Newton’s first law explains that ‘an object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by an outside force’. This holds true in all aspects of life. In the vacuum of space, an object will continue forever so long as it doesn’t hit something, as there is no force such as friction or gravity to disturb it’s forward momentum. On a planet however, we have gravity that constantly pulls everything down so we don’t fly off forever. But gravity wasn’t the outside force that stopped my horizontal momentum.

It was a tree.

Birds flew off, squawking in irritation as my head collided with the sturdy maple in which they had recently perched. I’m not sure how mathematically feasible it was that the tree hadn’t broken from my collision, but my head sure felt like it should have! I’m not even sure how I was even conscious at this moment, though I guessed it was because I was already unconscious in a sense. In a string of curses, swears, and other words for obscenities that would have made my grandfather proud. He was a great man, my grandfather. Taught me every curse word I know.

While I ranted, raved, and swore to burn down a forest in retribution for making my head feel like a cracked egg, Fes appeared beside me and placed her hands upon my skull. The feeling of a calm wave washed over my head and in moments, the pain faded completely.

“Thanks Fes, I owe you one. Want me to make dinner for you gals again next time?”

“Oh, that’d be lovely! Also…I have a…personal request.” She spoke, her voice becoming more quiet by the end.

“Alright, lay it on me.” I had a feeling I knew what she wanted. And I was totally down with that assumption. She leaned forward and whispered her request in my ear. Disappointment filled my entire being. “Really? Thats it?”

“Will you?” She begged with pleading eyes.

“Alright fine.” I rolled my eyes. She wanted me to wear a dress to our next meeting! Dammit, I was hoping for something more salacious.

“Harold get in here!” Sahrai called out in a frantic voice from inside Arngrim’s mausoleum.

“By my blade I shall slay you, Temptress of Darkness!” A new voice called out from inside the building. The crypt shook with the sounds of battle. Pieces of marble cracked off the outside of the mausoleum as a particularly heavy hit shook the building.

“Nah!” I called out. “I’m good out here, thanks!” Self preservation was at the forefront of my mind. There was no way I was going in there with whatever was going down.

“Harold!” This time her voice sent a chill down my spine. When a woman speaks to you in such a way, you best jump to action. Even if she tells you to drive off a cliff.

“Coming dear!” I called out as I raced into the crypt, internally knowing that I was probably going to die.

When I reached the main room what I saw surprised me. The skeleton that had previous lay within the confines in his coffin was now up and about. Even more surprising was the way he swung his sword around with practiced precision. Muscles be damned, that was one buff skeleton. Shame he was attacking my favorite Goddess. Arngrim swung his blade once more as Sahrai barely slunk away in time, causing another tremor from the blade colliding with the side of the building.

“Cease your fleeing Witch of Darkness! Allow me to end your miserable existence!” The skeleton cackled as he chased Sahrai.

“Alright, I’m here!” I called out from a safe distance. “Now what?”

“Stop him!” Sahrai yelled at me as she dodged another attack.

“Can’t you just use your own magic on him?”

“You think I haven’t tried that? He just re-forms after I blow him to pieces, and my sister would never forgive me if I completely disintegrated him!”

“None of your foul magics can allay my desire to end your life, Withered Wench!”

“Withered?!” Sahrai snarled as she blew away the skeleton’s arm with a blast of magic, which quickly reknit itself back to his body.

“Don’t listen to him Sahrai, you look amazing!”

“You’re damn right I do! Now stop him!”

“’Kay.” I thought about how exactly to do that. How does one stop a murderous skeleton exactly? I looked around frantically and found a good sized piece of marble. I picked it up with both arms, took aim, and chucked it at the bony bastard.

“I have you now Demon!” Arngrim cackled as he raised his massive sword, only for his skull to be sent flying off the top of his body.

“Boom!” I cried out as his skeletal body collapsed in a heap of bones now that it had lost its head. Slowly, the bones began to form up again, but I sprinted over and grabbed the skeleton’s skull. Now that I held the skull in my hands, his bones once more collapsed in a heap.

“Unhand me! My vengeance must be swift so that I may rest!” Arngrim cried out as he shook in my hands.

“Dude shut the fuck up.” Surprisingly, he did. “Huh, I’m surprised that worked. Normally I have to beat their ass before they do that.”

“Of course it did you oaf. Arngrim is your minion after all, he has to listen to you. You could have just told him to stop attacking me.” Sahrai huffed from the other side of the crypt.

“Well you could have just told me to tell him to stop attacking you. Not that I’d have believed you at the time though.” I gave a half-hearted shrug, “Besides, I think things worked out nicely in the end anyway. Why were you avoiding his attacks anyway? Aren’t you immortal?”

“Of course I am.” Sahrai huffed. “But nobody has ever tried attacking us in our realm. And I am not interested in finding out if I can die! Now order him not to attack me!”

“Fine fine.” I looked down at the skull in my hands. “Yo, Arngrim, you can talk now. Don’t attack Sahrai over there, got it?”

“Who are you that commands me so?” The skull asked in wonder. “Have thou ensorcelled me with some manner of foul magics?”

“I’m your master buddy. No olde english either from now on, I’ve had enough of that shit already.”

“Master? I am Arngrim Canathast, the bane of Bylhath! I have no master.”

“Right then. Consider me your master from now on.”

“As you wish sir.” The skull spoke respectfully.

I grinned wickedly, “I could get used to this.” Irreverently, I tossed the skeleton’s head back into the pile of his bones. Slowly, his body rebuilt itself until he could stand on his own two skeletal feet. With blade in hand, the skeletal warrior stood before me and bowed.

“How may I serve you, master?”

“Uhh, shit man I dunno. Lets just chill for a moment alright?” Arngrim bowed,

“As you wish.” The skeletal man stood at my side with his blade pointed down in a rest position.

“So…I’m guessing not all animated beings are this vocal.” I spoke to Sahrai who stared curiously at Arngrim.

“No. Normally not. In fact, this is more akin to resurrection than reanimation. How interesting…”

“Arngrim!” Fes called out as she rushed into the mausoleum gasping for breath. “Arngrim…is it you?” The skeleton turned the heavily breathing woman, gasped out in surprise, and knelt.

“Lady of the Light! I am not worthy!”

“It is you! Sir Arngrim, I have a question.”

“Ask away my lady.”

“Does the name Maybelle mean anything to you?”

The skeleton seemed to consider for a moment before shaking his head.

“No my lady, it does not. I know not of anyone by that name.”

“…thank you Arngrim for your honesty.” Fes nodded towards the kneeling skeleton and looked rather distraught.

“Sister, what happened?” Sahrai questioned intensely. “Tell us.”

“I just came back from the mortal realm. Rolt, Arngrim’s reincarnation, died moments ago. His childhood sweetheart, Maybelle, is beyond distraught and believes she killed him with her confession of love.” Fes stared sadly at the kneeling skeleton.

“By using his powers, Harold must have ripped Arngrim’s soul from his current body and placed it in this one.” Sahrai deduced. The two of them stared at me with serious eyes, interrupting my humming of the song ‘You Give Love a bad Name’.

“Not my fault.” I raised my hands up in a warding motion. “You told me to do it. I’m young and easily susceptible to peer pressure.”

“Harold…” Fes spoke with pleading eyes. “You need to return Arngrim’s soul to his new body!”

“Why?”

“Because its the right thing to do!” Fes uttered with tears in her eyes.

“Alright, alright fine. I’ll do it. Cease the waterworks.” In an instant, Fes’ face changed from somber to ecstatic. I knew what she did. That lady used her shark tears to get her way. And I fell for it hook line and sinker. “But!” I interrupted her gleefulness. “You’re going to owe me a favor.”

“Okay.” Fes nodded. I held out my hand and we shook on it. Its not often you have a beautiful woman in your debt, and I intended to take full advantage.

“Lay one hand on my sister and I’ll personally castrate you.” Sahrai whispered in my ear threateningly. Full advantage was now out of the question.

“So, where is his current incarnation’s whereabouts? And can you fingersnap us there like you did to get us here?”

“He lives in Blue-Gill Bay, which resides in the eastern part of the Halwyn Kingdom. And no, we can’t teleport you there, as we are only able to interact within the mortal realm in certain ways.” Sahrai sighed. “You’ll have to travel there by foot since you have no horses.”

“Great, I get to walk around in the country that wants me dead.” I gave a defeated sigh, “And how long is this trip going to take?”

“Ten days.”

“Well shit, hes gonna be buried in the ground by then.”

“I’ll handle that.” Fes chimed in. “I will speak with the town Priests in their dreams. They’ll keep the body preserved until you show up.”

With our course of action agreed upon we began to make our way out of the crypt, only for me to be engulfed in bright light once more. I knew what this meant, it was wake-up time.

————————————————————————————

Rambles had always been more of a people watcher than anything else. This habit of his proved to be very handy when looking for pockets to pick. Even though he had no intention of picking people’s pockets in Burson’s Brew Barn, his eyes still wandered as he singled people out from the corner of the room in which he sat. Business had picked up in the evening and still Ribs was chatting with Burson. The fool hadn’t even changed his clothes! Not that Burson had had the chance to go and purchase some for the four of them. Well, three now. Snake had left far earlier wearing the clothes that he had stolen. How did Rambles know they were stolen? Simple, Snake asked him to pick the lock of a door within the inn. Once Snake had finished finding clothes, Rambles had invited himself to partake in a few himself.

Clothes that were once someone else’s were now his and he was wearing them. Though he did enjoy wearing the Princess’ dress, it would be impossible to be a thief in those frilly things. So he hid the dress in his room and would only wear it on special occasions. The underwear though, that was something he’d wear forever.

As Rambles sipped from his mug of ale, the door to the inn opened. In strode a tall, beautiful woman with her golden hair tied into a ponytail. She wore tight fitting clothing that the nobles often wore when exiting the city to ride upon their expensive horses. The woman scanned the room, her gaze briefly passing over Rambles who gasped in shock.

“T-the Princess…” He whispered fearfully. She was here to take them all back to the dungeons, he was sure of it! Strange that there were no guards with her. They were obviously outside, guarding the grounds to make sure that none of them escaped! Rambles’ heart raced as the woman locked her gaze on Ribs sitting at the bar in his dress. With long, purposeful strides, she made her way towards the man. “I gotta warn Harold. He’ll know what to do!” Rambles murmured as he slowly got up from his table and silently made his way to the stairwell.

Up the stairs he crept, rushing only when he reached the top to head directly to Harold’s room. As soon as he reached the door to room ten, Rambles fumbled at the doorknob, only to find it locked.

“Dammit!” Rambles cursed as he grasped the lock picks within his pocket. “C’mon, c’mon…” He muttered as he worked at the lock. In moments, he heard a faint click and the door slid open. Unceremoniously, Rambles dove into the room and locked it behind him. She would be here soon and they needed to escape now! “Wake up Harold. Wake up!” Rambles urged as he shook the sleeping man. In an instant, a flash of bright light blinded Rambles and the sound of clutter falling to the ground filled the room. When his eyesight returned a skeleton stood right before him holding a massive blade.

With weak knees, Rambles fell to the floor and felt a warm trickle of liquid drip down his leg.

“Who are you?” The skeleton demanded, but received no answer from Rambles. He had already passed out in fright.