Thanks to Nathan’s warning, Laurel and I had prepared ourselves for visitors. We had packed our things and had them hidden nearby so that we could snag them on the way out if they had to flee. This would, after all, be our first contact with demi-humans.

Nathan sprang to his feet his sharp ears alerting him to the approaching villagers

“They’re here! I’ll go ahead. Play it cool, guys.”

He dashed into the forest to meet them and passed out of sight.

Laurel squeezed my forearm and whispered, “This is so exciting!”

“Honey,” I enquired, “Have you chosen a combat magic spell yet?”

Laurel shook her head, bouncing her springy ginger locks. “No, but I am considering water elemental spells.”

I nodded. “Any particular reason?”

She pulled Ringo from somewhere in her robe and held him up. “I wanted to be able to keep this guy hydrated. Ah, but Water magic is pretty handy too! You get some healing magic, anti-debuff spells a basic ranged attack, you know, the normal. But if I specialize in it, I can move up to Ice magic, and with that, I get cold damage, and if I shape the ice right, I can apply piercing, slashing and blunt damage flavors.”

I was astonished. I had no idea she had put so much thought into it. I suppose I oughtn’t be so surprised, she had an advanced degree in math, and while she wasn’t a full-time gamer like Nate and myself, she really applied herself in everything she did.

Nathan returned, walking beside a green-skinned man whose main characteristics seemed to be knobby knees, elbows, and pointy ears, dressed in shabby clothes, but despite this, managed to radiate charisma and leadership in his every move.

“Hey, guys!” Nathan shouted, waving. “This is the Chief.”

I waved back to them and smiled.

Nathan spoke to the Goblin chief in short bursts of a guttural language. The chief grinned, nodding.

“Nate, did you learn goblin?”

He grinned as they finally reached the campsite, “Yeah. It’s kind of like Klingon.”

The chief said something directed at me and looked on expectantly but realized that only Nathan could communicate with him. He half-turned and motioned towards the group of goblins that had been following them. One goblin, a thin female, wielding a staff that had been decorated with feathers and painted with bright paint in concentric circles, ran to his side, nearly tripping over her staff as she did so.

Panting, she said something in her language and raised her staff.

Laurel perked up and casually began putting me in between them with a step backward and to the left.

But the Goblins didn’t seem to notice, as the staff glowed briefly, and a halo of glittery gold sparkles fell over the Goblin chief’s head.

“Much better,” He said, nodding. “Thank you, Trixa.”

The other goblin blushed a deeper shade of green, and shuffled her feet, as she looked away. She mumbled something incomprehensible and ran back to the crowd that was filling the campsite.

“That’s adorable,” Laurel whispered as the girl fled to the safety of her companions.

I grinned. Yeah, it was utterly adorable. That chief is setting up flags.

“So,” I began, “Why are you guys moving your village?”

The chief nodded, his golden earrings glittered as they swayed.

“It happened last night,” he leaned in and whispered confidentially, “our traditional home became too uninhabitable for us. We couldn’t stand it anymore, so we’ve decided that it’s time to rejoin the other people.”

“Uninhabitable?” I asked.

“I’m not sure about it myself, it has always been like it is, but…” He looked into the middle distance and sighed.

“But…” I prompted

A system message popped up:

Congratulations! The Goblin chieftain, Ragweed likes you! (15/200)

Your conversation skill has risen! (3/200)

The chieftain took a step back and gaped at the floating system message.

“The gods have spoken to you!”

“Wait, you can see that?” I swiped the popup away.

“Yes! You must be very holy! Will you join us? We are headed to Crowton.”

Laurel leaned in and whispered, “That’s where the guild is.”

I held out a hand, which was quickly taken and squeezed tight.

“Of course we’ll accompany you.”

You have gained the title “Friend of the Goblins”

You will be looked upon well by other goblinoid species.

You have gained the title “Diplomat”

Your charisma related skills will gain an additional 20% experience.

***

As we traveled back to the city, we found that the goblins were a lot smarter than we had expected. In fact, despite their shabby outerwear, their weapons were cunningly crafted, and they had a significant set of skills involving alchemy and gathering, which Laurel took great advantage of. We finally broke out of the forest and out onto the wide fields of wheat that surrounded the town. The goblins began setting up large tents along the tree line while the chief and the small shaman girl, Trixa followed us to the gates.

“Halt!” Guard A shouted, “What’s the meaning of this?” he was echoed by Guard B, who sounded somewhat less confident about the matter than Guard A.

I smiled, making sure to show all of my teeth, “I completed the goblin subjugation quest. I’m here to turn it in.”

Chief Ragweed winked at me, “Yes. We’ll talk with the lord of the city after he turns it in to his guild.

During the two-day walk back to town, (What was a day-and-half trip became two because of the number of people involved.) The chief and I had come to the agreement that the city would be a bit more understanding of the sight of a few hundred Goblins if he (the Chief) would come in alone with my party to negotiate the terms of assimilation.

I had wondered how the update had affected the game and was pretty sure that the AI had a major upgrade. I was having trouble imagining these Goblins as anything less than actual people.

I mean, they certainly had feelings, I guess. So, what makes the emotions a meat person any less legitimate than the emotions of an electron person?

As we made our way to the guild, a voice rang out, “Lookie what we have here boys! Some goblins in our pretty town.”

Four figures emerged from the shadows of a nearby alley.

The leader was clearly a player, as he pulled out a weapon from his inventory screen. His clothes were a mishmash of various styles, and his eyes were those that Jose knew intimately; the eyes of a bully with a bit of power. The others who emerged with him had the same look in their eyes.

“And here I thought I’d have to go into the forest to kill some greenskins,” One of the thugs said with a dangerous look in his squinty eyes.

“Gentlemen, These goblins are a quest turn-in. We’d appreciate it if you’d move on before there’s any trouble.

The leader looked surprised, “What are you going to do about it?” He thumbed the edge of his sword, checking its sharpness. “No, really. I want to know. Tell you what. We’re going to kill these greenies, and then we’re gonna take that sexy woman of yours for a good time. Let her know what a real man feels like.” He looked at his companions who chuckled at his wit.

“What you think boys? A pretty thing like that deserves to be treated real good, right?” He sneered.

The group closed in on them, trying to encircle us.

“I don’t know, I’m curious to see how that little greenie performs,” A third one said, eyeing Trixa.

The rest of them laughed loudly.

Man, I don’t need this. I messaged to the group.

“Already on it. I’m gonna shut the mouth up. You guys focus on the thuglettes. Nathan messaged.

I glanced around and noted that Nathan had somehow slipped away from the group unseen and was for sure stealthing his way up to the leader’s back. I glanced to Laurel who nodded at me and put away Ringo, who she had been cuddling.

I’m sure these assholes think it’s just a game, and a little PK is normal. I sent.

(And you’re not going to say a damned thing to them about it. Take out the trash, guys. They’re not going to show any mercy, so you shouldn’t either.)

Dammit, Chen, I know, but I don’t have to like it. I replied

Suddenly, Laurel raised a hand and loosed a water ball at one of the thugs who had been eyeing her. He took the hit on the shoulder and spun to the ground, howling in pain.

“Holy shit, that hurt! Something’s wrong.” He said, struggling to his feet.

“Get that bitch!” The leader shouted, pointing his sword at her. On his command, the others turned towards Laurel. And started advancing.

The leader of this gang of rapey PKers took a stone from a pouch on his belt and stroked it along his blade. The blade’s edge twinkled slightly in the light. Just as he was satisfied with the sharpening, Nathan’s arm reached around his neck and pulled him backward, so he could stab him in-between his ribs. A gurgling sound escaped as blood-flecked foam escaped his lips and he fell to the cobblestone street, still.

A second water ball hissed past me and bowled over another thug, who could only pathetically squeak in pain. This caused their morale to break, and they fell over each other to get away. With shouts of “You’ll regret this!”

“How cliché. You only ever hear that is in old Korean dramas.” Laurel smirked as she watched them flee.

Chief Ragweed waved to the thugs as they beat feet, then turned to me and asked, “You sure you should let them go? They’ll come back around to bite you eventually.

I grimaced, then nodded. “They don’t know that they can really die now.”

He cocked his head and squinted at me, “I don’t follow.”

“Ah, you see, they’re like us. The gods speak to them.”

“Must be evil gods.”

I nodded. “You might be right.”