’s how we call our kind. But that’s still too vague. Amongst Deiwos there are the Shedim, the Mazzikin, the Se’irim and the Ruhim. These are the main castes. We normally don’t identify ourselves as Deiwos and the word demon, as you use it, is far from being enough to define us,” he stated in an authoritative tone. It was as if suddenly our roles were reversed and I was the child.

“Then what distinguishes you from one another?” I asked, not wanting to lose this opportunity. At least with Lea I was able to have a normal conversation and, contrary to Gabriel, he didn’t seem to mind my questions.

“I suppose it’s basically our origins. Shedim are the higher and most pure caste, created as what they are, since the beginning of times. Nowadays, the original Shedim are all gone. Those who inherited that caste’s name are the ones considered the sins of sinners. In other words, those who are born Deiwos. Mazzikin are what you’d call fallen angels. Se’irim were once corrupted Humans. And Ruhim are the immaterial ones, born from the gathering of negative Human’s thoughts and wishes.”

“Ah,” I muttered under my breath, trying to quickly memorize all I was hearing. He’d just confirmed the existence of angels, right? And some demons had once been angels? Others Human Beings? “So, if you’re a Ruhim and Ruhim are immaterial ...” I left it hanging and pride took over his childish face once more.

“Master gave me a body, and a shape, and a name. He created all that I am today. And because of that I can speak, and touch, and smell, and be. When you don’t have a body, no one recognizes your existence. We are but aren’t at the same time. The world doesn’t see you, only slightly senses your presence. It’s very sad, very lonely. I could hardly believe when Master chose me,” he added with a beautiful smile. How could a demon smile like that?

“And what about him?” I asked, lowering my voice as if he could be listening.

“My Master is a Shedim, a pure blood,” he stated proudly, straightening his back with a solemn expression. “Only a Shedim would have enough power to give a body to a Ruhim.”

“The sin of the sinners. Why?”

“Because the Law states that Deiwos aren’t allowed to breed. And that’s why there’s so few of them,” he noted with a sorrowful tone.

“Law?”

“The Law that rules over all of us. The Lex Regis. What you like to call Divine Law?”

“Divine Law,” I repeated. Were we talking about God now? “And does that ... God. Does he really exist?”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” he answered thoughtfully. “No one really knows. I think that only the Shedim know the answer to that question. But the Law is very real.” I took a deep breath in relief glad I didn’t have to deal with the question of the existence of God just yet, and focused my attention on that Law.

“This Law, is it written somewhere?”

“No. There’s no need for that. We all know it by heart. Only Human Beings, while living as such, are allowed to forget the Law. Because Human Beings are allowed to choose.”

“But if the Law can be broken, doesn’t that imply a choice? You can choose to break it or not.”

“Breaking the Law leads to the destruction of what we are.”

I felt confused... how so? He’d just told me that the existence of beings like Gabriel were against the Law. But they clearly existed, right? “I don’t understand. I can’t see where's the difference. Our choices also have consequences,” I stated defensively. After all, that mess was exactly that, the consequences of a choice I’d made.

“But there’s a big difference. As Humans you can always decide to go back and correct your mistakes or simply start all over. For us, breaking the Law seals our fate.”

“So, for example, if Deiwos,” I began, trying to use his own words, “can’t have children, what happens to those that decide to have them?”

“As I said, they’re destroyed,” he answered with such a matter-of-fact tone that I was rendered speechless. “No female survives a birth.”

“And what about the males?”

“Males are spared,” he said, shrugging. “I think the Law has established that females are the ones responsible for the decision to procreate or not. After all, if a female decides not to have a child, it is in her power to do so.” I didn’t know what shocked me most, his words or the calm, cold way he spoke them.

“Then why? Why do they break the Law?” I managed to ask.

“For none of the noble reasons you might be imagining,” Lea smiled coldly. His tone became hard and dry. “It’s all a game of power the Shedim play generation after generation. Shedim are the most powerful of all Deiwos and, logically, the stronger clans are those who have in their midst the highest number of Shedim. So females are used to breed children, and males to grant power to the clans that are normally ruled by a dominant male.”

“That’s horrible,” I whispered.

“It is what it is.”

“So they’re born to die?” I questioned in disbelief.

“They know that’s their fate. It’s the only way the power of a given clan can grow. Females are rare and precious, and are carefully guarded and taken care off. When there’s a war between clans, the loser also loses all their females to the winner. And so the only chance for that clan to survive is by stealing other weaker clan females.” I could immediately foresee the numerous wars and blood baths a system like that would result in.

“And the children?”

“They’re normally raised by Mazzikin, at least while that’s possible. As they grow, many Shedim become completely uncontrollable and will only obey a stronger male. The only thing they respect is the hierarchy of their own caste. But not Master. Master isn’t like that,” he added vehemently and I took a deep breath.

I wondered if I should be frightened by the atrocities I now knew he was capable of or relieved since even though he was clearly a terrible monster, he seemed to be a monster with a huge amount of self-control.

I stroke his soft hair since I couldn’t really tell him that I didn’t share one ounce of his faith in him, and stood up smiling.

“And what about lunch?”

His silver eyes came alight when a bright childish smile stretched over his face.

“Pizza!” he said, expectantly, and I nodded.

“Pizza it is!”

I picked Lea up so he wouldn’t have to walk downstairs, and went down to the kitchen. I carefully sat him on a chair and went to inspect the freezer.

After placing two pizzas in the oven and setting the timer, I sat at the table in front of him to dig deeper for information.

“Okay,” I started. “Let’s see if I understood everything. You guys are Deiwos, what we call demons, right? But are from different castes. He is a pure blood demon, born from other demons. And you ... you were an immaterial demon, and he gave you a body and a name.” Lea nodded, confirming my conclusions, and I sighed feeling tired. “Then there are the ones that were angels and the others that were Humans, like me.” He nodded again. “Before he was Sealed, where was he Sealed?” I asked, noticing I still hadn’t that piece of information, and Lea’s expression became darker.

“Between dimensions, between spaces, between times, where there’s nothing.”

Nothing. I recalled that was the exact same word that had occurred to me the first time I’d seen the darkness that had appeared in my room, that black substance from where he’d emerged. The evocation had probably opened a portal to that inter-dimension, I supposed. It was the most acceptable explanation at that moment.

“So I freed him from that nothing and he called you,” I said and Lea nodded with a renewed smile. It was clear that his reunion with Gabriel was a good memory. “Why did he call you?”

“Because I’m always by Master’s side,” he stated proudly.

“You also have powers, right?” I asked, making him look uncomfortable for the first time. “You were the one who made it so that I couldn’t move, right?”

“Yes,” he confessed, looking away with a sorrowful expression.

“What else can you do?”

“Other things. But now I’m not allowed to use my powers. Master forbade me.”

“Hmm, because of what happened?” I guessed and his unhappy expression was enough to confirm it. “But you still changed shapes.”

“Because Master told me I wasn’t allowed to upset you. And you were worried and almost crying,” he lamented. “And I thought it was better like this, so that we could ... talk.”

I leaned my head on my hand. “That doesn’t please me at all,” I retorted and he looked startled, perhaps afraid of having committed some unforgivable sin. “When you talk like that, it almost sounds as if he did what he did to protect me.”

“But it’s the truth! Master is always watching over you! Always!” he exclaimed.

“I understand that he is perfect in your eyes,” I argued and Lea smiled.

“Of course he’s perfect. But even if you don’t see it like that, you can’t deny that he saved you ... from me. Isn’t that enough proof that he’s always watching over you?”

I recalled his surprised expression when I hit him and couldn’t help feel bad. In my panic I’d made a mistake. He’d helped me and I’d dumped all my fear and anger on him. But still, I couldn’t exactly just ask him for forgiveness! I decided I didn’t like the direction our talk was taking and stood up with the excuse of checking on our pizzas.

“Just a bit more and you’ll be telling me that he’s all good and I should trust him!” I harshly pointed out. The pizzas still weren’t ready.

“Well, good and bad are things that can’t really be defined. To me good is all that makes me happy. Bad is all that makes me sad and brings me pain. To me, Master is good, yes.” I went back to my place, understanding his way of thinking.

“If that’s how it is, then to me your Master is bad. Because he scares me and forced me to agree with a Contract I never wished to accept! And because of that I’ll probably have to do things I really don’t want to do!” I countered.

“I understand, but there are still many things that you don’t know. From the moment you evoked my Master, there was no other way. We aren’t allowed to choose.”

“What do you mean? That an evocation always means a Contract?”

“It always means an exchange. And an exchange can only be replaced by another exchange of similar value.” I didn’t understand a single word he’d said and mentally prepared myself before continuing.

“Explain,” I demanded and he hesitated for a moment. I thought he’d end up telling me he wasn’t allowed to talk about that. After all, if I’d been having that same conversation with Gabriel, he would have told me that those were things that didn’t concern me a long time ago.

“In an evocation something is always offered in return for the appearance of an entity,” he finally told me. “Only a powerful and experienced Magic user is able to deceive or even completely avoid that exchange. And when the entity evoked is a Shedim, the chances of that being possible are even slimmer.”

“But I ... I didn’t offer anything!” I contested, all my feelings of injustice blurting out of my mouth, and he averted his gaze.

“But you did. You offered your blood and your eternity, which in Magic language means your Soul. Blood is the red thread of destiny that connects the Soul to the body, and the infinite symbol refers to the infinite cycle of Humans’ death and reincarnation.” I sat there, completely stunned. I remembered the symbol I’d drawn in the middle of the pentagram, the symbol I’d drawn in my own blood. Was that it? That meaningless thing? Had those mere drops of blood sealed my fate, pawning my Soul to that demon? Was there anything more unfair than that? “It seems my Master exchanged that Contract for another one that would spare your life,” he added and I frowned deeply annoyed.

“The way you say it, it almost sounds like he did what he did with the sole purpose of saving me! When I know perfectly well he wanted to kill me right there and then! That something else happened that made him change his mind! He didn’t spare me out of the goodness of his heart,” I sarcastically added. “He did it because there’s something he wants from me! And he needs me alive to get it!”

“Yes, that might have been true, but in this horrible world everything’s always changing,” he commented in disgust and I decided to make him return to our previous point.

“So this Contract is the replacement of the original exchange brought upon by the evocation,” I concluded and Lea nodded. “Why does he want this Contract so much? What does he want from me?”

“I’m not allowed to talk about the Contract,” he replied with an unhappy expression. I'd finally reached the limit of what he could tell me.

“And everything else? Is it all right to tell me? He has always refused to answer my questions.”

“But not because he doesn’t wish you to know the answers. Master explained to me that the Human mind is very confusing and that he didn’t wish to confuse you more,” he told me in that tone of adoration. I stood up once again. Only one minute to go, so I stopped the timer and took the pizzas out of the oven. Hearing him talk like that about Gabriel annoyed me and made me angry, and I didn’t want to release all my bottled up frustration on that child.

I set the plates on the table and sliced the pizzas. His childish expression brightened with an expectant smile when I placed them on the table. I opened the fridge to take out the peach juice and poured him a glass.

Lea was looking at the pizzas as if they were the most beautiful things he’d ever seen in his entire life, and I couldn’t help smile.

“Take one,” I encouraged.

“Can I really?”

“Of course,” I conceded and he hurriedly pushed a slice over to his plate. “But be car ...”

“Ouch!” he complained, waving his burnt hand in the air and blowing his small fingers.

“Be careful, it’s hot,” I warned too late and he smiled at me as if that slice of pizza had been the best gift he’d received in a long time.

Blowing his hands and slices of pizza alternately, he eventually managed to fill his mouth, having to open it twice to release hot waves of smoke, his tongue probably burning. I laughed at his clumsy haste and thought that even in that he was just like any other small boy.

“Take it easy. The food’s not going to run away,” I observed and he tried to control a little the voracity with which he was devouring slices of pizza one after the other. “You really like it, huh?” I asked before his clear expression of happiness, his mouth and cheeks stained with tomato sauce, and Lea nodded munching, his mouth completely full.

“Ix lealy wood!” he claimed and I laughed. It’s only pizza.

I went back to my seat and took a slice from one of the plates, eating as I observed him. What was I supposed to do now? My problems seemed to grow day by day. Just yesterday my worries had been centered on Michael. That morning I’d been forced to exchange Michael for Stephanie. And now Lea.

Suddenly, an idea crossed my mind. Maybe he could help me!

“Lea, do you know where your Master is?” I asked and he put down his half eaten slice, swallowing as he shook his head. “Do you usually know where he is?” I insisted and he sighed sadly.

“I used to, but then, Master isn’t his usual self,” he added shyly. I was right then. Something had happened. “That’s why ... that’s why I wanted to take him home, even if it meant that he’d be angry with me. Even if it meant that he wouldn’t want me anymore. But I failed.”

I felt sorry for him and, at the same time, felt really stupid. If he had succeeded I’d be dead by now.

“But why? What happened? I also thought he was acting strange, on Tuesday,” I shared in hopes that it would encourage him to talk, but Lea just shook his head and kept silent.

I felt defeated and once more unconsciously took on the role of cheering him up.

“Come, now, don’t be sad. You’ll see. He’ll be back to his usual self in no time. How about a bowl of ice cream for desert?” I suggested and his head immediately shot up, but the smile on his face wasn’t enough to deceive me. I knew them all too well; fake smiles, destined to appease and comfort those around us. I’d been using them all my life.