I kicked aside someone's leftover cigarette bud, leaning against the brick wall in the industrial side Avarice. Musky air, the sun ducked behind the rows of buildings. The humid air stuck to my skin, wishing Drake would be on time for once. I tilted my head back, checking on the two pallets hidden in the dead end. I wouldn't attract much attention standing out here, it was safe enough to wait.

I crossed my arms, yellow tape flapping in the wind. Beyond this hidden cove, part of the street sectioned off. That's new, a building project on the corner. Maybe they're building another cellphone tower, either way I'm willing to bet it's something techy and brutally ugly.

I snorted, catching a stain from dinner on my shirt. Raine's family was nice, It was a shame to lie to them. Going to grab my stuff sounded better than smuggling for local mobsters. I took a deep breath, dragging my feet back into the little cove.

Out of the way of the, no windows facing it; it was a perfect drop point. Perfect if Drake could learn to be punctual. I pushed up onto the pallet, sitting on top of if. A dog barked in the distance, growling something vicious. I hope something didn't happen. I kicked my feet against the edge, burying the nerves deep inside me. Of course nothing happened. The cool evening air stealing minutes, I squirmed beneath the shadows. Everything's fine.

A truck door slammed, footsteps coming closer, I slid off the pallet, backing up. I tightened my fists, heart pounding. One of Drake's goons poked his head in the alleyway, giving a wave. The streetlight shining off his bald head, he motioned back to the street. "Drake's in the truck, he wants to talk to you." He twirled a toothpick in his teeth, walking up to the shipment.

I took a sigh of relief. "Alright, thanks," I said, heading out of the alley. The semi-truck waited with the door open, engine still running. I stepped up, poking my head in. "How's it going-"

Drake sat back, his arms crossed, pouring in the corner. "Why did you give my number to the literal Commander of Avarice?"

Oh no. "I didn't directly, I-"

He threw his hands in the air. "My phone's been ringing off the hook, he won't stop calling." Drake pointed at me. "He wants to know where you are, and you can't expect me to keep lying."

"You can tell him you've seen me and that I'm safe, but that you don't know more than that." I smiled.

"He's not going to buy that-"

"I'll sort it out soon, I just need time." I rested my head against the door frame. "Any luck on a place?"

Drake hummed, rubbing his chin. "There's an apartment in lower middle district but it'll take a couple of days for the landlord to clear it out."

"Okay." I pursed my lips. "I have a place to stay tonight, and I can probably figure something out tomorrow...I don't have much to move in, so they don't need to make too much trouble."

"Ok, I'll pass that along," he laughed, settling back in his seat. "You're good if I make a downpayment?"

"As long as it's not a health hazard." I jumped off the step. "I have to get going, but I can check back later."

He crawled over, leaning out the window. "Make sure you stop the phone calls, I don't wanna change my number."

"Yes, fine," I growled, swinging the door shut. "I'll take care of it." I stepped back from the truck, the goon already loading the boxes. I walked past him into the darkness, strolling between street lights. A chill in the air, I wrapped my coat tighter.

My problems are chasing me. I don't want to talk to Jude. He shouldn't be trying to call me like this. There's nothing I want to say, nothing I want to hear. Besides, I don't have time to deal with this. I need to get back to Raine's house, and I can't show up with nothing. I need at least a change of clothes.

Far enough from the truck, I ducked past the street light, pressing my thumb to my wrist. I caught the rhythm, stumbling into the shadowy apartment.

Surrounded by darkness, fear creeped in, stalling me. The street light peeked through the blinds, my eyes adjusting. I'm safe, there's nothing in the dark to be scared of. I tiptoed deeper in, my foot crashing into a box. My heart jumped, I kicked it aside, walking past the kitchen.

The phone rattled, loud enough to wake up the dead. I scurried after the blaring sound, my steps tripping over the box. I fell flat on the floor, grabbing at the ground. I fought to get to my feet. I crawled to the table, pulling the phone off the receiver. Wait... I held the phone to my ear, biting my tongue. I shouldn't have answered the phone.

"Phyn?" Oliver's voice came over the line, "Phyn, is this you?"

"Oliver…" I mumbled, rubbing my cheek. "Why are you calling me here?"

He laughed, "It was a shot in the dark. I was planning on leaving a message. I figured you might come back and check. The phone number you left at the nurses station-"

"Wasn't much on purpose. You gave it to Jude?" I growled.

"He hounded me for it, yes. I am still a citizen, I can't magically disappear like you." The scowl faded from his voice. "I needed to talk to you, you never came back, and I didn't get a chance..."

He was going to tell me something. I bit my lip, carrying the phone with me to the window. "Yes? What is it?" I twirled the phone cord, eyes on the quiet street.

Oliver hesitated, clearing his throat, "You asked me if something happened at the party...and it did, sort of. I saw something, only a flicker, but it was enough to know. The shadow-man was there."

"I'm not surprised...I'm pretty sure he hired Raine to look into me-"

"No, you don't understand, that's not everything." Swallowing the lump in his throat, he struggled with his words. "I knew it was him...because I've worked with him before."

"What?" I stepped back from the window, my grip tightening. "You never said anything." How could Oliver keep this from me?

"I thought he was only connected with the assination plot, I didn't realize this was something different until you started talking about what happened, till we heard Brian's plot...I'm sorry," Oliver's voice quivered.

"You still could've said something!" I shouted at him, lowering my voice. "And you got on my case for secrets."

Oliver growled. "I'm sorry, I couldn't say anything with the Commander there-"

"Are saying Jude knows." My shoulders fell, realization hitting me like a wave. "Oliver, does he know?"

A longer pause, Oliver said, "He does." I couldn't breathe, his voice ringing in my ears. Oliver cleared his throat. "Jude was still so young when his father died, he was having trouble coping...the country needed a strong leader. The shadow man was brought in as a means to help, he would bring up his dead father, and they would talk through things. I only monitored his vitals, I was still a resident at the time. But everything was very confidential, I never even met the shadow-man directly."

"So we still don't know who he is," I mumbled, gripping my head. But Jude knows.

Oliver took a breath, "I don't know...but Murray knew, and this narrows down our options."

I blinked into the darkness, the pieces jumbled in my head. "You think it's someone we know?"

"I think it's possible."

I nodded dully. This is too convenient, this is all too convenient. "We'll have to figure it out without him." I pulled the phone base with me across the room, stretching the cord till I could just reach the dresser. "I won't be here after today, I'm just grabbing a few things from the apartment. I'll be in touch though, if it's important you can call Drake-"

"Are you going to talk to Jude?" Oliver asked, his voice stern.

"Eventually...I mean what am I going to say anyway? I know you know who kidnapped me?"

"That's a start," Oliver huffed, "by his reaction we'll know how deep he's involved. We need to know if we can trust him or not."

Balancing the phone between my shoulder, I threw a pile of extra clothes in a bag. "I don't think it matters if I confront him or not…Do we really need him involved?"

Oliver gave a sarcastic laugh, "Really? You don't think the Commander of Avarice is someone we want on our side?"

I grumbled, "Well why don't you ask him then?"

"C'mon, Phyn, you're the only one who has enough sway to bring this up."

I snorted, "Honestly I doubt I'm his favourite person right now." I shut the drawer, Oliver quiet on the other end. I rolled my eyes. "We fought about me leaving...I'm not crawling back."

Oliver groaned, "I'm not asking you to crawl back, I'm asking you to talk to him. Can't you just do that?"

"Talking's going to turn to arguing, and that's only going to make things worse." Another moment of silence from Oliver. Gosh he's stubborn. I hung my head. "Fine, I'll talk to him, but if it turns out terrible, I'm blaming you."

"Good," Oliver said, " I heard he was working late in his office. Don't know if he's still there, but."

"Ya, ya, fine," I grumbled, picking up my bag. "I'll keep you updated."

Oliver smiled with his voice, "Best of luck."

"Thanks…" I'm going to need it. The tone ringing in my ear, I put it back in the receiver. I left the phone on the floor. I stepped over the phone, pacing in the room. I can't let my pride get in the way of this...and like Oliver said, it's just a conversation. Maybe it won't be so bad...who am I kidding?

I shut my eyes, picturing the view from his office. I disappeared from the apartment, reappearing with the span of the city below me. City lights blinked in the night, brighter than stars. I shoved away my dread, regaining my resolve.

I turned around to the dimly lit office. Quiet, orderly, no sign of Jude. He must be gone already. A lamp still on, over the desk. Someone might come back to turn that off. I peered closer. A stack of papers left out in a neat pile. A long title, I squinted at the words. Exam, something….examination. I grinned, continuing to sound out. Examination of the, e-f-f-e-c-t, effect. I couldn't figure out the middle part, long words with random letters, but the last word...it was abilities.

Some kind of report, I flipped through the pages, headings of trials 1...2...3...4...5- project termination. I blinked at the pages, wishing I could understand what I was seeing. The answers might be right between my fingertips, yet I'm too dense to decipher them.

The door knob turned, I shuffled the pages back into a neat stack, flinging myself away from the desk. Jude stepped inside. He blinked at me with tired eyes. "Phyn…"

"Hey...sorry to barge in." I took a step closer to him, relaxing my shoulders.

He lingered in the doorway, the light shining off his dark curls. "No, I should be the one who's sorry...My behaviour was ugly, an overreaction at you being attacked, I-" he stopped, mulling over his words. "I shouldn't have tried to make decisions for you."

I wasn't expecting him to apologize. I gave a weak smile. "I'm glad you understand that." Fidgeted in place, his head low. I cleared my throat. "You don't need to keep calling Drake though. I'm safe, I've found a place I won't be traced to."

"Do you need any money?" He turned his head, moving over to his desk. "I can give you some. I don't care if you pay it back." He pulled his cheque book from the drawer.

I shook my head. "You've done enough for me, Jude. I won't take it."

He waved the cheque book. "But this is nothing to me, nothing... I can give you everything you'd ever want. I can give you the world."

I frowned at the strain across his face. This is concerning. "Are you still talking about a professional relationship?"

Jude's face turned red. "Of course…" he mumbled. "I'm just saying you don't have to suffer."

"I'm not suffering, I have a full belly, a roof to sleep under. There's nothing better than that." I grinned.

Jude's eyes glossed over, pain on his brow. "But what if I want you here?"

"We're not arguing about this again." I took a deep breath. "Just because you apologized, doesn't mean I'm going to change my mind."

He sighed, "I know, I just-" he traced his fingers on the desk. "I want us to be alright."

"Yeah? I said, my shoulders tensing. Here we go. I bit my cheek. "Then why would you lie to me?"

His blue-green eyes flickered, he gawked at me. "When have I lied to you?"

I pursed my lips, nodding my head. "I don't know, in the hospital room, when I asked if anyone knew who the shadow-man was?"

Jude's face fell, standing petrified. "Who told you that?"

I raised my chin. "Are you planning on denying it?" No way am I throwing Oliver to the wolves.

He avoided my eyes. "I never said I didn't know."

"But you let me think that." I wrung my hands. "What do you expect me to believe? This makes it look like you're helping him."

"But I'm not, I had nothing to do with your kidnapping," he roared. "I only found out after, and once I did I came straight for you. At risk of my own life. I never wanted this, you have to believe me." He squeezed his eyes shut.

Believe him…? And how long would he have lied to me? I blinked dazed, gritting my teeth. "You don't think it would've been good for me to know? That would've told me who to watch out for." I clenched my jaw. "He almost had me again, because I took a risk I shouldn't have-"

"What are you talking about?" Jude's eyes drifted back to mine. "What risk?"

Oh crap. I froze, darting my eyes. "I left the room...I wanted to see the archives, and I was seen." That's right…how had I not realized...he saw me before the second attempt. But that can't be right, can it? I bit my cheek, hiding the panic brewing.

Judes scowl shook off my disbelief. "You were supposed to stay put, Phyn. That's literally all I asked of you."

"Maybe I would've if I had known."

Jude leaned over, dead fury in his eyes. "Learn to take a damn order. You're acting like a child," his voice chilling.

I stepped back, eyes wide. That same blank fury stayed on his face. I struggled to keep my voice steady. "Did you mean anything in that apology?"

He rubbed his temples, pacing. "I try, Phyn, I really try, but you don't give me an ounce of respect." He turned back, raising his head. "I'm a leader of a country, an entire country. People don't slouch in front of me, but you run your mouth like you own the place. How do you expect me to feel?"

I laughed, "You think that's disrespectful? Half my life I've been treated like scum, prey, or worse. So excuse me, if I'm unsympathetic to back-talk."

"You don't want my help, then fine." He threw his hands in the air. "Go sleep in sewers, and eat trash. When you've had enough, I won't be bailing you out."

"Wonderful, that's what I want." I stomped past him. "Don't call the number, unless It's an actual emergency."

He snorted at me. "Wouldn't dream of interrupting your childish rebellion."

I stopped, freezing in place. Let it go, Phyn, let it go. I darted my eyes back. "I'm not the one who needs to grow up," I hissed under my breath. He turned his head, eyes ablaze. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "You're the one throwing a fit because you can't get your way."

He gritted his teeth, lifting his head. "Well this has been illuminating, good to know you've picked your side."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not switching sides, I just can't deal with this." I motioned at him. "If you can't understand that-"

"Do you care about Avarice, or yourself?"

I blinked at his empty expression, the room feeling smaller. "That's not a fair question and you know it."

He nodded his head. "Maybe, but you should think about it. Will you still be here tomorrow, or should I expect you to run away?"

My mind spun back to my atlas, to a thousand memories tugging me away. Part of me wants to run...This isn't my country, this isn't my war. Still, Oliver's voice cut the clutter...I thought you believed in this...This may not be my war, but it's fallen in my hands, and now people are counting on me. I raised my head, my voice steady. "I haven't abandoned Avarice. I wouldn't do that."

"Good," he mumbled, rage fading from his eyes. He opened his mouth and shut it, antsy where he stood. More to say, but not willing to say it.

I shrugged my shoulders, taking a breath. "I'll be back in a couple days, and maybe we can have a better conversation then."

He nodded, guilt stinging his eyes. "Okay."

"See you then." I shut my eyes.

Going back to quaint suburban houses, I searched for the rhythm. I vanished, the office warping away. A couple stars broke through the light pollution, wind chimes clanging against the breeze. I stood in front of Raine's family home.

A chill in the air, I shivered at it, keeping my chin up. A single light left on in the house, a top window. I stayed in the driveway, Jude's question rattling in my head. Maybe he's right....All this proving something, making up for mistakes...that has to do with me, and only me. A weight in my chest, I took a shaky breath. I'm being selfish.

A light flicked on behind the door, peppered through frosted glass. Movement behind the door, it cracked open a sliver. Raine leaned in the frame. A steady gaze out into the driveway. I have to face her...I have to face all of them. My heart pounded, a nervous whisper. How can you ask any of them to fight when you're doing this for yourself? The wind picked up, sending shivers down my spine. I don't know...I don't know.

Do what the moment requires. Emery said something like that, and maybe it's enough. I gathered my shaky limbs, taking a step. I'll keep pressing forward, selfish or not, because it isn’t just my pride at stake. Raine blinked with tired eyes, waving me into the house. I'll find a way because I have to.